Name: Bill Burr Brilliantly Rips Bob a New One | Bob Saget
Uploaded: 2020-06-01T17:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Brilliantly Rips Bob a New One | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Brilliantly Rips Bob a New One | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-01. Transcript available.

Bill Burr Brilliantly Rips Bob a New One | Bob Saget

hey it's bob everybody uh with this episode of bob sag it's here for you and uh
this is a special
episode uh i say that every damn time it sounds so stupid but um it is because
it's a it's another
friend of mine and it's uh he is one of my favorite people he's gonna berate me
our relationship is
that he attacks me um and i just adore the guy i think it's because i'm so self-loathing
but
he is uh he's one of the funniest people alive it's bill burr and i would
suggest this show is for
like 14 and up you know just post bar bat mitzvah um that i'm speaking to a you
know a 0.8 of the
audience right now but i would say be 15 maybe for this particular one it's
gonna get a little graphic
i have a feeling because that's our relationship and uh i hope you enjoy it and
uh and and if you
want to call up because uh the next episode i'll be calling people so uh go up
to the top there
and it has the phone number call that leave a message and i'll be calling you
back and put it
on instagram and twitter when i'll be calling you guys so we can have a
conversation and and have a
have some i don't know companionship during this this wild quarantine type time
as we progress out of it
hopefully sooner and uh i'll be here uh doing this because i'm enjoying it
quite a bit and uh
here i go i'm about to talk to bill burr so hold on and uh under 15s out of the
uh out of the room
doesn't matter if you're listening on your phone uh just if you're under 15
just wait till you're 17.
no if you're i don't know just wait a couple years if you're 11. don't listen
to this this is uh
i mean i just know what it's gonna be all right here we come with bill burr
so how the hell are you you're busy as hell right um yeah i mean i'm working on
a script or whatever
it never ends no it doesn't and it's it's interesting because you got to have
an output
you're like me i mean you're machine you're you're a workaholic um by choice
and and if you can't go out
and tour it changes it shifts things i'm not a workaholic by choice i just it
was just how i was
raised that i just i my both my parents work their asses off so like i can only
lay around so long
before i feel like a bum right and because i do work a lot there's a bunch of
stuff in my personal life
that's a mess like the garage my podcast studio and my relationship with my
wife no kidding
we all turned into jerry lewis when we mentioned our my wife my lady no so i
obviously um there was
a bunch of stuff around the house that i had to get taken care of and you know
i'm a sucker for
an old house and i bought this house a number of years ago and the latest
thing that's i don't know what's going on with the plumbing but it towards the
end of the day it
starts making this whistling noise and i just thought it was air in the the
pipes and i would
flush the toilet or turn on a faucet it would go away and now it's more and
more frequent
and the guy's going oh i just think your water pressure's turned up too high i'll
be there in a
couple days and i'm like well that's kind of a big thing if the water pressure
is too high
then it could it could make one of the seals between the pipes fail and i'll
have water damage
let me ask you a quick question i'm not always that technically astute when you
say a seal
between one of the pipes you don't mean an animal you don't have seals in your
walls
no i don't wow that's the first pun you really i can see why you made so much
money on on network
television it's the day the dad joke i didn't even know you didn't have time to
see that joke
no and i didn't see that and you didn't even have time for dead air because
that's the only response
to that is quiet and you're good at that you can stare me down with no response
and i know what i
know what i've done when i when i've watched your act what i think what
happened was is you did so
many episodes of full house and there were so many drafts of all of those
episodes that all the jokes
they didn't use you just kept and you threw them into your act and then you
just threw f-bombs around
them like i think you're you're living off somebody else's writing well i think
that that's accurate
because i have to agree how do you how do i not agree with you there definitely
was a psychological
thing that happened but i mean and you know it's not an act this people say can't
wait to see your act
it's like no it's a can't wait to see your show oh okay that's better my
performance yeah my what it's
like to be humiliated in front of people but they're laughing at me you ever
see a subway
performer who has like a saxophone and he's just playing those long coltrane
runs and shit like
that oh yeah that's not what it's like watching your act like i feel like you
should be sitting
by yourself with a little guitar case open with throwing chains and now come on
bob you're hilarious
you do what it is you you don't need an act man you just get up there you fly
by the seat of your
pants you're you're an improver you're a ground link who somehow went into the
laugh factory and figured
out how to make it work and that line i know how to make it with work with bob
saget what you do
is you constantly compliment the man about the things that he's doing and he
has such a big heart
no no i'm not that i'm not that guy i i try to do heartfelt and then i always
come up with some
dark gallows crap afterward you know um yeah well you know you had you had a
rough time you know you
came over here through ellis island yeah a really tough upbringing you know you
had to change my name
in new york yeah i had a joke my name was originally somosexual but we changed
it to saget
that's not even what it's not pc i i like it well you're you're a great see
this is what i do to you
you're you're such a talent bill bob i agreed to do the podcast you don't need
