Name: Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-24 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2024-12-09T21:38:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-24 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-24 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-09. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-24 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
december 9th 2024 what's going on how are ya how's it going man how was your
weekend man
um i actually had a great weekend i really did look at me sounding surprised i
actually
you know i had a weekend and i enjoyed it god damn it um i didn't do much of
anything i took a drum
lesson finally i haven't taken a drum lesson in forever i've sort of been uh
revisiting some
alex van halen stuff that always confused me and uh i'm still confused because
he's a beast but um
all of a sudden you know a lot more of it makes sense as far as i can
understand it or whatever
um so i played my drums there and um i'm trying to have like billy chill days
which i don't know how
to do you know i just fucking try to just sit down and do nothing during the
course of a day
and what happens is then my demons catch up with me so you know if you have
somebody in your life
and they just cannot fucking sit still and they're always moving around you
know what do they used to
call people like that oh he's always fidgety so he's fussing about blah blah it's
like no he had
he or she had a lot of fucked up shit that happened to him when they were a kid
like if there's somebody that you live with and they move about the house like
a moth or a bat
yeah that means something i look well i don't have any background in psychology
all right
um obviously but like i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that some fucking shit
happened to him
and they're trying to avoid it in other words what i do must be what everybody
else does that's a
classic human point of view you know like these idiots you know i just meet on
the road who just
like wherever they're from like that's their worldview which is understandable
but there's
no other worldview under other than their worldview um that was a big thing
when i was growing up too
you know when i grew up outside of boston i was like this is how the world is
and anything that goes against that is either stupid wrong or gay
which has got to be the dumbest way you could ever go through life and i did
that uh
for the first like i can't see well the first 10 years of your life all you do
all you're doing the first 10 years of your life you're like
gathering information from people who think anything different is stupid
whatever the fuck i just said
stupid dumb or gay or whatever that fuck that they put all of that shit into
your head and then in
your teen years you start to apply it and then in your 20s
um you begin your journey as a fucked up adult and hopefully you start to turn
the ship around
in your 30s um if you know if you're if you're you know open to it if you're
open to it i don't know
if you're open to new information and maybe the way you look at the world isn't
the way it should
be you know what's annoying me about this this kid who killed this ceo is none
of these news programs
are talking about the incredible lack of empathy from the general public about
this because of how these
insurance companies treat people when they are at their most vulnerable after
we've all given them
our money every fucking month and now we finally need you and all you do is
deny us and then these
pussies and all of these things are taking the pictures of their ceos off their
websites you know
i gotta be honest with you okay i love that the that fucking ceos are fucking
afraid right now you should
be by and large you're all a bunch of selfish greedy fucking pieces of shit and
a lot of you
are mass murderers you just don't pull the trigger that's why it looks clean
that's why these people
look oh my god oh he was just you know walking into a hotel it's like okay but
what was his job what
did he do what was the results of it did i tell you like out here in 2026 like
they're gonna not
have a sell-by date on food anymore and they're trying to make it like they're
trying to save
regular people money it's like no they're gonna let grocery stores sell food
pass the fucking sell-by
date because they they weren't legally allowed to sell it and then i don't they
probably have to eat
that they have to eat you know no pun intended they they have to eat the cost
of that so now they're
going to pass it on to us okay and that thing went through with democrats and
republicans once again
selling us all out they don't give a fuck um i saw this thing on the internet
that was allegedly
it was al capone that came up with the sell-by date i refuse to believe that
that's true i feel like
that lives in the world of fred rogers you remember mr rogers and then all of a
sudden there was this
rumor that he had sleeve tattoos and he was in vietnam and he fucking killed a
bunch of people
that rumor got out there maybe this one's true i have no idea all right but you
know i will tell you
that this country was way better when the italians ran it meaning the mob it
was much better because
they were because what they were doing was illegal so they were just through
the fact that it was illegal
they were sort of um um i can never remember the what what's what's the proper
terminology
in business not governed they were uh
regulated just by the simple fact that what they were doing wasn't legal and
then the problem was
they got rid of the mob and then all the corporations took all of the mob scams
both the government and
these corporations they're running the same scams
running the same scams you know the fucking i've talked about this before like
the
they used to have the month then they used to run the numbers
which they stole from uh black people that became the lottery
um loan sharking ridiculous interest rates is what banks are doing
um and i always loved people oh well you know uh you know what's the difference
between a bank and a
loan shark what's the difference and they're like well a bank doesn't have to
