Name: Ep 187: Matteo Lane & Raanan Hershberg ft Freedom
Uploaded: 2024-07-08T01:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 187: Matteo Lane & Raanan Hershberg ft Freedom' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 187: Matteo Lane & Raanan Hershberg ft Freedom' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-08. Transcript available.

Ep 187: Matteo Lane & Raanan Hershberg ft Freedom

here we go folks we're here happy fourth of july america's birthday sorry
native americans
we fucked up yeah not even two seconds oh sorry how the hell are you there we
got mateo lane here
everybody hola everyone happy fourth of july yes this is a skinny bottle oh
yeah this is a little
riesling we're rocking with i just you said to bring wine i just pulled
whatever was uh cold in
the fridge bring it on hey grass cheers cheers to the uh i can't cheers with
diet coke it's bad luck
i don't believe in that ship but sure oh that is sweet as pie you know what i
just realized it's
dessert wine god damn it's very sweet but it's damn good whoa oh yeah it's too
sweet oh my god it's like
welch's grape juice oh man you swallow this is too much i'm gonna spit i think
what is a dessert wine
i don't understand like a wine replacing dessert no you have it with dessert
supposed to enhance the
dessert it's too sweet i agree too much too much well you loved it a second ago
i had another one and i
hated it all right let's uh i mean it's good but it's like drinking a snickers
is he getting more wine
glasses uh we'll get them to do we have more wine glasses sorry we vetoed this
it's too sweet as the
dessert one i fucked up a pedophile should use this they'd clean up this is the
court a little a little
uh fancy kid yeah yeah a little lord fauntleroy there well fondleroy that'll
get his little pants off
quick all right hey how about that kevin spacey yeah i don't know what's going
on with kevin spacey
did you do some interview or something he cried on pierce we've been talking
about that a lot lately
first of all pierce morgan is out of his mind but he cried what did he cry
about he's like i don't
have any money my house is big for clothes he had a nice place in baltimore was
like right on the water
yeah i know how many of his houses all of them are just that was his main house
that was like where
he lived because i think since house of cards so he he spent all of his money
hit from in four years
supposedly what on what but he's also a great actor so then you don't know if
he's acting with that
little speech and who lives in baltimore you got all the money in the world you
moved to baltimore
yeah but he's from there at least and he looks ball well he was filming house
of cards in and i think dc
so i think he would want to be nearby got it got it uh oh we might need a corkscrew
here as well
i think if you're losing a house in baltimore it is really bad but also kevin
like what did you
want yeah if you lose the house in baltimore where do you move you know nah
yeah that's right
i guess so uh but yeah he got off he'll he'll be back in movies i think yeah no
one is more infuriating
to watch than pierce morgan giving an interview because he just it's just like
he overtaught he
talks over everybody and then you're like why are you even having guests on
your show he steamrolls
and then he interrupts and that's most podcasts it's true that's most people
are just like did i have
to come in i know i know it's like christopher hitchens went on fox once and
they kept talking over
him and he was like well why don't you remind me to come back on your show so
you can do all the
talking it's true it's like you got 24 hours news access he's on for two
minutes and you're
talking over him it's like what is this he was also way smarter than any of
those guys on those shows
jerry faldwell he said uh when jerry faldwell died he was going on about how
much she didn't like him
and they were like but he's a christian man and blah blah and then christopher
goes look i'll put it
this way if he was given an enema he could be buried in a matchbox so good he
was fucking he was
quick and he and he was oh and of course hated him but he was he'd go on those
there was a few
you'd see them back down which was kind of fun yeah you see a host be like oh
let me go around
that and they'd go at other people like hannity guys like that are such bullies
but bill o'reilly guys
like that they would get him and they'd be like i'm gonna tread carefully yeah
well you have to it's
like arguing with somebody who knows everything exactly and he was so charming
and drunk you know he was
black label he was a johnny walker black oh really what did they say someone
asked him what's your
favorite thing in the world and he goes crowing at the misfortune of others i
was like oh my god what a
vicious man great sense he's so british i love him and fran lebowitz and i don't
think they liked each
other and but they're the exact same to me they're too similar they clash yeah
i think we know people
like that though we're like you two should like each other right but they don't
how many of those
people like that totally hey hopefully this is better i'm sorry for the first
round i can already tell
it's gonna be better
oh that's nice that's smooth that's very nice get a get a whirl of that there
laney
go okay who fell i don't know now it broke too oh geez this is natty
oh yeah it feels very i always know natty wines from um
aziz when i was on the road with aziz he turned me on to it yeah he was like i
wouldn't have known
now we gotta do natty wine natty yeah i forgot that we were like touring for a
long time with
each other on that bus do you know what's funny we did you guys did a bus with
aziz yeah wow and
mateo and i opened for aziz at the chicago theater and then like two years
later did guest spots on
each other's shows back-to-back nights in the chicago theater by the way the
experience of that was so
funny because i when i got i when i do shows on the road i get there at five i
do the sound check
i lay everything out i do the lights and this and that i want to relax i put on
music and then so
when sam came i said after the show i go sam i'll see you tomorrow see you at
