Name: Jessica Kirson w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast
Uploaded: 2025-08-04T01:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jessica Kirson w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jessica Kirson w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-04. Transcript available.

Jessica Kirson w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

All right, well, we're here with Jess Kirsten, man.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I told a girl we had you on today, and she was like, I love her.
Hey.
That's so nice.
Yeah.
All right, what do you think of Zoran?
Just joking.
I like that.
We were off air, but you were telling us.
Globalize the end.
Sorry, what were you saying?
I was just saying, I like that story you told us before we were rolling,
where you said you rolled into the-
Yeah, I went to Gotham Comedy Club, and I wasn't out yet,
and the minute I walked in, there were a ton of comics there,
and Judy Gold was like, hey, you big dyke!
And I'm like, who?
Oh, my God.
Oh, she outed you.
Yeah, she did.
That's pretty shitty.
And then I fingered her.
It was so uncomfortable.
Did it give you a nudge to come out, though?
No.
No.
It just shamed you.
It had to happen when it was the time, you know, the time was right.
Sure.
I did the same thing to Sam Jay.
And then he fucked her.
Yeah.
It's weird.
Then he fingered.
Yeah.
I had a friend in high school who I would like, he was clearly gay, and he was
a friend,
so I'd always like call him a homo, trying to like nudge him, like, come on,
just be
gay, and it didn't work.
Yeah.
It doesn't have the effect.
Like, I was trying to do it in a friendly way.
Right.
Yeah.
But, you know.
Because it's about you and how you feel about it.
Sure.
Like, it's not that other people are okay with it.
Sure.
Like, my family was fine with it.
That was my way of being like, I'm okay with it.
I don't give a shit.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
But he was probably not okay.
I mean, was he very feminine?
Yeah.
He was like a f***ing, like not.
Yeah.
I didn't say that.
I didn't use that word, but yeah.
No, I can.
Yeah, yeah.
I can box.
Yeah.
Comedy.
Yeah.
No, yeah.
He, uh...
That's what Bezos is calling eating out girl.
He likes boxes.
Yeah, he does.
That's a bad Amazon joke.
Yeah.
But...
You just bombed.
I ran.
But yeah.
Wait, what was I going to say?
Oh, it's weird.
Do you feel like the time has shifted where 10 years ago or whatever, you hide
the lesbo.
Now, people lie and say they're lesbians.
Yeah.
Now they're like nine years old and they're like, I'm gay.
You're like, you don't know what sex is.
I know.
You don't know anything.
But I'm attracted to my Barbie.
Who isn't?
Yeah.
Everything you guys say, I laugh at.
I'll take it.
I'm a very good guest to be here.
Remember that Amazon joke?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That was horrific.
I'll tweet it.
Luckily, they take returns.
No, a lot of girls will say they're...
Because I say this on stage.
Like, they play with someone's hair and they're like, I'm a lesbian.
I'm bisexual.
I'm like, no, you're...
Yeah.
But, you know, it's the new thing.
It's the new thing.
I think it's good that some people are exploring.
Because I think a lot of people years ago would have explored it.
But then, I agree.
But now you've got to acknowledge that, hey, it's not that...
Oppressive if you're wanting to be that.
Right.
But they will never do that.
The gay pride parade has come a long way because, you know, it's all about
acceptance.
And you think about, like, the history of Stonewall.
And I was going out and all my straight friends were like, be careful out there.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
So, I was like, all right.
I mean, there was a shooting, I guess, still.
There was a shooting, yeah, this Sunday.
Yeah.
We should talk about that the whole time.
What were they afraid would happen?
Because it is wild.
I don't go.
I will not go to the parade.
I think they're not actually.
But it's like, just people are just so drugged out.
Drunk and drugged.
Yeah.
Like, any parade is a nightmare.
The Halloween parade is a nightmare.
The same Hatties day.
What about the Santa?
It's not a parade, but when the Santas are out.
Ooh, Santa Con.
That's rough.
Yeah, that is rough.
That is.
You just see, like, seven Santas passed out on the street.
Yes.
What the fuck is going on?
