Name: Nikki Glaser and Bob Love How Stand Up Is Where You Have Full Freedom of Speech | Bob Saget
Uploaded: 2020-05-25T17:07:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nikki Glaser and Bob Love How Stand Up Is Where You Have Full Freedom of Speech | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nikki Glaser and Bob Love How Stand Up Is Where You Have Full Freedom of Speech | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-25. Transcript available.

Nikki Glaser and Bob Love How Stand Up Is Where You Have Full Freedom of Speech | Bob Saget

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better today. All right, this is kind of personal. And I'm not ashamed to talk
personal. I've talked
about a lot of things, things below my belt. Sometimes that's the safest stuff
to talk about
because people get offended around every corner, at least when I'm around. That's
why I try to stay
away from corners. There's something that people have a problem with and they're
ashamed of is when
they can't perform in bed. And a lot of times I do perform in bed. I have a mic,
I'm set up, I do 10
minutes, but I'm actually talking about sex. And here's the deal. If you like
sex, and I think
most of you do, you're going to love BlueChew.com. Here's the deal. BlueChew.com
offers men a
performance enhancement for the bedroom or the card table or a garden shed or
the garage. It doesn't
matter where. At BlueChew.com, you can get the first chewables. These are chewables.
Do you understand?
Not since eating Fred and Barney back in the day did we have chewables that did
this with the same
active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. So this is the same exact stuff and
they're chewables.
So they even work faster. And BlueChew.com has affiliated physicians that work
with you to find
the dosage and active ingredient that's best for you. The chewables from BlueChew.com
can be taken
on a full or empty stomach. And you can have maybe a tiny stomach. Maybe you
just had a plum
or a raisin or a couple nuts. Speaking of a couple nuts, online physician
consult is free. So it's
cheaper than those other two, you know, the Viagra and Cialis. And not that I'm
giving them a plug,
but you can plug on anything. But it only takes a few minutes to connect with a
Bluetooth.com
affiliated physician. And if you qualify, you get prescribed online quickly. I
mean, really fast,
because that's how it works. It's a .com. It's a, you know, it's really, it's
official. There's no
in-person doctor visit, no awkward conversations, which I'm known for anyway,
no waiting in line at
the pharmacy. No one likes that, especially now. And it ships directly to your
door in discreet
packaging. It's not covered in like doll clothes. You know, it's not, that
doesn't sound appropriate
at all. It's just plain packaging. It's discreet. And the chewables from BlueChew.com
are made in the
USA. That's right. We didn't farm out for this. These are made home, homeward
safe. You and your
partner will love it. I know that because I know your partner. No, I don't. I've
never met him or
her. And I'm, I'm happy that you're together. Even if it's just for a night, it
doesn't matter. Just
chew it and do it. I didn't write that line, but I believe in it. Here's a
great deal for you guys.
Visit BlueChew.com and get your first order free when you use the promo code
Bob, B-O-B. That's me.
I'm a promo code for BlueChew.com and you just pay the $5 shipping. That's B-L-U-E-Chew.com.
Promo code is Bob, B-O-B. I've made it. So that's what you want to do. You go
to BlueChew.com and the
promo code Bob and you get them, your first order is free and you just pay $5
shipping and you'll be
just, you'll be getting up in the world. You really will. I wish you the best.
BlueChew.com. I don't
know if I mentioned it, but go there and get it and then you'll thank me, but
don't do it personally.
Hey, it is, uh, it is I, it is I, your, your, your father figure, your friend,
your pal, your, uh,
your bro, your, uh, your, I don't know what your carnivore. I knew he'd meet
sometimes. I'm sorry,
but Bob Saget's here for you is the name of this podcast, uh, or it's a show
this episode. I don't
like calling it a podcast cause I, I feel like it's a broadcast. So there you
go. Anyway, uh,
my guest today is Nikki Glaser and I love her. I just love her. And she reminds
me of myself. Uh,
not just because genetically I have, uh, all the same body parts as, as a very,
uh, adorable woman,
but, uh, nah, why would I say that? But anyway, um, this is for a little bit
older ears. So I think
if you have, if you're 14, but your ears are 60, that's fine, but I wouldn't
want a 12 year old to
listen to this or maybe, maybe tens. What's the cutoff? Uh, well, that's when a
doctor, no, uh, 12 or
13. I don't know what to tell you about mitzvah age. That just cut out a lot of
the audience,
maybe 11 years old and older, something like that. It gets a little graphic, uh,
because Nikki and I
have, uh, a like way of talking and thinking and she's just adorable. So, um, I'm
going to, uh,
go right into this zoom thing. So it goes right onto the YouTube site. So you
can see us talking to
each other. Here comes Nikki Glaser.
