Name: Harland Williams w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast
Uploaded: 2025-09-08T01:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harland Williams w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harland Williams w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-08. Transcript available.

Harland Williams w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

what do you got here Mountain Dew and hot chocolate Mountain Dew we got ready
whip what are you Bart Simpson I always want to be ready and I got Swiss Miss
hot chocolate even though it's the middle of the summer let's keep winter
alive yeah you don't see a lot of gray-haired dudes drinking Mountain Dew
still I respect that you got the same writer as Kevin Spacey yeah wait what
well he's got a couple in the little boys around oh gross well it's each is
anal
yeah Carol Channing a different actor but yeah yeah yeah yeah what's going on
here is this your breakfast yeah it's just a little you know like to have a
something to drink while I chit chat no judge yeah respect that yeah I don't
see
a lot of Mountain Dew anymore no that milkshake is the size of the South Tower
yeah California is like semi health conscious too so it's nice to see a
mountain yeah
true
delicious yeah remember the old ad Yahoo Mountain Dew oh yeah I remember that
no
one says Yahoo anymore either that's true yeah that was a website or a search
engine yeah but did well yeah yeah well we stole beer we'd yell Yahoo mm-hmm
Yahoo did
you guys do that Yahoo that must have been a regional thing we're gonna go pull
a Yahoo
meaning like yeah everybody grabs a case of beer at the 7-eleven and you go
Yahoo and
you all run out together you can't kill all of you you never do that but they
get one of you
they'll get one they got my friend Paul guy pulled a gun on him what yeah we
were out of there never saw
again since Jesus no I'm good you've never had Mountain Dew guys of course I
love Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew okay is that your soda feel like I'm getting a little blowback
here no no blowback Kevin
Spacey again but uh yeah enjoy can I want to taste that frothy delight we've
reached out multiple times to have Kevin Spacey on the pod love to have you
people listen to one episode I'm a big fan he's sick it's warm yeah he's gonna
have a sip and then that's gonna kill us
I don't wanna kill you drink I want no I'm just kidding I'm kidding go ahead I'll
you're not gonna drink I will go ahead you sure yeah of course pour it in my
mouth no that's for Kevin Spacey these shorts are for Kevin Spacey what the
hell are you wearing here
sorry riding up yeah these are riding up except Victoria's Secret is out holy
no look at these fucking legs
I know I'm uncut that's it just close them it smells like Cracker Barrel Meatloaf
oh yeah these are riding up
Victoria's Secret is out holy no look at these fucking legs
I know I'm uncut that's it just close them it smells like Cracker Barrel Meatloaf
that's chicken fried that is unbelievable you like it have another swig go for
it I don't mind what are you got laxatives in here is there some kind of gag
going on you guys are really smirking
you want a swig nah I don't you know you don't want what I have this is unreal
have the rest
oh I can't have that good Patrice whatever he had I'll cut my toe off I drink
that thing
what did you say whatever he had diabetes yeah sorry it wasn't a huge mystery
you do the math there
I thought you meant he had gangrene or something like he was mountain climbing
and had to cut his toe off
they're not all in gangs well they're all green those dildos on the quarter
green I'll tell you that
all right yeah that's a it's a ballsy move I know yeah literally yeah but going
through security with a dildo
yeah that's true you get busted with it unless someone did someone got busted I
think I think some fat kid
the joke is he's the better shooter because he got it on the court every time
wow they were throwing dildos on the basketball court yeah the women's
basketball
look at this fat fuck Jesus who's this now he's the guy who threw the dildos on
the court
now is that a guy or a girl I have a great question I can't tell anymore what's
going on
what is that this is a boy I think that's Lena Dunham is that a guy or a girl I'm
not even joking
that's a guy can we see the top off shot that is a bad look that's a bad
looking man right there
so that is a man you're not messing with it's a boy he says 16 holy that's a
big boy yeah
they also banned backpacks and bags in WNBA games so you know they couldn't
bring dildos in you know
getting the dildos in now hey Harlan how strap them on smuggling them up the pooper
oh you can fit
a vibrator in a fanny pack there's ways around it that's true wow that's true I
don't know if
could you just like I mean it would be a little morbid but could you just chop
your real thing off and
throw it you could it's very similar you're like the Van Gogh of the WNBA Van
Gogh Van Gogh
I think that's what they do in um in parts of Africa they do well they cut the
ladies uh part off
although when you throw it it doesn't make as much of a splash what the axe
this is getting dark all
right all right this is taking the dark this is get yourself a what is it 11 a.m.