That's the Gentile parade is the Santa Con.
It's like St. Paddy's, but without any historical relevance.
It's just like, let's get fucking hammered.
And wear an outfit.
Yeah.
I mean, it does seem fun.
It's fun.
The girls get into it, too.
They cleave it.
Mrs. Claus are out there whoring it up.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
They're shit-faced by a lot.
I see them around.
They're out there.
Parades, you just got to know not to go out.
Yeah, yeah.
You just got to know to, you know.
Exactly.
Yeah, I can't go to big gatherings anymore.
I just, it's too much for me, like, being around all those people.
I just can't.
Ironically, I was telling people on the gay pride parade, don't come out.
There we go.
Yeah, but that's how it used to be.
People would say that with Harlem, too.
They'd be like, watch out, Harlem's, you know, 110.
That's where it gets a little dicey.
And you're like, well, it's just black.
It's not dicey.
Yeah.
Right, yeah.
But that's what people would say.
Well, everyone, most people are racist.
You think?
In this city?
Oh, yes.
I mean, against one group or another.
Not just black people.
I'm saying, I mean, everyone is a little bit, right.
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
It is funny how black has the market cornered.
If you go, that guy's a racist, you assume he hates black people, but it could
be Native
Americans, Chinese, you know, Indian.
White people.
White people.
Yeah.
Forget about that one.
Yeah.
Well, there's a lot of white hate out there.
Yeah.
All right.
I just hate parades, man.
I do, too.
I just hate them.
They're just brutal.
I guess if you're like a little kid, they're kind of fun for a second.
But how long can that even stimulate a kid at this point?
True.
Yeah.
I mean, I think the Thanksgiving Day Parade is good.
Right.
But I feel like kids would swipe it if they could.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
That's my point.
With all the stimulation on your phone, does it even excite it?
When I was a kid, I guess I thought it was cool for like a second.
Sure.
My kids like the Thanksgiving Day Parade, like watching it online.
You got Woodpecker.
You got a big Pikachu going by.
That's fun.
Yeah.
I mean, I went to Mario over here.
You got actual Chris Christie walking around.
Yeah.
It's a float.
They love the Nazi float.
There's a Nazi float.
Which is a Nazi float.
That's a joke.
Oh, okay.
Is that a big Cybertruck?
No.
The way things are going, I believed you for a second.
I know.
It's impossible.
I know.
It really was.
You guys were like, wow, is there another?
It's coming.
Yeah.
But yeah, I went to Mardi Gras as a kid, but I loved it because you get thrown
things.
So that changes everything.
But Mardi Gras is like a once a year thing.
Yes.
It's like you know what you're in for.
Mardi Gras is different.
It's New Orleans.
There's tits out.
You get beans.
You get spears.
I think that's the big difference.
Tits are out.
Tits help.
Well, there's tits out at the gay parade.
That's true.
That's true.
There's a lot of different kinds of tits.
That's true.
They're all over the board.
There's one tit.
But it's like a Where's Waldo thing.
You got to really work for it.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, yeah.
That's true.
That's true.
There was a protest back in the day down by NYU and all the women were topless.
And it's like, that's a good plan because you stop and see what the protest is.
Oh, yeah.
True.
Mark, what did you eat for lunch?
Because that burp reeked.
Oh, sorry.
I had a sloppy joe.
Wow.
What?
Yeah, my wife made them.
I feel like I just was in like a sewage dump.
They were having a free lunch in a high school cafeteria.
I'm not allowed near there anymore.
Yeah, I feel like a pickle just flew past me.
Oh, sorry.
It's okay.
I don't care.
I thought Jews liked pickles.
Yeah, well, I'm not Jewish anymore.
People hate us, so I converted.
That was smart.
You got out like Rosie O'Donnell.
I want a sloppy joe now.
It sounds kind of good.
What was on it?
See, sloppy joe is different to me, I think, than it is to you.
Huh?
Is it?
Because sloppy joes where I grew up in Jersey are like Turkey, Swiss, Russian,
and coleslaw.
Oh, very different.
It's the best sandwich ever.
