Name: Ep 201: Ms. Pat & Rosebud Baker
Uploaded: 2024-10-14T01:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 201: Ms. Pat & Rosebud Baker' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 201: Ms. Pat & Rosebud Baker' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-14. Transcript available.

Ep 201: Ms. Pat & Rosebud Baker

you dropped that at the end
oh my god what a story
you dropped that at the end of the podcast
he had his shirt on
and he was like all the single women
I said what the fuck are you doing
I thought you were going to say
Lil Nas X
you threw a
wow that's incredible
wow
tune in to the end folks
lean back I'm worried about you
what are you worried about your posture here
you ain't even church pewing it all night
cause when I lean all the way back I look fat
I look fat sitting forward
you're not fooling anybody
come on
what are we doing
Jesus Christ
I didn't mean it like that
I just mean come on
hey we got Miss Patton out
that's a hot photo
I'm here with an asshole with autism
touch of the tism
man that's quite a rock you got on your sister
look at that thing
yeah is that new
were you engaged last time or not
man I've been married for 30 something years
we're bad listeners
yeah
you bad seers too
Pete did ain't tired of fucking things over here with me okay
you got me confused with your uncle
it's hot man I fucking sprinted here
we got the AC cooking
it's cold in here to me
uh oh
I'm hot
I'll get you a jacket
you want a blanket
no I don't want a blanket
it's gonna make me look bigger
you want a drink
should we do a drink
or what are we doing
we got her a diet coke
she's off the sauce
she's pregnant
oh really
no
the fuck are you talking about
I assume
I'm an old hoe
I ain't got no damn babies
you gotta do Seth Meyers
you can't keep drinks
she wants to be sharp
really a lightweight huh
I wish I was lightweight
are you drinking or are we going
I'll have one
if you want to do one
I'll have one
I'll do an umbrella sour
but I can't make it myself
you don't have shit to make it with
we got everything
you don't have no de serona
so I can't drink it
de serona on the rocks
yeah
it'll give me a headache
no we don't want to peer brave
if you're going on
that's enough
that's just enough for me
you're good
you're good
what do you want of that
I don't know
come on
this is technically
your birthday episode
even though this is coming out
like a month later
true true
your birthday today
tomorrow
oh happy birthday
how old will you be
41
oh sorry
what do you think
black don't crack
I don't see no black
I definitely see some cracks
how many kids you have now
four
oh wow
same as last time apparently
wow I didn't know if one died
what the fuck
it's a dangerous world out there
I hope one ain't died
they all
he ain't got a bill of fucking sense
do you have kids
oh we got one on the way
wife's pregnant
yeah
congratulations
put that in your pipe
and queef on it
very exciting
I can't imagine
you having sex
Norm
Mark
I'll send you a video
no
he comes in his wife
comedy
comedy
comedy
he forgets to pull out
you're gonna kill me
he's like
when he fuck
he constantly apologized
I'm so sorry
that's true
I'm so sorry
do you apologize
during sex a lot
only if it's the wrong person
yeah
but
yeah
but I gotta tell you
she was on the IUD
got that puppy removed
pregnant a week later
so I got some real super sperm here
I hate the IUD
oh I loved it
but it's
but it's
in that pee hole
it pricks you on you a little bit
it pricks the pee hole
that's true
it's not fun
you know
no I never got an IUD sir
I got my twos tied
whoa
old school
so I didn't
nice job
Pam
I didn't
I didn't use birth control
wouldn't happen if the bar was over there
this whole place was falling apart
we got Salacus on camera
what the hell's happening here
you didn't use birth control
nah
if I didn't want him
I killed him
if I wanted him
I kept him
alright that's fair
yeah
what'd you do
throw him in a well
no I took my Medicaid slip
and got him
chopped up
wow
it's called an abortion
yeah I paid for a few
that was pretty specific though
yeah
the chopped up part
could have just said abortion
we're going into graphic detail
well that's pretty much
what they do to
I'm turning them into ragu
ragu
yeah
you don't see that
in an Italian menu though
yeah
a little dead fetus ragu
you'd be surprised
somebody shot some ragu
all in ya
make those kids
goo
Jew
there we go
we're both chopped up
circumcised
yeah
the fuck that gotta do
with anything
well you said chopped up
yeah we're just having
small talk now
you're supposed to have
you're supposed to be circumcised
well
that's body shaming
there's some people
what about all the anteaters
out there watching
what
what
you know all the
them your granddaddies
they like long dicks
back in those days
long
I could use the blank
my buddy got circumcised
at 33
because it was getting all
shmega
you don't know who this was
I don't think so
who is it
this guy Raj
Raj
Indian guy
damn
yeah
he was Indian
huh
I don't know about that
but most Indians don't
names in here
you said what's his name
yeah but we could bleep it
oh okay
no you're just giving him work
you gotta move the bar back
he's got a heavy fucking
schedule ahead of him
but Indians don't get
circumcised anyway
do they
no but he did it
later in life
just cause of the
the hygiene
hmm
yeah it was getting all
messy
it's nasty
yeah
like when you ever see
a bulldog
and they get dirty
put like a cue
under their eyelids
you gotta do that
with your dick
I guess
exactly
exactly
gross
you know
I have no clue
what the fuck
hell talking about
gotta clean out
the garage
every now and then
you know
did he say it hurt
oh yeah
he couldn't bang
for two months
but he's ugly anyway
yeah
two months
is pretty
so why did he get
circumcised
he probably wasn't
getting anything
before it
well he was just
getting infected
oh man
oh he could've
just put his dick
in some peroxide
and saved him some money
one of those
little barber jars
just dip it in
oh yeah
barbasol
yeah
no that's for your hair
yeah I know
it's going for
going for a funny visual
I guess
what the fuck
y'all ain't got
no type of hygiene
you can't stick your
dick in no barber's
I know