five o'clock he goes no
7 30. i'm like the show starts at 7 30. yeah i don't know it just shows up and
at one point it's
the chicago theater is sam's first time doing it sells it out i said do you
want to take a picture
he's like yeah should i take a picture i'm like yes i don't do that you should
it's a great moment
you guys do it on stage i feel weird i do too it i don't know i do it because
you know what i want
to remember because you do it sounds so crazy but when you're touring touring
you forget but i was
just in uh columbus doing a theater and i was backstage i was looking around
and i was like oh i
opened for aziz here and then i remember in the green room you and i were
having a conversation who
would you rather live on an island with oh hey there she is oh my god the king
it's king joffrey
oh man you already had the joffrey earlier look at that it's the burger king
everybody
good to have you there oh this is adorable july 4th extravaganza
you know america known for our royalty it's very fitting and the crown actually
looks good you look
this looks like good for you yeah i think maybe i'll you think i should keep it
i think this should
be your new look queer eye for the straight guy right now that oh god we're
gonna make a joke and
ron is gonna go but yeah those uh the that chicago theater that's a great venue
i'm there in uh
the winner oh it's great i love it and chicago's a great city great city and aziz
he had a fine taste like he liked nice meals and oh that's the best part about
opening for aziz is
that you get to these big rooms and then you go to all these like really nice
restaurants yes yeah
and everyone gained like seven pounds yeah i remember coming back and being
like i feel like
shit this is it's like it's like the way bert is with booze aziz was with fine
food i'd rather the fine
food and true i can't imagine being in the middle of burt kreischer's tour i
would be like wow you have
to party with him right yeah in the contract i'd be like am i at bear pride
like it seems so
so if you don't drink you can't open for him no soda was on the tour all right
a lot of people didn't
drink but soda was doing other drugs he was smoking with jelly roll and as long
as you're doing
something you gotta get some vice in there i'm so boring on tour i just like i
show my opener you
do light sound have a meal like a chicken but a personal trainer on the tour
who did bert well he
has he's doing like 10 000 seats i mean it's like he can afford a person no i'm
saying there's ways to
be healthy on the oh i see i see he's actually upsetting he's like sometimes i'm
like oh this guy's
fatter than me i feel good about it and then they get thinner right it really
up your whole you know
i know yeah he looks good right now he went to the other side he's he does well
he had to i've been
called a fat burt crusher lately oh that's not a birth successful no but you
you he had a great
point though recently to me he got really mad ron on he said uh oh no name
names people who do ozempic
yeah he's like well this is like a guy who's fatter than me and he just did a
drug and now he's
thinner than me yeah he's thinner than me because he was fatter than me that's
the reason he's now
thinner than me good point that's the reason bobby kelly is now thinner than me
you said don't name
names and immediately the king is getting to my head i'm like i can do whatever
the i want
he was no no he got the old school thing the uh the staple tapeworm
the stomach stapling whatever bobby did what you're talking about bobby oh i
thought you said obama
did uh obama is on ozempic yeah bobby is i the bird i thought he was like on a
health oh bird i don't
know about bird i assume he just was training yeah i think he did ozempic for a
hot minute but now he's
training and he's uh he had a health scare i think so he had to really well
that's the thing you can't
just one this week now that people lose weight you can't trust them anymore you
don't know if they're
secretly on ozempic or not it like ruins and then they'll say they're not but
you're like i don't
know you know what i mean right so it makes everything kind of suspicious just
about every
lady i know is on it really oh yeah really i know two women your wife and your
mom are on ozempic
they're not comedians so every non-comedian lady i know is on it yeah because
the comedians are open
about it that's true who are on it they're totally open about it yeah some
people are open about it i think
oprah was open about it oh really she was on it yeah she was on it but she says
i had medical
some other term of saying i'm doing ozempic like a medical reason being that
she's fat
yeah but i don't know i'm trying to get a little fatter so that the side
effects of zempic
are less dangerous than me being fat that makes sense some say i could already
probably do it but i think
another 20 pounds and then the thyroid cancer worry of ozempic side effects is
less dangerous than the
actual heart attack i could possibly that's a great way to put it and do we
even know the side effects
yet it's so new that no one really knows what's going on and well it's like
diarrhea and it's
everything has diarrhea yeah actually yeah whoopi goldberg oh tracy morgan did
it become tracy
morgan that's one of the side effects sharon osborne did it and she said she
did it too much and she
can't get the weight back on oh wow she must feel pretty good i don't think chelsea
did she wakes
up every morning next to ozzy she's like i feel pretty healthy yeah i feel like
a lot of people
thinner than me are getting it well it's a precautionary like i don't want to
get fat like
prep too late for me yeah everybody's on it you see look at this whoa are we
sure these people are on
it or is this just like a website i guess it's today.com like celebrity net
worth it's right
completely right all the people i know on it are not fat they're doing it to to
curb like charles
barclays on it he's he's fat he and shack i think both took it jack really yeah
oh wow billy uh
who is that judy no billy jean king who i met i met her really yeah she was
great oh god we really
were scraping the bottom of the barrel when we get to fucking who's