Ah, there you are. This is, I like being able to see the person. I wasn't, I
was doing all audio and
now I'm like, I'm really enjoying being able to see people. It's different. I,
I, I, I, um, I can,
I meet with my therapist and my psychiatrist in the same day. And one is just
on the phone and one
is face to face. And I always get more out of face to face. I agree. I actually
have a screensaver
of my psychiatrist. So I just talk to the computer. Look at that while you,
yeah, no matter who I talk to,
I just tell them everything and I tell them the problem is I'll tell people
that I am having
trouble with them thinking they're the psychiatrist. Right. Right. I'll talk
about them, you know,
and it's just thinking while you're staring at the picture of the psychiatrist,
but it's,
it's Stamos on the line. Well, Stamos actually hooked me up with my
psychiatrist,
which is really, well, he tried for eight years to get me to go.
That's true. Wow. He said, I can't take you anymore. Please, please go to this
guy.
Yeah. Wait, you weren't going to a psychiatrist until like,
I went years ago and a person was recommended by another friend of mine who is
no longer alive.
And, uh, I think the psychiatrist had something to do with that. Uh, no, I'm
just,
are you serious? Oh, no, no, that's a horrible thing to say. That is true. Wow.
That's actually
like a breaking bad kind of show. There was a show called that Hank Azaria did
called Huff
where he was a psychiatrist and I actually guessed it on it. I played a sitcom
star that did, it was a
very serious part and who didn't want to go back to work. And so he was just
doing coke and pills and
watching little people porn and, um, and I was naked. That's what this
quarantine feels like.
I don't do little people porn. But it's something weird. You're, you're,
you're indulging in something that you're not proud of right now. We all are,
you know,
we all are little people porn. Well, now your, uh, parents, are they tall? Yeah.
Okay. So I am going the other way. Yeah. I just wanted to get that off the
table. You're not using
your parents as little as the replacement for little people porn. No, I haven't.
I have our,
although our, our bedrooms are like right above each other. And I just wasn't,
when I lived here as a
kid or as a teenager, even I wasn't sexual at all. Like I didn't masturbate. I
didn't, there was nothing
I was really hiding sexually in my room. It was just me in my room. Just like,
I don't like thinking
about like fantasizing about Dave Matthews, but not realizing that I was like
turned on while it was
happening. I was just like, I just loved him so much, but not realizing it, but
I never did anything
about it. Um, but you were into 20 minutes solos, no matter what. Oh my God. I,
I just, I, well,
were you a pod person? Were you, were you back then? I mean, I started smoking
pot in high school,
but it wasn't, um, and I still felt the same way that I feel about it now,
which is like,
I get very excited before I get to do it. And then once I do it, I'm kind of
like, why did I do this?
And then I do more and then I'm like, I'm doing it. So I just, it's, I
constantly,
I have the same relationship, but now I used to like sneak smoking pot. Like I
used to blow it out
my bathroom. Um, I have a separate bathroom. I was like, had my own bathroom as
a teenager,
which was so cool. So me and my friends would go in there and blow it out the
window.
And now I do that. Is that where you are now? Is that bathroom there now?
I'm at my same bathroom, but now I'm blowing smoke pot out the window because I'm
doing like,
as I'm doing my makeup for a zoom meeting and my mom just doesn't like it when
I smoke it in the
kitchen. So now she's like, she makes me go to the bathroom, knows I'm doing it
in the bathroom.
Um, and doesn't mind now. So like, it's still like when I was in high school,
but, um,
but very different too. And they're aware that it's part of the culture and
then they don't look
at it as you're not putting it in their food. Are you? Yes, I am actually,
because they, they,
I'm not doing it. They do it. They love that. So that's the thing. They jab,
they'll have like a
half a cookie and they'll split a cookie and then they'll just have more fun
watching 90 day fiance
that night. Whereas I like wake up and I, I need it to like get through the day.
Like that's kind of
like it. It, it, um, I, I'm really relying on pot right now, uh, to get your
mom making more.
This would be a dad joke. This is what I was known for that people hated me for,
but is she making more pot roast than usual? See that, that would be a joke
that I would be
chastised for. It would be in the LA times and call me a piece of garbage. And
now it only works
if you say, is she fucking making pot roast? No, it's so good. Yeah.
You gotta add the NF bomb or you got no humor anymore. Yeah.
Well, we do pot roast. Um, I do them. I just smoke a lot of weed and then just
curl insults at them.
So that's, that's the kind of pot roast I'm providing. Um, you have a sister,
right? You got, I do have a sister. Do you have any other siblings?
Nope. Just a sister. And she lives here in St. Louis too. She has a husband and
two kids and I
have barely even seen her, but, um, but yeah, that's, it's just me and my
parents like
quarantined in the suburbs and a cul-de-sac in St. Louis for the past two
months.
Well, I'm glad my wife's here. Cause I had a cul-de-sac for many years.
It was freezing. It was just, uh, and I, I always wore airy stuff cause I never
wanted to get a yeast
infection. So I would always, cause if you were mostly 80% polyester blend, you
get a yeast
infection. People don't know when they do yoga, you're going to get a UTI.
There's no way not to.
And that men get yeast infection. No, I meant with my vagina. Oh, right. Okay.
You, right. I have
both. I always forget. Yeah. No, I