Name: Monday Morning Podcast 1-13-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-01-13T20:13:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 1-13-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 1-13-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-13. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 1-13-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, January 13th, 2025.
Give me five. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? How's things out
your way?
Oh, Billy, this is my new podcast studio. I sit in a car in a parking lot by
myself in the passenger seat because the sun is on the driver's side.
Um, meaning that the driver's side must be, must be pointed east at this point.
Um, yeah, I'm doing the podcast. I'm watching what looks like a Delta flight on
final approach into God knows what airport.
Um, I'm out here, man, like most people. I had to fucking get out of L.A.
because the fires are a raging.
Um, and how about what's his face? How about the orange cunt who's coming back?
How about old Donnie boy? What, what, what do you do in a crisis, everybody,
when you're a good leader?
What do you do? Huh? You bring people together. That's what you do. What does
Donnie do?
It's Gavin Newsom's fault. What would that guy be doing if he wasn't dividing
people?
It's fucking unbelievable. It's like watching like a, I was saying the other
day, he's like the funny, the fucking, he's like the Jeff George of fucking
politicians.
Like who the fuck does that? They all fucking do this shit. Have you noticed
that? This is a time where everybody should be helping out people.
This is where you help out your fellow countrymen. That's what you do. You don't
go online and start politicizing a fucking fire.
Trying to, you know, fucking figure out a way to make fun of, uh, you know,
whoever.
Or blame somebody for it. I love these fucking guys weighing in from others.
I'm a firefighter in fucking Iowa and this was definitely mismatch.
Oh yeah? You're a firefighter and you realize, you, you know what the fuck
happened before there was even an investigation?
That reminds me of like people who had their pilot's license and somehow the
day JFK Jr.
Died, they knew what happened.
Takes the FAA a year to come out with their fucking report and these fucking
jerkoffs somehow know.
Um, this isn't a time to fucking point fingers.
This is a time to help people out.
And this thing is so fucking big.
I don't know where you even start.
Um, but what kills me is just watching every motherfucking time something bad
happens.
Everybody from the rich cunts all the way down to mouth breathing morons on
Instagram.
All they do is just point fingers at everybody and, and, and start blaming and
just call.
Who does that?
A bunch of people just lost their fucking houses in a fire and you want to
argue politics.
You want to argue, you know, whose fault this is.
You want to yell at the governor and say that you should be on the phone call
with the fucking president.
I mean, it's just fucking, it's insane.
It's fucking insane.
Bad things fucking happen.
When they happen, people should come together.
You don't just start fucking screaming at each other.
Sorry.
It's, it's just so fucking depressing.
And then watching these stupid, like these fucking theories.
How about the racists?
The rich racist white people spreading the fucking rumor that it was a gang of
illegal immigrants.
A gang of illegal immigrants.
They're in this country without papers.
Are they laying low?
No.
They're driving all around LA starting fires.
So then they can loot houses that have burnt down.
And then what?
Take a fucking dirty coffee cup out of the rubble.
Does that make any sense?
Why would somebody do that?
Why would somebody use the pain and suffering to push their agenda?
Because they're a fucking reptile.
Why would somebody call up somebody right after their house burnt down and try
to buy their fucking property for a hundred bucks?
You know what I mean?
The fuck is wrong with people?
Another one is that homeless people started the, you know, the fires.
I feel like that one and all the footage of it, like of homeless people
starting fires.
Homeless people start fires every fucking day out here.
The whole city doesn't burn down.
And the idea that a homeless person doesn't have a fucking car somehow went
from Altadino all the way out to the Pacific Palisades and then back to Runyon
Canyon.
Why would somebody do that?
Why would somebody put that out there like that?
This is my theory.
Don't you love an old guy that has his own golf cart?
I'm out here in the desert.
Just a bunch of old people.
I saw an old guy today driving a fucking Ferrari.
It just made my day.
How fucking, is there anything better than seeing an old guy driving a fucking
Ferrari?
It's meant you won, dude.
You fucking won.
It's the end of your life.
All the shit that could have happened to you, you'd bobbed, you'd weave, you'd
dodge, you were knocked down, you got back up again.
And look at you.
Driving the speed limit in your red Ferrari.
I think those homeless rumors came from the insurance company.
I feel like they're spreading those.
So at the very least, they can delay before they fold the insurance companies
and don't pay anything and then write themselves fucking 10-figure bonuses.
Nine-figure bonus, sorry.
Yeah, because if it's arson, they don't have to cover.
So it's good.
That's what insurance companies are doing right now.
They are having a massive meeting right now to figure out how they're not going
to fucking pay anybody anything.
That's what they're doing.
And you watch CNN and Fox News not fucking breathe a word of it.
Not breathe a word of it.
And then scratch their head when a Luigi thing happens.
I don't understand.
Why would that help?
Huh?
You know why it's happening.
So anyway, you know, when things like this happen as a comedian, you always go
out and do like a benefit.
And, you know, you try and help the people out.
But the magnitude of this thing, I feel like I'm, you know, putting a drop of
water on the fire.
I don't even know where to begin.
So we're going to try to figure out something.
But I really believe.
Oh, Jesus, more sirens.
