Name: Bob Tries to Lift Callers Out of the Blues | Bob Saget
Uploaded: 2020-08-20T17:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Tries to Lift Callers Out of the Blues | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Tries to Lift Callers Out of the Blues | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-20. Transcript available.

Bob Tries to Lift Callers Out of the Blues | Bob Saget

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Hey, everybody.
And this is the story of how I met your mother.
Nah, see, I never met your mother.
I mean, I might have, but the odds are extremely rare.
And I'm not that kind of person.
You know what I mean?
It usually would be like, hey, can I have a picture with you?
And I, sure, let me just get my clothes on.
No, see, that's the kind of joke you can't do anymore.
And it never happened because it's opposite day.
Actually, this is Bob Saget's here for you.
And I am here for you.
Forgive me opening with something so irreverent and so heinous in this
difficult non-PC time.
I just want to, I guess, make you feel good, entertain you.
I don't think taking my clothes off kind of premise is a good idea.
But I did it, and I ain't cutting it.
So this is one of those special episodes where I get to call you guys.
You have called.
You have left messages for me.
I posted it on Instagram stories and on Twitter.
So I'm really happy that you guys are digging, digging?
50s.
I work for the city.
I work for the city.
That you're digging this podcast.
It means a lot to me because I'm going to do it forever.
I'm not doing this because, oh, we've been in quarantine.
So I'm doing this so that, you know, I can't go on tour.
I can't do a TV show.
So this is not my, this is the day job I'm keeping because it's really, it just
fulfills me.
And it makes me feel good to talk to you guys.
And if you look up top, I have to tell you these things.
These are the prayers of Podcastville, which is to subscribe and rate and
review the podcast.
You can follow it if that's how you do it on wherever you're hearing this.
I'm sending you a lot of good wishes and I got, um's always good.
Let's you know how good your broadcaster is.
So I'm going to call people.
I'm going to start calling.
I've got some numbers.
I've got a guy named Blake and I want to find out about him.
He seems, um, it's a drinking game.
Every time I say, um, have some NyQuil.
No, don't do that.
DayQuil.
How about this quill?
You know, get a quill, get an old pen from the 1600s in the room where it
happened.
So this is Blake.
I'm going to give a call to a man named Blake, who I'm sure is a good man.
I don't know why I know that, but every time I do this, I only talk to people
that are just really great.
I'm not, I'm not screwing around.
I assume Blake is a great man.
Hello.
Hey, is this Blake?
Uh, Lake.
Oh, yeah.
How do you say, how do you spell your name, sir?
Bob Saget.
Sorry about that.
Oh, hello, Bob.
It's, uh, L-E-I-F.
Oh, that's cool.
Leif, are you of, uh, of, of descent of the Vikings?
Uh, I could argue that I am, yes.
That's awesome.
I have no Nordic blood in me except for the Nordic guys that have beat me up
and, and penetrated my skin, uh, accidentally.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Yeah, I know.
It was, it was a horrible day.
Um, how, how are you doing, sir?
I am, uh, doing all right.
I'm trying to stay as positive as I can in these, uh, interesting times.
I'm sure that's a familiar statement.
It is, it is an understatement.
It is difficult.
It's like, and then some days you're like, okay, I can surf through this.
And then other days it's like, holy shit, when is this gonna get fixed so we
can go back to life?
We're all waiting for it, dude.
I know.
Yeah.
So where are you from?
I'm looking at the area code here.
Where, where do you live?
I live, uh, down here in Coral Springs, Florida.
It's a, uh, suburb of Fort Lauderdale.
Yep.
I've been through there a lot.
I've played Fort Lauderdale a lot.
I've, uh, toured all through everywhere in Florida.
Um, how is it down there?
How are, how is life?
How are the cases and is it affecting you or anyone you know, or is it, what,
what's cooking?
So, yeah, I'll start off by saying it's, uh, it's incredibly hot for one.
I mean, I work out outside all day, every day.
So there's that, you know, typical, uh, South Florida fashion.
Uh, there's also crazy South Florida people, as you'd expect.
I'm sure you, you hear, uh, hear the headlines of Florida man doing this,
Florida man doing
that.
Uh, so there's that.
Um, and as you know, we're sort of the, uh, petri dish of the United States.
We've got, you know, the most COVID cases.
So that very much affects, um, you know, just businesses and, uh, just kind of
day-to-day
life.
You know, I've, I've had to, it was sort of interesting for me because, you
know, I, I got
out of the military, um, back in March, right when this whole thing started.
So I basically just kind of walked into this, uh, buzzsaw, if you will.
Oh my God.
What, what branch of the service?
I was, uh, I was Navy.
Ah, well, I salute you, sir.
Thank you for your service so much.
How, how, how long was your term?
Uh, I did a five-year contract.
I was on a submarine.
