Name: Fortune Feimster & Josh Wolf with Mark Normand & Sam Morril
Uploaded: 2024-12-16T02:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fortune Feimster & Josh Wolf with Mark Normand & Sam Morril' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fortune Feimster & Josh Wolf with Mark Normand & Sam Morril' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-16. Transcript available.

Fortune Feimster & Josh Wolf with Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Oh, we are rolling.
Hey, we might be drunk.
Sam's making a drink.
Should we do paper planes, maybe?
Oh, yeah, sure.
I didn't want to put you to work here.
Can we get a...
And hand me that seltzer.
Were you there, Matty?
What's in here?
That's yours.
Just a seltzer.
Don't worry.
Oh, perfect.
Okay.
I'll take that one there.
Yeah, we're literally here with Josh Wolfe.
We're literally just talking drug stories with you.
Hell, yeah.
I did not know you were a drug guy.
Yeah, a big wave...
Like, I stopped drinking years ago, but I've been taking drugs for 30 years.
Hell, yeah.
And not a little bit of drugs.
Like, I like...
And I not like Coke and stuff like that.
I don't like that.
But I like drugs that change your brain.
Yeah, same.
Mushrooms.
I like ecstasy.
I like acid.
I did jump on that ketamine train for a little while.
Isn't that the bad shit?
Special K.
It's not...
I hated it.
Really?
I didn't like it at all.
Is it an upper?
Or is it a tranquilizer?
It's like a...
Yeah, it's like a tranquilizer.
It's a dissociative.
And I don't...
I like mushrooms because I like seeing things.
I like my brain thinking about things that it wouldn't normally...
Sure.
So, I would...
So, you're doing drugs to kind of like go somewhere interesting.
You're not trying to just disconnect from society.
I would take three grams before my Friday night shows.
Wow.
And I would just...
I have a lot of them recorded and on YouTube and they're just...
At some point, there was a one show where I really was...
I kept talking to somebody over my shoulder and finally somebody in the
audience was like,
Who are you talking to?
Oh!
And I thought...
Because I tour with my son, I thought he was up there with me.
He was not.
He was not...
By the way, there's a lot of people in cities doing that right now.
Most of them aren't charging a cover.
Yeah.
So, not great to be in that situation.
This whole city, man, it's hard.
Sometimes, I don't know if it's homeless people or somebody live streaming.
That's true.
It's a fine line.
This whole city walking around, I can't...
This is the...
I don't come here enough.
It always reminds me.
It's like such a mix between homeless and high fashion.
Yeah.
They're not that far off.
Somebody's using a scarf to look good and somebody's using it to wipe their ass
to.
That's a good point.
It's not that different when they're walking down the street.
There's a fine line between a hobo and dirty Elmo.
And they're pretty much the same thing.
If you didn't know who Leonardo DiCaprio was, when he showed up in public, you'd
be like,
is that dude homeless?
Right.
Skinny fat with the belly and, you know.
Loose clothing.
Yeah.
The scarf looks good and then you're like, fuck, autoerotic asphyxiation.
Yeah.
Not good.
I've never been into that kind of shit.
Is that either one of you guys?
No.
I don't eat potatoes.
Just give me a handjob.
Yeah.
The choking is crazy.
I'm with you.
David Carradine going out like that, being the Kung Fu guy and going out like
that is kind
of rough.
Although it feels kind of appropriate.
I mean, to get choked out to death and being the Kung Fu guy, it feels like it
should be-
It's a tough legacy.
It's a tough legacy because it's like, you were jacking off?
Yeah.
That just sucks.
Yeah, that's true.
Not even a hooker?
Nothing?
I'm not into, I don't think, any weird sex stuff.
I don't mind looking at it.
But I've never been a guy like, I think the furthest my weird is, is a finger
in the ass.
All right.
That's pretty stanky.
That's not crazy.
That's stanky, right?
Although I did have a friend of mine tell me, he lived in Germany for a while,
and he was
like, he's like, Germany's crazy, dude, because first dates, these women are
putting their
fingers in my ass.
