Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-16-24 | Bill Burr w. JOE BARTNICK
Uploaded: 2024-02-16T20:21:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-16-24 | Bill Burr w. JOE BARTNICK' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-16-24 | Bill Burr w. JOE BARTNICK' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-16. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-16-24 | Bill Burr w. JOE BARTNICK

all right hey what's going on it's bill bird it's time for the thursday
afternoon just before
friday monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you seeing how your
week's going
you know why because i care all right unlike these politicians and these these
hairy legged
so-and-sos in the pharmaceutical companies i care about you which means i have
a tour coming up and
i need to sell tickets but that's not what this is about i have a guest here
today one of my
oldest friends in the business the rose bowl tailgate legend who's out there
now with his own
headlining tour the one and only joe bartnick ladies and gentlemen what's up
bill i will tell
you what's up last night i watched my celtics dude i put the game on in the
second half they were up by
50. wow that's very nice at one point they were up by like 54 they ended up
winning the game by 50 it
was like we put our bench in and um pritchard was leading the way who you know
sometimes i think
sometimes he starts i'm not sure if he does i don't think he does but uh he was
just draining threes
everyone was just having a field day on the uh the brooklyn nets there that was
the inverse of my
sports experience last night as aaron will know uh the final nail in the pittsburgh
penguin dynasty
coffin oh no was nailed last night if there was any glimmer of hope that even i
had kind of shut the
door on uh-huh done florida panthers came in boom boom boom the big cats ate us
alive booing the power
play the penguins were booed sell that crowd booed the penguins so where are
you guys in the standings
uh we're looking up at everybody except like columbus on the outside looking in
you don't experience that
much i know the feeling of losing to the panthers i'm not gonna tell a bruins
fan about that i mean
the games in hand are just a bag of shit in my hand it's just done the lint
what happened you know
everybody you know everybody kind of got old the bottom six didn't our power
play is if our power
play was not the right our power plays like right 30th in the league we have
four hall of famers
technically that's only two higher than me i know literally it's the bottom and
that's why we're
32 teams of 30 32 32 all right yeah i'm ranked 33 33rd if you ever saw me play
over at the pickwick
bowl oh my god how about me this is funny when you sent me the clip of like
1970s hockey they kind
of skated like me oh i sent i sent bartnick this great clip uh in color of uh
what was it it was the
montreal canadians against the kansas city scouts who later became the colorado
rockies who later
became your new jersey devils the devils the devils the devils the devils i'm i'm
like there's only
there's only uh three team two teams that i can think of that have moved
four times oh maybe the raiders too there's the sacramento kings they were the
rochester royals the
cincinnati royals the kansas city kings and then the sacramento kings and then
the oakland a's were
the uh the philadelphia a's the white elephant and then it was the kansas city
a's then the oakland a's
and now if this goes through which i don't know if it's gonna i was just out in
vegas joe bartnick
and they were gonna uh they're getting ready to tear down the tropicana it's
about time it's a
legendary place no it's a great place two legendary stories out there all right
one not so much we'll
start with mine it's not i got replaced as a headliner the first time i headlined
there i was
like 28 years old you know i was some up-and-coming guy and they stuck me out
there and it was like a
blue-haired crowd and i didn't know how to play to him and i was doing all my
my fucking hip new york
city stupid shit and they were just staring at me like you know nobody cares so
then by like i think
i got there on a tuesday thursday morning the lady who ran it she's like yeah
hey bill uh so how do you
think it's going i was like oh god then my girlfriend at the time i flew her
out and she thought i was
headlining and then she showed up and i was middling and the other famous story
was the feds uh didn't like there's too much mob activity owning the place so
they decided that they
were going to make it more legit and give it to a corporation you know that's
what the feds did so
the two people that bid on it um wayne newton had a group of people investors
with him forefronting
and then johnny carson had yes and then wayne newton won and then johnny carson
started doing jokes
in his monologue saying wayne newton had a little dick and wayne was like johnny
you're insulting me
a little bit and johnny kept doing it and then wayne wayne wayne newton jumped
on a little fucking
puddle jumper went over there to burbank had a little talking to johnny and
that was the end of
that i literally just read this the second to last book i read yeah i forget
what it was called i have
no short-term memory yeah that was the second to last book i read was about
that's when you could
handle it yourself because there was no cell phone cameras yeah i get and i
guess wayne is a black
belt dude he probably grabbed johnny by what was left of his hair and took one
of ed shaughnessy's
sticks and stuck it under his throat said next time you make a dick joke this
is going to be a knife
yeah cut your fucking head off and then johnny was like all right and they used
to be great friends
johnny used to be big time in vegas according to that book i read
yeah a lot of backed away which we you wouldn't know but you wouldn't know that
because i guess no i
wasn't old enough to know that but well i think he was he was doing the show
five days a week
and then he got his own clothing line those johnny carson suits
agar yeah with the double split in the back and and and the mud flap before we
get going too far um
