Name: Dreams, Filming a Disaster, Divorce Laws | Monday Morning Podcast 2-24-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-02-24T19:02:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dreams, Filming a Disaster, Divorce Laws | Monday Morning Podcast 2-24-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dreams, Filming a Disaster, Divorce Laws | Monday Morning Podcast 2-24-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-24. Transcript available.

Dreams, Filming a Disaster, Divorce Laws | Monday Morning Podcast 2-24-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, February 24th, 2025.
What's going on? How are you? How's it going? How's your life?
Look at the fucking Red Sox making moves, signing pitchers. I don't know who
they are, but people are excited.
I actually ordered that spring training hat, the red one. It's the red hat with
the blue bill.
And back in the day, the B was also blue to match the bill. Now they have it
white.
But, you know, I was talking to one of my buddies because when we first watched
the Red Sox, that's what their uniforms look like.
The 70s, baseball 70s movies, they match the cereal that you were eating in the
morning.
My whole childhood, it was like looking at a giant bowl of like Froot Loops or
Trix.
It was just nuclear orange and reds, yellows and greens. It was fucking
incredible.
It was just like, I just think enough people in the right positions in life had
taken LSD.
Or maybe it was their misinterpretation of what LSD was.
And they just, everything was like fucking psychedelic.
Like the Houston Astros. I mean, good Lord.
That uniform, the orange hat and then whatever the fuck was going on in the
shirt was amazing.
The Pirates with the all yellow from the batting helmet all the way down to the
black cleats.
Everything in it was this fucking amazing yellow.
The Cardinals had that great, like that vivid blue with the red, which doesn't
even make sense.
You know, I guess red, white and blue on the flag, but it was just sort of red
and blue if I remember correctly.
And then Chicago had the most boring where the White Sox had horrible, like,
they look like an expansion franchise.
You know, the White Sox uniforms.
I don't understand.
They're such a fucking weird team because then once the 70s went away with all
the colorful shit and they got a little more conservative when Ronald Reagan
went in there.
And he starts firing air traffic controllers because they had the audacity to
go on strike and wanted to make fucking, you know, get paid their worth.
He was like, ah, fuck you.
He just fired him.
I'll tell you right now, the one fucking job, the number one job you don't want
to back up for other than a fucking brain surgeon would be an air traffic
controller.
I think Stewie could do it.
Well, let's give him a shot.
So anyway, it all became conservative again.
And then the White Sox, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, they have uniforms
like the Houston Astros used to have.
So anyway, so my whole life, I thought that the Red Sox had that red cap for
most of the 70s, at least eight seasons.
I thought, you know, because you always saw the 1975 World Series highlights
with, you know, Carlton Fisk, you know, the Bucky Dent home run in 78.
So I always assumed that they wore them for like eight seasons.
But I went back and I looked at the team photos because someone was asking me
about that.
They only wore them in the 75, 76, 77 and 78 seasons.
And then that was it.
I thought for sure they went the rest of the 70s wearing them.
But the 79 team, they went back to the blue hats.
And I remember, you know, I was just a kid, 10 years old or something when they
came back in 79, almost 11, right?
And I was looking at them and they had the blue hats and I was going, I couldn't
figure out which team was the Red Sox.
I was like a, one of the first games of the year.
My parents are going like, no, that's, that's what they used to look like.
I was like, they did.
I had no concept of that.
I just thought they always were the red ones.
So anyway, they brought them back for a spring training, which I think is great,
man.
Like that.
I have, I still somewhere, I bought a Mitchell and Ness Jim Rice home Jersey
where it says, is it the home or the way?
It might be the away where it says, it's the away where it's sort of gray and
it says Boston in red with this number 14 on the back.
But anyway, anyway, so here I am, um, my, I'm seeing my family.
Uh, I saw him this weekend, which was unbelievable.
Um, I think I spent the whole weekend just wrestling with my kids, all these
different games we play, playing soccer and doing all that.
So it was so great to like, you know, go out to Los Angeles and then come right
back.
But, um, I'm going to be doing that a lot.
Um, I somehow didn't catch my son's cold.
I'd like hand sanitizer in that fucking Zycam shit, just stuck in both nostrils
the whole time I came back.
I somehow didn't get the, uh, I didn't get it.
I got to see my lovely wife who looked more beautiful than I've ever seen her
in my life.
Um, I'll tell you, it was wild.
I actually had a dream the other night that my wife left me.
I don't know why.
I think it had to do with me.
Before you fucking dream catchers out there try to tell me what this means, it's
because I was missing her.
Before you guys are, you're thinking that because it's going to happen or
whatever.
But I remember it was this weird fucking dream.
And all I kept thinking was like, it was like beyond heartache that she left me.
It was just more like, what am I going to do?
Like, what the fuck is my life without this person?
And, uh, I just think, uh, yeah, I had just gone my limit as far as not seeing
her because, uh, yeah, she's like my fucking beyond my wife.
She's like my best friend.
She's funny as hell.
She's like the best hang you're ever going to have.
And, uh, so that was the hard thing trying to balance that because my kids
wanted to see me so bad.
So I had to wait till they went to bed and then, uh, you know, just hearing her
laugh again.
It's my, my favorite laugh in the world, making her laugh.
So anyway, so now I'm back to New York and, um, it's funny.
I went in to get a cup of coffee at this great place.
