Name: Bob Compassionately Trades Jokes and Punchlines with Callers | Bob Saget
Uploaded: 2020-10-08T17:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Compassionately Trades Jokes and Punchlines with Callers | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Compassionately Trades Jokes and Punchlines with Callers | Bob Saget' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-08. Transcript available.

Bob Compassionately Trades Jokes and Punchlines with Callers  | Bob Saget

hey friends and neighbors uh send me your ears no don't don't that would be a
fedex that'd be
horrific keep your ears on your head and listen to this uh podcast because that's
what you're
doing by doing this so thank you welcome to uh you know i'm here for you i'm
bob and uh this is an
episode that i love doing where i get to call people and see how they're doing
so these episodes
mean a lot to me because i get to connect with people and we all need
connection right now more
than ever right so a couple things the normal announcements you want to do the
subscribe
and listen or follow you how depending on how you listen to this and uh then
you get it and it's
free you know how it works and uh what can i tell you up at the top is a number
you can call when i
make these special episodes where i get to call you guys i tell you on twitter
and instagram stories and
facebook when i'll be calling and so this is one of those moments where a bunch
of people
have left messages and uh want to converse and talk about stuff and i'm trying
to stay out of politics
uh because i don't think i should run because i really don't know much but wait
a minute that would
make me a great candidate but i i'm trying to um i don't know today's the day
well i just i don't know
about you guys but i just can't fucking take it so uh i'm just tired of it and
want to hear how you
guys are doing so that makes me feel kind of good i ain't pulling no doctor
thing dr oz you know
i think he was on the news giving advice i guess he knows things like lower
back pain anyway um i'm
gonna uh call some people and see how you guys are this is uh jacob and i think
jacob is in i don't
know santa fe not sure
hello hey jacob bob saget how you doing
so i i listened to your message i mean how could i not call you i mean you have
wonderful things to offer um are you doing all right are you hanging in i am
hanging in there
man i'm doing good and i i don't you just made the rest of my year man i mean
it didn't take much but i mean i'm like a it's so good to hear your voice well
thanks thanks that's
really nice so where are you are you in like santa fe i am in white rock uh new
mexico which is just
outside of los alamos new mexico oh there's a power plant there uh well there's
a laboratory there and
that's where they made the bomb that's awesome
do they give tours of it yeah they um they have a history museum uh a friend of
mine did go into
like a secured part of the lab where there's like armed guards and there's no
absolutely zero fucking
around like right those guys are like serious you can't even like talk but
there's nothing active
there there's no actual working going on right nothing's operative right there's
a there's a plutonium
facility there's you know explosions going up seriously well i can hear it like
they're nearby
are the explosions underground uh no uh most of the time that i think they're
doing like hydro tests
geez why are they doing this could you walk in there with like a microwave
could you go in there
with like a hot pockets uh jim gaffigan's favorite food frozen and then just
simply just it would just
get nuked and cook just by being in there there's certain areas that have been
like paved over where
you might be able to cook a hot pocket oh my god i wouldn't go in there i mean
radiation i'd be scared
yeah well you know it's pretty minimal and you know the the traces in the water
are very low
well that's comforting that's good so now have you been uh in the quarantino
have you been doing
all that or you kind of live in your life or working i am i'm in a very small
community so it's like
uh uh the uh person-to-person contacts pretty low um the so i just like go to
the store and
and stay in my apartment that's pretty much it yeah a lot of people are doing
that and
they're probably getting sick a lot less um i have a friend i need to visit in
the hospital and i'm like
oh man what do i do i guess i will do it then get a covid test right after you
know just wear the whole
i'll wear a visor i'll wear a scuba outfit i'll go in in a diving bag
i have a video on youtube that has me suiting up and it's like full hazmat just
to go to walmart
that's funny that's very funny yeah where can where can people see that
uh the real afterlife okay that's it people are going to be finding it now you're
going to get people
to cloud around that well i hope so you had a joke for me right and it seemed
funny to me from what i
could tell so why don't you uh just tell me what it was again so i can i mean
it had to it's a dick
joke of sorts which you know i'm a fan of yeah it was uh i asked my girlfriend
uh what what's more
important uh having a sense of humor or uh dick size and she said uh having a
sense of humor that
way we can both laugh at your dick see that's kind of a well-constructed joke
that's really good and
but but why would you be laughing at your dick that's the problem i mean it's
one thing for her
too but for you too you can't be that self-deprecating that's so sad i mean if
you wake up in the morning
and you've got you know your you know you got the morning wood which a lot of
people get you know
and uh right and if you're laughing at it it's like you're kind of roasting
your own dick it's kind
of it doesn't seem right i think what my dick would get mad if it had a brain
if i was laughing at
it it obviously doesn't have a brain i mean i've done i've done things i don't
remember uh with it but
your heart has a brain so it is connected like directly to your heart right the
heart has a
brain it does have a kind of a brain i didn't know that i thought the brain
operated all of it
the brain in your actual skull but um yeah well it's that you know your main cpu
unit but there's
