Name: Jon Lovitz Tells Bob Stories From His Childhood, SNL, and How He Develops His Hilarious Characters
Uploaded: 2021-02-01T18:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jon Lovitz Tells Bob Stories From His Childhood, SNL, and How He Develops His Hilarious Characters' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jon Lovitz Tells Bob Stories From His Childhood, SNL, and How He Develops His Hilarious Characters' from Bob Saget on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-01. Transcript available.

Jon Lovitz Tells Bob Stories From His Childhood, SNL, and How He Develops His Hilarious Characters

Hey, here is another episode, right? It's not just another episode. This is a
long episode
because I know it is because I'm going to be talking to John Lovitz. Yes, John
Lovitz. Exactly.
So welcome to Bob Saget's here for you, but it's really going to be John Lovitz.
I don't think I'm
going to be able to get a word in. It could last four hours. This is going to
be like Lovitz of
Arabia. It's not going to end. A few things I have to let you know, which is to
rate, review,
and you know, you can do that. You can leave a comment. You can also call that
phone number up
in the menu, and when I call people sometimes, leave a message. I just want to
thank you guys
for listening because I've been getting such nice feedback, and the podcast is
getting out there
quite well, and it's because of friends like this person I've known for a long
time, and he's going
to attack me because that's what he does, and he's a good man, and he's been in
quarantine,
so I think it's going to be the longest conversation I've ever had with anyone.
Please welcome to the
podcast my friend John Lovitz.
Hello? Hello. Happy New Year, John.
Thank you. You know, Bob, this little person was in a bar, and he was very
upset, crying, and they go,
what's wrong, buddy? And he goes, I can't make money. They closed the circus.
Right. He goes, well, you know, the Guinness Book of World Records is across
the street,
and he goes, if you have anything on you that's small, you know, you get a
record. He goes, well,
my hands and my feet are, they're kind of normal, but my penis is, it's a small,
I, because it's
really smaller than all of my friends. Do they have a record for that? He says,
yes, you get like
1,500 bucks. You should try. All right. So he runs across the street, and he
comes back 15 minutes
there. He goes, well, did you get the $1,500 for the world's smallest penis?
And he says, no,
who the hell is Bob Saget?
So that could be any name, but I fit the bill.
I don't want to brag, Bob, but I met a girl on Facebook during this coronavirus,
and she wanted
to have sex with me. And she goes, oh, wait, how can we have sex? We have to
have six
feet between us. And I said, don't worry, I'll fold my dick in half.
Wow. That's almost like a joke I'd heard years ago.
No, I'll just take out enough to win.
Oh yeah. Right. That's right. And then yes. And then I met another girl and
lived in the mountains
on Catalina Island. Did you really for real? Yeah. And on Facebook and we were
talking and she said,
I want to, you know, I love you. I want to make love. And I said, well, I go, I
don't know how you
live on Catalina Island in the mountains. I'm in Los Angeles, 30 miles away.
Can you at least walk
down to your beach and meet me halfway? That's hilarious. And I'm pretty sure
on the way to her
house, I got a two dolphin and a whale pregnant. By the way, it was a blue
whale. And now it's a sperm whale.
Cause you, you, you'd filled it up in the blow hole.
You don't have to. I know.
I'm trying to explain.
Some kids don't get it.
You know, they.
I'm a joke killer.
Let me.
Dude, you walk into a bar. They buy it because Jews tend to buy things.
Uh, first time I heard that was Richard Belzer. And I know that it was a joke.
It's probably been
around since the beginning of time.
I never heard him say it. And if he did say it, he got it.
Oh, I did. I did hear him say it.
Well, I didn't. So there.
Well, well, okay. So it's up to.
Oh, I heard your whole act before, take it last check. So you're stealing from
yourself.
What are you drinking? What's that little thing? Are you drinking paint?
Oh, it's a five hour energy boost. That's how you do it. That's how you have
this amazing surge
of energy.
That's what's keeping me awake to speak to you.
My God, I've known you.
Are you in your office? Is that like your awards behind you?
No, it's just some stuff. That's a Rodney Dangerfield thing I got from the UCLA
brain.
I was looking at it. I got the same award.
Probably after you.
You probably did because Rodney loved you. In fact, look at this. I have a
picture.
I was honored to get it.
You were on it today?
No, I was honored to get it.
Oh, okay. You have great sound.
Anyway, this is. I'm going to buy you a microphone for your next birthday. When
do you turn 75?
I don't know.
Here's a picture and it's.
Oh yeah. That was at your scleroderma event that you invited.
That's the first time you've said that disease properly, but it's Tim Allen and
Robin Williams.
And then you and then Rodney and then me.
And then you.
No one thinks it's me though, because I looked so much better.
No, I, I, uh, yeah, I love that picture that I felt honored to be in there.
That's why I'm smiling so big.
And that was a great night. And, uh, I hadn't, I hadn't really, it didn't, I
just started doing standup and you asked me to do it. And I said, okay. And
then I go, how am I going to follow Robin and Tim? And the answer of course is
with ease.
I think it's because you went on before them.
No, I went on after them.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah.
How'd that happen?
They didn't, they, they really didn't. Of course they're fantastic comics, but
they didn't, uh, they didn't really prepare anything. They just got up and
talked, you know, they weren't really doing their act.
Right. Most people don't at the benefit. Cause they just riff. Cause they want
to, uh.
Yeah. They want to save their act or you're not, you're not paying them. So
they go, I'm not going to do my act. Fuck him.
And I had like an act that I did. So it was more planned. I was with a friend
that said Rodney was laughing.
He was laughing very hard at all my afterwards. Rodney was a John, good jokes,
which was a huge compliment.
Cause I just started, I go, thank you coming from you, you know, and, uh, I
know you were very close to him.
