Name: Louis C.K - Nothing Good Ends Well
Uploaded: 2023-03-01T20:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K - Nothing Good Ends Well' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K - Nothing Good Ends Well' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-01. Transcript available.

it's not fun to be single at 41 I was married for 10 years I'm divorced I got
two children it's hard to start again after a marriage it's hard to really like
look at somebody and go hey maybe something nice will happen you just
don't I know too much about life to have any optimism because I know even if it's
nice it's going to lead to shit I know that if you smile at somebody and they
smile back you've just decided that something shitty is going to happen you
might have a nice couple of dates but then she'll stop calling you back and
that'll feel shitty or you'll date for a long time and then she'll have sex
with
one of your friends or you will with one of hers and that'll be shitty or you'll
get married and it won't work out and you'll get divorced and split your
friends and money and that's horrible or you'll meet the perfect person who you
love infinitely and you even argue well and you grow together and you have
children and then you get old together and then she's gonna die that's the best
case scenario is that you're gonna lose your best friend and then just walk
home
from D'Agostino's with heavy bags every day and wait for your turn to be
nothing
also it's true everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point
and
nothing good ends well it's like if you buy a puppy you're bringing it home to
your
family saying hey look everyone we're all gonna cry soon look at that what I
brought home I brought home us crying in a few years here we go count down to
sorrow with a puppy I remember I had a dog when I was a kid and we had to put
him to
sleep because he had a tumor on his snout and I remember I was home when the
vet
called and said yeah that's a malignant tumor that he's got to go and I was
like
well can we fix it and he goes I'd have to I'd have to just remove his whole snout
and then he'll just have this weird round furry head that doesn't look like a
dog and he could only eat with a
straw but you can't teach a dog to suck through a straw so he'll just die of
being
stupid and having a round head so I think you should just kill him that's what
I recommend
and I was like okay well should we make an appointment for a few weeks from and
they
I swear to the guy the guy goes no just bring him over I'm not doing anything I'll
kill him
right now like just bring him over now why wait I'm not I'm not busy so I bring
the dog to the vet
and I remember I'm holding the dog and he sticks him full of a crazy amount of
morphine or the right
amount if you're trying to kill a dog with it my dog dies and then I left him
there because I mean
it was arranged I didn't like sneak out and leave my dog we had no money so I
left my I asked about
I made the mistake of asking the vet what are you gonna do with my dog and he
said uh he just goes in a
mass grave and I was like what's that like and he goes it's just a big pile of
dead dogs so
that night I remember it was raining and I had this nightmare that my dog woke
up from the morphine
and found himself in a pile of dead dogs and crawled out past the dead cat pile
and then he just
walked in it was thunder and lightning and he was like one of those miraculous
dogs that you read about
readers digest and he's like made his way home and he scratched on the door and
we open the door and
there he is and we go there he's here look he's back and then we realize we
just gotta do it again
gotta take it back gotta do it again still got a tumor on his snout and the dog's
like are you
shitting me right now can i spend the night jesus
so that's why it's hard to start dating you know