Name: Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk
Uploaded: 2025-06-02T01:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-02. Transcript available.

Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk

a solo up what are we doing hey i missed it i missed it missed it lots to talk
about we don't
want some fucking queef from hollywood button in on our convo oh how'd you get
started who'd you
fuck do you know weinstein enough they never know weinstein they all they don't
know him although i
met a woman who said she met him and he hit on her ah and but he wasn't
aggressive
wow he accepted the shutdown he was like i'm sorry interesting isn't that weird
now it's funny
because she probably hides that story like she won't go public with that yes
that's what you don't
want to be the person who's like we didn't write me exactly exactly because
other he probably did do
it to other women right right interesting well what a start to the episode jesus
have you seen
that montage everybody like harvey i love you you're a god and they're all like
kissing his fingers and
his feet and toes and lips he did apparently he didn't have a working penis
that's what they that's
what they say he didn't have a working penis yeah so he had like he'd like a luke
skywalker like bionic
hand type cock or something what was going on i think he was just eating women
out oh he's a gentleman
that's a charity yeah it's a good guy yeah i heard it was a nub that didn't
really work but then they
say that epstein hitler and uh p diddy also had a bad egg-shaped penis there
you go yeah so something's
going we got a power difficult to live with
this thing on all right uh no it's uh overpriced overpriced oh my god i went to
a diner in the
village it was like a 30 for an omelet it's crazy it's getting a little out of
hand it's way out of
hand we went to a diner the other day it was a omelet with potato i got a bowl
of soup and i think it was
like 59 dude and it's like you know it's bad when presidents are being like i'm
gonna do something
about these eggs yeah it all comes down to the eggs and the eggs people love
eggs well if you can find
this story they're smuggling eggs over the border yeah now which is like first
of all that's funny
but also it's like the movie sorcery you gotta be really careful you don't want
to fucking you don't
want to break though the toughest smuggle of all like fentanyl you put up your
ass you put an egg
up your ass that's gonna crack and make a chicken except for the vibrating egg
that's the good thing
remember that true the vibrating that was a jim jeffries bit that was big that
egg there it is
sore border smuggling how do they smuggle that shit yeah not this guy i mean
one sneeze and it's
all we did the egg drop challenge remember that egg drop soup you never did the
egg drop challenge
what is that oh that's where you uh oh you drop it from a high thing and you
make sure it doesn't i did
that you have to design an apparatus that keeps it from cracking and i won mine
did you how do you wrap it
i just went to town i did like a cushion with a bubble wrap with the the
immigrants are listening
right yeah with a pantyhose i won yeah damn i do love eggs oh i love it when
people are vegan i'm
like but the eggs i know i do today but they but they have like you know they
have is like the just
egg but that shit is trash you know whenever they're showing you you know
whenever it's look it up it's
like it's like it's like egg beater stuff you just pull it but it's not real
get out of here it's all
imitation yeah it's all fake oh gross you know what that shit is it's like you
go to the play and you
get the understudy right that's what the just egg is except the understudy at
least is good
you still might have a good show good point yeah it's a horrible name because
you're like
i'd rather just an egg i know what is it a real egg eggs from plants
no it's trash i date a girl who was like trying to do the vegan thing for a
while and like you get
sucked into it like you know because you just try not to be then you'd be the
guy who's just like
well i don't want to be difficult right it's annoying like oh so we're going to
order from two
different places yeah but then you're like yeah i guess we have to because then
she was like all right
let me try real pizza and she was like what the fuck i was like yeah i was
lying to you your shit
sucked your fake cheese pizza was trash of course the only thing they get away
with is like the cashew
milk or you know oat milk no but like that ice cream can still be good that's
true like the van
lewin like that that shit the vegan flavors are pretty good very good but that
just happens to be
good right right it's one of the rare ones also it's 17 more for the vegan shit
it's that's what
they don't talk about how it's a luxury to be vegan it's a luxury and they act
like they're saving the
world but we're adapting to them yeah also you're saving the world but you're
ruining the hang
you're a bad hang and the meal inconvenience yeah no i i had people over the
game the other night and
i was ordering my friends like you should get a vegetarian option i'm like oh
no pizza usually are
safe vegetarian true but you know uh cheese with a vegetarian but the vegans
with the no cheese
they're taking it they're taking it well they say it's not it's not ethically
done i i agree but
like you're you're the weirdo you should figure your problem out we got to
adapt to your thing if you're
a handicap and i got a i got a stairwell i i can't build you a ramp that's a
bad example you should
always have a ramp the handicap person that might not be their fault the vegan
guy's choosing it good
point the handicap guy didn't choose to get hit by a car good point the vegan's
choosing a wheelchair
when he doesn't need it i was with a guy and he he's vegan he was telling me uh
he goes i would
i would eat eggs if i had a farm and i knew that the uh yeah at that point like
how far are we gonna
take this at what point but also doesn't a chicken just shit out an egg it's
not hurting them i love