I'm like, first date?
Like, the first time we're messing around, he goes, every woman in Germany,
that first
time we're messing around, their finger goes right in my ass.
I'm like, first?
Make sure they wash their hands before dinner.
Yeah.
Out of the box?
Germany.
Germany's weird.
At least it's one finger, not nine.
You're the best.
All right.
Yeah, but wow, the Germans are fucked.
I think first date finger in the ass, it feels like one step farther than I'd
go.
Yeah.
I need to see, I need to know you well enough to actually have looked at your
fingers.
Right, right.
How are your nails?
What's the cleanliness?
And what if you propose?
You slide a ring on that dirty index?
By the way, I said finger in the ass means nothing before, but I'm like, I have
told black friends
of mine that are like, you're gay, dude.
That's true.
You ever tell Wilson Vince?
They're like, what?
Well, Wilson Vince sees me eating an apple.
He's like, oh, that's fucking gay.
I know.
Yeah, there are some people who are like, if you eat a hot dog, that's gay.
I mean, if you stick it in your asshole.
All right, all right.
Like eating a hot dog.
That's a big asshole.
Maybe eye contact.
Oh, yeah.
It's like eye contact with a straw.
Right.
I don't love.
I think that's something I could probably.
How about you try to be sexy and you can't find the straw?
Yeah.
That whole thing.
I've never tried to be sexy with a straw, though.
I haven't either.
I haven't tried to be sexy, period.
I was going to say, trying to be sexy doesn't feel like your mood.
No.
What are you kidding?
No way.
This voice already.
The whole thing.
Be dirty talking.
I would love to hear.
Your dirty talk must be terrible.
It's terrible.
You're a whore.
Yeah.
And my wife likes it, too.
And I'm like, ah, don't make me do this.
She's like, be mean to me.
And I'm like, yeah, you retard.
That's your dirty talk?
I don't want to be called a retard, I guess.
So I thought that.
Yeah, you fucking idiot.
Yeah.
That's not dirty talk, dude.
That's just your dog looks like Pauly from Rocky.
Finish the drink, Sham.
I want you to eat a street light and shit red, green, and yellow.
Yeah.
I'll do like the sweater, though.
That's a good touch.
Oh, I did the coach.
Yeah, that's a different guy.
What are you guys making?
This is a little paper plane.
This is something we've been doing this in the pod for, I want to say, years
now, right?
Oh, yeah.
This is kind of our go-to cocktails.
It's pretty simple.
It's a little Bodega Cat whiskey, Aperol, Amaro Nonino, and lemon juice.
Fucking good.
We like to think we put it on the map.
This thing was slept on, this cocktail.
I like the old school cocktails that no one really, like, you know, obviously
the classics
are the classics for a reason.
I love a Manhattan.
I love a-
Did you bartend at any point in time?
I did catering for like a minute, but I was a shit bartender.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, I was a shit bartender.
What? Sam with a job?
I can't believe it.
I had no idea you ever worked.
Did you ever have a day job?
Oh, you kidding?
Yeah.
I moved furniture.
I was a bus boy.
I worked on a gopher on a construction site.
I did data entry.
I did temping.
I worked as a hamster for Richard Gere.
I don't know.
I was a janitor.
Yeah.
P. Diddy.
I did cleanup.
Did you?
By the way, man, people have been outing everybody who's ever been at a P. Diddy
party, and let me just say, if in 2017, P. Diddy had been like, do you want to
come to a party? I'd have been like, yeah.
Of course, same.
Yeah.
Or Epstein's plane, by the way.
Yeah.
I'd go on a private jet to an island.
Hell yeah.
If they're trying to sell Diddy's place, and it's like over 60, they're asking
him, like, that's pretty steep.
But what we know happened in there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Although for some people, probably are like, deal.
Maybe.
Yeah, maybe.
You got to do a whole gut reno, though, for that shit.
You got to blacklight it.
Yeah.
Do you get the oil?
Maybe they leave the oil in.
That thing with the oil.
Hey, thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Mazel.
