Name: Louis C.K - Wheelchairs and Legs
Uploaded: 2023-03-03T20:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K - Wheelchairs and Legs' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K - Wheelchairs and Legs' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

I was in upstate New York in a small town and I was standing in front of a drugstore
and in the window of the drugstore they had a wheelchair on display in the
window.
Is that really an impulse purchase?
I should get a wheelchair.
That would really help with my paralysis.
Then I wouldn't have to drag myself everywhere I go like I've been doing for
ten years
since my legs were blown off at the marathon.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
A bunch of fucking hypocrites apparently.
Because let me point something out to you.
Let me point something out to you motherfuckers.
You were just like seconds ago laughing at a man with no legs crawling on the
ground.
You're just...
And then at the end you're like, "Oh, but not those particular legless people."
Noooo.
We thought you meant just some asshole with a childhood disease.
Who deserves to be laughed at.
Not one of those.
Now we're laughing at all legless people equally.
How ever you lost your legs, ha, ha, ha, you haven't legs and we've legs.
I have legs, I have two legs, two fucking legs.
That's the maximum amount.
I fucking love having two legs, I fucking love it.
I wouldn't like having no legs, I really don't think I would like it.
I think it would suck.
I think it would suck shit out of the balls of Christ.
It's an old southern expression, it's not used like it used to be.
I think two legs is better than none, that's what I think.
That's just my opinion.
It's not popular, you're not supposed to say that.
Because you're supposed to always be very positive about disabled people.
But I think that puts pressure on them to be positive.
What if they don't want to be?
Because the only story we want to hear is about the amazing disabled people.
He's amazing.
He lost his legs and then he won the leg-having contest.
What about disabled people who aren't amazing?
Who are just ordinary with a sweatshirt and some potato chips and he's just
going,
"Fuck, I wish I had legs."
No.
No, this is better.
This is better with no legs.
Why is it better?
Because you can do anything now.
I can do four things, fuck off.
I just don't know that our positive non-disabled attitude really helps.
Like retarded people, we're going to talk about retarded people for 20 minutes.
Just, that's what's going to happen.
We're going to discuss retarded people for 20 minutes.
It's not okay to not never speak of them.
No, we're going to talk about them.
First of all, mostly I want to talk about the word retarded, okay?
Because the word retarded, it's a bad word and people do not like the word retarded.
They find it very offensive.
Now, I'm a little confused by this because it wasn't always a bad word.
And I grew up in the 70s and it wasn't bad back then.
And most bad words were always bad, you know?
Cunt never had a day in the sun.
There was never a time where the Santa Claus at the mall was like, "Come here,
you little
cunt.
Tell me what you want for Christmas."
And then in the 90s, we're like, "Let's lay off a cunt a little bit there, gang."
No, we used the word retarded in the 70s.
We used it to identify people who were retarded.
It wasn't controversial.
It wasn't like, "He's retarded."
It was like, "He is retarded."
This fellow right here is retarded, right?
I told you, yes, you're still retarded.
He is retarded, everyone.
And I grew up in Boston.
We didn't say retarded in Boston.
We said, "Retarded."
He's retarded.
God bless him.
He's fucking retarded.
That's the way we used it.
With love.
Help the retarded.
That's what people said in the 70s.
Help the retarded.
There was a lady outside the supermarket near my house every Christmas with a
bell.
She was like, "Help the retarded.
Help the fucking retarded."
You going to tell me she was a bad person?
She was helping them retarded.
And I feel like we had more of them around back then.
I haven't seen one in years.
In the 70s, there was a retarded guy in a windbreaker on every street corner.
We were using the word and they were more in our lives.
I swear to God, they were more.
They were in our culture.
There was TV movies about retarded people all the time.
Tonight on ABC, a retarded boy's dream.
There was one I remember with Sean Cassidy.
I don't know if you remember Sean Cassidy.
Some of you are too young.