it was a joke
I'm worried about
your back here
what happened
what if we got you
some of those beads
to lean on
orthopedic beads
I like to sit forward
because it make me
look less fat
I'm gonna try that
yeah
I don't like
when I sit back
my titty go up
under my neck
and these are
some little
restaurant stews
y'all got here
that's true
do you not like these
I kind of like them
people have complained
I mean it's nice
but you know
I don't sit back
I like to sit forward
alright
I'm top heavy
ah
big knobs
what are you working
with a G
double G
I'm working with an H
an H
I've never made it
that far in the alphabet
I know right
it go to Z
no
pull up a Z
I wanna see a Z
what's the
H
wow
are those
are those hard to
there that's Pat
hey that looks alright
are those hard to shop for
no Lane Brine
I have them all the time
they just
you just order them
they're hard to find
in the store
are you knocking lamps
over at home
I feel like
you let those things loose
and you're gonna
you're gonna smother the dog
no usually I just
have them hanging
wow
cause I don't like bras
so when I'm home
I just take my bra off
and go by my business
that's best
damn
it's hard carrying them
all day
that's a hazard
it's not a hazard
a back hazard
do you ever think about
the reduction
cause some people
when they got the big cans
I don't need a reduction
I just need to go on a diet
so they shrink
with the weight loss
oh really
yeah they get a little smaller
not much
it's too bad dicks
don't do that
wouldn't it be nice
to be able to gain weight
and you gain dick
yeah
but if you lose weight
you lose dick
well sometimes
you're just born with no dick
there ain't nothing
you can do about it
that's true
they say every 50 pounds
you lose as a man
you gain a half an inch dick
cause you got less
um buffer
so it just looks bigger
in comparison
that's all
your stomach
your stomach is
a wafering over
your stomach is not
sitting on your penis
so it gives you more dick
to see
it really don't help
it's the same dick
but what if you work out a lot
and you have like giant quads
then your dick probably
looks smaller too
that's true
but you're being healthy
but I think it's cause
you're banging up against it
but your belly is hitting
before the dick
see what I'm saying
or can you rest the gut
on the back
like a shelf
you can
okay
men gain one inch
of penis length
for every 30 to 50 pounds
they lose
wow
who wrote that
huh
you're a small man
did you grow anything
I'm talking to you Mark
oh sorry
you're not a head turner
yeah no
I didn't know
which one of them
there we go
I'm talking to you
uh
am I a small man
you the same
as you always been
I haven't gained a pound
since high school
so yeah
my dick is still
three inches
if that's what you're asking
that's what I knew
but they say
that women only feel
the first two
and a half inches
into the vaginal canal
that feels like loser talk
right there
that feels like
some small dick scientist
is like technically
it's only the first two inches
that's when you're having sex
with somebody with no ass
uh-huh
right
that's in my charter
yeah
you should come to
my side of the hood
and they'll let you know
what you're working with
oh god
I definitely won't go doggy
we're going full missionary
that way I don't have any ass
to penetrate
is
oh
is missionary like
Jehovah Witness
you know
the traditional
you are
man on top
we can reenact it
no the fuck
we cannot
good photo op though
that would be nice
you get a thumbnail
for the episode
I wouldn't mind
getting a face full of H's
no
that's okay
alright alright
nothing I can do
with no little curly
hair white boy
that's going to be
my gift for market
is baby showers
just a picture
of him motorboating
this pet
this is what
mate you don't like this
what you going to tell
the baby
I got it framed
and everything
blown up
that's your
you going to tell
the baby
that's the bottom
it had to be a passive
because ain't nothing
coming out of it
chocolate milk on tap
no it's a pacify
it don't work anymore
yeah any tips
on child rearing
child rearing
you know
raising kids
hey
another mom
two moms
hey
I didn't know
you was here
how you doing
I'm good
I'm talking dick
with these two white guys
yeah
yeah
hey
four kids
one new kid
yeah
baby on the way
baron
friendly single
yeah
no relationship
but
don't have no kids
am I late
no
no
no
all right
cool cool
don't have any kids
they're overrated
really
yeah
you have four of them
why do you keep doing it
they kept putting them in me
wait they
who are these
trans lady
what
nothing
my husband and my kids
my first kid's father
they're overrated
you don't need it
back in the day
you really needed kids
for a good write off of taxes
but Trump ruined all of that
he took the
you know
and then y'all probably
don't even get
earned income credit anyway
because you make too much money
so it really doesn't
unless you just want something
to feed and hold
and take care of
what
that's it
is that a daughter
no
oh sorry
I just assume you guys
are all related
I mean they good for
making your titties long
if you breastfeed
yeah there you go
just the tits
or just the nipples
what are we talking about
well I didn't breastfeed
I only breastfeed
I only breastfed
one of my kids
which is my oldest daughter
but
she gay
and I think that's why she gay
that's the first thing
I put in my mouth
with a fucking titty
so I didn't breastfeed
anybody else
because I didn't want
anybody else eating pussy
so I just gave him the bottle
weirdest QAnon conspiracy
I've ever heard
you have to be careful
what you put in your kids mouths
yeah
because that's what
they're gonna grow up sucking on
and my daughter
have not stopped sucking titties
from the day
every gay guy
sucked their dad's dick
that's true
it's true
or they came out
with a click in their hand
and got confused
hmm
you mean that
click
what are you talking about
the click
the click
the click
whatever you want to call it
oh okay
the man in the boat
the nigga in the ocean
oh the click
I said click
the click
I thought you said click too
I was picturing an Adam Sandler movie
oh
that was not hard
I like man in the boat
that's fun
man in the boat's good
panic button
I chose not to breastfeed
I decided n