Name: Whitney Cummings w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast
Uploaded: 2025-10-13T01:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Whitney Cummings w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Whitney Cummings w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-13. Transcript available.

Whitney Cummings w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

no you look like you work out like crazy probably i do work out i don't know if
it's like crazy i do
um like weird body workouts i don't like go to the gym what is in your
okay pedophile why do you just have candy this would be the saddest pedophile
look at these
look at these candies come on these are rough yeah um yeah why do you have
christmas candy in
your shirt but every time i see a mint at a hotel a store i put it in my pocket
with matches me too
i like matches i love matches i love when rich people still do broke shit oh
yeah when i go to
fast food i have to get a handful of napkins yeah put them in the glove box in
a water cup oh oh yeah
yeah also and i get a club soda all of the mini shampoos and conditioners yeah
i've got a whole
thing at home of them i haven't bought soap in 10 years i just take it from the
hotel the extra one
it's horrible it's bad soap it's get some good soap on amazon it's cheap you
get good soap
i like the soap amazon's fake i'm hearing oh really like nicer brands oh you
get like a nice like i
don't know i don't know what you use in your hair it's like nothing shampoo
soap what can we really
use in our hairs yeah whatever the hotel express or the holiday and express
there's not much we can do
um but that you can get what is the gefilte fish juice i have no juice oh for
the hair i thought it
was like that's a type of jew you're like you're a gefilte fish jew i like gefilte
fish i actually
think it tastes good you're the one is it always canned it's like no you can
get in a container it's
like it's gutter fish it's like it's like a mush of fish yikes i like it well
you have it like once a
year and you put horseradish on it and it kind of i think it's good it's like
anal you do it once a
year with your wife the way you said it was very horseradish but i do you
remember when i don't know
it's so weird to quote the new york times you sound like such an idiot remember
when it used to be a
flex like so i read this in your oh yeah yeah it's like i'm dumb right the new
york times yeah
um are you really trying to seem smart but there was this whole article about
how chilean sea bass is
fake i heard that it's all branding all fishes are fake yes they're all just
there's no such
thing as yeah and like certain type of salmons are bad yeah it's just a white
fit you know same
with haagen-dazs that word means nothing that was this uh two polish guys just
said what's a german
sounding word it's a fake but it's not even german well i just i think the word
is supposed to sound
jarvis where is it the product is still ice cream it's just ice cream just
regular old ice cream
ben jerry's not even gay no i'm kidding one time i was sitting with um uh like
an older like a lawyer
in la who i love he's like a old school kind of lawyer and he was like in the
music video brooks
sorry when michael jackson's hair caught on fire he like came over to try oh
wow type of people
like work with richard pryor whatever and um we're outside and i have this citronella
candle you know
because it helps like ward off bugs we're not he's like citronella candle i'm
like yeah i'm so sorry
let me light it so the bugs stop yeah he's like oh is that is that what it's
for and i was like uh
yeah citronella and he's like i don't think it works and i was like no it's citronella
okay that
is known to war off yes and then he's like i don't think so i'm like how do you
know he's like
my dad had mentioned them they're fake oh wow damn there's a lot of pull it up
i don't even know
what citronella is it's a black chick i dated um wow i didn't know that either
there's a lot of
stuff like that but placebo effect is an effect i think it's more light i think
i have a i think you
have a bulb thing i put in i think that works doesn't know it doesn't who knows
it's all a lie
damn placebo has some effect though so much it does yeah more than regular
effect from what i
understand but also studies are so did you ever do bro what did you do when you
didn't have money
what do you mean because i did studies i did i got paid to be in studies really
with that gal
with the sleep study yeah never that okay oh shit and once you've done studies
like that any study
you see you're like no that's a bunch of people that needed 50 who said
whatever they what's the
weirdest one oh dude i did a lot for depression uh like because if you see uh
it was it would be in
like something like la weekly i don't know what y'all's version of that would
have been like 20
years ago new york post or villainy news and it'll say like ucla like are you
depressed question mark
like do you want to come be in the study and it's like i probably i don't know
but also like by the
time i get to this study that's paying me 50 to take a pill that has not been
approved by the fda
like i will be depressed like yeah you get there and they ask you questions and
the longer you stay
in the more money you get because it's like 50 dollars cash it's you and a
bunch of like meth heads
that are like shaking i mean it's truly like drug addicts this would be a good
game show it's by the
way such a good idea yes yeah yeah this fall on mbc yeah i'm so hungover what
what's your what did
you do last night i had like a surprise birthday uh it was it was no like last
week i was on the road
and and liz rachel veder a bunch of people just threw us a norman sent a weird
gift card to a bar
when's your birthday august 29th oh happy birthday that's oh it's long over
when this comes out it'll
be like two months is that a leo virgo oh i got hammered i just got they just
kept feeding me
booze and we were at shade which serves bodega cat now you got that right fatty
great they got a
yeah yeah good time what was the after party we just kept popping into weird
bars the bars got
