Name: Bob Gives Advice to High School Students, Commends Teachers, and Talks Norm Macdonald | Bob Saget
Uploaded: 2020-05-22T17:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Gives Advice to High School Students, Commends Teachers, and Talks Norm Macdonald | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Gives Advice to High School Students, Commends Teachers, and Talks Norm Macdonald | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-22. Transcript available.

Bob Gives Advice to High School Students, Commends Teachers, and Talks Norm Macdonald | Bob Saget

hey everybody it's Bob Saget here and yes that's my name I didn't choose it it's
not a showbiz name
that's my name and this is Bob Saget's here for you and you know that because I
am and I'm really
enjoying doing this I could do this all the time in fact I do and a lot of
people need somebody to
talk to I do I could talk non-stop which I do some of these episodes are just
reflections and
me telling a story or just I don't know just going how I'm feeling right now I'm
feeling pretty good
right now I'm just at home my wife's way far away because the house is just
gigantic that's that's
just I'm just screwing around you know it's a tenement it's we live in one of
those pods from
that wonderful show love is blind that's that's how we live and we talk through
a wall but I've been
reaching out sometimes on on some of these episodes calling people see how they're
doing they have
questions they were able to call in if you look at the top of the thing of the
description of this
it's got a phone number you can call that number and I'll post on Twitter and
Instagram when I'm going
to be holding these sessions these sessions because I'm your therapist and talk
to people because I
really I've always loved doing that there's many things I love love my wife I
love my kids I love
small animals really small ones that you can't find and I love when people band
together and think of
positive things and so that's something I look forward to is watching us get
through this difficult
time and coming out the other side which we all will we all will so I'm gonna
give a call now to
somebody named this person has no name but they left their number and we'll see
if they answer
hello hi it's Bob Saget here how you doing I'm doing pretty good how about you
I'm good you
you uh left a message today did you not uh on the voicemail I did sir yeah oh
that's so cool what's
your name my name's Colin hi Colin how's it going how are you holding up well I'm
uh shut in
yeah yeah and uh where are you what city uh Portland Indiana oh that's cool
that's cool there's a lot of
Portland so well yeah you know we're not high up on the list though no no it's
it's really on the east
coast on the west coast and then there's probably others but um and there's no
ports there that's the
other thing because you would think that's how they named them no water within
many miles no so Colin
what's what's what's going on now are you with are you able to are you on your
own or are you with
family or someone else I'm with family I had to come home from college actually
so you were able to come
home and take a flight before all this uh happened yep they uh they sent me
home so so that's good and
how's everybody doing everybody is everybody in good health everybody is in
good health uh as of the
moment uh my part-time job they sent me home there but they are giving me two
weeks pay so that's nice
that's really nice because some people are just getting fired um which oh yeah
no yeah that's cool
and and uh what what is the part-time job if I could ask oh dick sporting is oh
that's cool do you think
we can get them to change their names uh I'm worried about them would you
prefer Richard Richard would be
better or or penises well you know when I when I tell people where I work you
know they give me a funny look
yeah right where do you work I work at dick
yeah but but you know and I say well you know I've got a girlfriend I swear I
mean
well it doesn't it this it doesn't mean anything of of sexuality it's just
I could also mean that guy's a real you know he's he's a dick people would say
but it's a big company
uh and uh and I I go there I actually go to that store uh and I buy like you
know sweats and stuff
and I need tennis balls because you can always get balls at dicks um you know dicks
has a huge
inventory of all kinds of balls they got basketballs volleyballs uh I don't
think they have ping pong
balls do they they do they do really they do yeah they're the smallest balls we
got they're the
smallest now so is dicks known for balls um no I think they're more known for
uh the store size uh
what was very girthy this is just penis talk I don't know what's going on here
no it's my fault you
knew it was me calling you so you was you knew something bad could happen but
but what no I did not
have a problem with it at all good I don't want to offend you and I just want
to I'm very offended I'm
going to call someone about this you're already on twitter yeah I've already
call the authorities
because they can't come to see you right now uh you go report it it's the
perfect time for me to make
a crank phone calls you know it's gonna be all over bob sagat offends young
teens
won't be the first time it's just my specials are out there so um what was your
question what did
you want to talk about uh on your voicemail i'm kind of uh in a weird obsession
with norm mcdonald at
the moment so am i and uh no i really am we've been we've been talking a lot
because we want to do
something together and uh and i've been talking to him quite a bit and uh he
has been pretty brilliant
has he not in the stuff he's been posting oh yeah his uh twitter live uh the
debates and all of his
weird pros yeah poetry it's been really interesting and on instagram he had his
mom there for a while
and then she had to go home when yeah when this whole mess started but he is
one of the smartest people
that i know and a very unusual hilarious guy so what what uh so you knew that i
was a norm mcdonald
source kind of right yeah yeah i don't mean to like say hey bob let me talk to
you
uh but also let me ask about somebody told you somebody else you know that's
kind of like whatever
