Name: Ep 180: Nikki Glaser
Uploaded: 2024-05-20T01:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 180: Nikki Glaser' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 180: Nikki Glaser' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-20. Transcript available.

Ep 180: Nikki Glaser

yeah have you seen him on stage too it's so like I know it's like weird he's
like rubber it's like
being John Malkovich with the marionette yes exactly we can keep that in fuck
it I just watch
about the TV and I'm like what is he doing normal movements I don't get it I
know I'm super stiff
but he's like too wiggly it's like the car lot inflatable you know so weird
there's a peeve of
mine I heard a comic get someone said I saw you do something well and the comic
goes not oh thanks
man he goes oh thank you so much oh thank you so much for watching yeah be a
fucking human I hate
that's like not a huge like you're faking what like a person would sound like
right right you're
doing a bad impression yes exactly they touch their heart oh oh it means the
world then they start
hugging themselves they start checking off oh fuck I came yeah that's the worst
yeah the touching
themselves yes oh thank you the prayer what are you a yogi you're a fucking
comic I know it's bad
there's no more checking checking is out you know we used to have Patrice O'Neill
at the cellar he
would sit at the table and go what the fuck did you just say and that's kind of
over yeah because
now it's the industry now you kind of be that way to the industry that's true
because they're kind
of powerless but you can't be that way to comics not anymore because that Patrice
guy would be like
well can I get on this and be like you called me a pussy for nine hours yeah
true true but that was
part of like DeRosa would get his ass kicked you know verbally and then he used
to stand straight
he turned into a shrimp yeah well we had a there was a big Netflix party and it
was killer they have
a back bar at Netflix so immediately like every comic's like let me go to the
back bar and hide
and then night two the industry figured out about it it was all a bunch of
suits brutal we never went
to the bar again it ruined the whole bar it's a lot like hey tiger what's next
what's what are you
working on I hate what's next I don't know I'm at a bar let me next is a tequila
shot I don't know
what's what's coming up for you what's down the pipe the suits finding out
about the bar is kind
of like when your mom first got on Facebook ah you're like it's compromised now
we were having a
great time yes exactly exactly I know what you mean I know my dad's and my only
fans thread it's
ruining everything no no but your comic hangs are so much different I mean
there's so much low the low
pressure I know I know we're all hanging out we're busting balls we're talking
we're making fun of each
other's outfits and Shane's got me in a headlock and then you know Sam Jay's shitting
on me and then
some guy comes in with a polo on and it's all over all over how was that fast
was it fun it was
fucking great I got it felt like Montreal eight years ago damn it was just
great we were so badly
behaved at those oh forget about it yeah we just get hammered yeah open open
bars were like
it's like homeless and you walk into an all-you-can-eat buffet right you're
like fucking
hand them over oh yeah those were great great times every show was full you
know you got to go to
some cool show like the roast is happening and then Seinfeld and Nader at the
bowl did you go to that
I couldn't go I'd uh I'm such an idiot Shane's like you want to go to the roast
I was like sure
ah I'm doing a podcast in Eagle Rock what podcast I said yes to some kid during
the road it's like the
metaphor for my whole career all everybody's at the roast hanging out rubbing
elbows with all these stars
and I'm like yeah I write in the shower you know I don't get a lot of shit get
a lot of writing done in my
apartment I got a wreck for you say the word no every once in a while I gotta
work on no no is big if I
I was a woman I'd fuck every guy I wish you were a woman just out of guilt I'd
be like all right he
asked me out I know you mean though it's hard you can't deal with confrontation
I can't I can't I'm
I gotta get better I have no problem with confrontation I know I'm jealous well
you grew up in this uh
rat trap yeah called New York City you have to learn it I got a good story for
you all right well
you were at the fest which looked fun as hell I I saw some pictures like man I
do feel a little bit
of FOMO a little bit and I stayed in the Andas next door to the store so I
could just drink and then
just literally roll into my room damn that's pretty that's pretty nice it was
dangerous it was bad
news how was that hotel was it nice great hotel it's like right there right
literally next door and
the view is incredible and it's a rooftop pool so you get the hangover you just
hit up hit the roof and
sweat it out lap swimming when you're hungover is fucking awesome underrated
because you don't
realize you're actually sweating yeah true in the water you're sweating that
booze out something about
all your whole body submerged in cold water I think is it wakes you up a little
yeah that uh so I I was
at one of the Knicks games with my brother and uh Chris DiStefano sitting next
to us with his friend
Tommy the cop fucking 350 pound guy there was a it went on sports center
because it was like a thing
Brunson made a huge play yeah and then he ran over like this after like he got
an and one and Chris's
cop he's like 350 pounds is like this and in your head I'm like don't fucking
hit his hand you could
fucking injure Brunson oh yeah and thank god Brunson didn't do but he still
kind of like tried to grab
him like get the fuck off Brunson you know what are you doing so anyway Hardenstein
the center comes
over to like high-five me because I've DM with him a couple times I'm a fan I'm
a big fan yeah one of my
favorite players and uh goes over to high five me the same guy Tommy and Chris
get in the way
the high five I miss out in a playoff high five god they intercepted they
