Name: Dan Soder & Greg Stone w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast
Uploaded: 2025-09-29T01:00:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dan Soder & Greg Stone w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dan Soder & Greg Stone w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-29. Transcript available.

Dan Soder & Greg Stone w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Hey, congratulations on 250 episodes, everybody.
That's why me and my friend Kumail Nanjiani came by.
Yes.
I've shrunken him.
Man, he's hot now.
It's crazy.
He's so hot.
That jaw.
I know.
That jaw is so...
It almost feels like he had worked.
How do you know that?
A guy with hair tits?
I can't be far.
I think it might be just the juice, dude.
That might be the roids.
It's sucking him back.
Testosterone makes your job.
The juice killed Christ.
It did.
Jesus Christ.
The juice is loose.
The juice.
The juice.
Everyone knows that.
No juice in the building.
Christ was on anabolic steroids, and that's why...
That's why it looks so good.
That's why it's all shredded.
That's why it's 4% body fat.
Ted Alexandro.
Classic Ted joke.
Oh, yeah.
Because Jesus needs his own workout video, Body of Christ.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's what you want out of a savior.
Because if you've seen Buddha, sloppy.
Vintage Ted.
Tim's a man.
I love Ted.
Ted.
Tim.
Well, what a fucking shitty...
What a stoner thing.
Yeah, my friend Marty.
He's like, his name is Marvin.
You're like, fuck.
Ted Alexandro fucking rules.
Astoria legend.
I think he was there before everyone else.
Probably.
I think he was like one of the OG Astoria people.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
He grew up in Astoria.
That's why.
He's a Queens guy.
Oh, indeed.
He was born and raised, yeah.
So he was actually living at home.
And now he's in the woods.
Is he?
That's the way to go.
Oh, no.
Good for him.
I bet he's got a great beard.
He does.
It's either I made it, I'm living in like a giant cabin on the lake, or you're
a fucking
Unabomber.
It's the ultimate happiness or the ultimate sadness.
Yes.
There's nothing in the middle.
You're either like, I'm content or the world must pay.
Yeah.
I need nothing from the world or I have a manifesto.
Either way.
Right.
I need to put my thumbprint on the world.
Yeah, yeah.
And make it.
I mean, Kaczynski had some good points.
Oh, smart guy.
I mean, he did.
He really, he's a very smart guy.
Yeah, genius.
He wasn't right.
No.
But you read his shit and you go.
He kind of called technology taking over every single thing we do.
That's true.
And that's what sucks.
Got turned in by his own brother.
Yeah.
Is that right?
His brother.
His brother did it?
Yeah.
What was his brother's name?
Like Mike Kaczynski?
Yeah.
What was his brother?
Ted Kaczynski.
David Kaczynski.
Oh, the nerd.
Oh, you fucking narc.
Snitch.
They grown up in Chicago.
Kaczynski.
He goes, I know you guys aren't going to believe this, but my brother, Ted, is
in the woods
blowing up.
He's sending bangs to professors.
Well, there's a story about Ted Kaczynski trying to impress a girl and he gives
her this
like little, when they're in high school, he gave her some, he could look this
up, some
little type of thing that like exploded to like show off to her.
And it's like, yeah, that's not how you get pussy, dude.
I don't know.
My point is it didn't work for him or he wouldn't have been the Unabomber.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, that is true.
He was getting pussy.
If he were, I mean, imagine if it was though, imagine if that's why he went
down the Unabomber
thing is because he was getting so much pussy.
She's like it, dude.
I don't know, dude.
I sent a bomb in the mail.
Next thing you know, I'm getting sucked off.
She's like, can you use a vibrator?
He's like, I don't trust technology.
They're in there.
Yeah.
I'll make my own.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look at that.
Do you have a lawnmower and a dildo?
Look at this.
As a child, he once played a prank on a female classmate involving a harmless
exploding
device.
Which they both found amusing.
I don't know if that's true, though.
All right.
Which they both found.
Just to her, half her face is missing.
She goes, it was a great gift.
By the way, by the way, can we look at that?
I took the bottom of my jaw.
Can we look into that as a red flag for a potential fucking hazard later in
life?