break your legs yeah
because they have the law on on their side
make no mistake if they didn't they'd be breaking your fucking legs they don't
give a fuck
and then all of these corporations profiting off a fucking war they're they're
murderers
the people that fucking poisoned our food supply and giving people cancer those
are they're fucking
murderers they're just not standing there with the gun you know shoot you into
in the back when
you go into the grocery store so it doesn't look that way it's it's fucking
unreal um and i tell you
it's it's really annoying how hard they're trying to find this kid that shot
that guy
okay how much they're trying to solve that fucking crime where if it was just
some regular fucking
jerk off walking in there are they trying that hard i know they're trying to
solve it i'm not
shitting on the cops here but i'm saying that the the political pressure would
not be there
um i don't know
i guess one fucking healthcare person you know company like they didn't cover
they only covered
anesthesia for a certain amount of time do you realize how fucking evil that is
like they sit in
meetings and have that
and now they're like no no we'll cover it for the whole oh you're gonna cover
the whole operation
is that is that what it is i don't have to wake up halfway through a fucking
appendix removal appendectomy um
anyway so
i feel like if the motive is what they're saying it was inevitable there's only
so long that you can
go around doing that and treating people that way in the evil way that they
treat people before
somebody's going to retaliate and get the right person or the wrong person
because i don't know
anything about that guy i'm just saying um and it's amazing that that story it
isn't amazing it's it's
it's expected that it's not going into mainstream media they're just they're
just treating it like
oh my god it was a cold-blooded murder and that's fucking it and they're
ignoring the general public's
reaction to it that's what i think is going on even though i don't watch the
news at all
you know why don't you watch the news bill i guess because i was disappointed
so many times by it
i'm making a joke but it's the truth um all right guess what i did this week on
the anything better
podcast i was just like you know what i'm just gonna bet dumb shit because i
don't recognize the
game anymore if i watch one more fucking game where some team is up by 25
points and then all of a
sudden it's time i mean how many times it's it happens like every fucking
weekend every fucking
weekend that happens i don't know if they change the fucking rule i don't know
if it's because they're
there there's so much other shit to watch out there that they just have to make
this is the most
incredible fucking game since since the one o'clock game oh my god is the sunday
game gonna be even
crazier i just it's not how football was games were over in the third fucking
quarter they were done
and they were done and that was it it wasn't it wasn't like a fucking rocky
fight every fucking
weekend um so anyway i was just like you know what i'm just gonna bet all dumb
shit i'm gonna bet
everything that doesn't fucking make sense and guess what uh out of the four
games i bet the monday
night game i'm three you know fucking three you know i bet the panthers i didn't
remember who they
were playing they're supposed to get the shit kicked out of them like yeah you
know that one
that won't happen right that won't fucking happen they played the eagles i had
the panthers getting
like fucking 12 and a half or something like yeah that's not gonna happen some
reason the panthers
will probably even win this fucking game and they came damn close to doing it
but the guy dropped the
ball i didn't watch a second of it i don't watch nfl anymore i i don't okay it's
just like
it's kind of like music music has passed me by you know i don't understand i
don't understand i i i i
there's so many people out there with beautiful voices why am i listening to it
like i'm getting
serenaded by a robot i hate that auto to auto tune sound i just it fucking
drives me
insane and then just knowing that it's probably somebody who can't even fucking
sing
and then they're singing into this auto tune thing is if they can sing
like going on these these runs or whatever so i don't fuck with that now i took
the panthers and
then i took the rams because they're playing the bills and the bills should
kick the shit out of them
right three and a half point spread why is it so fucking low why because the rams
end up winning
the fucking game and then i took the buccaneers i don't remember who they were
playing but i just
believe in baker mayfield and you know when colin cowherd went after him and
then he went on his show
and he was still just sitting there completely unathletic not getting picked in
gym class telling
this pro athlete that he's a complete waste of a pick fucking with his money or
or or i you know
and then he's done all these great things that i've yet to see that guy be like
all right i was wrong
about this guy this guy's a fucking winner um i was like fuck it i'm gonna bet
on baker mayfield
and they won and they covered so tonight i don't even know who's playing but it's
the dallas cowboys
that has my third cousin under center
they're not a redhead coach and they have a redheaded quarterback now have you
noticed that
they're sort of ginger friendly i feel like they're allies over there
i don't even know if he's i don't know if he's a redhead
um anyway so i'm taking them i forget who they're playing but they're playing
some team
that's you know should kick the shit out of him um so that's my new that's my
new way of going oh by
the way i shouldn't say that people can't play anymore that is bullshit it's
just sort of like
um what is happening in all facets of art is the people that are rising to the
top are not
the most talented people it's the people that are best at the internet because
i'll tell you i'll tell
you this old man billy um through my wife my wife likes watching those tiny desks
on um youtube the npr channel hang on a second
tiny desks sort of like the um