Name: Ep 183: Chris Distefano & Joe DeRosa
Uploaded: 2024-06-10T01:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 183: Chris Distefano & Joe DeRosa' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 183: Chris Distefano & Joe DeRosa' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-10. Transcript available.

Ep 183: Chris Distefano & Joe DeRosa

are we on the air oh shit are we are we are we shit talking to rosa's
sandwiches on the air
well well they made them the way he eats like yeah i mean do you want to look
like this come
to our sandwich shop are you in a coke-fueled bender you'll love this it's got
uh cottage cheese
on it cottage cheese there's all kinds of wacky shit on is it really cottage
cheese no but it's
like it's like voodoo donuts you know where they they put a miscarriage on
there and they call it a
delicacy oh it's got placenta an afterbirth salty and sweet the placenta salty
there you put it with
like you know some sprinkles it's not bad the kid is sweet yeah or he was oh
boy tough opening well
in la apparently they drink uh placenta really it's good for you they got bone
broth placenta bone
broth i get is that good when you're sick don't you don't have broth never had
it
there's a place that i just order when i'm sick you just chug broth i don't
know it feels good
damn let me talk about shit coming back that's like medieval yeah drinking
broth brine everything
comes back everything comes back i have a friend he like he's like i have to
eat 280 pounds of like
not 280 pounds but like 280 grams whatever of uh ground meat every day because
i'm 280 pounds he's
like a health nut ah i'm like i don't know if that's healthy i don't know but
yesterday mark told me
he's like i'm not feeling so good i was like what's up he's like i drank salt
water this morning i was
why poison i saw a youtube video some guy said have a spoonful of himalayan sea
salt in your water
every morning it'll even out your your vitals who is this guy i don't know some
quack on the internet
and uh i felt like i was drowning in the ocean all day i was like oh salty my
tongue hurt my teeth were
crunching salt it was bad and putting it down it's not easy you subscribe to
this guy's like a little
cayenne pepper in your butthole wakes you up in the morning that's the move
dude it really uh i know you
mean though i i follow this shit too i'm so we're all searching for answers
speaking of look at this
slut with the uh the blowjob spit going over here oh my god lord get on the
video if you're not
watching the video folks if you're doing audio you're missing out on some primo
porno this is
because i was eating a sandwich actually i gave her some tortilla ah that's
true well i gave her
some rap gotta give her an only fans winnie's feet
crotchless panties what is that a dong coming out there oh that's a foot it's a
shirt it's a little
shirt uh it says uh listen up fives the ten is talking yeah it's a badass i
like it so we're just
talking about a friend of ours who has terrible breath and we can't it's hard
to tell hell because
you brought up bring it either like there's a thing that helps but how do you
bring that up with
someone i don't know it's be like i think you're really doing a favor like if
your zipper is open
you want to know it's like hey i've been noticing a bad breath try this product
it really works
yeah but his zipper hasn't been open for eight years that's the difference like
this guy said bad breath
i remember we did a roast once remember we did that roast and we told one of
the roast every roast
comic did a joke about this one guy who was like what did someone shit in your
mouth that was like
the punchline every joke what died in there and he was like i had no idea like
that's a weird way to
find out well it went from a roast to an intervention about his his mom was
there
but uh no dude it there's something about it it is hard to say to people
especially if you're not
super close yeah like he's like a friend but he's not like like he's not if it
was norman i could be
like hey your breath is bad right yeah and it's not a one-off either like you
can you can say hey
your breath's bad here's some gum case closed this is like year after year
every single time i see
him it's death kind of a good-looking guy too i know he's tall full head of
hair smart as a whip
handsome we keep giving away hints yeah i'm gonna try and demonetize this real
quick so you ever
dated a girl with a vagina that had like a scent or an odor sure sure an odor
you didn't like never
dated someone but i've it's happened yeah and you you wouldn't mention if it's
a one-off you don't
mention it but if it's someone you're dating would you mention it well what do
you do put a mint in
there we need vagina mints we got a shark tank you think that you think the
mouth conversation is
hard excuse me let me just put this in here real quick well i think you put it
in with your mouth
and you're like oh i heard this feels good icy fresh the darkest dentine
commercial yet
shark stank
shark stank dude it's uh yeah that it did happen to anyone's where i was like
jeez it because you
think it's something else at first you know what i mean you're like well surely
like i left out
milk or something oh man this is dark well yeah yeah the the veg you know they
have pheromones and
like you pick up pheromones i i hooked up with a girl in philadelphia she was
half asian
she had a mohawk and uh hey speaking of stinky pussy hold on
yes winnie winnie the poo no pants on whoa look at you that was a poem right
there
starting to uh yeah we were just talking about when you go down there and it
and it smells worse
than you think yeah there's been a couple of times where i have went down uh
and then i've come right
back up you kind of just you do it and then you just start like you're
underwater in a little bit
exactly like like ever seen videos and pictures of like rhinos with like kind
of half their nose
out of water and like it's kind of like that we're like kind of up there doing
it but i um i didn't
eat pussy for the longest time but now i'm back what happened i am i was
constantly getting sore
