Name: Jameela Jamil w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast
Uploaded: 2025-07-28T01:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jameela Jamil w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jameela Jamil w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-28. Transcript available.

Jameela Jamil w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Hey everybody here we are. We might be drunk. We're doing it. We're back. I'm
glad I wore a collar. You look nice. Thanks. Hi, how are you? I should have
worn a collar. Yeah, come on. I fucked up. Go home and change, I think. Nah, I
got nothing. What can I change into? What do we have? We got a Klan hood back
there. Fuck. Klan hood is not, it doesn't look good on me. That's true, Jewish.
Yeah. This might come out after Labor Day, too. You don't want to.
Ah, good point. The white. The white. What are you doing in town? I'm here
promoting my new podcast. I've got a filthy and inappropriate new podcast out,
so I thought this was the right place to come and promote it. You got that
right, sister. Yeah. Wait, I did your old one. My old one. I did your old one.
My other really filthy, jizz-filled podcast. Yes. I told a jizz-filled story, I
think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you did. Yeah. Really? Yes, you did. You were
fantastic. You were both great. I was, you talk about being grumpy in New York.
I remember doing yours because I had to do it in my buildings,
conference room because it was drilling on my fucking apartment. Oh, yeah, that's
right.
For like two years, so I came on like cranky, but you had a nice energy. Wait,
where's the jizz?
Well, I told a story. Oh, oh, I see, I see. I told a story about a woman for a
jizz story.
That's what he meant. I just had sex with her. I jerked off on the Zoom. I didn't
release it. It was a mess. Jizz-filled is a great pod name. Jizz-filled.
So you were angry that day? Worst donut. I was grumpy, but you said that New
Yorkers are angry. Angry, I don't, more grumpy than angry.
I thought you just hated me. Did you really think of it? That's why I didn't
even for a while, like, even try and come onto this podcast.
You thought I hated you? He hates me, yeah. No, you didn't. I did. What? Wow. I
just thought, yeah, but now I know. It's just, you were just an angry New Yorker
in New York.
I've never heard this. He gave me persnickety, but he's a sweet guy once you
get to know him.
He's a sweet, lovely man. I liked you, I just thought. Damn. Wow, you're the
one.
Have I made it weird? No, no, that's what we do here. I like how Jizz-filled
was fine, but this is getting strange.
Well, what's the new pod about? The new podcast, it's called Wrong Turns with Jameela
Jamil, and it's a celebration of all of our more embarrassing moments.
It's like, I think I've just hit a plateau of how much, maybe a limit even, of
how much toxic positivity.
I thought it was about women drivers.
It's a nightmare. I'm sick of how positive everyone is on social media. I can't
take it anymore.
Positive? What Twitter feed are you on?
Not yours. I think we're in very different algorithms, but I can't stand this
obsession with turning everything negative into a positive silver lining and
everything that, you know,
everything mortifying that happens to you is supposed to lead to you becoming
some sort of fucking billionaire in an ice bath.
I was like, we need somewhere. I think shame shared is shame halved, and I
think we need to just be toxic.
No more toxic positivity, just a space just to be toxic.
Regular toxic.
Tell our most embarrassing stories.
I love toxic people.
I know you do.
How did you know that?
I got that sense on our Zoom.
So it's just lots of the funniest people in the world.
I would love for both of you to come on, especially now that I know you don't
hate me.
Where did this come from?
And I would love for you to tell your stories, but the stories are unbelievable.
Really?
Yeah, you feel so much less alone after you've listened to it.
And the public send in their embarrassing stories, and they're worse than
anything any celebrity or comedian would ever admit to.
So it's a real riot.
We could scare you. We got some history.
I like bonding through some sadness, too.
So do I.
I think shitting your pants, et cetera.
I wouldn't shit my pants on my school bus in New York City.
Last year.
Yeah.
I was on the short bus.
I was going to a gig.
No, I was in, I think, second grade, and we were stuck in midtown traffic, and
I couldn't hold it.
And I just shit my pants.
Did you shart?
I'm not just saying this to impress you.
And no, I didn't shart.
I just, I was like, I knew it was coming.
I was like, I was like, I can't, I was a child.
I can't hold it anymore.
And a kid, and I just went.
And a kid, and some guy goes, you're bluffing.
And I was like, no, I'm not.
You're bluffing.
He said, I'm bluffing.
And then he felt the pants.
He goes, nah, he's not bluffing.
I shit my pants.
Have you ever done it as an adult?
I have not as an adult, thank God.
I've jizzed my pants as an adult.
Same, many times.
Strip club.
Two minutes ago.
When you walked in.
That's why you were so sweaty.
That's right.
That was not sweat.
But, you know, your strip club was young.
There was a thing.
I'm from New Orleans.
And if you're 18, on your 18th birthday, you go to a strip club, and you get a
lap dance,
and it's like 100 bucks for a lap dance on the stage.
And if you get a boner, you have to pay the money.
But if you don't, you don't have to pay the hundo.
If you don't get a boner, you go to hell.
Well, I was just like fighting that boner the whole time.
You're 18.
There's a hot, naked lady grinding on you.
So not only did I get a boner, but I blew a load.
So I got my money's worth.
An extra penalty.
Yes, yes.
Love, love that.
There was a woman who wrote in.
She was a wedding planner.
And she, you're all right with more shit stories, aren't you?
Please.
Very briefly.
So she had this bride who shit herself just as she was about to walk down the
aisle because
she was taking all those diet products, you know, those sort of influencer diet
teas to
try and shed as much weight as possible.
Oh, my God.
So she fully shit fully into the dress.
But she's wearing the white.
She's wearing a white dress.
Yes.
