Name: Ep 189: NFL Superstar Julian Edelman
Uploaded: 2024-07-22T01:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 189: NFL Superstar Julian Edelman' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 189: NFL Superstar Julian Edelman' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-22. Transcript available.

Ep 189: NFL Superstar Julian Edelman

hey here we are folks good to be here we might be drunk it's summertime the
birds are chirping
the sun is shining we're drinking the birds are dying are they it's fucking hot
dude bird flu
oh yeah yeah it's too hot oh the chickens got uh did you see that new one no
look it up all
the chickens uh the recall came home to roost yeah what happened isn't there
bird flu
going on or something i don't know monkey pox it's all going downhill
well biden's doing great he's talking about putin to zelinski that was a i don't
find that to be an
important distinction no same same guy yeah russia and ukraine very close there's
no friction at all
uh 2 000 chicken 2 000 pounds of frozen chicken recalled yeah whoo baby chicken
wow
well remember that happened with firestone tires what happened at the big
recall oh yeah that was in
the 90s what what's wrong with the fire they were blown they were blowing up on
the highway and people
are dying like left and right so they had to pull the tires out remember the tylenol
recall that was a
big one that was a big one they had to go every shelf in america pull all the
tylenol down god
what is one tylenol pill killed a kid whose mistake is that who's five is it
one guy or is it just like a
factory i think that was i'm gonna look it up i'm gonna look up snopes i think
a guy was trying to
kill
somebody yeah and he put cyanide in his tylenol yes and then that's why we have
wrap packages from
this point on by the way that's the best advil commercial ever guess who didn't
get poisoned
using our stuff that's true that's true yeah tylenol they put but good on them
for pull them
all i mean that's a a caring company i'd be like that's one pill no it's not
care you have to pull
them off that's bad pr someone just drops dead that's true the tylenol guy well
people died
driving every day people die in a swimming pool we're not pulling pools yeah
this is not a great
headline the tylenol murders the chicago town boy uh there were a series of
poisoning deaths resulting
from drug tampering in chicago metropolitan area 1982 here's the worst pr of
all time uh they
laced the capsules with potassium cyanide there seven people died seven but
they had a potassium
they're getting leg cramps that's true yeah get a banana yeah the biggest uh pr
fuck up all time
he drank the kool-aid yeah remember that which it wasn't even kool-aid it was
flavor aid but kool-aid
got fucked that was jones town right that's right the big cult yeah they all
did the suicide pact
that guy was fucking bonkers jim jones yeah oh yeah he was like another
childhood uh
like like what they started in california right wasn't it yeah and they moved
to no he didn't start
he started in the midwest i think and then he moved to california okay and then
he was like i found this
place uh outside the u.s if you guys want to come a little vacay yeah ghana ghana
yeah something like
that look at it yeah it was uh not gonna not gonna live anymore
but yeah well he was uh he was like an og he was like a comic in the 80s where
there was no netflix
this guy his cult was so big that it it blew up even without netflix and now
they're all now he died
he's on netflix that's true these guys they always blow up after they die yeah
yeah post-hostomously
he was also fucking people in the if you're gonna have a cult you may as well
fuck the members i think
you have it's a waste yeah what are you gonna be a noble cult leader it's a
cult yeah you're right
they worship you you might as well get a beach the weird compound here's how
you do it you pull
them aside and you're like you're not like the other cult members i think you're
special and they're
like me he's like i'm and i'm the guy here yeah i started the cult exactly if i'm
saying you're
special there must be something to it and they're like wow it shows how bad
people need to be a part
of something oh yeah that they're like i'll join this guy out in the middle of
nowhere with no
money and you know no running water oh god remember i mean fraternities like
some of the frat stuff
they would make you do oh they'd be like all right so we're uh we're gonna beat
the shit out of you
then we're gonna dumb boiling hot water on you and then you're one of us and
you're like can we do
without the all the oh the violence my initiation was much gayer we had to eat
the uh you ever heard
hey there we go i was just about to talk about eating jizz if you don't have
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minute tickets lowest price guaranteed what happened here what happened to your
eye man yeah so uh
fully out here for a photo shoot and to do your guys's podcast of course yeah i
guess you got hit
by a migrant no all right no i didn't get hit i didn't get stung by a bee i
didn't do anything
courageous or crazy or scary i went to a theme park in los angeles area and we
went on this water
ride and my daughter loved this water ride so much on the last time i said you
get one more ride we got
to go we've been here for seven hours she goes we're gonna hit this thing four
times in a row dad i want
to do this thing 400 times in a row and in in on these it's like a rapid tube
thing everyone sits in
the area and you randomly get soaked i got soaked four out of the four times of
doing it in the last
time right before we went to 101 temperature walking back to the car so i go to
sleep and i was super