I really believe that, like, regular people, you know, the ones who pay the
bill when some rich guy declares bankruptcy, you know, takes advantage of the
bankruptcy laws.
Like the bank doesn't just go, oh, we lost that money.
They raise regular people's fees and you pay that person's bills.
You pay their debt off.
That's how that fucking works.
They don't lose.
So anyway, this is a time to fucking come together.
And people, you got to stop watching CNN and Fox News.
You got to stop with these fucking politics.
You got to stop with this shit.
And if it isn't you, you got to stop reacting to fucking bots on Instagram.
Stop, like, giving them what they want, which is people interacting with the
app.
Like, I'm telling you, that fucking Facebook guy, the fact that he has those
bots on Instagram to start fucking arguments between his fellow countrymen
during times like this when we need to come together.
And he's dividing the locker room just for his own fucking profit.
That dude is a fucking reptile.
My nuts.
Did I breathe in too much bad air?
And now I'm not thinking clearly.
Anyway, so, I have a friend of mine that knows somebody that, a family, and
they got like four or five kids.
They fucking lost everything.
So, I'm going to be doing benefits.
And then I'm going to try to find out a way, like, you know, specifically.
What do I do?
Pick one family and get them going?
Because I just don't feel like any benefit that I would do would fucking so
many people.
I don't know.
I don't know.
There's got to be something.
There's got to be something positive that comes out of this thing.
And it just, if this fucking thing just turns into, well, Biden did this and
Trump did that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You already see him.
And I know I trashed Trump in the beginning.
But I trashed him because his first fucking move is to divide people.
Okay?
I don't give a fuck that the dude is a Republican.
My thing is that he fucking so divided people that January 6th happened.
And those people thought they were right doing what the fuck they did.
Oh, God.
And then Joe Biden couldn't fucking remember what he said two minutes ago.
Like, this country has not had a leader since Obama.
Whether you liked him or not, the guy had his faculties.
And he wasn't going around trying to fucking divide people or couldn't remember
fucking last week.
Oh, Jesus.
It just keeps going.
So, I've given up on politicians.
And, you know, I don't know.
I'm probably going to sound like a broken record.
But we got to stop doing this red state, blue state stuff because we're killing
each other.
And we're doing exactly what people at the top want.
So, they can divide us and then fucking, you know, have us so we can't get
organized and stop and look at them.
Like, what if people started sharing the information of these fucking scumbags?
Act like you want.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
How much are you going to give me for your land?
What's your information?
How much are you going to give me for my land?
And fucking expose them.
They're buying all of our information.
Why don't we start stalking them?
Seeing what the fuck they're up to.
Oh, God.
I'm fucking, I'm fired up here in this fucking rented car.
Oh, geez.
I got to get some air in here.
There's nothing worse than a fucking, you know.
You know what's funny is, like, if there was a dog sitting in here, then people
would be, like, concerned.
But if you're a person just sitting in a fucking car, they just immediately
assume, well, he's got hands that work.
He has all his faculties.
He can just open the door.
But what if you don't?
What if you're so into your fucking podcast you forget that it's heating up in
here?
Anyway.
All right.
Who needs air conditioning when you can open the goddamn door?
So that's it.
So if you guys have any suggestions, if you guys know people specifically, I'm
sure you do, that need help or something.
I don't know.
Something.
I really, this would be, like, a great thing if everybody came together instead
of just being, like, you know.
I remember, I forget what, something fucking happened.
Something awful fucking happened.
I think it was a fucking shooter or something like that.
And some idiot on TV went, oh, well, you know, most of them are probably going
to vote for Trump.
Like, that's where the fuck we are.
Bunch of houses burned down in hills and people are like, yeah, that's what the
liberals get.
It's like, who fucking cheers on the death of their own countrymen?
That's where the fuck we are right now.
And listen, I'm blaming the lizard people for this, but a lot of it is just
regular people.
Stop being a cunt.
If you're not going to fucking elevate the situation, just keep your thoughts
to yourself.
Anyway, there, I'm done.
I'm done.
Now let's go bread and circus.
Did you watch any of that playoff football?
First of all, let's go college playoff.
How about those fucking Ohio State Buckeyes?
Who everybody forgot about their 10, 11 wins, whatever it is, and then they
lost to Michigan.
And everyone was like, you fail, you fail, you fail, you fail.
Now all of a sudden, now all of a sudden, look at this, they're a game away in
this new era of they spent their money in the right, overtly, where it used to
be behind closed doors.
Behind closed doors, you signed a deal right next to the Hooters dumpster to
get someone to come play for you.
Now it's all out in the open.
It's like when wrestling finally admitted that it was just sports entertainment.
Although I didn't mind when they did that.
What I loved about that, I got to get some more AC in here.
What I loved about that was you finally got to see, okay, as much as this is
scripted and everything, getting thrown across the ring and landing on your
back still hurts, you fucking asshole.
So I did love that the wrestlers could then actually talk about the reality of
how much pain that they were in to put on those shows.
By the way, did anybody see that video on Instagram of that wrestler who's
finishing move he does on a pogo stick?
It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen.
I was fucking screaming when I was 