Name: Bob Talks Callers Through Covid Scares and is Invited to a Wedding | Bob Saget
Uploaded: 2020-06-03T17:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Talks Callers Through Covid Scares and is Invited to a Wedding | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Talks Callers Through Covid Scares and is Invited to a Wedding | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-03. Transcript available.

Bob Talks Callers Through Covid Scares and is Invited to a Wedding | Bob Saget

Hey everybody, welcome to a new episode of Bob Saget's Here For You.
Am I really here for you? I am, I am in my heart, but it's a really difficult
time.
And the episode you're about to hear was recorded just before the murder of
George Floyd.
And it is incredibly painful for so many people.
And yesterday we did what we could do virally, virtually, in solidarity with
the blackout on Instagram.
And then you think, wait a minute, it's voting day. Couldn't we do some voting
so we can try to change things?
And there are places you can give money to to support the injustice and to help
things move along.
With all my hopes, peaceably. But can you change mankind? Can you change?
I mean, this country was founded with slavery. I was brought up in Norfolk,
Virginia, and as a kid, segregated bathrooms, whites and colors.
I would see that.
I didn't understand it.
You know, you have to really be taught to hate.
I don't understand it.
I can't see human beings being different.
So that's where I'm at.
And I just wanted to do this little extra intro of heartfelt feeling and
empathy.
I don't know the family of George Floyd, his friends.
I don't know what I can say.
I doubt they're going to hear this.
I can only hope that justice is served and that we somehow learn from this and
that we can move forward.
So with that, here's a new episode of Bob Saget's Here for You, where I was
calling people just right before the loss of this innocent man.
It's the quarantine and the COVID-19 has been overshadowed by this national
tragedy and worldwide tragedy.
Because an act of racism in one place is an act of racism everywhere on the
earth.
And with that, here we go with another episode, again, recorded just before all
of this tragedy.
Hit us hard.
Bob Saget's Here for You.
That's my name.
Used in the title of the show.
Said by me in a sentence.
Here we go.
Hello?
Hey, Nick.
It's Bob Saget.
How are you?
No way.
I swear.
You called and left a message and I'm honoring it.
I'm calling you, man.
No way.
Yeah.
I love you, Bob.
Oh, that's really sweet.
Yeah, I cannot think it's just happening.
That's very nice.
It's so cool.
When a man tells me he loves me, I have nothing to do but give you affection
straight back.
So thank you.
So Nick, what are you doing?
I'm excited that you're happy to talk to me.
That makes me extremely happy.
Where are you?
What part of the world are you in?
I'm in Rockford, Illinois right now because I'm just doing some homework and
hanging out.
Are you a student, Nick?
Doing homework?
Yeah, yeah, first year of college.
How old?
First year of college.
Wow.
So you're 18?
I'm 19.
Oh, 19.
That's good.
Yeah, first year of college.
Yeah, right.
It's so interesting because I've got a brand new hour and I was getting ready
to go on tour.
And I was about to go and I was going to go into Canada and tour and then I had
to make a last minute choice the night before because this thing just happened.
And people were mad at me in Canada because they didn't know what was going on
and there were no jurisdictions of you can't do this.
And then I would have made it to Vancouver and done one gig and then they
closed Calgary down to anything over 200 people.
And then they closed it down entirely and I was playing a place for a couple
thousand or something.
And so you can't do it.
And then I would have never gotten back into the U.S. if I'd have stayed for
the full tour.
Every comedian on the earth is going to have, you know, 12 minutes of material
about what it's like to live the life we've been living.
Do you have toilet paper?
Do you got that going for you?
Yeah, I did.
No, I actually, I stocked up like right what was happening.
You weren't one of those guys that got like 50 rolls, right?
No, I just got one.
I'm by myself.
So I just have one big one and I still have it from March.
I've been married now for a couple of years.
I've been with my wife for four years.
And she said a question, which I'm sure a lot of people have been asking
someone in the house, usually a dude, how much toilet paper do you need?
And the answer is a lot.
I would say a shitload.
But, you know, that that crosses the line.
It's see, it's still a dad pun, even with a curse word.
It's still a dad joke, you know.
But yeah.
And then it's just it's just all we I wish my dad was alive because he used to
call my mom bat shit crazy.
And and he loved her.
But we're in a time where that has a new meaning, you know, buddy, motherfucker.
It's it's it's it's crazy.
And I don't like the profiling at all.
But I do like my friend George Wallace, you know, the comedian George Wallace.
You should check him out on Twitter.
He's incredibly funny.
I've been a friend of mine for ever.
And since I was like 20 and he was complaining because now what's he going to
do with all of his bat recipes?
You know, he likes to saute him, butterfly him.
He was doing a whole Forrest Gump thing.
And then he would go like, you know, and and and broil and whatnot.
It was just of all that he said, the and whatnot is what made me laugh the
hardest.
It was just I don't know.
I'm laughing alone on this because it's a tragic thing.
I mean, people are people have lost a lot of people and people are sick.
Are you do you know anybody that's gone through this?
Not anyone who actually has.
I thought me and my grandfather had it the other day.
He was actually in the hospital yesterday.
I like went to like the emergency room, but they tested him.
He's fine.
But now I don't think I've known anyone who has it.
Now you were in the emergency room.
So did you have the mask on?
Were you being real careful?
Oh, no, I wasn't there.
Oh, yeah.
He had the mask on.
It was everything.
Yeah, they were separating them.
