Name: Louis C.K's First Ever Conan Set (RARE AUDIO)
Uploaded: 2022-11-16T16:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K's First Ever Conan Set (RARE AUDIO)' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K's First Ever Conan Set (RARE AUDIO)' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-16. Transcript available.

My next guest is a close friend of mine from the club days, and he's one of my
very own writers.
All the way from the ninth floor, please welcome Louis C.K.
Thank you.
Hi, Max.
Give that Max a hand.
Play more.
Come on.
Hi, how's everybody doing?
All right?
My favorite song.
Nice to be here.
My name's Louis.
I live in New York.
I like New York, because this is the only city where you actually have to say
things like,
hey, that's mine, don't pee on that.
I was walking down the street today, and I saw this guy on a bicycle.
He was on a bike, and he was about to go between a parked car and a cab.
He was like, only that much space.
And I could also see the woman in the cab was about to open the door, and he
was going to get nailed, you know?
And I wanted to yell something, but it was like too much to yell in too little
time.
Because it was happening so fast, and I couldn't yell, hey, hey!
She said, open the door to that cab, and you're going to get hit on the bike,
and go flying, and get hurt.
I couldn't fit it all in there.
I just ended up yelling out, bad thing!
I guess I wasn't specific enough, because he's dead.
But, uh, he's a dead guy.
So, then I saw a friend of mine, right?
I saw this friend of mine, and he waved to me from across the street.
And, uh, I wanted to wave back, but I was eating a peach.
And I had a newspaper on the other hand, you know?
So, I just waved the peach at him.
I felt like I was going, look, I have a peach!
Look what a fine peach it is!
I am very fruitful indeed!
You know what always surprises me is how often I see people that I know in the
city,
because there's a lot of people here, you know?
But I always see people that I know in the street.
I also see a lot of people that I don't know.
But, uh, I usually take that in stride, you know?
But you ever see somebody that you don't know, again?
Yes!
You know, like somebody that's just a total stranger,
but it keeps popping up once in a while.
It's like, God is running out of extras in the movie of your life or something.
Starting to reuse people, all right?
You go be the guy in the bus.
But I was just a jogger.
Just go, put a hat on.
I don't care.
I'm a loser, anyway.
I never liked him.
I got in a really awkward situation today, really embarrassing.
You know when you tell somebody a story,
then a week later you tell them the same story again,
because you forgot,
and by this time you've added a bunch of lies to it,
and you're...
Sometimes you have to lie, you know?
Like when you're telling somebody a story,
and halfway through, you realize that it sucks, you know?
It's not interesting.
And you have to throw in like a midget on fire or something to make it...
But you have to be careful.
Like, every day I was telling this guy a funny story about something that
happened to me,
and it was a true story, but it didn't really happen to me.
It happened to somebody else.
I was just lying and saying it was me,
and all of a sudden I realized that I was talking to the guy that it happened
to.
I was like, that wasn't you, that was me!
What is wrong with you?
Oh, I thought that happened to me!
I always get in an embarrassing situation in public,
like when you get in an elevator,
and you go to press your floor button,
and it's already been pressed by somebody else.
Yeah, that's one of those moments where you use that voice
where you don't actually make words.
You know, in public, you go,
I said...
I said...
I said...
I said...
Like, when you look at your watch,
not because you want to...
You're just looking at it to just look at it,
you know, because you feel awkward around people.
You just want to look like you're doing something to see it.
Look at your watch.
Then you put your arm down,
somebody asks you what time it is,
you have no idea.
I don't know.
I didn't read it, I just looked at it.
So, I've got to do some impressions for you now.
This first one, this is my impression
of a very paranoid guy calling a woman for a date.
A very paranoid guy calling a woman for a date.
Hello, Lisa?
Want to go to a movie?
All right, 10 o'clock.
Meet me at the theater,
and no cops!
All right, now, this is...
This is a superhero
being propositioned by a hooker.
A superhero being propositioned by a hooker.
Hey, baby, want to have a good time?
No!
All right, now, this is...
Stop!
All right, this is...
Okay, this is a good time to be doing this.
You ever wear a bathing suit
because you ran out of clean underwear?
All right, so...
Anyway, I'm running out of time.
I've got to do this really quick.
You know, there's ways to express yourself
in life that you can only use
in certain situations.
Like when you're having sex with somebody
and you make those moaning noises, you know?
You should be able to use those noises
other times you're happy also, you know?
Like, say you're at a job interview
and it's a really good job.
And at the end of it, the guy goes,
well, I'm very happy with your resume
and you're interesting
and I'd be glad to hire you.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I'll see you Monday.
Thanks a lot.
All right, thank you.
Louis C.K.
We'll be right back.
Hey, I'm here with Louis C.K.
How are you, Louis?
Hey, how you doing, Conan?
Good to see you.
Hey, Conan, how are you?
That's more like it.
Okay.
We need pep on this show.
How are you?
How was your Columbus Day?
Was it fun?
Good.
I went down to the village.
They had a big festival.
I like going to, you know,
things where there's a big outdoor area
with lots of people.
I just, like, stand...
If you'd stand in a big crowd of people,
you could just stand there and go,
Jimmy!
Billy!
And nobody even looks at you, you know?
And I went, they had those games
where you try to win the stuffed dog,
you know, and you end up paying, like,
$200 for, like, an $8.
I won!
I won these two giant stuffed dogs,
and I was by myself, you know?
And I'm walking around with these big...
I felt stupid, except for when I was at the festival,
I was, like, the hero of everybody around me, you know?
So I was going, Jesus, look at that guy!
Those dogs are huge!
He's the best!
And I'm like, yes, look at my dog!
And fear me!
The clown with the balloon on his head
was no match for me!
But, uh...
So, but then when you get farther away
from the festival, people have started going,
what's with the idiot with those giant dogs?
You lose your credibility.
You should have brought them on the show!
I would, I would have.
I think the whole audience would have been impressed.
Well, I got in a big fight with those giant dogs.
Ah.
You have an attitude, you know?
Yeah.
That can happen.
All right, well, I'm afraid we're out of time.
Louie, thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen, Louie C.K., thank you very much.
And, uh, where are you going to be really quickly?
Uh, comic strip in New York City.
All right.
I also want to thank Mimi Rogers for being here.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.