Name: Louis C.K - My Nosy Neighbor
Uploaded: 2023-03-06T20:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K - My Nosy Neighbor' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louis C.K - My Nosy Neighbor' from I'm Not Louis on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-06. Transcript available.

But anyway, now I live in a nice building and I'm not used to it because it's
nice.
It's like a pretty courtyard with flowers and a fountain with little marble
boys pissing.
I don't know, what is it with fountains?
Like all fountain sculptors are pedophiles, basically.
You can't get a fountain made without...
"Can you make me a fountain?"
"Yes, I'll get started right away."
"Oh, yes! Yes! It's finished!"
And it's just little boys pissing on the face of a Greek god that looks like
him a lot.
It's piss on me forever!
Anyway, there's one of those in the courtyard of my building.
And my first week in the building about a year ago, I went down to the
courtyard for the first time.
And I didn't look too good, you know? It was a Sunday morning.
That's my least presentable hour.
There's a lot of, you know, just stains. Just like, you know, food and me and
whatever.
And so I'm sitting, I'm sitting there.
So, shut up.
Oh!
Anyway, but, so there I was.
I'm sitting on the stone bench of this courtyard and feeling a little out of
place.
You know, there's these fancy doormen and stuff.
And then there's this guy looking at me.
I notice he's looking at me from across the courtyard.
And he's all spiffy looking.
He's got brown shoes.
And he's looking at me like, hmm.
I could tell he was thinking I don't live in the building.
He thinks I just wandered in off the streets.
And sat in the courtyard.
And I could tell he's thinking of coming over and dealing with me on his own.
And I'm sitting there thinking like, oh, please do that.
Yes, please.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
And I'm trying to look even more gross.
And I'm like pulling up my shirt.
And then I see him go, oh, no, that's not going to do at all.
And he comes over to me.
Hmm.
And I'm like, I'm so excited to have this thing.
The confrontation where I'm not wrong at all.
And he thinks I am.
So he comes over, says, excuse me, do you live in this building?
And I said, no.
Because why not start there?
I said, no.
He goes, well, then what are you doing here?
And I said, I just need to rest.
I'm having a hard time.
He says, this is private property.
And I said, well, I don't really believe in that.
You know, just the worst things I could say from his point of view is basically
all the things I was saying.
And he goes, well, if you don't leave, I'm going to talk to the doorman.
I was like, can I just stay like five more hours?
So he's, hmm, no.
And he goes over to the doorman.
And I see him talking about me to the doorman like this.
And then I see the doorman going, oh, no, that guy lives here.
That's okay.
And the look on his face.
It was just so, it was this beautiful cocktail of anger and confusion.
It's like I had invented a new way to hurt somebody's feelings.
That's how excited I was.
He was so angry.
He came back.
He came back to me.
He said, why didn't you tell me that you live here?
And I said, because I don't have to tell you anything ever.
There are no words that I must say to you.
Also, I didn't want to ruin your thing.
That's your favorite thing you were doing.
You love that.
Making people not be places.
Also, I make more than you.
I just don't give a shit about myself.