like you know secondary operations in your heart i didn't know that i'm excited
to have a second
brain so you're saying it's like a car it's like the thing that would you got
your battery but then
you have the battery in the front also uh well it's like it's like why you can
feel heartbreak
yeah well that's feeling but that comes from your brain doesn't it no you're
right but that does come
from the brain you're feeling it and then when something terrible happens yeah
you could actually
have a heart attack from it or you you feel right people that are in
relationships that break up and
a lot of people yeah i've had heartbreak a lot and i've had a lot of loss in
the family and people
i care about so yeah it's true heartache and we get out of it yeah well dick
size definitely is
something that can cheer up anybody and if you can laugh honestly you brought
up something really
philosophical if you can laugh at your dick and your girlfriend can laugh at
your dick and you do
that together you have a really self-effacing sense of humor and she and you
can i mean solid
relationships like this you know well that's the best during this time is to
have a firm and hard
relationship you know just add penis metaphors but you wouldn't be doing it you
can't reverse it because
we you know you don't want to uh me to your penis you know you don't want to no
you can't put the shoe
on the other body um and and do that back in the day i guess no i don't think
so you'd have to be pretty
foul to do that to a lady or to do it to another person but it's great if you're
laughing at your
dick if they say if you can laugh your dick the whole world laughs with you at
your dick
it's a very i agree yeah i think you you've enlightened me today jacob i want
to thank you
for calling you kind of made me feel good thank you so much man you know what
you make me feel good
thank you bob this podcast really helped me out in a crucial time in my life
where i was out in the woods
and i really didn't have much uh to do but listen to a podcast and just uh so
you know it was entertaining
it helped me through and thanks man and that means a lot to me thank you that's
why i'm doing it i'm doing
it for people and i'm doing it for me because i'm connecting you know
huh well i appreciate it and like i said man i love you ah right back at you
thank you so much
and stay well and uh keep laughing at your keep laughing at your penis
i am gonna laugh at it right now okay great great good time to hang up
once it comes out once you once you take the wrapping off and the bow just you
can hang up
be well man thanks you too thank you
okay we'll be right back
all right we're back um
this is a really uh fun for me uh honestly uh i'm gonna call somebody uh named
amanda
uh because it seems like she's a really good person and it's always nice to
talk to
a person that's a good person and not angry and it felt from this message that
she's not angry at all
said this should be fun hello hi amanda it's bob saget here are you kidding me
no i swear it's not
somebody with a bob saget impersonating thing going how are you bob saget voice
box i'm
fantastic how are you i'm good yeah it's an app where someone can sound like me
it's like screams but bob saget version exactly it's just you talk into it and
it just comes out as me
well you you left a nice message you said some real nice stuff so um i i wanted
to know what's uh you
know what what's on your mind and and you seem like a positive person during
this crazy world we're in
i'm trying man i'm really trying yeah where where are you located where do you
live
um i'm in indiana but i'm not one of those hoosiers so don't hold it against me
oh no i'm i don't
i'm i love it in indiana i spent a lot of time supposed to be in indianapolis
think
recently uh it would have been if i had done the shows if we weren't shut down
like we are
but um right because you gotta i gotta make people laugh or and enjoy the craft
of it and the love of
it but um right yeah you had a couple things you wanted to bring up and uh i'll
let you say them
because i i can't even even go there okay well yeah um first one is a little
random uh the aristocrat
right which is a lovely it's not the disney movie it's the uh right it's the
other fun for the whole
family yeah you don't want to get those dvds mixed up for the kids yeah
yeah so um one of the most if you're in you know if you're of age adult highly
recommend it just a
hilarious documentary um and what a good time to watch it while you're locked
up in covid lockdown
it's interesting i don't think they could make it now i think with a lot of
cancel culture the subject
matter you know there's so much in it that's that's wrong but that's true that's
the purpose of it though
the purpose of it was telling a joke that is the dirtiest joke ever told and i'd
only heard it twice
it's not really a good joke um right it's a horrible joke but to me that just
makes it funnier right and
it's the improv of how everybody else does it and some people go that's not a
joke even in the
documentary chris rock was like i don't tell that you know and then robin williams
bless him told
another joke and you know i think it was you didn't just come here to hunt i
think was the joke i'm not
sure but uh i think that was it and drew carey did the same joke they were
intercutting but my version
was a you know kind of like jazz with a lot of filth in it but right and you
were getting ready to go
on stage and stand up and uh you did not get to finish the end of your joke
yeah you're one of the
few people that noticed that i i was about to say this it's a family for people
that don't know i'm not
going to tell it but it's a family that is so desperate to get into showbiz and
meet an agent
and get him to represent them that they'll do anything and they do anything and
it's horrific
and it's the unthinkable and they do unthinkable acts uh with each other to
each other and then
truly the unthinkable it's the unthinkable and everyone tells it differently it
depends on how
far you want to push the the i don't know the boundaries of taste and then at
the end they're
done ta-da and the agent goes what do you call yourselves and they're supposed
to go one whoever
it is the aristocrats and 