Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-2-24
Uploaded: 2024-05-02T20:15:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-2-24' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-2-24' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-02. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-2-24

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast.
No, it isn't. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday
Morning Podcast.
And I'm just checking in on you.
How are you? What's going on?
I hope everything is going well with you.
I am in a good mood and feeling loose.
I'm not. I'm fucking sitting here on pins and needles.
I got the Hollywood Bowl on Friday.
And all I want to do is get on the stage and get going.
Just fucking sitting here like the New York Rangers after sweeping the
Washington Capitals,
sitting there twiddling their thumbs, waiting for everybody else to wrap up
their series,
which the Bruins didn't.
Congratulations to the Toronto Maple Leafs.
They played a great game. Backs against the wall.
This is it. Do or die.
You're playing hockey. You're taking out the golf clubs.
You're letting your fans down again.
The Toronto Maple Leafs said no, sir.
They played a hell of a game.
And what was it?
Tavares, one-handed fucking pass over to Nise, I think his name is, for the
game winner in overtime, as Joe Bartnick says.
It really is amazing.
You know, I was thinking about how when you're up three games to one in a
series, how quickly you can be looking at it being tied.
It's literally one loss.
You're like, 3-1, man, we got this series in the fucking bag.
We are in the driver's seat.
We are firing on all cylinders, whatever the fuck they say.
And then you lose the next game.
Then it's like, oh, shit.
We better win the next one.
Oh, this is tied up.
So, I don't know.
We'll see what happens.
I did not anticipate, as I've been saying, an easy series with the Toronto
Maple Leafs.
Not based on any of their players, just time.
Like, how many fucking times can this happen?
How many times can they have a solid squad and just get fucking bounced out in
round one?
They haven't won a playoff series since 2004.
So, they are due.
Having said that, I don't want it to happen because they're playing my Bruins,
which I think we're going to get the job done.
We'll see.
You never know.
You never know.
I believe we were up three games to one last year against Florida, and that
didn't work out so well.
So, this would be huge.
The Bruins win just one playoff series, you know, round one.
Get out of round one after losing Bergeron and Craigie, you know, and the ups
and downs of this season and everything.
And I've been hearing we have a lot of talent coming up in the farm system.
I think we can definitely build on this.
I think Cam Neely did an amazing job.
Everybody in the front office.
There you go.
There's my shout out to everybody working hard.
Speaking of working hard, I went to the premiere of Unfrosted last night, Jerry
Seinfeld's movie.
Well, I have a bit pot in there.
Playing John Fitzgerald Kennedy, if you can believe it.
I went with the lovely Nia.
And I got to tell you, I absolutely loved the movie.
I'm in it for two seconds.
Don't blink.
But it was like that movie.
It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world with all comedians.
And I said that on the red carpet.
And then when I went in to the premiere, one of the Netflix executives, Ted Sarandos,
was saying that that's what they were kind of pitching.
Let's redo that movie.
And then it turned into this thing.
So there's so many fucking cool things.
And Jerry directed it.
It looks amazing.
And of course, you know, it takes place in the 60s.
So, you know, Jerry's totally into cars.
So the cars in it, the colors of the cars and everything.
And it's just surrounded, you know, around the whole breakfast cereal, no
nutrition, just getting kids fucking just flying high on sugar when, you know,
his generation and my generation were coming up.
And it was funny.
It was a really colorful time.
And as much as the Cold War and Vietnam and all of that shit was beginning,
like, it was really colorful.
The cars, the cereal, like, you know, clothes and that type of shit.
So I don't want to ruin any of it.
But I just love the colors of the cars.
And they weren't the usual, like, hacky ones, you know.
Like, that's why I love watching old movies because you'll spot all these cars
like, what the fuck is that?
I've never seen one of those, you know.
It's because, you know, with each generation of car, there's those half dozen
to dozen that everybody loves and the rest of them go to the junkyard and get
crushed.
Jerry's taste in cars was, of course, top shelf.
And I don't know.
It was just, it's a really, really fun, fun movie with all this fucking shit
going on in the world.
Two freckled thumbs up for Unfrosted.
It comes out this Friday, May 3rd.
I'm an idiot.
I think on Netflix.
I mean, it was a Netflix event, but sometimes they put it in theaters first.
But, like, May 3rd is when it comes out.
So, thanks to him and everybody else for letting me come down and doing a quick
little scene in it.
But it's a great, it's basically stars Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Gaffigan, Melissa
McCarthy, and Amy Schumer.
And everybody fucking crushes it.
You know, it's one of those things.
I haven't felt that feeling in a while while I was watching, like, this is a
bunch of stand-up comedians holding down a movie here.
You know?
I know Melissa McCarthy's an actor, but she came up through the groundlings, I
believe.
It was just cool to see.
I haven't had that feeling.
I remember a long time ago I did a scene on Breaking Bad.
And I was sitting in Saul Goodman's office, and it was me, Lavelle Crawford,
and Bob Odenkirk, you know, before Bryan Cranston came in.
And I remember thinking, like, this is the best drama on TV right now.
And for this, like, the first 18 seconds of this scene, it's nothing but stand-up
comedians, you know, driving the ship here, flying the ship, whatever the fuck
you say.
I haven't had that feeling in a long time.
So I was really, it was really fun.
And it was a great premiere because I got to see, I mean, God, I can't, I lost
count of how many, Ronnie Chang I saw.
Oh, my God.
It was, there's a million people there.
