Name: The Boys and Bloody Marys - Mark Normand & Sam Morril
Uploaded: 2024-12-02T02:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Boys and Bloody Marys - Mark Normand & Sam Morril' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Boys and Bloody Marys - Mark Normand & Sam Morril' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-02. Transcript available.

The Boys and Bloody Marys - Mark Normand & Sam Morril

What was your name?
My name is Leslie.
Hey, Leslie.
Leslie.
Does she need to be mic'd for this or no?
No.
No, we don't want to.
We've had enough women on lately.
But hey, Leslie, good to have you.
Sam's getting a little heroin.
Yeah.
Finally.
Good old AIDS needle.
Let's do this.
She laughed.
All right.
Well, yeah, I'm hungover.
I don't know about you, but I did puke last night.
Whoa.
Yes, I would love Zofran.
Okay, it's complimentary.
Whoa.
Oh, my God.
I'll take some Zofran.
Anti-nausea, right?
Anti-nausea.
All right.
I know my drugs.
I'll tell you.
Tell us what you did last night.
We did the bodega cat party.
You can probably find some pictures.
On our Instagram.
Yeah.
Yeah, we got a big photo booth.
Yeah, man, that was wild.
And then you did a spot, which I can't believe you did.
I just kept going.
I had people over.
We watched the Knicks lose.
Ah, to the Hawks of all teams.
I know.
Not great.
Oh, look at that picture.
Good crew.
Great crew.
Gaffigan.
Ruby, Rachel, Phil Hanley.
Wow.
How you feeling?
I feel good.
Okay.
Man, you took that needle well.
I do.
Barely reacted.
Hey, look at that.
Great picks.
Our post is bombing, by the way.
That's all right.
Yeah, you got to get it up there.
They don't all hit.
But yeah, you can't pass them a gaffigan.
And you got to throw these up.
They're great.
Oh, yeah.
And Salek, who's no-showed.
Nice.
Pretty hurtful that you chose your family over a drinking party.
Yeah, family.
He was doing headshots for open micers.
You didn't know you did headshots for Vitor?
Don't get angry.
Leslie, put it in me.
Oh.
Oh.
All right.
Put it in me, I'm coming.
I like the thought.
That wasn't on mic.
See, it's a lot more fun than Call Her Daddy, huh?
Yeah, if Kamala came on here,
she might have had a chance.
I would love that.
She can put him back, I think.
I bet she could.
Oh, yeah.
With that cackle?
Oh, there's the two ladies.
Oh, these poor gals.
What is this?
The WNBA?
It's just a bunch of losses.
Trump's beat more women than Chris Brown.
Jesus Christ.
That's true.
Yeah, it was one of those, like,
I was in bed and I was like,
I know I have to puke.
Yeah.
I did the fucking fingers.
I had to.
I wasn't going to fall asleep without it.
You're a trooper.
Gross.
Maybe you can get her a mic.
She's good.
Yeah.
There you go, Liz, if you want to talk.
Uh, I'll wait.
Okay.
I'll wait for my moments.
She's on the clock.
Can you roll that off?
It's a great opportunity to pull the dumb and dumber.
Just pretend you have the blood everywhere,
the ketchup.
Should I do that?
I've seen this in movies.
Yep.
That's working.
All right.
I barely need a tourniquet here.
It's a nice puffy vein.
Yeah.
And you look at that Adam's apple he has.
Isn't that crazy?
Don't inject that.
You should see my dong.
Oh, all right.
Oh, I'm nervous.
No.
I hate needles and lines.
Are you not good with this?
I hate them.
We've done these together before.
I know.
I faked it.
Oh, God.
I'm nervous.
Just look away.
Just look away.
You'll never know.
It happened.
I'm not nervous.
No moving.
That's a big one, too.
Where'd you get that thing?
It's a big one.
Don't look at it.
All right.
All right.
Don't look at it.
Stop looking.
I don't know why it has to be a black needle.
You're the worst patient.
Yeah, you were a shiny baby, Mark.
What the fuck?
Oh, God.
Mark, Mark, Mark.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Okay.
Dude, Sopranos.
You love the Sopranos?
I'm just trying to distract them.
All right, all right.
Just do it, Liz.
Pull up that scene where Hesha's doing the card game story.
Ah, God.
I'm nervous.
All right.
Just joking.
Oh, my God.
Well, it's a comedy show.