weirder and weirder as it got later it was just me devito and uh matt ruby in a
bar and i
remember uh a guy who ran the bar was just telling me stories about getting
fucked up with robert
plant and i was like i think it's too late i think i gotta get the fuck out of
here it was like 3 30
in the morning do you know those things i don't know the brands i'm sure we've
all um you know
robert plant not actually a plant we're just okay sorry yeah not worth the uh
interruption oh my bill
mark i'm interrupting woody allen over here all right keep going uh i haven't
listened to that
yet oh it's worthless he talked through the whole thing he wouldn't let woody
talk he's he sucks
wow check it out what i'm okay well you know woody's so old he's like and then
when i did jade
scorpion he's like i love that movie great movie uh changed my life and then he
brings it back to him
and he's like come on bill yeah what do you hear have you listened to it no i
have i saw the clip
and i was like oh my god the clip's amazing because it was just uh bill maher
being like what do you
think of this movie and woody allen being like good not great but he's going
through so many classes
yeah it's just cool to hear woody allen's of course you know because you never
hear podcasts now to try
to get a younger audience too soon one of the funniest things i heard was
apparently chelsea
handler was at a dinner with him and like a big party and she just said so how
do you two meet
that's fucking hilarious that's great had an amazing story as well um that she
should tell i don't know
she told it somewhere on a special or something but um about when she asked woody
allen his favorite
tv show and he said hey to montana he was dead serious and i was like that's
either hilarious
that's either hilarious leaning into it brilliant really it's like wild well he
got kind of cocky
for a minute i mean some of those movies like they were so on the nose that you
were yeah i mean
husbands and wives too you're just like gonna bang the student right man he's
dating a 17 year
old in the movie it was a different time it was it was he saw women as equals a
better time yes well
the twist of the movie is not he's like i shouldn't date high schoolers he's
like i can't believe it
didn't work out that's like the sad ending he's like we could i gotta grow up
that she gets on the
school bus i mean i've whatever you what i just don't my thing with woody allen
is this like
glamorizing of that like men should be like it's okay for men to be scared of
everything
like totally useless and worried about everything all the time never cheat i
don't know about that
no nebbishy oh nebbishy yeah but like just the idea of it's like it's a lobster
what do i do it's
just like that is so repulsive to me yeah well we're at war china's china's
getting trying to just
bought america can everyone pull it together well no one's saying he's a sex
symbol he had to make a
bunch of movies just to hook up with uh you know what's her face kandai and keaton
yeah right right
right oh that don't even oh i hate that too like then she's it's like she's
like this idiot that
can't figure out how to say goodbye she's just like oh sarah yeah like she's
just like saying
you know annie hall's a great movie come on this is a hot take this is a hot
take stand why we all
it's like it's like i also we don't all have to like it i i think it's a great
movie like marilyn
was smart or i'm not a feminist like i'm a bad person no one said that okay
these aren't all
looped together she's an idiot i'm like forced to like and i'm like i don't i
don't you're not
forced to like anything we we love annie hall we talk about all the time it's
supposed to be a
horror movie it was supposed to be called anadonia what pull it up so anadonia
you know what anadonia
is because you both have it which is uh the inability to enjoy the current
moment because you're too
busy morning that the moment's going to be over soon we do have that yeah so it
was originally
going to be called anadonia right okay i'm correct google's not anadonia woman
answer ever
that's hilarious yeah i don't know anadonia movie so wasn't he originally like
the way that he
cut it maybe that's why that if that's not true then i don't like it even more
because the reason
i was giving it a pass is because i was going oh i heard it was originally
supposed to be a horror
movie and he re-edited it so he didn't even shoot it it wasn't as funny as it
should have been did you
know that saw was supposed to be a rom-com i'm kidding by the way saw i mean
saw is an incredible
the first saw i never saw it it's terrifying it's not my company i don't like
the torture porn horror
genre i like the psychological ones and crew screening with a bunch of people
who like knew
what was going to happen i was screaming i was like i was around the people
that made it i knew
it was fake yeah i knew it was i knew this person was the blood guy and i was
screaming my head off
yeah it's scary for sure but to me that is it's like when a comedian can make
another comic laugh
it's like you know this is fake and i'm still screaming it's like right we know
this didn't
happen to him yesterday we know you know we know he's not dating anyone but he's
still making me
laugh right that's the ultimate like good point so i always give annie hall a
little bit of a pass
because i'm like oh i thought it was edited to be a horror movie or it's
supposed to be different
it's got some amazing scenes in it the therapy scene where they're both in
therapy that's a great
scene oh yeah i mean it's got some amazing white people talking about how hard
their lives are
because they can't love each other it's a comedy well they're trying to work it
out they're it's
very that's like saying like we can't enjoy seinfeld because you're like you're
complaining
about mundane observations when there's a war going on in the middle east like
no it's it's a comedy
why can't you enjoy a comedy i just um annie hall i guess for me the stakes
just feel too high for
what it is i'm here's the thing this is a little bit of a general reversal when
it comes to woody
allen i'm like can you just calm down just relax can you imagine can you
imagine