That is the best sandwich.
That is the best sandwich.
Rachel's had them.
They're amazing.
Really?
They're called the Rachel, I thought.
Yeah, there's one that's called the Rachel.
I think those are the ones with turkey, and they're hot.
Yeah.
But these are like a thin slice of rye bread, and they come as a big square cut
into little
squares.
Oh, no, different.
It's unreal.
And then you can get like corned beef, you know, Russian, Swiss, and coleslaw.
You can get egg salad and tuna salad.
Full salad.
They're out on there.
They're unbelievable.
I'll get you guys some.
They're unbelievable.
I'm all about.
Dude, I went to this place a la Antica by the cellar.
Have you been there?
No.
The sandwich spot?
Pull that shit up, dude.
That's the sloppy joe, by the way.
That looks great.
It's their high.
Oh, I'm in.
Yeah, the second one in.
That's definitely not the slob.
I was picturing just like the ground beef.
That's the exact sandwich I'm talking about.
Wait, what'd you want to?
Alla?
Was it a Muslim joint?
Is that what it's called?
No, Alla Antica.
Dude, it's like a sandwich joint that originated in Rome, but now it's all over
the world, and
it's popping up in New York.
I never heard of it.
Dude, they're massive.
They're like this fucking big.
It's on like focaccia type bread.
Oh, my God.
Prosciutto, mozzarella, basil oil.
It's unreal.
And everyone's like, go over there.
I go over there.
I eat the whole fucking sandwich.
Wow.
I had to do four sets.
I wanted to kill my...
Alain Altman was with me.
He's just watching me.
He's like, you're going to eat all of that?
I was like, I think I am.
That's great.
I'm in.
I wanted to die.
I know.
Where is it?
Where is it?
It's on Sullivan.
It's right by the Comedy Cellar.
All right, all right.
There's usually a line, I think,
but I went like right as they were closing.
I lucked out.
I'm in.
Ala hutika.
What the hell are you putting in?
It's antika.
Ala antika.
Ala antika.
No, no H.
No H.
It's Italian, not Muslim.
There we go.
It'll be Muslim.
No, no, no.
One word, antika.
Yeah, you got it right there.
Can you imagine if the whole podcast
was trying to spell this restaurant?
Is that it?
That looks right.
Oh, yeah.
It says Italian sandwich shop.
Yeah, it was good.
Oh, al antika.
Okay.
I dug it, dude.
Oh, is it chain?
Yeah.
Whoa, those look good.
That looks sick.
That bread looks sick.
Dude, it's insane.
I'm in.
You know what was a good chain back in the day?
Remember Kosi sandwiches?
Oh, Kosi's around.
Oh, no, they closed.
There was one by the Old Gotham.
I used to go there all the time.
I go there all the time, dude.
It's amazing.
Their soup was amazing.
That bread was legit.
It was.
It was like a-
They had the best bread.
It was an upper Panera, almost.
Yeah, yeah.
It was like a nicer Panera.
Yeah.
It came in like a little white sleeve thing.
I loved it.
Yeah, I used to fuck my face with that bread.
Oh, I loved it.
I love your bits when you're on stage and you're just like, you do a thing.
I'd never seen another comic, dude.
Well, a lot of people copy it now.
A lot of people copy it.
Oh, yeah.
You'll just be talking to yourself.
I get calls and texts like, I just saw some guy-
That's flattering.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not telling you the name, but someone did it at the cellar and five
comics called
me.
And then one of them was like, called him and was like, you know that you're
stealing Jessica's
thing.
Whoa.
He's like, I had no idea.
It was a guy.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Damn, dude.
It's so obvious because I've been doing it for 20 years.
What?
He didn't know?
I don't know, but it's like anyone's going to say, that's Jessica's thing when
I turn
around and talk to myself.
You turn around, you talk, it's like your inner monologue and it's like,
sometimes you're
spiraling and sometimes you're like, I'm going to fuck a sleeve of Oreos with
my face and
stuff like that.
But it's almost more fun-
I'll say like, the guy in the front is not your father.
But it's almost more fun to watch you 