this is what we're
talking about clitoral removal here yeah well I'm on no sleep no I'm on no
sleep too thanks to your
fucking little shindig yeah super spreader event right I'm sweating through the
fucking bed yeah
it got everybody I think it's getting me right now is it I hope it's good I'm I
was pissed he comes in
all fucking cocky to the cellar the other night I'm sweating bullets he goes ah
I always dodge a
bullet I'm like fuck you I'm I was down for the I was hanging just because he
and Vitor were there
there yeah but I was I was not in my best shape yeah you see by the good crowd
they were good good hang
we had a good time good time that was great man I watched because I was sick I
watched the whole
Billy Joel doc you see that oh I don't make you sick you're not a fan of uh
piano his eyes are too big
yeah like I picture him waking up in the morning and with his big bulgy eyes
rolling down the sidewalk
on his eyes well he's more rolling down the sidewalk in his car into a house or
a motorcycle that's how
that's how they came up with big shot that was it's hilarious oh yeah I'm not
big shot uh moving out
you might be right oh because he comes home drunk on a motorcycle and his wife's
like you're a lunatic and
he's like you may be right uh I may be crazy was he riding a motorcycle or a
piano because I thought
he was the piano man like I picture him with a leather jacket on like sitting
behind a piano stool and a
a woolitzer or whatever it is and rolling down the highway like at 90 with the
wind in his hair and a
dragonfly on his big bulgy Garfield the cat rolly eyes you know he's five five
he's 55 well I think
you're not a great listener
so what brings you to the city big apple well I'm I'm doing uh Greg Gutfeld
show tomorrow
oh he just did Fallon and then I'm doing uh uh kill Tony at the uh sold out
Madison Square Garden
on Saturday night yeah hey that's a good one yeah any uh any idea who the big
names are gonna be
because he usually brings out some kind of jelly roll or uh oh Joey Diaz I don't
have some fact
guy I don't have any idea all right yeah I'm just happy to be in New York by
the way this city you live
here right I do I saw an art heist this morning I was walking over here by the
way you know we live
here you live here you're in our studio you live here yeah in the studio no oh
this is your studios and
you live here yes yes no I jerk off right there you you you do yes my ready
whip that was me an hour ago
there you go oh geez what is this a WNBA game jesus
but yeah I saw an art heist uh I saw a guy running down the street with a picasso
what I ran after I'm like hey art thief art thief and it was turned out to be a
homeless guy with so many stains on his clothes
that's more of a Pollock yeah yeah let's not add to my joke and record all
right sorry well you don't
have to art me up I think he got framed whoa doctor dildo teeth what did you
just do you leaned over on me
yeah the joke toppled me lean back player I feel like this episode's for this
is like for your son
right here listening this is like for a child we'll play this for special needs
kids and see if they get it
well I just saw you like lean over on me like a tree in the wind I was happy
with the art the framing
who has seen the wind neither you nor I but when the trees bend down their
heads the wind goes rushing by
that was beautiful W.O. Mitchell thank you wow and you inspired that because
you leaned in on me like
a willow tree in a hurricane almost yeah yeah like you came right in and then
kind of whipped back
did you like it that's kind of neat yeah I'll do it again later okay I'm not
gonna tell you when
uh she said hey there you go you're gonna get up on any comedy shows any uh
stand-up
I might do one too I don't know anybody in this town really I can hook you up
you could yeah
comedy cellar new york comedy runs like four shows oh yeah I'd love to go up
tonight
Tony said he might have a thing for me tomorrow but if there's something
tonight I'd love to
okay but we need to stand yeah okay somewhere whatever's good all right I'll
shoot a text over
oh thanks man all right yeah I don't get to play enough in this city because I'm
not here that much
do you go up in LA I feel like yeah all the time oh where do you go the improv
improv the store the laugh
factory I never see every week almost every anytime I'm in town I usually do
like two or three nights a week
oh great I love it oh yeah you got some new stuff yep new stuff uh I saw this
art heist this morning
no but I've updated it
oh all right let's hear it
boy you punch quick I saw an art heist uh outside of the uh natural history
museum and
I was like hey thief stop and I caught up to a guy it was a homeless guy
wrapped in the shroud of Turin
you're back right yeah that's punch-up guy in the biz right here right just uh
took just two minutes
ago it was Picasso yeah but then you Pollocked me I like Pollock as a homeless
guy because you get the
shit splurts right yeah do you like Pollock more in the summer or in the spring
or the fall
I guess the fall yeah do you have allergies no okay but so Pollock doesn't
affect you
I get it sorry I'll shut up you guys ask the question no no no this is uh
I didn't mean to shut your podcast down shutting it down if this is the last
one I want to say sorry
this might be it this is I think it is I feel like it might be over if you if
you drink that you're
gonna shut down this is a lot of sugar here I'm just having this oh what about
that who's that for
put your formalga glights in it so I'm not touching it after you I think I'm
just tired I don't think
I'm sick my baby was up all night you have a baby yeah how old six months
still covered in placenta or clean I cleaned it and drank it the placenta oh
yeah like a shake yeah
oh we all got sick at this party we were chugging the placenta yeah
did you eat the umbilical cord yeah it garnished was garnishing the drink hey
and the foreskin
you can use the umbilical cord as a straw to drink the placenta and then you
get all the and if you
just eat the whole baby you'll get all the nutrients you're looking for you'll
really bond with it that's
true I'm gonna fatten it up and get him big and then kill him why do you why do
people drink the
placenta it's got nutrients makes you strong iron and fiber you really did this
no I know a guy
that did he made milk smoothies with his wife what yeah yuck yeah this is for
real I know it's hard to tell
it's hard to tell it's real this was for real this one all right wow well yeah
I put it in a shake
yeah and I shake the baby there it is how old you six months huh six months oh
yeah look at that
oh that looks like I mean it looks good it looks like it looks like a berry
smoothie
you should have those a dairy queen yeah placenta yeah well they'd be like
eight hundred dollars probably
like a peanut buster baby parfait or whatever are you are you a peanut and a
smooth peanut butter smoothie guy
yeah of course I love it who doesn't like peanut butter and somebody likes it I
don't so what don't you like
about peanut butter uh when I was four my priest molested me while