Name: The Crazy Hot Air Balloon with Bob and His Daughter | Bob Saget
Uploaded: 2020-04-29T17:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Crazy Hot Air Balloon with Bob and His Daughter | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Crazy Hot Air Balloon with Bob and His Daughter | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-29. Transcript available.

The Crazy Hot Air Balloon with Bob and His Daughter | Bob Saget

hey everybody sit back relax why do they always say that it's bob saget by the
way and this is
bob saget's here for you that's what this is this is episode uh 4552 because we're
the most popular
podcast of all time uh i'm here for you literally because uh you are my other i
mean my wife's in
the house we are still on lockup as we should be i hope you're all safe i hope
you haven't been gone
through the worst of it um we've been going we've all been going through stuff
um i'm very fortunate
and that i ain't leaving the place and i do know people affected um and we all
have rough stuff
going on but it reminds me um of many things one if you're listening to this
that makes me happy it
means you're okay or you're not okay and this is helping you through a really
difficult time some
people are going through mental anguish with this um i go through that often
though you might not know
uh and i'm just happy to be uh be doing this this is something i feel is uh is
my calling at the moment
i don't know i would have been in a bunch of cities i was going to do a whole
north american tour
and uh that will happen when this thing is done and boy can we not wait for
that so i'm hurting for you
people always say that you know hearts and flowers and sympathies and all that
crap but
i am hurting for everybody i'm hurting for the planet and i'm hurting for
humanity and i'm hurting for
all the crap we deal with but uh my dad went through the great depression
because he married my mom
hey no he was uh born august 28th 1917 right so the great depression you know
we're talking about
the early or the late 20s uh and it was not a great depression it was a shitty
depression but it was
uh people were jumping out of windows and shit you know i mean they they couldn't
take it and i know
people don't want to hear about it that it started in 1929 which is two years
after talkies started
in movie theaters with al jolson and uh doing something that would not be
politically correct
today but making a giant hit movie that had sound um and here we are nobody
expected this nobody expected
but a friend of mine was just on facetime with me and he's walking through his
neighborhood
by the grove in la it's my buddy mike young and it looks like dawn of the dead
there's nobody there
as there should not be and then he finds the only two he says there's two
really hot girls walking
by so we'll go over and you know see if they have a testing kit and then start
kissing them but that's
like a joke because that's misogynistic and and i don't actually think that
i'm more fatherly now i'm actually sitting here in a robe and it's closed
because i'm a good man
and i got daughters for god's sakes but my dad had to raise um three brothers
and a sister by himself
because his father couldn't make it through the great depression he came over
from russia
they'd uh killed a lot of uh my relatives the cossacks you know watch fiddler
on the roof i'm sure
you know a lot of people are gonna go go watch that now but as it went it was
not good for the
for the people of uh judea and yes i i was born a jewish man and they just kept
circumcising me they
just kept whittling it down and and just just kept going it's like the when you're
a kid and you play
with those rings different color rings on the little thing the rocks back and
forth they just kept taking
the rings off they didn't care um but you know it's fine now i'm happy there's
a lot less cleanage i
don't take have to take the scrubbing brush under the anyway so what happened
was here he is
he's 12 years old during the great depression his father it ends up with liver
cancer and guess how he
got that from drinking from a drinking and uh he just couldn't handle it he was
a tailor and uh he just
he he couldn't make ends meet and raise the whole family so my dad kind of
raised everybody and there
were fun stories he told me he said they were they were kind of you know not in
lockup they didn't have
a contagion on their hands like we have but they were suffering financially
like everybody is so my
dad kept telling me how hard it was and um he read a lot but he basically had
to take care he was
working starting at nine years old and that's how he came up and that's how our
family went through a
lot of death my parents lost four kids i know why am i telling you this because
people are suffering so
i'm able to talk about it because i and what's weird is it kind of brings me
solace
to talk about it but this isn't the therapy session so i don't want to burden
you with it i'd rather
talk about you know things you care about like you know my testicles and
problems i might have i don't
have any actually i mean i you know they tell you no matter who you are you got
to check your body for
lumps man woman undecided you got to check you got to make sure that you don't
have any any any lumps or
or a little like a little softball inside part of you you got to feel it up all
the time you got to
feel it up do we have to pay royalties on that how many notes is that you got
to feel it up not six you
need seven i think that's but that's what i made up but um you got to make sure
you're healthy but the
problem we got right now is you don't really want to go to a hospital so you
got to do the surgery at
home on yourself um i don't know what to tell you this is just a time where we
got to look out for each
other and uh we gotta uh you know what my daughter's calling me hold on one
second this is my daughter
laura talking hi everybody just said hi to you and uh and she is uh you know i
i love her so much
and uh she is in new york city how are you holding up there it's fine you know
just learning how to cook
and um you never you never you never knew how to cook before i never i never
knew how to cook before
