Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday 5-16-24 w. Joe Bartnick | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2024-05-16T17:05:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday 5-16-24 w. Joe Bartnick | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday 5-16-24 w. Joe Bartnick | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-16. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday 5-16-24 w. Joe Bartnick | Bill Burr

it's time for the thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast
and i'm just checking
in on you how are you you know usually when i videotape it means i have a
special guest but
not this time i just i just wanted to look into your eyes and ask you how it
was going because
we have a very special guest one of my favorite people in this business um who
i can't read his
writing what so fucking ever here uh what does that first one say joe bartnick
everybody thank
you everybody i'll be in mechanicsburg pennsylvania may 23rd oh may 22nd
mechanicsburg pennsylvania
may 22nd let's get your dates out of the way this man is tearing it up out
there uh may 23rd
pittsburgh improv june 15th uh at is that link more or almost famous almost
famous wine in livermore
california livermore then i'm up in fox 28 29 foxborough comedy scene massachusetts
can't wait
wow july 26th 7th in lubbock texas yes home of the uh the red raiders i believe
so texas tech
july 28th july 28th dallas uh comedy club go out and check him out the one and
only the rose bowl
tailgate legend the enforcer on those pickwick bowl fucking late night pickup
hockey games the one and
only the fifth liner thank you the fifth liner thank you yeah you joe bartik i
stepped over my name not
good yeah you used to settle things down out there on the ice when we get a
little too chippy
say let's all go for a pop yeah we used to call you the the the shark was out
there patrolling
um anyways what's going on man i loving all these dates that you're getting out
here off of your uh
your stand-up special you crushed it in chicago yeah we're having fun the dates
have been awesome you
know it's always just i just love doing the road i really do you know other
than i mean it's funny
because i boise was a little rough hey i'll tell you it was a little rough okay
i hadn't stayed in a
hotel where they worried if i was gonna steal the hangers in a while oh it's
one of those well i picked
it because it was like you know swimming pool hot tub like use a hot tub you
know i need a swimming
pool and in a courtesy van of the airport i'm like i'm all in then i get there
yikes terrible customer
service i won't get into it no get into it what happened the guy wouldn't let
me check what hotel
doesn't let you check in early i thought a lot of them were cunts about that no
i mean i i don't know
i always just kevork everyone's always cool like yeah who cares you know oh
they'll let you check in and
we'll let you know when the room's ready yes oh they wouldn't do that they
would not let me do that
well you come at three o'clock so i went had a pizza and a beer i didn't really
care but then
the guy caused a problem with three other different customers i went to check
out i wanted to get my
receipt i hate because i was in vegas you come home from vegas like i didn't
spend four hundred dollars
remember kenny finally tried to charge like a grand one time anyway yeah i was
waiting yeah we were
playing vegas and there was this weird charge and he was asking me did you joe
order something and i
said no and then they try to make it look like you ordered a grand worth of booze
just to see if you
were paying attention yeah and the thing is is like you know i could have it
was close enough like
because i did have about an hour and a half there that i couldn't really place
but i'm like i would
have remembered if i ordered all this booze yeah it seemed excessive even for
me you know oh the truth
starting to come out no but i didn't that time i'm not a liar i'm a lot of
things i'm not a liar
but anyway i as i was waiting to get my receipt two different other families
had arguments with this
front desk clerk and then a lady ran in from the parking lot and tried to fight
everybody like it
was jerry springer why because this guy was such a jerk and i'll get to the
point too it was even
funnier was he was in a wheelchair so i knew god just didn't make things good
for him so he took it
out on everybody i actually went out i was nice to him i actually went outside
and i apologized to one
of the old ladies he was screaming at because i'm like you know he was that way
with me too don't take
it personally he was ruining he was yelling at old ladies he he yelled at a
veteran and said just
because you serve this country don't think you're special i couldn't write this
that's when you got
to be like all right numb nuts i'm gonna go walk to my car you fucking cunt
that's the thing was i was
then i think at that point paralysis is on the table right nuts yeah well i was
just like i'm not gonna go
i just didn't want to say that just because well can you imagine being such a
dick that even god was
like i'm gonna let you not walk that you're like you know what i'm gonna make
fun of the fact you're
in a wheelchair which is something i would never do but now i'm like all right
yeah i was literally
like yeah i want to say something but i make you know what i'm just gonna it's
just bad i didn't
want to put that into the universe was he bald too he no because that would
have been funny god
did he was sitting in a wheelchair and you were able to stay in the pocket let
me tell you something
you bald motherfucker and you just talked about him being bald as he sat there
rather than going for
the easy low-hanging fruit i wanted to do the i wanted to do what uh david povol
you know richie
said on soprano's like you you don't let me go in that room i'll put your arms
where your legs are
i don't even know what that means and that's scary when he was he was crippled
remember he
he ran beansy over he goes you go crying to tony soprano one more time i'm
gonna put your arms
where your legs are because he couldn't move them oh he's gonna make him
paralyzed from the next day yeah um