if i had a farm it's manhattan right where the fuck's the farm i get out of
here farmer what is it all
what's a farmers only state farm there you go like a good neighbor that's the
one like an annoying
friend i'm gonna ruin the hang yeah no it's fucking the vegan stuff god bless
you it's hard i also like
when the comics we know do it you're like how the fuck do you do it on the road
late at night on like
a wednesday crazy crazy you gotta carry like a nutrigrain bar or something on
you that shit's
all bad for you too i think the vegan stuff is bad like that impossible burger
they did the math on
that it's like way worse for you yeah than uh than a piece of beef yeah
probably yeah because you
you gotta pack it in like the the snack wells are like hey these are actually
fat free but they're
like covered in gluten what a sugar what a sham that my grandparents fell for
that shit i did closet
closet full of snack wells my grandma's ass it never looked fatter yes yes i
mean it was like this
this ain't working all these poor housewives are getting fatter and fatter
eating that devil's food
cake bullshit yeah that shit was not it was not real no no it was pretty good i
had it didn't taste bad
yeah but everything there's always a new craze every year like have you tried
these fig newtons
yeah they're awful they're all they're horrible for you but that's what i was zipping
but they
fig newtons don't even taste good i don't mind a newton they're all right i don't
mind a newton
they're in the cookie category you're putting the fig newton next to an oreo
that you think it's
all right that's a good point that's a good point that's like putting roseanne
next to heidi
clue i get it you got a point but yeah put that shit in the uh hippy dippy
power bar aisle yes
well next to a power bar is good fine i guess it's it's whatever yeah but you're
eating a power bar
because it's like a meal replacement type thing right you're eating a fig newton
is like that's
like build as a dessert what about the newman's own which one oh like paul newman
at least you know
it's going to sickle cell or whatever yeah gotta love paul newman ah you gotta
love the lemonade
the lemonade the the spaghetti sauce the fig newtons yeah just ripping off
other people's products and
putting his name on it pretty much charity and his face he was like the robin
hood of the fucking
of the tomato uh paste aisle sent it all to kids yeah his kid i think killed
himself did he yeah i
believe so give that a good is that a hang gliding accident or did he kill
himself
hang glide i don't know about that johnny carson's son or newman's son died in
a hang gliding accident
wow hang glide that came and went huh that's uh yeah that does not look like a
good idea
no no how do you look at that thing and think yeah i'm gonna do that yeah yeah
we should put
vegans on a hang glider what happened bad hang no mark
wait a minute i think he killed himself a motorcycle accident in the fall 1978
he's taking painkillers to ease his discomfort oh yada yada yada alcohol drugs
looks like he od'd
okay there you go i'll take it a step further we're talking hand gliders what's
motorcycles what are
we doing yeah it's a bad idea you're not the odds are against you there are
especially the guys they
had to pass a law a few years ago in connecticut so that they would be forced
to wear helmets
wow because people were sick of scooping their heads off this up the side of
the road
but they don't want to wear helmets because they feel the breeze in their face
right they like the
breeze but well me and him like to take a nice little bike cycle around the the
city but no helmet we
don't wear helmets you gotta wear a helmet you have no excuse i gotta protect
the bird's nest you got a
fucking iron dome up there may and stace you're gonna be wiping your own asses
for the rest of your
lives you're not careful it's not good it's not you it's the other because i
saw a guy this is a
walking city to me fuck the scooters you know so i crossed diagonally through
an intersection i see
a guy on a scooter i see a guy on a scooter and he looked really angry at me
and i was like fuck you
it's a walker city but he gave me one of these i was like fuck you you're in a
suit on a scooter
who the fuck go fuck yourself the suit scooters the suit scooters it's because
you're powerful but
you're not right a business scoot unless you're like the ceo of scooting right
you're kind of a pussy
well that poor sam's got a fan out there in a wheelchair he's like uh it's a
walking city i guess
i'll never go there so i was wrong about carson's son uh ricky died in a car
accident while shooting
nature photographs oh man that sucks damn well you can't shoot while you drive
ricky that's the problem
put the uh put the camera down while you're at the on the gas that was the
texting while driving of it
today that's true that's true there you go i'm a big texter while driving are
you it's like drinking
and smoking they go together it's like steak and potatoes yeah it's a good
combo and they're good
apart but together wow it feels it's it's yeah because it makes it fly by right
flies by you're getting
shit done while driving i love it but you can do the voice that's the voice
does help hey hey tell
sal accused to wear a helmet but that's la people whenever la people would just
leave you like a
minute and a half and you're like fuck now i gotta listen to a minute and a
half of this fucking
person i don't do that pontificating you can you can type it out with your
voice i mean so it sends
a text i like that yeah that's what i'm doing but the la people always leave
you yeah all the la people
i know it's like a long fucking message the worst is you see the guy at the at
the park or whatever
he's going uh take a note to and he's like well like we all have to hear his
fucking phone thing
like get out of here here's why the voice thing's so obnoxious you found a way
to to elongate the
voice message yeah so now it's the voice message but it's going on and on and
go okay cool here's
another one what are you doing i know i'm not yeah i'm not listening to your
alb