Name: Louis C.K - Fat People At The Zoo
Uploaded: 2023-02-28T20:30:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K - Fat People At The Zoo' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K - Fat People At The Zoo' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-28. Transcript available.

I thought I had COVID about three times.
I'm one of those idiots.
I was like, I think I have it.
Can you feel?
I'm bad with pain, too.
Like, the other day, I hit my elbow right on that spot
where if I had a gun, I'd be dead now.
You know, that's...
I can't do pain.
That's why I could never be a cop.
I couldn't walk around with a gun right here?
There's 50 things a day where I'd be like,
fuck that, that ain't worth...
That's my main problem, by the way,
with the whole defund the police idea.
What about people that want to commit suicide by cop?
What about them?
Anyway, we'll put a pin in that, but...
We had a lot of protests in New York,
and now we have protesters that just live here.
They're not at a protest.
They're just here.
I saw a protester in Washington Square Park.
She had green hair and dirty legs.
And she's holding a little piece of cardboard,
and it's with a Sharpie.
It said,
abolish billionaires.
She's just standing there.
And I thought,
I don't think that's going to do it.
It doesn't feel like that's going to result.
And Jeff Bezos going,
what's happening to me?
Sadly,
it's going to be okay for him.
I thought it was good
how young people got out there
and they expressed themselves.
They went out there to solve
a lot of problems.
Not all problems,
but some of them.
They went out there
to stop discrimination.
Not all discrimination.
Just some of it,
which is a weird form of discrimination.
But there are groups.
There are groups
that are discriminated against
who don't have any protesters
or any people working for them.
And we all discriminate against these people.
Like ugly people.
Everybody discriminates against ugly people.
They do.
And it's awful.
I mean,
I'd rather be discriminated against
for my race
than for being ugly.
Because you might not lose a job
or a promotion,
but nobody kisses you on the lips
like your whole fucking life.
Like, try that.
This is what we say to ugly people.
We don't like your face.
We just don't like it.
So no one's going to fall in love with you
and it's unanimous.
Sorry.
And we just expect ugly people
to be like,
oh, no, I understand.
I mean, sure.
It's my head shape.
It's no good for you.
So I'll go without
the things that matter in life.
Also, overweight people.
Overweight people deal with things
that none of us deal with
because I'm not overweight.
There's people
who are discriminated against
because of their weight.
I read a story once
about a woman who's 600 pounds
and she couldn't get medical care
because everything she goes to the doctor,
he just says it's because she's fat.
Everything.
She's like, my knees hurt.
He's like, yeah, my knees hurt.
Just looking at you.
What did you think was going to happen?
She's like, I have chest pains.
He says, yeah,
because your organs are overcapacity,
so they're reverting.
She's like, I got shot in the head.
He's like, yeah,
because you're fucking fat.
Somebody shot you in the fucking head
because you're fat.
It's a terrible story.
Here's the worst part of the story.
And this is true.
This is true.
She needed an MRI
because she had something serious.
She's 600 pounds.
She doesn't fit in the machine.
You know what they did?
They sent her to the zoo.
I'm not kidding.
They sent her to the fucking zoo.
That's what we do for fat people
who need an MRI.
Hey, here's your prescription.
Go to the zoo.
Yeah, that's where you should go.
You should go to the zoo.
By the way,
you know how many fat people
we have in this country?
About 600 trillion,
billion, thousands of them.
You know how many trans people there are?
About 38.
But if you're trans
and you need a restroom
and it's awkward,
we'll change every restroom.
But if you're fat
and you need an MRI,
you go to the zoo,
you fat bitch.
Just go to the zoo.
You go experience that today.
What happens when she gets to the zoo?
What actually fucking happens
when she arrives at the zoo?
Hi.
Are you here to see the monkeys?
No, I'm here for an MRI.
Oh, shit.
All right.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Okay, just stand in the straw over here.
Yeah.
You're after the walrus
who has lymphoma.
By the way,
why is there an MRI machine
at the fucking zoo?
Who was developing that
instead of a fat human being MRI?
Who's paying for this shit?
You don't give an elephant
a fucking magnetic resonance image test.
What are you, fucking high?
That's obscene.
If an elephant is sick,
you just listen.
You do this thing.
Mesa thinks she gonna die, did he?
I'm saying this out of respect
for elephants, by the way,
because we're supposed to respect
how they live.
They don't fucking cure their diseases.
This is not their culture.
This is our way.
Let's fix it.
Oh, he's sick.
That's not how elephants live.
An elephant in the Serengeti
isn't like,
I have a lump.
I have to see my oncologist.
When an elephant gets cancer,
he falls over,
he takes his fucking turn
and becomes food.
You don't put an elephant
in a state-of-the-art
What if you find cancer?
What, are you gonna give him
chemotherapy?
A skinny elephant
with a pink baseball hat?
Each day is a gift.