No, no, no.
A child making explosives?
What happened to flowers?
It's kind of like when a cat leaves a mouse at your door.
Oh.
There you go.
Oh, this is bad, but also, you could be dangerous.
Yeah.
But you could be very, I can't let you in the house.
You're very, very dangerous.
They kill mice for fun.
Yeah.
It's not even like an eating thing.
They just want to knock them around.
Yeah, evil.
My dad's roommate's cat would bring muskrats from the lake.
How big are we talking?
Very big.
Like the size of the cat.
It would be like if I killed a man and brought it to Katie and was like, there
you go.
You know I had a rat, right?
You brought Vitor.
It's about that size.
I killed Vitor and put it down at my front door.
You said you what?
You know I had a fucking rat.
You had a rat in your house?
Or in your fucking crew?
Who ratted on you?
Who was the fucking rat?
It was DeVito.
I knew it.
That skunk.
Son of a bitch.
What the fuck is it?
I'm finding it.
In your apartment?
Yeah, dude.
Dude, no way.
We did a whole fucking episode.
Nope.
You can wait until you see the size of this fucker.
It's plump.
They're so big.
Yeah.
Rats.
He's leaving the droppings.
Oh, they just have size.
I found poop everywhere.
I know.
We're out here.
I'll walk my dog and one will go by and Myrtle will be like, I'm going to kill
that.
And you're like, I don't want you to get involved with that.
Right?
You don't want to fuck with a rat, dude.
Yeah, city rat.
Oh.
I'm sending it to you, Peter.
Well, you know you go to Denmark and you're like, everybody's tall here.
That's what the rats are like in New York.
Yeah.
If there was a rat NBA, they'd be being recruited out of New York.
This is it.
If you want a good lineman, you go to Ohio or like Nebraska.
You want a big rat, you go to New York City.
That's true.
San Francisco, I bet it's got some big rats.
Yeah.
Big gay rat community in San Francisco.
Oh, the rat houses.
The rat bath houses.
Castro.
He's a Castro rat.
He goes, we just spread viruses by smearing our shit.
That's in your house.
Had two fucking exterminators come by with hockey sticks.
Got him.
Beat his ass to death.
That's true.
True story.
They come by with hockey sticks.
You see black dudes with hockey sticks.
Yeah.
Watch out.
Yeah.
They're not in the Ottawa Senators.
All right?
Anyway.
That's how they did it?
They showed it.
I had two guys come before.
The third guy comes with hockey sticks.
I've told this on the podcast.
What are they, the Hanson brothers?
I know.
That's what I said.
That's my favorite scene in fucking Slapshot.
Yeah.
The Hanson brothers come in.
They just start beating the shit out of everyone.
That's what I mean.
You hired, like, that would be a funny way, though, if you hired, like, Hanson
brother exterminators,
and they're all wearing Chiefs jerseys.
You're right.
Hockey jerseys, and they come with, like, funny glasses, and then they go, well,
we beat
the rats to death with the hockey stick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The hockey stick.
When the guy in the movie goes, these kids are a fucking disgrace.
It's great.
I watched that movie on, like, a UPN on, like, a Sunday morning when I was,
like, nine, and
I was like, this movie.
It just, it was one of those movies where you watch on cable and you go, I can't
turn
the movie off.
Yeah.
Paul Newman, obviously, making me go there.
Yeah.
Love a down-and-out sports movie.
Yep.
But you're right, the Hanson brothers.
Minor league sports is something special, because it's pure love of the game.
And they love toys.
They were, like, child-brained.
Yeah, yeah.
And it had grit to it.
The movie was nasty.
Yeah.
They beat the shit out of people.
A lot of blood.
But they showed it.
I leave the house, though, because I was going, I do Joel Wachowski's
basketball game on Sundays.
Yeah.
And I go out to run out.
New York Times, Joel Wachowski.
Yeah, dude.
But I go out, but I, he goes, I got it.
He sends me that picture of the dead rat within fucking 10, 15 minutes.
And I wrote, you found him dead?
And he wrote, I made him dead.
Oh, that's cool.
And then, and then.
That's like a Liam Neeson line.
It's pretty fucking badass.
