Name: Hasan Minhaj - Mark Normand & Sam Morril
Uploaded: 2024-12-09T02:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hasan Minhaj - Mark Normand & Sam Morril' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hasan Minhaj - Mark Normand & Sam Morril' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-09. Transcript available.

Hasan Minhaj - Mark Normand & Sam Morril

hey hey we're here we're back look at winnie in the hollywood holiday fair i
had to you know
she's she's been a big part of the pot i gotta drop some money on her man that's
nice what is
that gucci it's uh fendi oh well i'm a fendi about that price jesus uh yeah
dude she's doing
some big shit in la she's able to stop in occasionally now very good yeah she's
having
a betty white type of resurgence and she'll live hey happy holidays hey get in
there sally brought
uh don't tell me you brought a cookie you sick fuck i just did seth meyers they
give me oh thank you
amazing experience great show but they give you the bag of the levain cookies
ah the levain and then i
was gonna not take him but i saw ted danson take him i'm like who am i to not
take him if he's
taking them you gotta tell how is ted is he six eight what is he he's tall he
looks suave as fuck
wow his tailored suit look great you were saying we were just talking about the
making of one coffee
a day pregnant yeah yeah that's rough no one talks about that all everybody
knows hey no booze no drugs
no smoking but no sushi no coal cuts no oysters she can't take like pepto bismol
you can't even have
it's crazy the amount of shit no pepto how about like a peppermint pill could
you do that
probably no pepto i took it yesterday you live on pepto i took it this morning
exactly i take it every
fucking day that's your spinach i'm a piece of shit you're popeye but yeah she
no one talks about all
the other stuff and you'll be like oh we're doing shrooms and i here you go ah
shrooms yeah yeah like
everything yeah i would advise against that one i didn't know what's natural i
know but that one
seemed like a layup that's true that's true you can't do acid on shrooms this
is fucking crazy
well acid's a chemical it's on a it's in a bible this is uh i know but i would
have assumed like
psychedelics or is shrooms a psychedelic it is yeah okay well yeah you probably
shouldn't do it
psilocybin imagine that baby in there like whoa it's you know it's like a
planetarium all of a sudden
you got orion's belt up your ass he's in there like oh my god it's crazy i'm
gonna come out of that
i think i was jizz man i was in my dad's balls that's crazy i want to hear
about this gig you
did with okay so it's first off big jer yeah who else springsteen springsteen
closed okay jerry
springsteen stewart gaffigan norah jones wow and quest love damn if that tickles
your taint oh he's
great i love him yeah but uh bob woodruff stand up for heroes shout out to him
he makes all this
money for these vets i mean this guy's in the front row with no legs wow
probably shouldn't have
said that joke's got legs unlike him oh no i didn't say that but it ran through
the head yeah two years
ago i would have but don't forget larry on saturday yeah that was monday oh my
gosh what a week
fucking you you spent time with both creators of seinfeld exactly it can't get
i mean that's like
comedy fucking camp 101 yes make a wish baby um well i gotta tell you about the
larry thing because it
was it's he didn't look happy in the picture he was miserable i was miserable
it was bad it was like
a hostage situation damn it i would rather be waterboarded than go through that
again because
he knew his agent was like this guy demands you meet this is like a thing he
would hate
yes this is like a curve it's a curb app like he has to yes he has to shake
your hand and take a photo
exactly and in the curb app you'd be like played by someone you'd be played by
like alex edelman or
something yeah yeah exactly so just long story short i'm doing the chicago
theater he goes
berkowitz goes hey larry wants to do it that night can he have the five o'clock
slot you move your show
from seven to eight just to give a little more breathing room and i said no
problem but i get to
meet him and he said yeah no problem that's easy this is my agent by the way
yes and this is like
you know he's a bulldog but i can imagine he did not enjoy delivering this news
to larry david
i can imagine too because i don't think he ever did larry was in the dark he
didn't know about it
that's why this was so awkward that's why he's a good agent he just made it
happen
so here's the rundown so larry his guy i'm not gonna say his name but he's on
he's on wme he's
on your team yeah he's larry's point man okay i'm not gonna say his name
because i'm about to
fuck this guy right in the ass i know who it is already okay i think so i'm in
chicago me and
devito are out at a lunch spot having coffee talking comedy we're having a
great time anthony
devito look at him up one of the best one of the best just that so funny so
funny and just walking
around that downtown chicago we're in kalamazoo the night before no offense so
it was like quite an
upgrade the river going through the lake michigan the sears tower it would be
funny if someone in
kalamazoo is like what chicago's they don't know they're like yeah kalamazoo is
fucking cool dude
yeah yeah the theater wasn't bad but as a town it's you know no chicago is top
five in this in
the states chicago is easily you got the water it's fucking i love new york but
it's affordable
yeah yeah true true it's gorgeous the architecture is insane the food is great
it's it's a top tier
city yes through and through millennial mile the park the bean yeah you know
and i'm a ferris bueller
nut so i'm just going oh yeah yeah so larry's guys hit me up but he's going hey
the show's at five
you might want to come early meet him before the show and i go oh well we're
out at lunch i still
gotta go shower i was planning on coming to the show they're already fucking
you exactly and he's
like well he's gonna want to leave right after his show and i'm like i'm out
they told me after so i
had planned on after and now you're trying to switch it up on me he's like you