If I walked into a party, and the first thing they handed me was baby oil, I'd
be like, this is probably not my party.
Or is it?
No, it's definitely not.
Everybody gets their own baby oil.
That's a lot of lube.
It's a party favor.
Well, here's my thing with the Diddy shit.
I got the hallway fist fight with the girl.
We got that on video.
Everything else is hearsay, speculation, J-Lo, and Leonardo, and Bieber.
Like, give me something concrete.
Well, you did hear that Ashton Kutcher came out like last week or the week
before.
No, I didn't hear this.
This is maybe the worst thing.
He came out and said-
This guy's on a cold streak, by the way.
Yeah.
He just wrote the Danny Masterson judge a letter.
This is getting him colder.
He comes out and says, hey, Diddy might spread rumors about me, and they're not
true.
I'm like, dude, this is-
Shouldn't have said that.
That means guilty.
Yeah, he got ahead of it.
That's like you're going home to your girlfriend being like, somebody might
call you and say, they gave me a blowjob.
Right.
That never happened.
Sounds like he's getting punked in the end.
This is-
This is not-
That's the worst, the longest punk of-
Yeah.
He's like, I made you look stupid on camera.
He's like, oh yeah, well, I outed you as a possible rapist.
Oh, they separated over this.
Oh, that's horrible.
I mean, how much can you sit through?
I mean, that's-
For her, you mean how much can you sit through?
Yeah.
I agree.
There's a breaking point.
I'm sure the Danny Masterson note wasn't her idea.
Ah, good point.
It is a-
That's a bad look to know a guy's going away for rape, have him reach out to
you and go, will you give me a character reference?
And you're like, yeah.
That's a friend.
That is a dumb friend.
That's a friend who you have something on.
That's the type of friend.
And it's also not, it's not going to help.
It's like voting for Trump in New York.
New York's going to go blue, you know, but like that doesn't help.
He's still going to jail.
Yeah, it's like the judge is going to be like, nah, you raped these women, but
Ashton Kutcher is a fan.
Yeah.
I agree with you.
How much do character references help with certain crimes?
I think it's narcissism.
I think it's like, I'm famous, this will help.
That's good.
I think we found out recently it hurts.
Yeah.
The famous part, I think we found out recently.
That's true.
Like a celebrity endorsement ain't what it used to be.
No.
It's not at all what it used to be.
No, as a matter of fact, it's almost a negative now.
Still works with companies though.
Like it seems like if someone, like if you see a commercial, you're like, oh
shit.
Works in Japan.
George Clooney's Nespresso.
Yeah.
Japan commercials.
They still work.
Like if Brad Pitt tries to sell something in Japan, I think that probably still
works.
Oh, okay.
Interesting.
Japan's 30 years behind.
They still like baseball.
I'm a huge baseball fan.
Are you not a huge baseball guy?
Well, the Yankee, the World Series over there was, they watched it a million
times more than
we did.
I heard that it was viewed more in Japan than it was over here.
Way more.
That's crazy.
Well, they got Otani.
Yeah, but there's only seven people in Japan.
There's maybe more than seven.
After World War II.
15.2.
Yeah.
That is a crazy amount.
And how many watched it here?
Oh, I think it said 14.
So actually that's not a giant jump.
Consider how many people live here.
Uh-huh.
300 million people here and there's probably only 55 million there.
And then I wonder how many of the people here were Japanese.
Oh, another good point.
I still like baseball too though.
I'm with you.
How many Japanese?
Here's what I like about baseball.
To me, it's my favorite sport to see live.
I don't love it on TV, but you go out to the park.
Same.
It's great.
Get a beer, a hot dog.
You don't have to watch the whole game.
Yes.
Even if you can fuck around with your friends.
Yeah.
I hate football live.
It's not a fun sport live.
Really?
You don't think?
Well, especially in New York, just getting there is a pain in the ass.
True.
Like the bus or the train.
It's never good weather.
The stadium sucks.
And there are some things, like I like the close-up aspect of the football.
Yeah.
Slow motion.
But are there any good seats 