I was pretty fucking pleased with these people.
Banging Pamela.
Yeah, good for him.
I know.
Good for her.
He seems happy.
Also, giant dick.
Huge hog.
Apparently enormous.
So, Tommy Lee's got nothing to stand on anymore.
Oh, I can stand on one.
He goes, on one leg.
Yeah, on it.
Tripod.
He can balance on it.
Yeah, he's got a kickstand.
But it is, if you're Liam Neeson and you run into him, you go, the only man who
could
have a larger cock than you is me.
And her older age, she's not as stretchy, but she knows how to make it work.
And she's taking it.
Yeah, dude, she loves it.
It makes me very happy.
That's a two Viagra dick, probably.
At 73, you need to be able to do that.
I need an extra boost to get it up.
73, I think, though.
But him in new love, since his wife died.
Oh, yeah.
Tragic.
Tragic.
Very tragic.
Dead wife.
Apparently, you know.
He, like, swore it off.
Wasn't over it, yeah.
He was, like, swore it off for, like, 12 or 16 years.
He swore off, I think, pretty publicly, ever being in a relationship again.
Yeah.
Whoa.
And then Pam Anderson in her.
And by the way, since her documentary has came out, since she's embraced being
who she is.
I love it.
I dated someone who banged him.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really?
Yeah, and I didn't ask about the dick, because we all know.
The co-star of Rob Roy.
When he took her on that rock.
Beth Stelling fucked him?
That's crazy.
No, but I...
All the bits.
Yeah.
So now when I watch Schindler's List, I'm even sadder.
There we go.
All right.
For just five more Jews, I could have not fucked...
I could have not fucked Sam's ex-girlfriend.
Are you dating Sam Murillo?
Can I dick you down?
But she told me they met on a flight, and, yeah, they went on three dates.
She said he was a lovely guy.
And that sucks.
Is he Scottish or Irish?
He's Irish.
Okay.
I believe he's Irish.
I think we don't want him in a kilt.
Big Rangers fan.
He's in a lot of the Rangers games.
Really?
He just all around seems awesome.
Yeah.
73 years old, born in 52.
And he is from Ireland.
He is so good at nagging on, too.
He's from Northern Ireland, where the Troubles were.
Oh, the Troubles.
I saw in an interview, he was not pleased with how they killed him off in Star
Wars.
Oh.
He was like, I'm a Jedi.
It's a weak death.
I keep talking about this.
My thing that I watch on the road are, like, YouTube videos of movies, what
they were supposed
to be, or why they didn't get made.
It's just, that's my algorithm.
Oh, I love that.
And so I love it.
And so there was a thing about Qui-Gon Jinn.
Originally, I'm sorry if you've seen me say this on another podcast, because I
just
said it on another one.
I can't remember what.
But originally, Qui-Gon Jinn was Ewan McGregor, and Obi-Wan was Liam Neeson.
Oh, shit.
And the whole point is, Obi-Wan gets killed, and then Qui-Gon takes the Obi-Wan
name to
then, as, like, a homage, because Obi-Wan was, like, the great teacher, and you
know what
I mean?
So he's like, I'll become Obi-Wan now.
This is like Mad Men, Don Draper, Dick Whitman shit right here.
Exactly.
Damn.
But that's how they had it, and then they changed it.
But originally, it was supposed to be Ewan McGregor was Qui-Gon Jinn, and then
at the
end of the movie, he becomes Obi-Wan in, like, this big scene where he's like,
I'll be Obi-Wan
Kenobi.
But then it would be, like, confusing if you're like, well, which one's Obi-Wan?
Like, which one's Alec McGinnis?
What's the real one?
Well, they said that's why in Star Wars A New Hope, there's a, the first one,
in the very
first Star Wars, there's a moment where they say, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he goes,
that's a
name I haven't heard in a very long time.
And it was supposed to be a reference to the thought that he wasn't really Obi-Wan.
He was Qui-Gon Jinn.
Man, this is why you can't judge a book.
You see this 6'4 guy walking down 3rd Avenue with that voice.
He knows Qui-Gon.
You guys want to talk episode one?
You know, Jar Jar Binks really got a bad rap.
What do you think about it?
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