but yeah um i re-watched a bunch of his late night appearances obviously him
talking about letterman and
yeah uh as well as he had the internet show for a while which i believe you
appeared on yeah i did and
he said things to me and i couldn't believe he was saying them to me um it was
a little smurf he looked
out and he said it and yep he goes are you all right i can't i can't even
repeat what he said i mean
our dicks uh sporting goods stuff had nothing to do with that it was
unbelievable no i yeah then i'd
hang out with you know rodney dangerfield then i'd want to be a very confused i
was actually thinking
about we had to ask about somebody else i i really do love rodney and his his
style and his you know five
minutes you said 30 jokes in five minutes that was his goal i i was close with
him i mean he put me on
the young comedian special on hbo the first one he ever hosted and that was the
one sam kenison was on
and i introduced him to sam kenison that's how old i am oh yeah and and rodney
i actually officiated his
funeral so it was like we were close and and he would say wow he would say just
have 50 50 kilominutes man
that's it that's it you don't need to do it longer than that to do 50 kilominutes
and uh that's kind of
the goal of these episodes is to do 50 but i seem to talk too long but rodney
rodney didn't get his
first movie until he was 58 and it was caddyshack um yeah which he's
unbelievable in it wouldn't you agree
i do i do like i like caddyshack and bill murray's obviously really good do you
think that affected
him at all um hitting so late was there any like resentment yeah he had he he
was he had three names
in show business he was um jacob cohen and then he was jack roy and then he was
rodney dangerfield
and a guy just said to him some club owner just said you're gonna be rodney
dangerfield okay man
and then he went and became that name but yeah uh the get no respect thing was
real he he didn't didn't
get any but he had a comedic mind and he knew how to write a joke like nobody's
business and he would
be clean on all the talk shows and on ed sullivan when he was a younger man and
uh on johnny carson
and all the shows uh and he but when he was doing his stand-up he'd be pretty
blue you know he'd be
pretty much an r-rated act and that was it was hilarious i mean he was and and
he was really kind to
me um and i have many many stories about him but he really didn't feel like he
got respect at all
um and i i have an offensive story yeah no no respect man i'll tell you and he
would say that
doing stand-up was like the way he was treated by people he said you do stand
up like you're
uh trying to get out of nazi germany during world war ii and you do six minutes
for the border guard
and if you make him laugh he lets you go otherwise they shoot you dead and that's
how he looked at it
you got to have a tight six minutes man or they'll kill you and that's how he
was uh he was hilarious
and he made me laugh really hard um i have a dirty story if you want to hear it
a true story about rodney
bring it on all right all right rodney um it was friends with ron jeremy the
porno actor
yeah and and that's a man that apparently can can uh suck his own penis yes he
can uh like a roly-poly
ball uh he can go down on himself which uh if you're 15 right now turn this off
too late um but he i'm
19 but okay that i feel better now but yeah so that was a that was a thing this
guy could do and and you
know it i i don't recommend it for anybody because you know unless you want to
be used as a spare tire
just roll down the street but rodney uh i was supposed to have dinner with him
and i came over
to his place at seven o'clock to pick him up and he said bob you didn't call to
confirm man you didn't
call and i went well rodney we had dinner plans i was gonna take him and he
said i got ron jeremy
coming up here with two hookers and i gotta have him sign this release for his
book and i looked at the
release and it was like one sentence i i ron jeremy agreed to be in rodney
dangerfield's book and i'm
like he says you want to hang out man you can hang out with me and ron and and
the hookers and i'm like
no no i think i'm gonna i'm gonna take i'm gonna take off rodney i'm sorry and
and he walks me to the
elevator he had an elevator that took you right to his uh condo in this
beautiful building and um he had
just had chest surgery they they took all my guts out man they laid him out and
they put them all back
in so he had a giant cut huge down his entire abdomen and he also walked around
in a robe with
no underwear so you could all he always had his balls hanging out and he i
walked him to the elevator
and i said uh rodney i see the scar and i go i'm sorry i just can't i just don't
want to be
in that company tonight i just wanted to be with you um he said it's okay man
and i looked at the
scar and i said rodney how are you doing and he goes how i'm how am i doing you
want to know how i'm
doing i'll tell you how i'm doing you're leaving and i'm waiting for a guy that
can suck his own
cock that's how i'm doing and i i just hit the floor because it was pure rodney
it was it was not an act
you know he was saying i got no respect this is who i'm hanging with and this
is the guy i'm waiting
for and a guy that i like that that isn't a porn actor that does that is
leaving so i should have
called to confirm just to keep him from getting some infection or something but
uh with an open wound
like that around ron jeremy you never know what might i mean exact person
contact and it was a
closed scar but i believe that something off of ron could have gotten in there
like a little little
tick or something and now here we are a tick a tick but um a penis no a tick
like a little tick like a
little bug like a yeah i know it sucks blood but i just can't imagine well you're
you're you're bringing
it around to my kind of comedy which is really difficult because a dick suck
his own tick it's
very confusing i don't know whether we're doing penis jokes or uh insects that
can actually a tick does
not suck his own blood by the way he he sucks other things blood like do you
have a dog oh yeah i've had
them in my head before my hair not in my head that'd be bad well like camp and
stuff did you do that where
you get them yeah yeah yeah my kids had that and 