this guy is one of my favorite comedians in the business you got to go see this
guy all you guys
out there like oh you know everything's too fucking this to that this guy is
going to be nice and
unfiltered if that's what you're looking for joe bartnick speaking of philly philly
joe bartnick
will not have the philly flu on march 10th he's showing up sunday at the punchline
comedy club in
philly then what else you got you got zany's comedy club in nashville march 12th
chicago march 13th and
then you got the punchline comedy club your hometown your surrogate hometown
yes san francisco
san francisco on the 29th and uh 20th and then 20th sorry then the 29th if you're
in upstate new
york poughkeepsie yes uh laugh it up hey laugh it up i love poughkeepsie that's
a great fun crowd
i'm in denver the 21st herman tied away where was that of march i got like five
or six big shows
of march okay all right that's the whole purpose of you being here and all i'm
hearing is the feedback
i'm getting all these emails from fans saying like oh thank you so much for
recommending this oh that's
nice of you to say i'm not saying it dude i'm reading it i'm not making shit up
here you're not a
reader i'm not a big reader he came in and just tried to give me a book and i'm
like no i don't accept
cigars or books anymore i'm getting that shit out of my life i've quit both i've
quit books well books
aren't healthy for you yeah you know you read a bunch of stuff you get you know
you learn stuff
you don't want to know i know you know i saw this fucking douche on uh
instagram yesterday and he was
going uh he was going like he in this sing-songy voice he was letting everybody
know that like even
though you put it in the recycle bin nobody recycles it and it ends up in the
ocean and then the tires
that they do recycle end up on playgrounds and they're giving your kids cancer
and he's doing in
this sing-songy voice and i want to be like dude this information is at least
10 years old if not 20
years old how's that new tiktok info i don't know it's on instagram and he goes
and the baba is giving
your kids cancer like he had like he had it all figured out it's like stop
acting like you followed a
recycling truck to see where it went somebody told you this shit and now you
went on the internet
trying to be mr fucking know-it-all and that's that's what i do that's still
happier though than
my experiences on instagram and tiktok because i'm in this algorithm of people
hanging off of very
very scary places and i'm definitely afraid of heights and somehow i'm locked
in just seeing all
this and it's like it just gives me the heebie-jeebies i you know what's weird
i can't i can't handle
those when those kids walk up there but once you start watching it you keep all
you do is saying
like well they have the video of it so there's no way this kid died those ones
where they have like
the buildings that are under construction and every time you're like all right
all right they go up and
up and up like they have like no followers or they're hoverboarding over fear
sorry or they're uh
or there's you ever see the ones where they're like truck drive truck drivers
like in the himalayas
it's like a one-lane road on the side of the cliff it's like why are you doing
it literally though
i'm stuck in this abyss of all this comes up all the time oh there's a bunch of
people in a bus and
they're like hanging on to their babies and and the guy has like you know the
double wheels on the
right yeah like one of them's off and everybody's like oh and then he gives it
a little gas and he
fishtails back in who has to be on that bus like who needs to get you just walk
obviously it's not an
option you know obvious i mean the spirit run that bus line i don't know there
has to be a better way
to get there you know hey edna i'm not gonna make your uh your 80th birthday
party yeah
because i would like to be 80 someday i bet they board that bus like delta
airlines that there's
all these pre-borders and everybody sits on the left side of the bus whatever
side isn't towards
the i mean god damn it they tried to sell it that has a view that's a great
view yeah
you want to be on the scenic side yeah or the safe side they sell one side is a
safe side like you're
not fucking both going over there's a drink cart yeah dude we were out in vegas
uh we did the anything
better me and uh me and verzi and we got to go to that game and like dude i
gotta be honest with you
the the fucking kansas city chiefs getting points i don't think i've ever been
more relaxed i just
walked up with a stack of money and go just give me the chiefs i knew that they
were gonna
fucking win i just it's like they're the chiefs they they just they fucking win
they won two games
on the road well they've been there before and they're getting points and i
just had i just i
but the game didn't go the way i thought it was gonna go i thought the chiefs i
thought they were
gonna match touchdowns and then the chiefs were gonna go a little bit out in
front and purdy was
gonna have to go to the air and play catch up and then his inexperience was
gonna catch up with them
and instead it was their defense dominated made patrick holmes look average
they just couldn't
convert it into points they kept taking penalties and getting involved in like
first and 15 or second
and 20. but here's a stat though the fucking chiefs have not in through their
three super bowl
either their last three or their three victories have not been called for holds
and they're showing
some brutal fucking holds and i was kind of getting david stern vibes when i
would watch the nba
going like this is kind of massaged to uh i think i you know that in in my
heart of hearts i really
think though they need the stories and they need the stars and stuff and they
just sort of like you
know like when reality television at first was just reality television but then
you had to sift through
700 hours of footage they're like we're not fucking doing this so they started
doing assisted reality
oh yeah absolutely i wrote on a couple of those sister reality shows yeah oh
you did which one oh well i was
in one of them my wife's a whore you want to swap another show uh you know uh
well uh eddie griffin
going for br