throats every time i did it i would get a sore throat but then i just powered
through the old
michael douglas the old michael douglas now i'm eating pussy and ass i'm back
hey michael
douglas complaining about the throat cancer he was getting some top shelf
throat cancer yeah dude
catherine zeta good throat cancer absolutely i want to eat salacuse's pussy
that skipper yeah dude i like you this was a real riskless outfit salacuse how
do we let you get
away with it yeah you're you're dressed like a little boy yeah you should have
a lunch bucket
or something yeah dude i feel like if i put a camera in my daughter's preschool
right now there's
a kid that looks just like you sitting there eating his boogers
you look like you're trying to impress a kid after school you're like oh yeah
hang out oh yeah you got
a slingshot in that back pocket that's it baby it is my kid's birthday today oh
happy birthday and your gift to him was you coming out as gay
you look like you came here on a paper boat yes along the curve oh my god i
want to drown you in a
bathtub all right you look like the guy they sodomize on the rugby team yeah
there you go piss that's it this yellow sweater the uh yeah the hat on gilligan's
island hat you're
like a guy like like you know the doctor just told you you have cancer so you're
like i'm gonna live my
life to the fullest and you just look like an ass i'm gonna be me that'll be
the guy on the guess
too that i fold down immediately oh my god winnie jesus that's a good reference
love you winnie
uh let's not drink till our other guest gets here because we all right an
alcoholic now are these from
joey roses oh you better believe it my man good for you one of them has peanut
butter on it they're
tough peanut butter uh frosted flakes potato i know i've been trying to guy i've
been trying to go high
protein you know you look you look great i've been fucking pumping creatine
baby really yeah does that
have any bad uh effects so according to the newest research creatine no that it's
good it's good for
your brain and that uh they think it's the safest supplement out there
according to the research told
to me by joe rogan well got you to eat again hey yeah we're back baby yeah wait
you dipped out on
pussy for this is interesting well i didn't dip out on it it's just every time
i would do it i got
a uh i would get a sore throat and then what i discovered was it wasn't
necessarily the eating
pussy it was just i was out there being single and i was kind of ex i was you
eat five pussies a week
somebody's gonna have something you're gonna get sick but when you stay with
one pussy as i am right
now it's a beautiful thing and you know it's it's nice and clean down there
dude five five
that's like a muslim dude yeah i know it's like a josh hartnett movie in the 90s
i was going down there man i was going wild where's the uh where's your old
bartender uh he got throat
cancer oh daddy uh i ate her pussy and uh how about how about bad breath we're
just talking about that
where do you stand on when someone has really bad breath do you say something
so interesting you bring
this up but bad bad three days ago and i'm actually going to bring this up to
you and i want you guys
to be honest with me three days ago my girl you know i've been with for 10
years was like sometimes
you have bad breath and i can smell it from like across the table oh and i was
like well i've been eating
five pussies a week i know i know what do you expect five pussies a week for
one day and you'll
be blah yeah and you go and so she and then so i went on this like i went i
texted like 10 of my
friends like i was like has there ever been a time where you've smelt my breath
and i didn't know
about it because the last thing you want to be is the guy that has smelly
breath but it's just
confidently talking and doesn't know and the only person he goes he goes uh you
know james mattern
you know i go on the road with all the time i go tell me the truth do i ever
have bad breath and he
goes no and then i and he goes wait maybe once or twice and i was like what the
dude tell me
the truth he goes there was one time i remember it smelled pretty bad and then
i was like oh my god
and then i but then but that's the only one and then that was that was when i
was single on the
road so i was i probably just had eaten this fresh chlamydia but i do worry now
that she just came
out and she was like i think you should go to the doctor i think your tooth is
rotting or it's coming
from your stomach and i was like jesus christ lady i think it's the stomach
because you can take a pill
and it fucks with something in here and yeah do you guys think you have bad
breath we know a guy
eight years every day breath yeah so we're gonna have to tell him does he is he
is he known in the
business too oh yeah yeah yeah he writes on a big show don't stop yeah he
writes uh kimmy schmidt oh
yeah ari shafir well he would smell his own yeah no it's interesting i'm trying
there's there's one
guy that i go that goes to the gym that's always got hot breath but i obviously
i wouldn't he's on
steroids i wouldn't say anything to him but i don't know that i would tell i
wouldn't tell someone they
have bad breath and i wouldn't tell someone they had food in their teeth i know
that people say
that's yeah i'm just not that friend i'll be positive with you in other ways
but i i don't
want to embarrass you well it depends on the friend because some guys you go
hey man hey and he go oh
thank you and then some guys like you i'm like i was trying to help i mean
right don't take it
personally that's a weird type of dude to snap when you know you got a thing
hanging out of your teeth
i know oh or a booger i'm always very paranoid about it because i eat a lot of
like everything
bagels yeah oh onion garlic well not just that but this you get seeds in your
teeth
so one time i was getting one time i was getting again these are all my single
days when i was you
know about when i was five a day chrissy i i i five pussy a week chrissy i was
getting a blowjob
from a girl smoke show but she had a huge booger like in the sex act that like
was hanging out of her
nose and she was like looking up at me like all