So he's incredibly lucky.
That's fantastic.
Oh, yeah.
No, it was a bit of shock.
Yeah, that's great.
It's really it's it's crazy.
And the the older people is who we worry about the most.
And I'm not I'm not minding the isolation.
I mean, I like that my wife can't get away.
You know, she's stuck.
It's like beauty and the beast here at the house.
You know, I'm not letting her out.
The rose is going to fall.
That last rose underneath that glass thing.
So you you called you left a message.
You were kind enough.
You saw the the tweet and the Instagram.
And that'll always be on this podcast.
I hate to call it that.
I my show, my program, my my broadcast.
But it'll it'll say in the top thing what number to call.
That number is always active.
So you went and left a message and you had a question or someone you wanted to
discuss with me.
So here I am.
Yeah, no, you I was going to ask when the new special is coming.
I was just wondering.
It's like, oh, I just watched all three of them.
I was wondering how long it's going to be to the next one.
Yeah, the first one.
That's so sweet.
It's ready to go.
I was I was out touring.
I'm going to do once I jump back.
I've got dates scheduled.
People can go to Bob Saget dot com.
And it tells you when I'm going to be able to go back out.
Some dates just say rescheduled.
But they have been rescheduled.
But they haven't posted it because they're not even touching their websites.
That's how affected everybody is.
The people that run the websites can't even do that from home, I guess.
I don't know what the deal is.
But I have moved everything to like November.
If something's listed in July right now.
But I don't know if that's going to happen.
And if things are safe to do it, like even if I got that crazy test and found
out that I had it already, because everybody thinks they had it already, you
know, and whatever.
We all walk around going, wow, my throat.
Oh, oh, God, I'm tired.
You know, but then I know people that really had it.
And, you know, that's when they're, you know, all those symptoms that you hear,
the nightmares, they're real.
So I didn't have that.
But I can't put people in a room if I'm okay.
And I can't risk other people giving it to each other.
So the plan is to go out on tour to try and answer your question.
All I do is talk about the pandemic.
But I plan to go out in the fall and get my my ass out there.
And it's a brand new hour.
And then I do more because people have like favorites, like my dog licked my
balls, stuff like that.
You know, people want to hear me sing that because my favorite.
Yeah.
See, people do like and they sing along.
How do you not like that song?
I mean, oh, I'm honored.
I'm honored.
And it almost happened.
I had a dog.
It was a King Charles Spaniel.
No, it did.
But it wasn't like like that.
I was dressed.
I had jeans on.
I wanted to write a country song.
I was wearing a flannel shirt.
And, you know, like you write a country song.
I had a little bit of scotch.
I'm not going to lie.
And the dog, King Charles Spaniel, just Alan was his name.
He was named after my dentist.
He came in and stuck his head right in my crotch.
And the joke is after about an hour, I told him to stop, you know, get away,
boy.
But he really did do that.
And then I literally wrote the song in 20 minutes.
Now, people would go, how in the hell could you write a song in 20 minutes?
Well, the answer is the song was My Dog Licked My Balls.
So it doesn't require, you know, it doesn't require a physics degree.
So, but yeah, I have a new hour that I'll be doing.
It's got new music.
A different way of thinking about things, too.
I can't either because it really, I wasn't planning to go on tour like I was
going and like I was continuing to go until three years ago when all of this
stuff started happening, when there was so much separation and so much anger
and just boiling up.
And it's hard for anybody to spend their time doing that, but they still are
doing it.
You know, everybody's got anger everywhere because this is an out of control
time.
But at least, you know, it's still politically bent from everywhere.
But the truth is we got a common enemy we got to get rid of and we got to save
people's lives.
So all over the world.
And so I kind of, in a sick way, I kind of like it just because it gives people
more of a priority of what matters.
But then some people, you know, then you hear of a governor.
They'd be like after 9-11.
Yeah, well, that, that was the same deal.
I was, I was in New York three weeks after.
And it was, it was, I went there and I did the Howard Stern show.
And I, I'm trying to think if I, I don't think I did Letterman.
I did a couple other shows.
And I don't know why.
I think I was promoting something and it was coming out of the fog and TV
started to come back.
And they started to do what they were doing to get it back.
And I remember going there and my buddy, Chris, and I were walking.
We found out we were both in town at the same time in New York.
And we were walking downtown and we weren't all the way down, but we could see
the smoke and started to smell stuff.
And, and we walked by a fire station and we were each holding a beer, which is
something that, um, that doesn't happen too much anymore, especially with my
buddy, Chris, who's one of my favorite people.
And we said, Hey, I'm sorry, I got a beer.
And, and, uh, the firefighters said, uh, Bob, we've been drinking ever since
this thing started.
You just keep, enjoy your beer, man.
And I just thanked them.
I almost wanted that.
Those are the guys I wanted to get on the ground and bow to.
And, and we've got people doing it now.
We've got these medical people doing it.
So that's what gives me a lot of hope and makes me feel good.
So it's funny, the new material, it's not funny, but the new material that I'm
doing has so much more, uh, deep connection to what matters to me.
And thinking about my childhood and thinking about where we're headed and it's
still, of course, funny.
I'm I've got, I, no way I can't do dick jokes.
There's nothing I can do about it.
I'm, I'm made that way.
That's how I just, that's an escape mechanism, you know, yeah, you got to do
them.
I mean, it's a solid dick joke.
You look at people go, wow, you're dirty.
Oh, okay.
I guess you never listened to Rodney 