Name: NHL, Shows, Model Cars | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-27-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-02-27T16:54:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'NHL, Shows, Model Cars | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-27-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'NHL, Shows, Model Cars | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-27-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-27. Transcript available.

NHL, Shows, Model Cars | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-27-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you,
woo-woo-woo, yeah, yeah, what's going on? How are ya? Hope you're having a good
week, hope everything's going good your way, and what not.
I have an exciting announcement. The 12th annual Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit
will be Sunday, May 18th, as always, at the New York City Center, which is 131
West 55th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue. New York City doors open at 7 p.m.,
show starts at 7.30 p.m.
The lineup is Rosebud Baker, Greer Barnes, D.C. Benny, Tim Dillon, I hope I say
this name right, Nemesh Patel, Sean Pat, it's so funny.
That's a big last name in Glengarry Glen Ross Patel. Sean Patton, Rich Voss, as
always, will be hosting it. I'm going to do a little time in there, and we
might have a special guest drop in. I'm working on that right now.
You never know. Tickets go on sale today at 12 p.m. Eastern Time. All tickets
are $75. Tickets can be purchased at www.nycitycenter.org
slash patrice2025, or by, one more time, that's www.nycitycenter.org slash patrice2025.
Patrice is P-A-T-R-I-C-E, or by calling the box office at 212-581-1212.
All of this info will be posted on my social handles and on my website. Shout
out and thank you, as always, to the captain of the ship, the producer, the
booker, everybody.
All the minutiae of it is Maureen Taron, and that's it. It's always, it's my
favorite thing every year.
It's like a, I don't know, it's like a high school reunion. I get to see all
these comics I never get to work with now because I live in L.A.,
and then I also get to see young up-and-coming comedians that were influenced
by Patrice's body of work.
So there you go. That's that. Oh, here's something I forgot to bring up on the
Monday Morning Podcast.
You know, my whole life, they've always wondered why hockey wasn't popular. How
come it was always a distant fourth?
You know, I can't see the puck. It doesn't translate on TV.
I love the fucking saying that, but they got women's lacrosse.
Well, that cameraman, how about you zoom in once every fucking while?
My eyes are fucking too old to watch that sport.
But anyway, the thing about it is, it's not only is it like more of a rogue
sport,
they've made just one fucking bonehead move after another.
And even when they go to do something great, it doesn't make any sense.
Like I remember back in the day, they were on ESPN, which was great for the
league in the 80s.
And then the USA Network came along and offered them like a hundred bucks more,
and they said, fuck ESPN, and they went to USA.
They've always been doing shit like that, right?
The brawling got out of control in the 70s.
They've always been doing stuff to shoot themselves in the foot.
They fucking took teams out of Canada and brought them down to like fucking
Florida and Phoenix and all this dumb shit.
And then they start getting going.
They start doing smart.
Nashville, who knew?
Boom, huge city.
Vegas, boom, huge city.
Seattle, who knew, right?
All of a sudden, okay, they got some momentum.
They got some momentum.
And then they got this fucking world championship.
Can somebody explain to me how Canada is the champion?
It doesn't make any sense.
Like, why do they do everything so fucked up in hockey?
Write down.
They don't have quarters.
They have periods.
They have two breaks, which I understand.
If you've ever played, you're fucking exhausted.
Sprinting the whole goddamn game.
But, like, we beat Canada a couple of Saturdays ago.
All right?
With Connor McDavid all the way to fucking Sidney Crosby.
Unbelievable team.
We beat them.
Great game.
Three fights in the first minute, like old school hockey and then just great
hockey.
Right?
So, we beat them to advance to the final.
All right?
So, then Canada's got to play their way in.
I don't know who the fuck they played.
They played, like, fucking Iceland or some shit.
They win.
And now they're in the final with the American team.
So, now America's in a situation.
USA has to go 2-0 against Canada or else we're the loser.
If we go 1-1, we lose.
If Canada wins, they're 1-1 against us, but they're the champion.
Who was going to beat that Canada team twice?
You weren't going to beat the USA twice.
It was fucking, it's the dumbest, and the Russians weren't involved.
They weren't invited.
The whole fight, I can't even remember if I brought this up.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around how you go 1-1 and you're the better
fucking team.
So, all you up in Canada, you know, when you're chanting, we're number one,
why don't you chant, we're 1-1?
We're 1-1.
It's the dumbest fucking tournament I've ever seen.
Like, how does that work?
I get tournaments where it's just, you know, sudden death.
You lose, you're out.
I've never seen one where you fucking lose.
You can play your way back in.
And then the other teams, they got to beat you twice, but you can have a 500
record and then you're the better team.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't fucking know.
I don't know.
But congratulations, Canada.
You're number one and one.
I still love the sport, but that's the one I'm just.
I knew all Saturday.
I go, there's no fucking way.
But we almost beat them, too.
We almost beat them again.
Took them all the way to overtime.
And I was like, there's no fucking way.
You're not going to beat this team two times in a row.
Any more than they're going to beat us two times in a row.
So, what was the move?
Lose?
Lose first?
And then play fucking, you know, Luxembourg and then fucking get into the final?
And Russia's nowhere there.
And then we were one and one?
And then we're the champions?
Canada beat the United States to win the world championship.
They won the series one game to one.