to rub my balls for the
whole thing so that's my that's my pleasure oh it's a four it's a seven hour
podcast i'm i'm doing
by the way i'm i'm pulling you go ahead you've thrown your hat in the ring
thank god you've thrown
your hat in the ring and what a great time to start a podcast during the middle
of a pandemic
it's just what we need but it's a hundred and six year old six sitcom star
doing his take on
babbling into a mic yeah that's right i'm abe vegoda and i'm just trying to
help the the kid
across the street has a huge podcast anybody but you you started this whole
damn thing and
in 2007 and uh but i knew you way before then i knew you from i mean you
started how how many followers
did you have when you started how many people started listening to you i think
everybody starts
with that first follower you know and you just put one foot in front of the
other bob and you just
think positively and you just start walking up podcast mountain i think i met
you in the 2000s i
met you on like i met you on like through the opian anthony show it was the opian
anthony it was the
virus tour and a lot of our friends were on it was tracy morgan patrice ralphie
may read both their souls
lewis was on yeah it was so long ago norton yeah uh dom robert uh um robert kelly
yeah
but you did you did something and i'm going to take you back to when you were a
child and how old were
you at that tour i was 48. oh the always funny bill burr always i don't know
how you do it you just flip
things i just lie about my age and it's just hilarious i don't look 63. i mean
when you look
at me do you think of an aging comedian
you don't look 60 you don't look 63 until you stand next to your wife and then
i'm like wow is that
an old guy that's sweet that's very sweet my wife is in the uh quadruple uh
decade
uh i wouldn't have said that but okay i would have i would have guessed that
she i thought she was uh
late 20s no it's like she's she's 40. this is oh okay i'm glad you told me that
because i built a
whole back story when i went to your wedding well there's a full house yeah but
you you go ahead
i was like she was nine she did a guest star bob's like i'm 30 this is too
creepy i need to wait until
season nine you didn't get that far it got canceled and then you guys got back
together again now that i
know that she's in her fourth decade then not now it's like okay what's
fascinating is that probably has
happened in showbiz where people waited but they worked with the person as a
child actor that's like
a scary thing oh that's definitely happened i believe one of the big directors
in hollywood
history did something oh oh my god something along those lines didn't he oh my
god well i don't know
i mean i don't know i mean there was a scene there was a movie called deconstructing
harry
that uh woody allen made and he was having sex with uh it was a bunch of small
movies within the movie and kirsty alley was his wife and she was a
psychiatrist
and she said you're sleeping with one of my patients and he said how else am i
going to meet
people so it's kind of like you go with what's uh incoming i guess some people
yeah well i well
that's why i've never understood no employee fraternization whatever fraternizing
whatever the
hell they say it's like well i'm here 40 hours a week so this is my nightclub
this is where i'm going
to meet people but i draw the line with your adopted daughter yeah i think i
think that is where you
stop it at what point at what point do you make the mental switch from oh my
god this kid is so
sweetness and i need to protect them to like hey baby you uh you want to go get
a drink
you want to malt it with some uh some kind of liquor hey i had bobby yeah you
said it before and you'll
say it again the heart wants what the heart wants okay i never said that yes
you did i am not that's why
you spent eight years in tea town in massachusetts i remember that you had to
get it out of your system
i like massachusetts if you're gonna get that happen to you that's the place um
it is right around my butt
i uh right right in your butt with that great accent yep you know what i keep
in my butt hey bobby how
about i put my cock in your butt down on the cake cake card you can do the
melody tent and then the next
night i can bang you and you're like you know that sounds like a good deal i'm
between full house and
fucking funniest home videos yeah it was a segue and bill bloom and rice was
filming the whole thing on his
on his flip phone that's why he gets you for such a good price every time you
come to town he's got that
footage and he's always got a new new venue that's open there's that one place
it's out that's amazing
that carlin used to work at the real old place what's that one oh the one up in
old orchard beach
oh yeah that's great what is that place called that just takes your back takes
you back like 50 years
it's like wow yeah especially especially the lack of air conditioning if you
work there during the
summertime that's one of my favorite things i did yeah you actually you make
money and you lose weight
it's fucking awesome i think that's where coronavirus originated actually right
in that place
absolutely it did look god knows they have bats and i'm sure somebody up on
that beach
fucking had their way with one yeah who wouldn't have back then if there was a
bat in your belfry
i guess church let me ask you a question are you familiar with the coronavirus
do you know what's
going on in the world um i gotta tell you i've maybe watched six minutes of the
news since this whole
thing started i i don't find what they have to say informative i just think
they're saying the same
thing over again they're scaring the out of people all i listened to was what
the government said stay
home wear a mask if you're going out six feet social distancing so i just
fucking i just i just
stayed home okay i was lucky enough that i saved up a little bit of money for
my and dick jokes and i
i could be one less person out there and you know if you have the means to do
that then by all means do
it i understand all these landscapers and and and construction people like
still going to work and
and like i understand why they have to