this week did you never even put anything in the oven like a frozen pizza or
anything
no not really no is that my fault no i just i never really had interest and i
didn't really have
need to so i did not know how to cook anything you just ate out all the time
because you're in new york
no i would just i don't know just like eat prepared things or whatever just not
like
take the time to properly cook anything i would just like what i don't know
what i would do
you have no idea you have no memory of how you ate all these years no i just it
always seemed to
be fine i always thought that but i didn't know how to make anything properly
and tonight i made a cuban
beef stew um and i stewed it for like three hours you said cumin not human
right cuban a cuban
okay i thought you said human which would be that i think mean things would be
really bad
no no it's not it's not soylent green you know what so the green is or is that
before your time
eating humans yeah did you know the movie do you remember me talking about it
you never saw it right
i didn't see it no but you remember me talking about it i think so because i
have a vague memory of it
but i don't know most people that saw it have a vague memory of it except charlton
huston yelling
soylent green is made of people actually i think i did see it i just blocked it
a little bit yeah we
all did because we're kind of we're not living it but this is certainly an
unusual time that we're in
and i don't like being so far from you because me in la you in new york there's
no way to drive
cross-country um it's possible to drive across the country but i don't think i
mean i'm okay here
just staying inside but you know how much you have to think about if you drive
cross-country like even
filling even if you slept in your car which i've had friends say that uh my
buddy mike young said i'm
just going to drive to detroit and and my friends are there and i'm going to go
to the the farm the
beach house where my mom is the lake house or whatever beach house and uh i
really know my country
and uh he he we realized you know you've got to stop at every gas station you
can't touch the pump so
you use paper then you still could get infected and then where you're sleeping
in your car you know it's
just i mean the thing is is that it's everywhere so no matter where you go it's
there so it's like
you're running from something that is still gonna exist yeah so i don't really
know i mean i think like
logistically i thought like maybe i'll go up somewhere away from the city like
most people
most of my friends have fled the city um they're for they're fortunate people
though some people don't
have like another house outside of the city most people are they're they're in
their home in quarantine
or they're still scared to go out you know no matter how fast the progress
could as we all hope yeah no
i mean a lot of my friends yeah are i think it's a mix i would say but a lot of
people have left and a
lot of people are here but at the same time like it feels so empty i've never i
mean i wasn't in new
york during 9 11 so so i haven't really i was here during sandy um but i wasn't
here during 9 11 but it
is very like it's a dark cloud it feels like over the city and today was so
beautiful today was
a gorgeous day did you walk outside i went outside i did i've been going on
walks um now what do you do
there's spatial distancing i mean aren't you around other people that i know in
new york um your sister's
been complaining that people are you know really close they'll be like a foot
away because they're
they just don't care um they're not obeying the idea of this this thing that
can keep this thing from
spreading what do you do i mean you just do the best that you can like i walk
outside just with
intention to kind of like protect my face um and you wear a helmet sometimes no
spider woman actually
maybe that would scare people away if i just got really crazy that's not a bad
oxygen tank i mean
oxygen uh helmet um not a tank scuba gear would be smart i think that's a good
idea yeah with flippers
and the whole thing maybe that would actually freak people out enough to stay
away what's what i mean
go ahead go ahead you you speak you're you're the smart one no you are you're
incredibly she's incredibly
smart everybody she's she is she she can i mean i don't want to tell your
schools and stuff but
she's really smart went to a good school just a couple of good schools
she's got an mfa and in in um isolation i'm really good at it she's a great
yoga instructor
and an amazing artist and she's a welder she welds and i have a joke about you
which is not good but
it's been my stand-up which is that um tell the nice people listening one of
the things you've gotten
pretty good at i don't know which joke it is well well yeah so yeah you're you're
you blow glass
yeah i blow glass i have a 30 year old daughter who blows glass and and by the
way during a pandemic
that's the safest thing that you could you could do because the glass is clean
you can't do no actually
the glass studio is closed now because like you're sharing pipes and stuff so
you can't well everybody
listening is sharing a pipe right now
they shouldn't be can you make can you make a bong are you able to uh i've
never asked you this i'm
glad that you're on here uh can you do that if i wanted to i could but i don't
really smoke weed
i don't either and people think i do don't you don't your friends think that i'm
like some pothead
uh thank you i don't they used to i guess i don't know not not so much my
friends used to think i
was a pothead too though and i never really smoked no you did you did other
things yeah but now you're
all grown up and you've learned and you're very holistic now she's like a role
model to me i mean
no you are i mean you're a lot healthier than i am um i still have some bad
habits i love a cigar
i can't be smoking one right now it's not good for the lungs no don't smoke you're
not smoking now
right no but i want one so bad no don't do that well what can i do i mean i'm
out of vices um
you're out of i don't i don't vape i don't like any of that i'm not a i'm not a
pot guy so i don't
like edibles because they knock me out and then 