Oh, look at the blood.
This is like deliverance.
What the hell?
Don't look at the blood.
All right.
I'm getting a little lightheaded.
I'm just kidding.
I've done this a thousand times.
Yeah, no, Mark's a-
Are you actually lightheaded?
No, no.
Light in the loafers.
Yeah.
That's what they used to call gay dudes.
That's right.
Do you need Sopran, too, because you're also feeling sick?
No, no Sopran for me.
I'm a genital.
It's on the house.
Oh, here we go.
I love this.
Look at this.
Brandon, three vizen.
Hesha's side.
Your action is the penalty.
200.
They're sitting at the bar.
Sit them over a bottle of down.
Next thing you know, we're in the hotel room.
Meet Frankie and the two broads.
See ya.
Patient three.
This one, this little podette from Texas, she fucked me dry, but she still
wanted more.
She's fucking less.
So I'm wearing these pointy featherweights, and they stick the toe in, and I'm
fucking her
with it.
But I guess we should all be grateful if she wasn't wearing white fucks.
You can pull its alacuse.
I just, I love an 80-year-old guy just telling fucks stories.
He's fucking up with a loafer.
Robert Loggia.
Yeah.
That guy rules.
Great boy.
He's in Strip Tease, I believe.
Is he?
Wait, the one with Elizabeth Berkley?
Showgirls.
Showgirls.
That's what I meant.
He's also in Scarface.
That's right.
Yeah, right.
Damn, he rules.
Oh, yeah.
And also, he's like 80 in this, but when he's beating the shit out of people,
it's kind
of believable.
Very believable.
It's not like De Niro and the Irishman, where you're like, that's not.
Yeah, that was bad.
That was worse than the Jesse Smollett.
Oh, my God.
Less realistic.
It was more realistic.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Where did you end up?
What were some highlights of the party for you?
Party was great.
The whole RNDC, or whatever the liquor company's called.
The Republican National Convention.
That was nice of them to show up.
They came out.
Well, they needed a win.
Or celebrate.
I feel good, yes.
It's coming in.
It's cold.
Yeah.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Should we drink while IV-ing, or is that crazy?
I think we should, but we were waiting for our bartender today.
Oh, he's making Bloody Marys, if I'm not.
Whoa, I like that.
Is that allowed, Les?
I have no comments.
All right, that's a yes.
Yeah, great.
Some real highlights.
The reps had a great time.
We had Sam Jay.
We had Rachel Feinstein.
We had Jim Gaffigan.
We had-
So many comics.
Hanley.
Phil Hanley showed up.
Marlon Kraft.
Ooh.
The rapper.
The rapper.
Yeah.
All our boys, all our friends showed up.
Oh, yeah.
Anthony DeVito, Matt Ruby, Jordan Fisher, Anthony Moore.
Yeah, it was a good time.
Check the photos.
Good times.
Good times.
We got pretty banged up.
It was free drinks.
They pre-made paper planes.
They pre-made Boulevardier, so they could just pour them out of a pitcher right
on ice.
They do it.
That's the way to go.
I do that for Thanksgiving.
I bring a thing of paper planes to my family.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
It's a hit.
People love it because they're like, people don't know it and they haven't.
They're like, holy shit.
Yeah.
It tastes like a Kool-Aid flavor.
You know, it's so good.
I know.
Too good.
Too good.
I got fucked up.
Oh, I owe you fucking 600 bucks or whatever.
Something.
Yeah, we ordered 30 pies from Joe's.
Yeah, and they went.
They went.
We had to.
You got to have food at a party.
30 pies?
30.
They called me to make.
I got.
They canceled me twice for Amex fraud because they were like, there's no way
you want 30 pies.
I mean, that's a prank.
You know, send 30 pies to the comedy seller.
What do you tip the guy on 30 pies?
That's a good question.
It was a big tip because it was like whatever.
It was a percentage.
Oh.
You have to.
You have to.
You're carrying a lot.
Okay.
You got to take a while.
It was two guys.
But it's like a block away.
I know.
Yeah.
You can send DeVito.
Bad juju to not tip.
Bad ju.
All right, I'll tell you.
But got a tip.
So, yeah, give me that bill and I'll give you half of it.
Dude, I had a crazy day.
So, first off, I do Comics Come Home.
Oh, I want to hear about that.
Back line up.
It's, you know, Bill Burr, Bobby Kelly, Lenny Clark, L'Oreal, Ronnie Chang.