But she's wearing all of this, like, construction gear underneath to make her
look even thinner.
So it's locked into all the construction gear.
Oh, the Spanx are holding it.
So they haven't gone out through to the white dress yet.
Okay.
And so they're in a field.
There's nowhere for them to go and wash.
So she's like, what do you want to do?
Do you want to call off the wedding?
She's like, no, I'm not going to call off the wedding.
I'm going to walk down the aisle.
So this woman walks, like, packed into her own shit, down the aisle, gets
married.
And then afterwards, it's now time for the reception immediately.
Yes.
And so she's like, there's nothing we could do.
We can't change you because there's too much risk of the brown.
Right.
You know, finding its way through.
Yes.
So she's like, all right, I'm going to stay in the dress.
But the smell's not an issue?
No, because it's locked in.
It's tight in there.
Women are wearing all kinds of devices inside.
It's like bulletproof, everything that's going on down there.
So it's all locked in.
No one's really smelling anything.
She's wearing a lot of perfume, as is everyone else.
Order to all that.
And then she, yeah.
That's why they call it that.
Yeah.
And so she decides she wants to carry on and do her first dance.
So she does her first dance with her husband.
He, at one point, has to dip her, and his hands are done.
Down the small of her back.
Oh, boy.
So he accidentally pushes all the shit up her bodycon wear, up the dress, up
her back, and
then it goes out the back of the dress.
Like a ketchup packet.
And now there's suddenly poo pouring out the back of this woman's dress.
Wow.
And you're going to think of that every time you're, like, trying to get the
last part out
of a toothpaste tube.
Right, right, right.
You're like, oh, fuck, she's disgusting.
Yeah, you're traumatized for life.
And this happened in front of all the guests.
And now everyone is just wondering what the fuck is going on.
I'm like, how is she shitting out of her back?
Yeah.
Which is actually quite a sleigh, really.
Sure, sure.
And then the husband was, you know, good-natured about it and obviously horrified,
washed his
hands many, many times.
And then she said, listen, I'm fine with everything.
I just, I'd rather not do the bit where I have to take her garter off with my
teeth.
Of course.
Oh, my God.
You want to go down there?
That's sweet.
Now, do you give the daughter the wedding dress?
Does that tradition still carry on?
100%.
Okay.
Well, that's a story.
I think it's worth more now.
Yeah.
Exactly.
That is brutal.
That's crazy.
It's pretty disgusting.
Boy, wow.
So, if you, yeah, if you want to ruin your lunch but make your day better,
listen to
my new podcast, Wrong Turns.
I love what, I'm sold.
I'm sold, yeah.
What a story.
It's not just poo stories.
It's also humiliating sex stories and stalker stories.
Oh, you've got so many of those.
Yeah, same.
I shit myself as a kid on a field trip and then we had to take a bus back.
And everyone knew I did it.
It was like, it was out there.
So, we had to take the bus back after the field trip.
I'm covered in shit, big pants, big bulge in the back.
And all the kids walk on the bus.
They save the front seat for me, like Rosa Parks.
And the teacher, I'm walking on, he goes, wait, wait, wait.
Pulls out the New York Times, puts it on the seat.
He goes, now you can sit down.
And the whole fucking bus died laughing.
Ironically, before the New York Times went to shit.
Yeah, exactly.
So, that was brutal.
Damn, dude.
That was pretty brutal, but I'm very proud of you both for not shitting
yourself as adults.
That's very tight arseholes you both have.
That's true.
Well done.
Also, you can get to a toilet here.
It's not a compliment you get to give very often.
Thank you.
Yeah.
It felt really nice.
I think you can get to a toilet in this city.
If there's an emergency, they'll let you in there.
So, there have been situations where I'm like, shit, I got to get to a bathroom.
Yeah.
Well, you always can.
Yeah.
It's New York City.
You can shit between cars and no one would blink.
I've done that.
No way.
Have you pooped in public ever?
I did it.
I was 26.
It was on Santa Monica Boulevard, right by 3rd Street Promenade.
It was on 5th Street.
And I got hit with something unpredictable in my stomach.
And I shit all over the road.
And then I had to hide between two cars.
And I continued to sit there and shit and then cry and then laugh and then piss,
because
you may as well.
Sure.
And then there was a rogue lettuce on the ground.
Were you solo?
I was alone.
Yes.
And no one would help me because I think they thought I was unhoused.
Right.
And so they were just running away from me with their children.
Broad daylight.
It was a November afternoon.
And then I found like a lettuce, just a rogue lettuce in the street.
And I was like, maybe I could use that to clean myself.
But obviously, it's not one of the more porous vegetables.
Right.
So it just sort of schmeared it around, made it significantly worse.
So then I had to take all my clothes off and I ran back to my hotel, pussy out.
Wow.
Yeah.
Covered in my stuff.
Covered in my lunch from yesterday.
Jesus.
If I saw that, I'd be like, some LA organic hobo has to use lettuce to wipe
their ass.
Yeah.
Here we go.
It's unbelievable.
So that was humbling.
And I think since then, I've been really obsessed with disaster because I think
it's character
building.
It's much more relatable.
I fucking hate perfect people.
Agreed.
And I'm championing the disgusting.
That feels like a Joker's prank.
Like, all right, you got to shit between cars, use the lettuce, and then run
home with your
vag out into the wind.
There was one comedian who came on and talked about the fact that he started
having sex with
this woman and then the house starts being broken into and he just keeps
fucking her.
He keeps having sex with her to completion during a break-in.
I would never have that problem.
I'm a premature ejaculator.
So lucky me.
No, that's crazy.
Well, what happened?
Did they get killed or?
They didn't get killed.
They survived to tell the story, but they alm