So, uh, my job involved being out to sea for long periods of time and, uh, you
know, not
spending a whole lot of time with family, but, you know, so I had a, had my son.
I was, I was like, okay, I'm ready to go be a dad and be there for him.
So.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Submarine.
Is that as cool as it is in movies we've seen, or is it cooped up or is it both?
Uh, I would absolutely say it's not as cool as you'd think.
And I know usually the next question that follows is, oh, is there, is there
windows?
Let me just clarify that misnomer.
No, there are literally no windows.
And that's, that's for protection, right?
So you don't blow the windows out from deep levels under the ocean.
Correct.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I mean, you know, you get down to a certain depth, you know, light isn't
really a thing.
So not much to look at anyway.
Do they ever, any of those Megs down there, any of those, you know, sharks as
big as your
submarine, like we see in these great movies that I can't watch?
You know, if, if there are, um, I, I can almost assure you that they steer
clear of us.
You know, I've heard all kinds of sea life down there, you know, when I go into
the sonar
shack and I listen to, uh, you know, believe it, believe it or not, the loudest
thing you,
you would ever expect, uh, to hear are shrimp.
And you're probably like thinking, what the hell do shrimp sound like?
But, uh, uh, uh, truthfully, it sounds like a bunch of popcorn and just like,
not even
popcorn.
Imagine just crinkling plastic really loud.
That's, that's what it sounds like.
Yeah.
I've actually, I've been around shrimp, uh, live shrimp and they're screaming
and I've
heard them also sing in unison.
Um, they sing like Alvin of the chipmunk songs.
They're very smart.
People don't realize they're as smart as a, you know, a really smart dog.
Wow.
It's like an Ocatella.
Yeah.
They don't have a band or anything.
They're just shrimp, but they, they can carry in tune.
Um, so man, so you have, how old is your son?
If I could ask.
He's, uh, he's going to be 11 months, uh, coming up here.
Oh, congratulations, Leif.
That's just, that's wonderful.
That's just great.
You got home just in time.
How did you do that?
If you're on a submarine for five years, did you get to come home to create him
to, to
have that happen?
Yes, indeed.
I mean, look, I didn't spend five years consecutively out on a submarine.
I just, you know, I reported to my boat and we'd go out to sea for a few months
at a time
here and there, and then the deployment every couple of, uh, every couple of
years for about
six months, um, straight.
So I, I had some time lost and you, and you were able to be with, uh, your,
your, your
woman.
Are you guys married or are you, uh, we are, we're going two years strong.
Wow.
That's amazing.
That's longer than most people these days that stay together.
Right.
Well, the only other way to, or I was thinking that, you know, five years in a
submarine and
the only way to do it, if you never could leave it ever, um, you know, you'd
have to give
a sample of, of what you need to produce of, of your sperm.
And then you would have to somehow jettison it out of the submarine into the
air and it
would have to be intercepted by a seagull or something and then brought to
shore.
And it's very entailed in order to do in vitro.
So I'm really glad you got to come home instead of having to go through
something that crazy.
That's the future, Bob.
You just spoke it right there.
And I just want to thank you for not hanging up on me during that.
Oh, believe me.
I've heard a lot worse.
Our, uh, we've got a tight knit community and, uh, the sense of humor goes
pretty dark and
pretty deep, deeper than the actual submarine itself.
Well, I can, I understand.
I totally understand.
And I, I mean, I don't totally, I've never been in the service, but, um, I was
for F.
If I couldn't, I was, I was one year from going to Vietnam, um, and, uh, I, I
wasn't drafted
because I just didn't have the sights.
If I don't have glasses, I can't, maybe they've changed the rules.
I don't think they have, but if you, if you, you know, if you wear glasses, you
cannot do
all the stuff that's needed in order to protect and serve.
So as blind as I am.
As far as I know, glasses are the only thing that, you know, if you have
glasses, you just
can't be like a fighter pilot these days, or I guess special forces, you can't
do that.
But pretty much every other occupation, they pretty much allowed you to wear
glasses.
I mean, I, myself wear glasses.
I think, uh, back in the day, if they were going to swear me in, they would
just curse
at me.
We're going to swear you in.
Okay.
You fucking idiot.
You know, so what did, what did you want to, uh, what'd you, what'd you want to
speak
about?
I'm thrilled to hear from you.
Yeah.
Um, so this is just more on a, on a personal note.
Um, so I'm trying to like, I'm trying to figure out what it is that I can do
for my family.
Um, and for myself, you know, I'm trying to find this fair balance.
I, I'm truly a believer in, uh, finding a profession and a, uh, a career that
not only suits you based
on what you're good at, but suits you based on what you love to do.
Um, and I, I guess I draw that inspiration from my parents, you know, my father's
musician
and my mom is a registered respiratory therapist.
Oh ma