Name: Bill Burr - Standup in Public
Uploaded: 2016-03-28T18:21:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Standup in Public' from Comedy of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Standup in Public' from Comedy of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-28. Transcript available.

all right nice to be here at the uh the playground want to thank roger paul for
this gig so what's
up with all these white kids now walking around trying to act like they're like
gangster rappers
it's irritating it's like everywhere i go man i figured just be here in the
city we got a good
mix of people you know i'll be like in the middle of kansas though like the
whitest state ever
there'll be some howdy duty looking white kid like me you know i'm thinking
this is one of my peeps
somebody i can have a conversation with all of a sudden she's like yo what's up
kid what's up kid
i just want to be like nothing much brad you know you're keeping it real in wichita
how the
fuck are you going to be a gangster in a state say like nebraska you know
wouldn't you be like all
hardcore about your crop just in there yo shit was crazy you know i'm saying my
fucking corn wasn't
going on my fucking scarecrow was tipping over and you know what i'm saying son
i just want to be like
dude you're white go to the gap give into it buy some dockers and come home i
think i hate like
90 of the movies that are coming out right now your movies really irritate me i
hate the black guy
white guy buddy movies you know i mean because they're always going to make the
white guy out to be
like this complete nerd like oh geez i can't understand the slang slow down
black guy then they
always have the black guy's got to be like this over the top like ridiculous
come on man you got to
loosen up like teaches the white dude how to like party or something that
should never happens in
real life you know like when i hang out with the black guy in real life at no
point does he like
try to like teach me how to dance and i don't go to his neighborhood and like
try to save a school
it just doesn't happen we kind of hang out have a good time whatever and at the
end of the night
you know we get on the subway and i get off at about 15 stops before him i
never understood people who
join the military that's such a horrible job it's like the second you get there
some dude gets right
in your face like get off that goddamn bus you piece of shit i mean what other
job is like that
you don't get a job at a computer company and the guy's like get in that damn
cubicle you
fucking piece of shit turn on that laptop don't you eyeball me private you're
in there doing push-ups
i want to build websites sir i just think you have to be a complete idiot and a
psycho to want to be in
the military i've never understood the shame of getting a hooker people always
flip out like dude
you had to pay for it just like buddy i paid for this shirt what would you
rather pay for a shirt or
a blowjob you know what i mean it's a no-brainer i'm gonna tell you right now
man the only thing that
stops me is sexually transmitted diseases if it wasn't for like herpes and aids
and shit like that
i'd be ordering hookers like domino's my girlfriend went to a strip club the
other night
which i don't have a problem with i mean she's dating me i know she's got to
look at something
to give her something to think about right the only problem i had was she came
home she told me she
touched one of the strippers dicks can you believe that ma'am she said she
touched it so i go what
do you mean you touched it what you you you you went like that ooh ooh what is
that she's like no i
kind of i kind of went like that so i was like well what the fuck you didn't
touch it you stroked it
somebody getting this big argument about what a stroke is she goes no a stroke
is down and then back up
again i go yeah but that was a stripper's dick it's twice as big as mine so
once down is equal to down
and then back up again she tried to act like she didn't enjoy it but it was a
great big stripper
cock and i know she loved it she definitely loved it i really don't trust
beautiful women you know why
because they're only around when you have it's like the second you get some if
you don't have anything
going on you're just like hanging out with trolls and shit you know what i mean
but the second you get
some shit going on they come out of the woodwork like oh my god you have some
stuff can you buy me
some stuff and then the second you go broke they're like oh my god i left
something over here you know
it's just a real fucking turn off ah