He, what a great guy. And I remember the joke he told too. I think, I think it
was the last time he ever actually performed in public,
but he did it from his table. I remember he stood up and he goes, they go,
Ronnie, you introduced him and everyone went nuts.
And he goes, thank you. Thank you. I just finished. He goes, uh, thank you. I
just finished the book.
I'm thinking of reading another one.
It's so funny though. People go, what's the hardest thing in comedy? I go,
those jokes, one liners. I think, I think they're the hardest to write because
you
have one it's, you know, jokes is set up on a punchline and, and you have, you,
it's like,
you got to come up with it quick. I mean like right away. And it's, it's hard
to do, but there's also
some of the funniest jokes, but those are the hardest ones to write. I think.
When I started, that's all I did. Cause Rodney was one of my main influences.
And then Richard,
I would watch, and then I would learn to do longer stories, but they weren't
about me.
African-American. I wish actually influenced you.
I mean, if you could be anything, are you happy you're Jewish?
I mean, yeah. I mean, if I could be anything, it would be less handsome.
It's a burden. I'm not. Mission accomplished.
You know what? You are good looking and you have a, can I tell you something?
Honestly,
you've always had a cool hairline always. And, uh, you've sustained it.
You're hilarious. Well, I've always admired your freckles and I think if there
was a way to,
especially the ones on my back, what would the message be?
John get off my back. Yes. Something.
Would you have, did you ever have sexual feelings toward me? Just answer
quickly. Don't think.
Yes. I do now.
You know, I did this movie in Miami called, uh, Killing Hasselhoff. And, uh,
I have your IMDB here. It's exhausting, John. It's exhausting how many things
you've done.
Yeah. The, the, anyway, I thought one of the funniest jokes in the movie was,
uh,
anyway, the movie's about, uh, uh, there's a betting celebrity death pool. Who's
going to die first?
And Ken Jung, uh, he's like, he needs the money. Cause his, he has a nightclub
that burned down
and a girl left him. So he gets the idea. I'm going to kill. He, he bets on
David Hasselhoff dying.
So he goes, I'm going to kill David and get 500,000 bucks. And David's playing
himself in the movie.
And I'm his agent. Anyway, they hire a hit man. Who's a, who has also gay.
And so there's a scene where the hit man and the guy was, I forget his name is
really funny.
And he goes, no, I'm a writer, but I've seen him on this stuff. And he,
so he's in David's bedroom and he goes, and he goes, God, you're so gorgeous.
I don't know whether to fuck you first or kill you. And then David goes,
couldn't you just kill me first?
Yeah.
I actually had a dream when I was on a college.
I was on a college tour homophobic.
No, I, it is, it is, uh, back in the day, we, we did homophobic humor,
which today is, I don't think as acceptable.
Um, of course knew all this, the 20 minutes of my act about you.
That's what I want to lead to. But just to complete your thought,
I was on a college tour with that Mitzi shore had sent me on. And I was in a
college
in Raleigh, North Carolina, the 79 and 1979. And I was with Jeff to heart.
Right. That's when I graduated college. So I was like 21, you were 20, one or
two.
Yeah. 22. And, and so I had a dream, these two guys, I had a dream, these two
guys we met,
they were big mountain men. I dreamt that they came in and said, first, we're
going to rape you.
And then we're going to kill you. And I looked at them and said, you wouldn't
mind reversing that
order. Would you? So that's the short version of what you just said. It's like
much better.
Every joke I bring up, you go, Oh, I heard that joke.
Well, I'm older than you.
Well, I, it's so funny you say that because I remember, uh, my parents brought
me to Vegas
in the sixties. Oh, really? Cause your parents brought me to Vegas.
And she said, uh, look at those two guys. I know they're going to me or rape me.
Maybe they kill me
and rape me. Maybe they could kill me first. That was in 65.
Is that true?
Mm-hmm.
So it all goes back to five jokes that Groucho probably.
What about you? Did you, did you hear that joke before that?
Well, I dreamt it. So I didn't ever say it on stage. So it was just a nightmare.
So you never said it on stage?
Oh, I might've, but I don't remember. Cause I remember my twenties are a blur.
I was pretty
miserable in my twenties. It's funny. I remember, um, reading, uh, Carl Sandberg
wrote, uh, read
author, uh, books about Abraham Lincoln, the president. And then one of the
shows about how
funny Lincoln was. And he would tell jokes like, uh, uh, two Jews walk into a
bar, they buy it.
And then Lincoln would say, um, I had a dream that somebody named Bob Saget's
going to steal my
material. He was a prophet. He was prophetic. He, they said two Jews walk into
a bar to Lincoln.
And he said, you wouldn't mind reversing that order. Would you?
Right.
Cause he was so ahead of the curve. He combined all jokes.
So I have to ask you questions. I have to ask you something. Cause I've, I've
been actually,
we've never sat down and talked about this and we've been around each other a
long time.
I mean, I would go on vacations and I'd go with, uh, the, to Hawaii. And there
was one time
and we had a mutual friends that were there as well. And, uh, the grays and,
and different comedians would come at Begley jr. Was there. Gary Shaling was
there
at time at a certain time in our lives every year, right?
I did with my children and my ex-wife. She wasn't my ex-wife then that would
have been awkward.
But, um, but then my daughter who was just here, my oldest daughter, Aubrey
said,
I'll never forget when there was a phone call in our room and it was you, John.
And you said,
hello, is your father there? And she said, no, he's not here. Tell him I'm here.
And I'm going to spend every moment with him. And John, I think it happened. I
think here's a picture
of your ass. This is a picture that I took of you that I don't think I've ever
shown you.
That's your ass. I was following you. And then here's another.
That's the Mauna L