like conscientious with lily i was like all right we have this dirty ass water
on us we need to go home
and we need to shower immediately we go home we shower it's all piss in there i
wake up next day
and my eye looks like this what yeah well first off you're a great dad for not
leaving her in the car
that's happening a lot in california is it is it it's happening i read these
articles like a ton of time
every day now now can we justify leaving in the car because i mean i've gone to
like you know when
you're you're at shell gas station you know you're she's in the car if it's
like if it's like a minute
i think you can do it yeah how old are we talking what how old are you she's
seven she's seven oh all
right she can figure it out i lock it i lock it is that is that is that like
faux pas now well am i
supposed to bring her with me to go pay for the gas in the gas station don't
feel weird to bring a
seven-year-old with you in the men's room it's weird well no good options no
tell that to kevin you
don't bring her there's one every episode well we've gone on a lot of road
trips and there's been
those occasions where we go and we have to go to some podunk crazy town off the
99 this and there's
like no one around and there'd be some weird people in there and like it was
before she could go by
herself right like i'd have to go there and i'd take her in the men's room and
you know sometimes
they don't have those family bathrooms it's pretty weird but yeah you got to
have your head on a
swivel in there oh yeah you never know what you might you know see yeah and you're
in full bad mode
like so especially the gas station those are known homosexual hangouts i
thought that was road stops oh
both hey not when i was never
wasn't that the big joke in what was something about mary something about mary
yeah we the thing
i love about julian and mark is like we have all the same because i used to do
a podcast with julian
yeah those of you that don't know games with names still doing it's great it's
great pod
but all of our references were exactly the same yeah same age group same age
group and we have
you know i i mean you're you're a little more knowledgeable in like the thespian
world of like what's my world yeah so like i always have football than i would
have to listen to like
how you would talk about a movie and i'm like all right yeah i'm gonna go watch
that movie i don't
say that i haven't seen the movie i'll go watch it and so and you know he's
leading me to some good
that what i lead you to do you remember what was it was a scorsese one that i
haven't seen that you
and a soft were arguing about no i love that one i love that one he thinks that's
the best no what was
you which one did you say mean street after hours maybe it was after hours i
hadn't seen that yeah
that's a good one that's a classic that's one of his faves too so i'm sorry i
just got jumped on i
was like no we wanted my bi no what do you do with the eye you ice it benadryl
so back hit up my doc
he gave me this uh antibiotic antibiotic ointment that i have to rub on every
four hours clean
just flew terrible idea so bad for that recycled there but uh and then i have i
take like um
like a benadryl like once every six hours hopefully it goes down by tomorrow
what's the shoot for
oh man can we say that yeah yeah it's for grinder
i feel like you're getting so much love right now because you crushed the roast
it yeah right after the roast it was cool great set it was fun and sam was a
huge part of that i was
always throwing them over like questions and stuff i was like hey what do you
think about this oh you
already had it was like already great when you sent no he gave us you tweaked
something
yeah i was to the room he was part of the room how about that how about the uh
the aaron hernandez
joke you had that about him but now that guy was hung i was like he nailed the
delivery he nailed the
joke damn that was good i think you you came with that you you threw something
about a aaron hernandez
joke i don't think that was me no but you had something in there and that joke
actually made
me think like well is it on limits can we can we do that because you said
something you added something
like i forgot which one it was i'm i'm sorry i he got hit in the head i told jeff
ross to make the
robert kraft massage joke too okay yeah that was awful i'm walking around no
but uh yeah i mean
you i i knew you would be you would crush because julian has so much humility
is like what made him
a great football player is that he he just prepares man he just like we were
talking i was like you're
doing the comedy store right you're like i'm going up at the store oh he's
gonna yeah he's gonna kill
you gotta prepare that was like i was like shaking up there this is the first
time i ever done this
couldn't tell you know no but at the comedy store so i got that rep which gave
me confidence going
into this thing yeah and especially all i could see was people that i knew
really so like at the
combi store you're in front of no one you ever met thank god there was like a
10 section of frat
dudes that were freshly out of college or something that like love football so
like i had a little
you know because that like that helps that helps yeah any kind of boost any
kind of support yeah
and so i went up there and did that and i was like shaking the whole time but
it was cool to get that
rep under because then you you know some of those jokes people laugh and then
you you don't know
whether to go in the other joke or not so you it gives you delivery like pauses
that you you you
recognize that you'll get that i didn't know you guys may know that shit like
oh it's gonna get a
laugh so you get right like a four b and then we go into our joke yeah i mean