i didn't do it i didn't do a good day no you did no it was it was definitely
scary but here's the
the whisper it's the whisper here's the funny thing was this is how convoluted
the internet is
i've never what i want only one time have i ever written a bad review ever in
my life or given a one
star on uber because i just think ah why put that out there was when this big
lesbian almost got me into
a fist fight in san francisco as my uber driver she started to fight with a guy
and i'm like i'm not
getting out to protect you what happened she almost ran into this guy and she
they hopped out they were
gonna fight oh man that's amazing and i was in the back seat i'm just like i'm
not i'm not in this
yeah no no you're just but i gave her one star and that's the only time i've
ever once ever put anything
negative on anybody on the internet like a review or anything was that her
effort in the fight or just
the experience she was terrible the whole time she was like angry the whole
time and i'm just like what is this
broad's problem and then she literally right right in front of the saloon on
grant street hopped out
one to go with this guy but booking yeah she's a gamer hey you gotta like come
playoff season yeah
you gotta like that you gotta bring her up from the minor league system it was
a softball playoff
she was getting ready she's gonna she had to go catch it to go catch a double
header so
booking.com though i did not swear all i said was how the customer service
thing was awful and this and
that and it wasn't just me i took the high road they had a problem with three
different people
and you should terminate the guy behind the counter he's in a wheelchair and
booking.com sent me a thing
that said it's mean and we will not post this you can change it so so i took
that guy in wheelchair
and they still did not post it so what is it having a rating system if i can't
say
the place was a shithole come for it airport boys why is it mean to say someone's
in a wheelchair
that is in the wheelchair you didn't say i'm happy he's in the wheelchair you
didn't say that paralyzed
fuck you didn't say that no you just said he was he's in a wheelchair i i don't
know but anyway
that's god this is the corporate lawyers i'm sure they wheeled them out the
back
you know it was funny he was probably such a dick he probably thought being in
the wheelchair
was a way for him to be a dick maybe he could walk he was just using that as a
front
i mean at this point i mean a lot of home some homeless people fake the
wheelchair
yeah do you ever see the ones that are just sort of walking it like this their
legs are going
and you just like so is your waist paralyzed like what's going everything else
lazy yeah what is
what's going on you can always tell how bad a neighborhood is by how many
handicapped people
are begging for change there like if it's all handicapped people it's a bad
neighborhood
i remember a long time ago i was working with somebody on my website and he had
a wheelchair
and he was totally fine but he used it because you know you like those guys in
bands that have
the keyboards all over the place he just had computer keyboards so he would
just wheel himself over
and i was like oh you know i guess in the office he didn't take it on the
street no he didn't take
it on the street but he just had it in his office so he could like wheel
himself around and and um
it just seemed a lot more trouble than it was worth was he fat
well it's also like they make chairs with wheels on them like office chairs
yeah i was gonna say like
every office chair you could spin around and it was it was sort of at the the
first toward the end of the
first wave of of the height of hipsterdom in like brooklyn and in silver lake
and all of that when it was
just like do you remember when like hipsters were like dressing like defunct
jobs like blacksmiths and
and uh you know they like stay there these mustaches like they would ride in
that tricycle with the giant
fucking front oh yeah or like guys have never worked a day in their life
wearing car heart and
and yeah shirts yeah yeah you know the worker's shirt with the guy's name on it
yeah i just knew a bit
about that going i wish the fucking guy that that was his shirt comes up to you
someday it's like what
is my like what my job and my life is is ironic to you yeah but that is extra
that's why i think
hipster for the wheelchair i'm not gonna use the office chair i'm gonna use a
wheelchair that's extra yeah it was
that's why it always blows my mind of like that whole crowd like how much they
flipped out about
paps blue ribbon it's like this is piss beer and but but i i felt like yes it
is piss
how dare you oh my god it is it's not great but it's not awful oh to me to me
you know what it was
maybe maybe it's not as bad it was just the people that were drinking it acting
like they had these blue
collar backgrounds and that they were gonna have a boiler maker or some shit
and it was just like
like you guys you're you're all fucking artists like all you assholes we're
just we're telling jokes
why are you why are you drinking that beer like you work for a living and and
you live and die by the
local sports team i it just bugged me well there is a good reason to drink that
beer it is cheaper
that's a good reason if they're artists they probably don't make that much
money but i'll tell you i would
almost always rather have the cheapo american b-rate beer than any expensive
anything that has hazy
in it get the fuck away from me hazy i don't even know what that is yeah the hazy
is hey or just
yeah if there's anything if you have to list the flavors and it isn't beer it
gave me a
fucking miller light a miller highlight no miller life is delicious no
highlight it's the champagne
there's something about that bottle like you feel like you're only drinking
like six eight ounces it
doesn't feel like 12 and then all of a sudden you had 12 you know and you're
like what happened
and you lose your ticket on the way to the rose bowl right you fall on an old
lady trying to get to
your fucking seat miller high life though is yeah i passed a kidney scone uh a
kidney i just remember
the first time i just remembered like i was with like uh i 