Clearly demonstrating that they are, without a doubt, the best fucking one-in-one
team you're ever going to see.
It's fucking stupid.
The whole thing was fucking stupid.
Makes no sense.
And why would you rob hockey fans of having another game?
Right?
You got another game and then we get to see, okay, all right, best two out of
three.
I like that.
Nice and quick.
You know?
All these other leagues with their fucking 58 rounds of seven-game series,
including the NHL.
Jesus fucking Christ.
How long are you going to drag it out?
How many fucking cars do you got to sell while we watch this shit?
Anyway, just another thing that makes me love and just completely confused as
to how hockey does their math.
And it's not a metric system thing because I watch sports around the world.
I've traveled.
I've seen them.
Nothing makes less sense than the way the NHL does their shit.
It just fucking does it.
Well, I guess it wasn't the NHL.
Whatever.
The hockey.
The sport of hockey.
It's just a bizarre.
It's a fucking bizarre.
It's a great game.
It's a beautiful goddamn game.
But I swear to God, you make sense of it.
You're a better man than me.
Anyway, exciting news here.
We're in our last week, you know, at the rehearsal space, which has been going
great.
We're dialing it in.
And pretty soon, we're going to be over at the theater working things out.
And next thing you know, we're going to be in for premieres and previews.
Sorry.
And then we have opening night.
A buddy of mine, he corrected me on all my terminology.
Opening night.
Then there's, at the end, there's a curtain call.
I'm going to get all this terminology down because I sound like I don't know
what I'm talking about.
So anyway, I'm getting pretty goddamn excited about that.
And yeah, I guess that's really all I have going on in my life.
I've been running around doing sports.
I went up to the Upper West Side Comedy Club.
Great room.
Went up there on New Jokes Night, New Material Night.
You just go up and kind of riff on whatever you want to talk about, which was
really fun, man.
It was a nice, perfect-sized crowd.
Went up there, fucked around, man.
Did a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
Added to some shit.
I mean, it wasn't all brand-new material, but I was able to expound on it.
Is that a word?
Is it?
I have no idea.
So it's going good.
So all I got to do now, I got about like four or five lines left that I have to
get word perfect.
And then I am off and running here.
But we've been having a great time.
I've never gotten to work on anything this long other than editing a movie.
But even then, it's like the performances are already done.
You know, I never, you know, everything I've done in this business, you know,
becoming a comedian.
You want to be a comedian?
All right, go up and do it.
Five minutes.
Go on.
Come back next week.
Whatever.
Write some shit.
All right.
And go.
No rehearsal.
And perform it.
And eat your balls.
And come back again, right?
And even like if, I don't know, you get auditions for shit.
You have like a day or two, maybe if you're lucky, right?
You go in, you audition, you hope you, you know, you knock it out of the park.
Then you get the part.
And you show up.
They rewrote a few things.
They added something.
They took something out.
And action.
Go.
This shit.
Having a whole, almost four weeks to work on this stuff.
I really understand why so many actors, you know, love doing theater and
anything.
I'm having the best fucking time doing this stuff.
So hopefully you guys can come out and check it out.
And hopefully you like it.
Yeah, I don't know.
That's basically it.
So I've been hanging with my family here all week, which has been fucking
amazing.
And just hanging out, just doing whatever.
Not doing anything.
Wrestling and all of that.
Playing all the games, reading all the books and everything.
My lovely wife, seeing her.
That's been fucking fantastic.
So I'm going to be doing this one week a month, seeing the family and
everything.
And the FaceTime has really been a, has really been a savior.
But other than that, I have no idea what the fuck is going on in the world.
All I know is every day somebody calls me up and says this fucking, you know,
they're getting rid of this now.
They're getting rid of that.
I mean, it's nice to see some politicians actually, you know, stepping outside
their party and just fucking finally saying like,
what are you billionaire cunts talking about?
The fuck are you guys don't even pay taxes?
Like how much are you going to, you're going to take away from the little guy?
I kind of feel like a lot of us are like institution, like when, if you're in
prison too long, you don't know how to survive outside of prison.
I feel like a lot of us are like fucking institutionalized into believing that
there's, there's this party and that party.
And everything would be great if they just, you just did what my party wanted.
Rather than being like, no, there's a lot of fucking corrupt, fucked up people
in both parties serving these fucking, super fucking rich assholes.
Who evidently just cannot have enough fucking money.
I don't understand.
Like, it's got to be like, uh, I don't know.
Like their, their quest for power.
You ever see somebody who just can't stop getting tattoos?
They get like addicted to them.
And next thing you know, it's like they're drowning in them and it starts
creeping up their neck and then they're getting them on their face.
They tattoo their whole fucking head and then they just run out.
I kind of feel like they're like that.
It's just like, dude, like what kind of a fucking asshole has a billion dollars
and is still going to work?
Like what the, what are you doing?
If I had a fucking billion dollars, like.
You could literally go to a town and help everybody out.
You could go to a state.
And just be like, you know, I want to be the best shit ever.
The best, as they say, use a good shit.
That's a Massachusetts thing.
I want to be the best fucking guy ever.
You just go in and you just rescue a state.
Like I feel like that, uh, the Tesla guy, like if he fucking really just wanted
that dopamine.
Of like feeling like a God, just take your money and go to West Virginia.
God knows those people need the help.
It's o