It was definitely a good time.
Definitely a good time.
So check it out if you can.
And with that, my wife, my lovely wife, we, the Lisa was up on her car, her car,
and she got another electric car.
And I think I'm just going to drive classic cars.
I don't like cars that talk to me and try to figure out what I'm trying to do.
And I don't like having, like, my whole dashboard be a fucking iPad.
Like, I used to, like, you used to go for, like, a drive so you could think.
And now, it's like, you can't be alone.
And it's just this constant, like, feeling that you're under surveillance.
Like, your TV's watching you, your phone's listening to you, you get in the car,
the car's fucking talking to you.
It's not good for your psyche, you know?
You really need to have, like, alone time.
And I'm so fucked in the head.
I think that that's why cigars really got a hold of me is because the solitude
of smoking a cigar by yourself is just fucking, I haven't found anything quite
like it.
Other than going for a drive on, like, back roads and there's, like, nobody
there.
So, you can just kind of go, you know, and worry about somebody driving up on
you or being stuck behind somebody.
I think electric cars are amazing.
I think they're just going to lead to a war in Africa because that seems to be
where we're getting all the raw materials.
And everybody's like, you know, fucking China owns all of it and all this shit.
It's like, all right, that'll be our next, you know, battle that we'll say that
we're fighting because they don't want us to be free when it really is, you
know.
15 sociopaths at the top want the goop or the fucking rocks or whatever the
fuck it is in the ground.
And they'll sell it.
They'll sell it again and people will buy it.
And then if you say anything about it, they'll say you're not supporting the
troops.
You know, we'll do that again.
But anyway, I like the old shit.
When we were in Arizona, Verzi was saying, look at that, because that's a self-driving
car.
I thought it was a Google Earth car.
Thing was ugly as hell.
Like, you know, like the top of a juicer looks like that big sort of round
circle thing where you shove all the stuff in.
It looked like that on the on top of the car, on the front of the car and then
on like both sides.
I'm sure with technology, it'll get better.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
The upside of it, do you realize how late people are going to be partying if
they don't have to worry about driving to work?
They'll just be like fucking sleeping in their car on the way to, everybody's
going to be asleep.
It will end road rage, right?
I guess you can't chase anybody after that.
I guess there's some of it, but I don't know.
I don't know.
I just keep, as technology keeps going further and further and further in a
direction, I just keep pulling back and back and back and back.
Like, um, I'd love to get the newspaper delivered to my house.
Just start my day with a coffee, two eggs over easy and bacon.
No bread because I'm fucking old.
Oh, God.
How do you miss out on toast?
Um, oh, speaking of Tom Popeye, I saw him at the premiere.
Speaking of bread.
Um, anyway, uh, yeah, I just keep pulling further and further back in like a
fucking, just to like, I feel it's just to stay balanced.
I mean, it's the fucking car's talking to me.
My wife goes to get out of the car and says, just to let you know, you forgot
your phone.
And this is how, this is how opposites attracting.
My wife goes, thanks.
As I, at the same time said, shut the fuck up.
No, I said, shut up.
I said, shut up.
And I'll tell you, you know, when AI is coming, when your wife goes, don't tell
my car to shut up.
You apologize to my car.
I was like, I'm not, I'm not doing this.
So, um, anyway, uh, yeah, old Billy pins and needles.
What else is going on in the world?
Uh, the Celtics, Celtics handling the Miami Heat the way that they should be,
um, without Jimmy Butler.
And, uh, oh, my God, Verzi, Jesus Christ, his fucking texts last night.
Shakespeare would have loved it.
The amount of tragedy.
I guess the Knicks were up by six with, like, 24 seconds left and they somehow
lost the fucking game.
Um, Verzi was like, I'm actually, like, physically ill right now.
He said with 20 seconds left, him and his son hugged each other.
Like, they were going to close him out.
Um, and how about Joel Embiid just taking it upon himself?
To just, all of a sudden, I don't, I've never known him to be a dirty player.
Now, all of a sudden, he's, like, stepping on guys' ankles.
He's fucking throwing elbows and shit.
I think it's hilarious.
Um, you know, because it's not, like, overly, it's just cunty shit that he's
doing.
So, you know, you gotta, you always gotta have that, that angry dad getting up
out of his chair.
I don't mind a guy like that.
It's when people are actually out there, like, literally trying to hurt people.
Um, I know he did step on that guy's ankle, but he didn't, like, stomp on it.
Like, that, that, that dude out there for the Warriors.
I always forget his name, and I'm glad I do, because I fucking can't stand
players like that.
Kicking people in the nuts.
Kicks him in the nuts, and then immediately turns to the ref, like, what the
fuck?
Like, asking for, like, a foul or something.
Like, like, no one's gonna notice.
You just booted that guy in the nuts.
Um, anyway.
Uh, I had to start this podcast, because I accidentally hit stop or whatever.
I had to restart it.
I forget if I, if I talked about the MotoGP.
I got caught up on the last two races.
Um, the latest one was just a fucking instant classic.
And, uh, seeing Marc Marquez coming back is just incredible.
And, um, so now I, I feel like you just got, like, like,
the race on Sunday.
At one point, it was Jorge Martin, Marc Marquez.
I think, I think Pecco was in second, and then Marc Marquez.
And just the amount of MotoGP championships with just those three guys.
And then, unfortunately, I guess it was probably because Pecco was on his back
the whole time.
Jorge Martin just went to