might not be able to do
it after i'd come before and i'm like i'll never make it i gotta go home and
shower and get my my
outfit on and this is this is fucked up it's fucked up so i'm like i put my
foot down i call him i'm like
hey hey fuck you we agreed to this i moved on my phone well i'm texting i'm
like hey we agreed to
this and he's like all right all right we'll see give me the we'll see and i'm
like what was all
this what was all the agreement this is fucking peeve city all over it so his
show's at five so i show
up at 5 30 because i want to see the show he's doing an evening with larry david
it's him and suzy
esmond on stage it was it was really funny that's cool super cool q a larry's
up on his feet telling
stories one guy goes larry did you keep anything from the seinfeld set and he
was like yeah i kept
some stuff from the diner and he goes no that's boring give me some like some
real dirt and larry goes
boring fuck you fuck you and he's up on his feet you call me boring you know he
does that whole thing
and it was great and then after the show they whisk larry off into the green
room and i'm like this is
it so larry's guy comes and grabs me and he goes let's do it and he looks
annoyed at me like let's
get this over with and i'm like why am i the bad guy but whatever oh so we get
to larry's green room
did he did he have any idea who you were no idea so we didn't know you were
doing the show after
nothing you could just be some dipshit roaming the halls yes exactly and i got
that weird thing on
my arm he probably thought i had cancer or something i just got a blood infusion
because
that was from the ivs that's why i travel with veter people like he might have
cancer
he's bald he's bald he's got the thin eyebrows
so larry's in the green room that green room with like 12 people old people his
daughter's in there
he's got family in there they're all like great show good to see you and he's
like i haven't seen
you since new york city in 1971 he's talking all these people and his point guy
is looking at me i'm
sitting outside the green room like this and he goes we got to do it now we got
to do it now if we
don't do it now it'll never happen i'm like secret service they're like the
eagle is landing yes yes
exactly meanwhile i'm picturing i'm at my hotel room showering like me and larry
are going to talk
about stand-up we're going to talk about opening for cherry we're going to talk
about the dodgers
we're going to talk about new york i'm going to talk about the show he's going
to get me in a
headlock he's going to nugget me we're going to kiss i have all these fantasies
i thought about
asking for a guest set like what kind of crazy world for your show he's like i
should bring back curb
this guy can be my new wacky neighbor yes i fuck his daughter i thought all
kinds of stuff was gonna
happen so i'm outside the green room and he's like let's do it now and i'm like
give him a minute he's
talking to some old guy their their old friend give him a minute and he's like
it's now or never and i'm
like all right fine and this pimple this twerp he goes hey larry sorry to
interrupt uh this guy wants
to meet you and larry's like uh uh okay and i just come in i is rough how about
he's doing the show
next to you after you it's sold out how about he's a stand-up comedian how
about he opens for jerry how
about you know he moved his time for you give me some context you you queef you
killed me this is
rough and did you did you see the agent afterwards was he in there uh well who
the guy who who fucked
you over he was the one going we got to do it now that's him just a security
guy okay oh no no this
is his point guy his assistant or whatever you want to call it his
representation that's rough so
larry's like okay he just stood there no handshake and i go i had all these
things to say i froze
because i felt so uncomfortable i went blank and i go great show and he goes
yeah and they took the
photo and i got i left and devito was like whoo that was brutal devito thought
he would meet him too
i mean we thought this would be a lot more casual and and and and fun damn it
was you gotta text my
agent i'll i'm gonna let him know i hope he here send him this clip send it to
him because uh he that
kid fucked me right in the ass larry had no idea he thought my dad owned the
theater or something
i assume and uh i went back to my green room and the difference in expression
is yes like look at mark
he's still trying he's like maybe i could fake my way through the picture yeah
give him the little
finger bang larry just looks like he ate like something sour like he had some
expired milk or something he's
just like yeah he had no idea what that was and the whole thing lasted about
four seconds photo got
out and he was like uh like the agent guy was like all right see you later we
did it and i was like
you fucking chooch i think in the curbed episode you're larry no i need a
signed contract for a
handshake i gotta meet this is a very larry thing to do no but larry's the guy
who's there's like the
episodes where larry has to write the recommendation like larry's the guy who's
always he's put out he's
put out okay so larry's not being put out here no he real larry he's hanging
out with uh you know
people i haven't seen in years and some guy he doesn't know right i mean this
is this could be a
curb but from someone else's perspective yeah exactly damn i gotta tell you it
ruined my my set a little
bit because i was so like in my head about it but whatever we got the photo
when he dies i'll tell
i'll change the story and i'll be like we we had a great time and i opened for
him and all that so
then uh that's what devito's dad was whacked by the mob and he's like that's
the worst thing i've ever
that's true yeah devito wanted to meet him too i mean we thought it was gonna
be like an easy going
like hey larry nice to meet you great show we're on we're on after you uh big
fan yada yada that's
a good picture look at that jerry's looking serious too oh yeah these guys are
getting old did you tell
jerry i told him i met him and i didn't didn't unload the whole thing on him
because it was we were
l