intercepted the high five
come on I'm outside after the game with my brother I look at Instagram uh Hardenstein
DMs me I tried
to high five you but two two assholes got in front of me I showed it to Chris I
go you guys are the
assholes that's up there with a cock block that might be worse than a cock
block it's a jock block
yes that's horrible what kind of friends are these I was furious man what a DM
though but he got a
point he pointed okay my brother was like he knows who you are and I was like
yeah holy shit wow
it was fucking the highest and the lowest at the same time that's the worst but
then high again
faux pas since uh Ron Artest went into the uh stands remember Burr's bit about
Ron Artest
I don't know he had the best so I remember Burr came to my college when I was
like 19 and they let
me open because I I had like uh I'd worked in with the comedy group there
because I was like a bringer
fucking open miker sure but uh I sent the tape they were like we're bringing
dat fan the comedian
and I was like can I open for him I was like I'll do fucking anything sure of
course and they were
like we don't know and I sent him a bringer tape where I did well and they were
like oh okay you can
open at Tulane at Tulane wow so I opened goes really well and they're like okay
you can and like I
suck but they were I think they were like he's one of our own so they wanted to
like me right so I
had a hot set all right and uh and by the way he is the winner of last comic
standing at the time he
was he he was a big deal it was packed yeah I haven't seen that many asians
since uh all right
let's let's not finish that joke but uh look it goes well so they're like who
should we bring down
next I said Bill Burr so they're like you can open for him so they bring Bill
Burr down it was like
right after the Opie and Anthony thing wow and uh and and you know Burr is uh
on stage it's like 80
people in a 1200 seater so it's like crazy you think of Bill Burr now of course
but he wasn't
like I knew he was great I was already a big fan of his they gave me a lot of
other names who I
won't say and I was like no it's got to be Burr you know wow and uh that was 08
maybe
earlier oh wow 06 oh geez okay maybe fuck maybe 05 probably 06 all right so he
was already like
we I already knew he was a great comic yeah just some like fucking clips and
youtube and I think
did he get one special out I think so I think we had a half hour but uh yeah
that was great
half hour on HBO killer killer but uh he had a bit about the fight at the at
the Pistons game
Alice of the Palace and he was like I loved it which I'd never heard someone
enter that bit I love it
right and he goes because what do people always say to professional athlete
athletes fuck you come up
here he goes well they came up that's a great take that's a great take and he
went against the grain
even back then yeah so good wow I saw that live by the way I was while I was in
college at my house
with like eight guys watching that game we were on our feet like what the fuck
you see the fat
guy's swinging and you see coca-cola flying everywhere and popcorn incredible
and you saw
the doc that oh our test and that guy are friends now really yeah remember the
end he and the he and
the guy he got into the fight with they're like buddies now you got a hand of
that guy's got balls
of steel I mean he's like five seven and he's just swinging with a backwards
hat and a gut
yeah against the right guy oh he's a Detroit okay yeah so he's like yeah those
guys are ready to throw
down yeah I'll be there this weekend yeah yeah some some room I don't know
fucking great love Detroit
great comedy crowds what's it called the the the Midwest is good man oh yeah
the Midwest is good for
comedy Roy uh Ridley's you're not going there no no but I'm just trying to give
us what's the name
oh Mark Ridley's comedy cast comedy castle so we played this club for years
Mark Ridley's comedy
castle and it's a great club great Mark's always been awesome to us yeah and
the whole staff there
is really cool but so you know who Mark Ridley's son is Rick and Morty yeah
yeah so this guy who
runs the comic of his son is Ryan Ridley he wrote like the best episodes of
Rick and Morty and then
he left and I think he just wrote a movie I mean he's he's doing really well
that's great how cool is
that though that is so cool comedy keep it in the family yeah fun story about
Mark Ridley's this is
eight years ago Mark Ridley's you know before you could sell tickets they would
always do
thursday was the benefit night like hey we're doing a women's battered women
charity hey we're
doing such a funny reason to do a benefit I know we couldn't move tickets
breast cancer
so for son I've told this story before but for some reason I got the thursday
benefit was
graduation for seeing eye dogs so it's a bunch of people yeah we could have
used winnie yeah
uh she needs to see an eye human that's true uh yeah you're the service animal
in this relationship
but uh it was seeing eye it was a bunch of blind people and their dogs so the
blind people are all
like looking this way and I'm over here and they all got the sticks and the dog
and the whole thing
and it's a million dogs and I'm like oh my god all right whatever I'll get the
blind people they
got good hearing and I'm bombing but every 16 seconds I'd hear I'd be like so uber's
weird huh
well you know you guys ever eat cereal at night huh that's crazy
hey it was that for an hour damn and after a show usually you're the one going
home with a dog
that's crazy well one lady started heckling me and I had a line where I said ma'am
do you realize
you're you're less well behaved than a dog oh my god that killed yeah it sucks
when the only big
laughs though are the like using someone well and you're like that's what they
react to I know I
know I was like I want to hit you on the nose with a rolled up magazine you're
a bitch you know just
going and that was hitting but that was before anyone filmed anything yeah that
could have been a great
clip damn yeah I've had some crazy heckles at that club for sure they're they're
definitely oh yeah
you get that y