Name: Tom Segura w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast
Uploaded: 2025-07-07T01:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Segura w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Segura w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-07. Transcript available.

Tom Segura w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

okay let's rock hey oh wait i see some camera work here do your thing and throw
me a seltzer
while you're over there will you boy kid was giggling today there's nothing
like a baby
giggling it's a magical he's like it's like a dolphin oh my god it warms the
heart the giggling
are we rolling oh all right i see touching what are you touching
wow i'd like to be in focus oh geez this is too much he looks like a war-torn
uh kid i saved
ukraine yeah are we on i'm zelinski don't show his face on the on the screen
yeah blur blur the
blur the face if one guy calls him ugly i'll have to go iran on his ass and
kill them all but uh yeah
yeah he giggles now and it's i can't stop leaving you know all i gotta do is
take a like a washcloth
and i put it like over his face like that you know hide the face then show it
he's like ah and boy talk
about iran i do a burka yeah yeah but the revolution is there i take it off and
uh i he had some gunk in
his armpit and i wiped it and he was like ah so we had some tickle moments it
was uh it was a good
comedy just slips you're just going for shit jokes now it's like this old joke
about the keys
yes yes i thought that was romano it was joe list uh-oh i think romano had a
bit about the keys
i don't know pull that up i don't want to get anybody in trouble here but uh
yeah that's a great
and don't pull it up all right don't pull it up what uh you're going to a
corporate right after
this uh six yeah where is it lincoln center tech company big bucks beautiful
yeah i said uh i'm
down you're like i dressed up you just fucking threw a jean shirt on well like
he's like i figured i
dressed up i figured i'd throw a blazer on or something oh yeah that's true
people don't dress up
anyway exactly they're all wearing cargo shorts and hawaiian shirts they just
like was the guy and he
dressed like a fucking star trek character he started it yeah turtleneck and
jeans and i think
he wore a sandal did he i believe he did weird diet too oh yeah vegan indian uh
do the weird
cleanses and stuff like that yeah he was an odd guy he would i read a book on
him me too the walter
isaacson yes that's a great book great book well isaacson's the king he's he's
a new orleans guy
is that right yeah or i think he teaches at tulane maybe he has some connection
to new orleans yeah
he wrote the einstein book he wrote the uh elon musk elon musk yeah which is
weird that there's
already a book on musk and you know like part two is gonna be rough yeah that's
true this is like the
prologue i know isaacson's like oh i missed the tweet about the pedophile
island fuck by the way the
most relatable thing musk has ever done was go shit sorry like he's a
billionaire he's an entrepreneur
but i've i've gotten shit-faced and been in the k-hole and said hey sheila you
you're not better
than me and then later i'm like sorry i was fucked up yeah for sure i mean the
the apology showing any
humility because it's fucking rare for him from him very rare so that was fun
that was not relatable
when he's like as a falling out with a friend and he just goes to twitter and
is like maybe he's a
pedo that's not as relatable but no being like i said some shit right you're
right it's relatable
but what's also funny is he just took a physical and he came back clean and i'm
like that's worse
you would you'd be better off on drugs if that's your normal behavior sober wow
what is does ketamine
show on that type of stuff oh yeah oh yeah that all pops up but he said you
know clean but again he
owns grok or whatever so he can i'm sure he could type up whatever the fuck he
wants i'm sure he knows
someone who could say he's clean yeah exactly you get you get to a certain
level of power you you can
see whatever doctor you want to see yes of course so he's on ivermectin and uh
no but yeah he's uh
he's apparently clean but well who knows but that was a crazy tweet but what
tech company are you
performing for oh i'd never heard of it i can tell you i'm sure they don't want
me to how much time
how much time 20 minutes big money and i and what's uh no restrictions venue lincoln
center one of those
is it like one of the ones where like you're looking out onto the columbus
circle area i don't think so
okay well that would be cool those are cool it's amazing i looked at that for a
special actually did
you yeah oh yeah it's cool it's too cool distracting it's distracting yeah but
yeah i did uh i did a gig i did
a private there once and it was kind of cool yeah great room but again i feel
like you got to be like a
you know steve martin to do that room or paul mccartney helps when there's like
a weird thing
when there's going on behind you i agree i think a backdrop is even too busy a
backdrop is yes like
once you got like movement and motion what are we doing and it's manhattan so
you get a guy shitting
you get a heroin and you get a guy hitting a woman stabbed in the neck yeah
pigeons on crack or
whatever so yeah that's too much but beautiful room yeah it's cool but the
reason they're paying so much is
because they hit me last night and they were like can you do this so somebody
important must have
dropped out really but i'll take it segura
he's like man i almost did this awful corporate uh we'll ask people they're nazis
and mark's like
um the money's crazy sorry i saw here that sam altman says that meta is
offering a hundred
million dollar signing bonuses for staff of open ai that is just if you get the
job they give you a hundred
million dollars for showing up what and that's not your salary holy i don't i
don't get it are people
not going into ai they just want the best of the best i see and i think it's
also stealing your soul
a little bit because you're going to be you know partially culpable for ruining
the world yeah yeah
yeah well joe list is obsessed with ai he's freaking out he wouldn't shut up
