Name: Patrice O'neal - Elephant in the Room (Web Promo)
Uploaded: 2016-08-12T09:17:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patrice O'neal - Elephant in the Room (Web Promo)' from Comedy of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-08-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patrice O'neal - Elephant in the Room (Web Promo)' from Comedy of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-08-12. Transcript available.

Ladies, I have a secret.
To tell.
Martha has a new lover.
Good for her.
And he's black.
She said he's enormous.
But, but, he never goes down on her.
Well, they're lazy.
Have you ever been with a black man?
Oh, I was almost once.
Really?
I do tell God.
Oh, I just got really drunk.
And, uh, like a black baby leg.
And then there was the sheep hair on the pillow.
Did he ever take you out to a restaurant and pay?
No, no, no.
No, they don't, too.
You can't go out to dinner with them.
It's fried everything.
Well, that's because they're all from the South.
Mm-hmm.
Well, they're not all from the South.
Here's Patrice, late as usual.
Hi.
Hey, guys.
So, Patrice, you're a nigger.
Do you eat pussy?
Oh, yeah.
Sometimes.
It depends.
Now, see, you're lazy about it.
Nah, it's just, well, especially white women's, because y'all pussy look like
uncooked chicken thighs.
They don't look safe.
You know what I mean?
I like my pussy to have hair on it like an adult.
I thought I meant like that.
Anyway, is this everybody's?
Yeah, yeah.
So, I can't seem to get my husband to sleep with me these days.
Oh, shit.
I mean, look at me.
You look incredible.
I do.
Don't I?
At least your husband's not cheating on you with some 20-year-old skank.
What?
No.
So tacky.
No, it ain't.
What?
Because pussy get old like bread, not like wine.
20-year-old cooch tastes like hope.
Yours probably tastes like a bad decision.
It ain't a working uterus at this table.
I totally know what you mean.
I am a whore in the bedroom.
You have to be.
You have to be.
We take the compensatory trip and just go down one by one, each position.
You got pictures, you can't screw it up.
Straight up for the client.
Really?
The other day he was asking me for a blumpkin.
Blumpkin?
Blumpkin.
Did you give it to him?
I didn't even know what it was.
You're giving him a head on the toilet while he's taking a dump.
Oh.
How about the Spider-Man 1 and 2?
What's that?
He comes in his hand and then slings it in your face.
The Spider-Man 2, he comes in your hand and then puts it on your face and pulls
back like
there.
And then he acts like he's...
How about the poltergeist?
But he needs a friend.
And his friend has to be hiding in the closet.
So he's fucking you from the back and he sneaks away and his friend takes his
place.
And then he goes outside and waves at you through the window.
And goes, I'm here.
That's so cute.
That is cute.
How about the dirty turkey?
That's when you jerking off two guys, one's fucking you and you suck the other
one's dick.
And you're like...
Try it.
You have to.
I won't even pee in front of him.
I won't even pee in front of him.
I won't even pee in front of him.
I won't even pee in front of him.
I won't even pee in front of him.
I won't even pee in front of him.
I won't even pee in front of him.
I won't even pee in front of him.
I won't even pee in front of him.