These Italian guys run, um, just old school, just cranking out double espressos.
You know what I mean?
They got the shit ready, ready as you come in.
And, uh, somebody was saying in there how great it is because it's like 40
fucking degrees out.
Oh my God.
The next three days are going to be 40 degrees.
It's fucking great.
I'm thinking in my head like, dude, this isn't great.
This isn't great.
It's supposed to be fucking cold.
Any weird weather is, uh, fucking freaks me out.
Like this shit's coming faster than, uh, than the scientists thought it was
gonna, or whatever.
Like, I don't know.
I don't know.
But I was, you know, I don't watch the news cause all it does is freaky out.
But I was walking by, you know, it's impossible not to see news in New York
cause they're always
like, there's always some big screen with like a, that stupid stock market
thing going
on underneath it.
As you walk down the street, you just see it.
Right?
So I saw this headline.
I think it was at a restaurant or something.
I just saw this headline.
Is it still safe to fly?
The shameless fucking media.
I love when they're trying to just scare the shit out of you to just like get
you to watch
something.
They never have the balls to just make a statement.
They always do it in a question.
Is this the new America?
Should we be worried about this?
Is it still, were we right when we blah, blah, blah, you know, like, why would
you listen
to people that, that are that unsure of themselves?
They're going to scare the fucking shit out of you with literally with just a
question that
they know in their head has an element of bullshit.
So they got to like protect themselves from libel or slander.
So they just present it in the question form.
Or what it is, is if you present this, this information in a question form, all
of these
mouth breathing morons just jump on the, I don't think it's safe to fly anymore.
I will tell you what was fucked up was that plane that flipped over and like
Canada or something.
And the fact I watched this video, this fucking kid is already videoing as he's
getting out of an airplane.
He just landed on it's upside down.
I know it's the end of the flight, but there's still enough fuel in the thing.
If that ignites, you're going to burn to death.
Like this fucking human kebab in there in this fucking thing.
And he's filming.
As he's getting out, he's not thinking like, oh my God, get me out, please God,
get me out of here so I don't burn to death.
Get me out of this thing before I hear the screams of other people starting to
catch on fire.
He doesn't think that he's filming, leaving the fucking turnover airplane.
And then he gets away from it and his description of his experience.
Like if it was dialogue in the movie was the worst dialogue I've ever heard.
He was just in an airplane.
He's landing safely.
It suddenly flips over.
He thinks he's going to die.
He doesn't.
He's hanging upside down from a seatbelt.
He's thinking, am I going to be in the air like a fucking rotisserie chicken
and get burned to death?
Is this what's going to happen?
He goes through all of those emotions.
And this is his dialogue when he gets off.
He's like, yo, what the fuck?
Yo, I was on that shit.
Like we didn't just see him video going out of it.
And that's all he could come up with was different versions of yo.
What the, what the actual fuck?
Now here's the thing.
I'm not looking at this guy like he's a fucking moron.
What I'm looking at him as is like that.
What he's doing is in me.
Because I sit here and I'm, I'm scrolling on Instagram like every other social
media monkey out there for hours on end.
And rather than watching a movie, at least there's some, you know, a good movie
or read a book or connect with my wife.
I'm sitting next to her as we're both sitting there scrolling and it's starting
to affect people's vocabulary.
You're like, he was speaking in Instagram comments.
Like that was his language.
I mean, I get it if you're stunned and you can't like talk, but the way he was
describing, he sounded like he saw somebody get dunked on.
Yo, what the fuck?
Oh, shit.
Like if you read the dialogue and there was three options.
He just saw somebody get dunked on.
He just saw somebody get knocked out.
Or he landed in a, in a Delta Airlines flight that inexplicably flipped over.
He was hanging from his seatbelt, thought he was going to burn to death.
And by the grace of God, didn't.
What do you, I mean, that there's no way you guess and see.
First.
Anyway.
Um.
So, God bless that kid.
I'm glad he's still alive.
But I, there was definitely a life lesson in there that all I got out of that
is I need to fucking read more.
Um.
One of the things I want to do when I'm in, um.
When I'm in New York here is I want to start going to museums and I want to
educate myself on painters.
Um.
And this is a combination of the influence of my wife.
Because she's super smart.
And she takes me to those places and it's starting to take hold.
And, um.
I saw this, that, that documentary on Steve Martin.
And it was something about him.
Someone telling a story and he went to a museum for some premiere and he could
name every painting he could name.
Every, I'm doing my podcast.
Sorry.
Uh.
I'm at work right now.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm only going to go for like another half hour, okay?
Is that alright?
As long as you don't mind.
Yeah, yeah.
Just for another half, yeah.
So anyway, he could, he knew all.
I fucked up.
I thought rehearsal was today.
It was at 10.15.
It wasn't until noon.
So now I'm sitting here like an asshole.
Um, anyway, so, um, he could name all the paintings.
He could name all the painters and all of that.
And, um, there was something about it that resonated with me where I was just
like, this is what human beings could do.
Before, like, a hundred channels or endless streaming or the fucking internet.
And, um, I know I'm a meathead, but I could at least be an informed meathead.
You know what I mean?
So, the artist I like the best, I can't remember his fucking name.
It's Edward something or other.
He's the one who did Nighthawks, um, and all of that.
It's, you know, that, that classic painting that every bar seems to have where
it's, it's like you're across the street looking in at this diner and people
are sitting in there