about it he's sending
me all these things and it's pretty scary the ai makers are saying don't do
this well then the and
then there's the other ai people who are like you know the argument is like
well the bad ai people
are doing this so we need some good ai right right you know to counteract that
i know and we have such
a big ego we don't want the like china's ai to be cooler than ours uh then you
got to keep going and
then the money is going to be there and it's it's very scary yeah i get mad
when people suggest it
because i kind of was like oh there's this i was like there's this big actor i
want to do to do
voiceover for this movie i was making and i i was talking to veter about it and
our buddy danny
frankel from punch up goes just use ai i know fuck you i know that's a person's
career yes yes exactly
but that's gonna happen the guy i wanted has a very recognizable voice you get
ai i'm like that's
fucked up dude i know but you're you're the old school that's already changing
and then you're
gonna be like the saddle maker the cobbler you're out baby but you're doing the
right thing but it's
only a matter of time before everything just i was talking to a friend of mine
today he's like i watched
an ai sitcom today and it was good yeah that's terry made it in 16 milliseconds
paul schrader the great
screenwriter said i put in four ideas for scripts and they were all great yeah
uber driver took after
a taxi driver oh okay i just i just rewatched taxi driver it's fucking amazing
it's great it's great
he's so dark straighter hey hell yes come here get in here tommy baby we need
some intro music
it's an ai we can plug that yeah we're just talking about how scared of ai we
are yeah oh yeah we should
be it's taking over good to see you dude good to see you what are you that ai
or is that al pacino
that's sam and uh that was i was watching that on tv the other day really what
a beauty yeah it's great
so cool now the thing about the ai thing too is the way that people are like
a if the ones the ones were like well i'm just gonna ignore that you're like
that's cool that's
smart the thing that is totally revolutionizing i know you're just gonna ignore
it and then the
other part of it is that we're in version 1.0 i know it's gonna get so much
better oh yeah i saw a
rap battle of santino and bobby lee made through ai and i was like these are
pretty good bars i'm
telling you it's not bad i love that so many people are just making racist
stuff with it it's
it's so fun and then i'm like oh no the way that was actually trump that was
but there's so much porn too porn and racism is like the go-to for human beings
i think yeah
there's a whole jesus ai thing where he's fucking everybody and doing uh heroin
it's crazy that must
really offend religious people oh probably oh no jesus just railing yeah did
you hear pull this up
if you can find it there's a new article about ai blackmailed an employee by
making fake emails from a
girl like saying he was having an affair he got fired and then ai was getting
better and better so this
machine blackmailed a guy who worked at the office there it is so you got to
just shut pull pull the
plug on that computer on claude claude's a that's a that's a that's a movie it's
a great i know like
ex machina or something right yes i got a creepy text the other day from this
woman like it's spam
clearly it's like it's a scam thing but it's it was like her with a kid and she
goes happy father's day
he's yours and i'm like i wrote back like haha you know i'm guessing someone
like put me up to it
and she goes yeah someone put you uh gave me your number and i was like her oh
geez who gave like
what come i'm thinking it was a 504 area code i'm like you're the only new one
yeah i know norman
wouldn't do that no like who the fuck i wish i thought of that yeah so it's
like so i was like okay
who and she goes i can't tell and i'm like all right this is clearly a scam now
i think but it's that
these these scams are getting sophisticated the kids got like he kind of looked
a little like me
yeah i was like oh my god these are getting maybe i am a dad i don't know i
mean you have come before
yeah in women yeah damn you could be in new orleans yeah oh wow maybe this is
real whoa guys the way
you guys i just blocked her i'm like this is a scam yeah that's my child you'll
never see you
again locked eyes it felt like you were like you remember yeah that story but
that that's just the
tip of the anal i mean it's gonna go crazier than that they're gonna show up
with a kid like an ai
kid gonna come to your house well remember back in the day aol was like hey you
or whatever that yeah
was and that was back then we were like this is sophisticated i know look where
it's fucking come
now there's so many the levels of of first of all we all get spam texts right
yeah i used to do a
thing when i got it like if it would be it would say are you outside i'm like
what oh is this melissa
and then i would just i would always say that i would reply that i'm this is
ambassador cartwright
and they would go what i'm like this is a u.s ambassador like i try to get them
scared yeah
you know i'd be like someone from the state department's gonna busy and then
they would
just be like whatever man and like leave right but now i do the thing when they
go like melissa
i go yeah i do that too yeah and then they're like oh this is jessica i don't
know if i saved
your number right i'm like no this is me and then they're like oh because i
think they're always used
to the plan being hey you got the wrong number sure it's a good plan oh you out
crazy them yeah
you just try to be crazier yeah way more fun sure so just be like hey are we
not doing lunch
i got one for you this this maybe is wrong but a couple years back i got a text
from a girl who was
like hey baby what are you up to and i was like just hanging didn't know the
number and she was like
you want to come over and i was like well make it worth my while she sent a
fingering video
so now i've got a woman like does this help and i'm like um i don't get off the
couch for at least
anal and she was like all right and then