Sean Cassidy, he began his career as a teen pop idol.
He was a 13-year-old boy with a very hit song called Da Do Run Run.
And he had feathered blonde hair and juicy lips.
And he was on the cover of Teen Beat magazine.
And everybody liked Sean Cassidy because he was sexy.
He was a sexy boy.
I thought he was sexy.
I did.
I thought he was really sexy.
I was six years old.
But I already had inappropriate sex feelings for teenage boys when I was six.
I was an old soul.
I was a pedophile when I was six.
I used to go up to teenage boys when I was six.
Like, hey, how's it going?
That kid's weird.
He's got a boner.
Anyway.
Not anymore.
I outgrew it.
No.
I'm not sexually attracted to teenage boys.
I'm not.
I'm not.
But I don't not get it.
I mean, I get it.
I'm not like, what?
Like.
You can see it.
Like I was at an airport once and I'm walking along that where people walk in
the airport
and there's these chairs facing the aisle and there's this family sitting there.
A mom and a dad and two teenage boys.
And they're like just both sitting with their phones with their legs.
There weren't like these shorts.
One had cut off shorts and one had basketball shorts.
And they both just had their legs open because they don't give a fuck.
Both legs just splayed.
And then just this.
Just smooth.
You know, just very.
And.
And I saw it.
Didn't give me.
Didn't do anything to me.
But I kind of wanted to stop and go, hey, fellas, let's.
Let's close that shit up.
Huh?
You're not getting me, but I know you're causing a problem for somebody in this
airport.
Let's close it up.
I did not say that.
Otherwise, I wouldn't be here.
Anyway, let's return to the comfortable subject of retarded people, shall we?
so sean cassidy sean cassidy was a teen singer who then grew up he was about 18
now he was you
know old and gross nobody wanted to fuck him uh so he started to act and he had
a movie on tv
called normal people where he played a retarded man who wants to live a normal
life it was very
inspiring actually and at one point he goes to he didn't do like a big retarded
character he wore
thick glasses he talked like elmer fudd that was the whole thing so he goes up
to the guy who runs
the group home he lives in and he says i want to get a job and the guy who runs
it is like you know
republican conservative so he's like you can't get a job you're a retard you
know
but but then there's a liberal lady who works there and she says of course he
can get a job
he's as good as anyone
so they let him get a job as an air traffic controller or whatever was
available
and then
he meets a woman who's also retarded who lives at the group home he falls in
love with her it's a
very nice love story and he says we want to get married and the guy says she
said but they're in
love so they get married and then one day he says we want to have a baby and
the liberal lady says no
fucking way
and they just shut them down right there and that's the end of the movie
i swear to god that's just how it ends
and the point of the movie is just you know hey there's a limit like that's i
guess what the point
of it was
and that's pretty intense
but hey retarded people were on television we were talking about it we were
dealing with it
and they said the word retarded about 50 000 times in the movie
now we don't say the word and i don't see him anywhere i guess that's my
problem with it
and also the word is not basically a bad word it's medical term but it became a
bad word
because it's used as an insult really um not towards retarded people nobody
does that
nobody calls retarded people retarded to insult them what would be the point of
that
it'll be like going up to a chair and saying you're a fucking chair what are
you doing
no people use it on their friends like you're at a bar your friend's like i don't
have any more
money for beer and you're like you're fucking retarded do you know that
and in that moment no one retarded is insulted they're not do you know why
because they're not
there because we don't include them in our lives they're not at the point how
many of you have a
retarded drinking buddy that you hang out with
no you take them to the zoo when they're little and then fuck them
this is what i find confusing about this thing is that we told many generations
of people that they
are retarded we told them that that's what they are and they lived with it and
they dealt with it
and then we just decided it's a bad word so did we tell them this did we go
back to them and explain
this to them listen nelson i have something to tell you you're not retarded
anymore you mean i'm cured no
no no we're not even working on it