Name: Louis C K - If Murder Was Legal
Uploaded: 2023-01-08T21:30:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C K - If Murder Was Legal' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C K - If Murder Was Legal' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-08. Transcript available.

I mean, what am I capable of?
I'd like to think that I'm a nice person, but I don't know, man.
A lot of it is context.
There's a lot of things I wonder if the world was different.
Like if murder was legal, I might have killed a few people.
I don't know.
I'd love to think, oh, I would never do that.
But we really need the law against murder for one simple reason.
The law against murder is the number one thing preventing murder.
We'd like to think it's because, like, oh, I would never do that.
No, it's because it really sucks getting caught murdering a lot.
If murder was legal or just a misdemeanor,
like you get a thing in the mail, oh, shit, they had a camera there.
If murder was legal, there would be so much murder.
Regular people would murder.
Murderers would murder even more.
And then really nice, sweet people would murder a few people.
But nobody would murder no people.
You wouldn't trust somebody who didn't murder.
If murder was legal, you wouldn't like them.
I never killed anybody.
Okay, nice meeting you.
Ugh.
What a creep.
I mean, not even a hooker.
Live a life.
What's wrong with that guy?
He's like a Mormon or some shit.
I hate those guys.
I think he's nice.
Shut up, Janet.
It would just...
If murder was legal, there would be a lot of murder.
Children would behave very differently.
Because mostly parents would be murdering their own kids.
That's mostly what would happen if murder was legal.
You'd be, you know, you go to a mall, there'd be like eight different moms in
the mall.
So I told you to stop it!
You didn't listen to me!
Just...
You'd be just...
You'd be stepping over dead kids.
It would be like a new problem.
You have to clean up your kids when you kill them, because it's gross.
It's bad for the environment.
If you murder your child in a public place, please use one of the red bags that
are in the dispensers every three feet of America.
Put your murdered child in the red bag with a logo of a murdered kid on it next
to the other logo that tells you not to let your alive kid play with a plastic
bag.
Because they might suffocate.
In which case you could just leave them in the bag.
That is a whole bunch of horrible thoughts right in a row.
Right in a row!
That is a compressed area of bad thought.