Wow.
Great crew.
So many good comics.
Wow.
Alec Flynn, funny young guy.
Oh, yeah.
A lot of funny comics.
Everyone killed.
Zarna crushed.
She kills.
Crushed.
It was a hot night.
Everyone killed.
Dennis Leary was really cool.
Was this at Madison Square Garden?
Where is it?
It was at the Boston Garden.
Boston.
So, they're giving us all this.
Literally, I have, like, a box of Bruins swag.
It's all Boston shit.
And we have our own custom Bruins jersey.
Yeah.
With, you know, all of our last names.
That's great.
What am I going to do with a Bruins jersey?
So, I'm holding it behind my back for the shoot.
I don't want to promote a Boston sports team.
And the sports and the reporters know.
So, they're like, Sam, hold it up.
You New York piece of trash.
They're all, like, heckling me.
But, uh...
Oh, man.
I'll wear any jersey.
You put my name on anything, I'll wear it.
Hamas, whatever.
Number nine.
72 for the virgins.
And then, uh...
So, dude, we're going up there.
I'm up there in Amtrak day of.
And, you know, you leave that couple-hour window
to go to the hotel and shower.
Yeah.
The train in front of me hits a person.
What?
A woman's on the tracks.
And I'm like, oh, shit.
It's so funny, by the way, that everyone is like...
They're like, uh, we've hit a woman.
And everyone's like, fuck my plans.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
It's like, no one's concerned.
They're just like, I had a thing.
So, true.
So, we're kind of all, like, figuring out.
I get off the train because the train in front of me hit it.
So, they're in the middle.
So, I'm wondering.
I'm like, I wonder if Ronnie's on that train.
So, I text Ronnie and he goes,
I'm on the train that hit the woman.
Whoa!
Asian driver.
So, I get off the train and I'm calling an Uber.
But I'm in, like, the middle of Rhode Island.
It's not Providence.
So, like, no Ubers.
It's like a two-hour Uber.
And they're all like, you know,
we'll reimburse you.
But the Ubers are, like, 30 minutes away.
So, I'm like, the Amtrak guy sees me kind of pacing
and he recognized me.
He goes, I hope you make your show tonight.
Hey!
And I said, oh, yeah, yeah.
Thank you so much.
I was like, you want tickets to the show?
And he goes, oh, that would be amazing.
Thank you so much.
So, then, since I said that,
he feels like he's very nice.
He feels the need to update me, like, every two minutes.
So, he'd, like, walk back and be like,
it was a woman.
But then he'd walk back over to me a couple minutes later
and he goes, oh, man, she was sitting Indian style.
And, you know, the train's going so quickly.
Suicide.
Yeah, suicide.
Oh.
So, the train's going so quickly
that the engineer has to just watch it all happen.
He can't stop the train.
And I was like, God, that's horrible.
And he's like, horrible.
And then he'd be like, you know,
one minute you're here, the next poof.
And I was like, oh, my God.
And then he was like,
so, the tickets are at the box office.
And then he emailed me after the show,
because I emailed him to say,
hey, just make sure you got in.
And he wrote me back after the show,
these seats were incredible.
The lineup was stacked.
That woman getting hits,
the best thing that ever happened to me.
Oh, man, that's crazy.
So, he ended up being a great guy.
And I was like,
and we chatted for a while on the train, too.
He was like, really, he was really cool.
And, oh, by the way, he's,
I told him Ronnie Chang's on the train in front.
And he goes, I love Ronnie Chang.
So, we made sure Ronnie got,
they had to deboard that train
and get everyone off mid-track.
Uh-huh.
Oh, whoa.
So, they were,
because they were in the middle,
because they have to, like,
dispose of the whole body.
Oh, my God.
So, they were like,
that's a fucking bad job, by the way.
But, you know,
they put, like, a whatever,
like, floor thing down.
I don't know why I'm...
A tarp?
Not a tarp,
but the thing to, like,
get people from one train to one train.
Oh, oh, a little bridge there.
A bridge there.
And Ronnie sat next to me.
We were just, like, cracking up.
So, I showered in the Celtics visiting locker room.
Wow.
And let me tell you,
that stream,
that water stream is shit.
Really?
Because they were doing it
to fuck with the opponents, I think.
I've heard this.
Oh.
So, I'm trying to shower in there.
I'm like,
ther