Name: F1, American Artists, Car Insurance | Monday Morning Podcast 3-3-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-03-04T03:04:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'F1, American Artists, Car Insurance | Monday Morning Podcast 3-3-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'F1, American Artists, Car Insurance | Monday Morning Podcast 3-3-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-04. Transcript available.

F1, American Artists, Car Insurance | Monday Morning Podcast 3-3-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday.
Fucking March 1st. No, March 3rd. Sorry, dude. March 3rd, 2025. What the fuck,
kid?
Why am I talking in an extra hard Boston accent? Because I'm reminiscent, dude.
I'm recording this on March 2nd. March 2nd, 1992, at Nick's Comedy Stop on
fucking Warrington Street down in the theater district.
You know, where all the fellas hang out. Don't get me started, kid.
They don't need to go to Dunkies. They got enough sugar in their tank, huh? You
know what I'm saying?
That's how people talked when I started. It was worse than that. That's how
they started.
That's the way they talked. That's where they believed.
When I started stand-up comedy, 23 years ago.
Toity Toit. That's actually New York. I only heard one guy ever say that.
I was on the downtown 6th train and the guy running the train back when it was
an actual person.
As opposed to just some fucking computer thing.
Next stop, Toity Toit Street.
Toity Toit Street is next. Exit to the right. Please watch your step.
Twenty Toit Street. Twenty Toit Street is next.
Anyways, 33 fucking years and not having a real job.
Bumming around. Traveling. Doing all this bullshit.
Having a great time.
I did this secret stand-up show, whatever the kids call it.
In a barber shop.
In Astor Place.
The Astor family.
You know, anytime something is named after a family.
You know that a lot of people suffered.
I remember I started looking up Astor.
Who's the Astors, right?
I looked them up.
They're all like fucking slumlords.
And people were dying of tuberculosis as they built their fucking wealth.
Cooper Hall was another fucking guy.
Anytime there's a, like, if you see a statue of a Caucasian, all right?
And they, and it's not military.
It's not some regular fucking person that joined up and won the Medal of Honor.
You know, an infantryman.
If it's someone with, like, a, sitting on a fucking horse on the statue.
It's usually a pretty safe bet that some people suffered.
And, um, you know, you look at that stuff.
Oh, that was a different time and blah, blah, blah.
And you look at it now.
It's still going on.
It's just, it's done differently.
I just got out of this.
I'm going to get back to my, uh, 33 years in stand-up.
33 years of shit jokes.
Um, I was just in this, this fucking car and they had this magazine said Jet
Set.
And on the cover of the magazine is this fucking guy in, like, this blue suit.
And he's got, he's, like, mean mugging.
Like, that's his, he's on the cover of a magazine.
He's not smiling, like, oh, fuck, you know, this is great.
He's mean mugging and all of this shit.
And, uh, these fucking CEOs, their ego.
They're just out of fucking control.
It's like, what is that look on your face?
Are you fighting for the middleweight title?
Are you on the next UFC?
Are you, are you, are you a Green Beret?
Are you in the fucking Marines?
What is that fucking, you move numbers around.
You put people out of business.
You crushed the dreams of the little guy.
What is that fucking look on your face?
It's fucking, it's hilarious.
Yeah, I get it.
You got a watch collection.
I don't, I don't understand.
Listen, he's one of those fucking guys, you know, that has like a, you know,
those, those fucking business guys.
They all memorize like a million quotes to justify what they're doing to
everyone underneath them.
You know, their favorite one is this is how business is done.
And they quote the art of war and all of this shit.
And they, they, they got like that thing, like back in the day when, when, when
people used to give drug dealers shit and drug dealers would be, hey, if I didn't
fucking do it, somebody else would do it, right?
They have all of those things to justify what the fuck they're doing.
Oh, well, and good.
But don't have a fucking look on your face like, you know, like you were pinned
down, taking fucking fire or whatever, you know?
I don't know.
Maybe he's a veteran.
I have no idea.
Maybe he fought.
I have no idea.
But just seeing a guy in a fucking suit looking at me, you know?
Like, he doesn't make his money like hitting a keyboard.
Like, I don't, I don't understand it.
I, I, I think that's like, everybody has sort of co-opted the let's go, let's
fucking go attitude.
They try to apply it to their job, even though it's not like a let's fucking go
job.
Let's fucking go.
We're down by eight, you know, with fucking three minutes to go.
I'm playing football.
I'm fucking, you know, you know, whatever, you, you, you know, something's on
the line
here.
Not this stupid business shit.
Um, I don't know.
I find that shit funny to me.
Um, whatever.
I don't know anything about it, but like these fucking CEOs now.
And it's funny.
Now they're like working out and they have like these fucking breathable suits
that they
wear, you know, and you have a handful of raw almonds, you know, to keep the
metabolism
going and your brain clear so you can make the, the right decision, the right
decision.
Like, you know, so I can fucking crush all of these people and knock down all
the places
where they live.
So I can build a big fucking glass thing that people can wash money.
And you see this look on my face.
That's, that's, that's the fucking mentality you need to fucking, but all the
same.
It'd be funny in the future if they, do you think they're going to name like a
subway stop
after like the Facebook guy?
Oh, the Twitter guy, the nerve of the fucking Twitter guy walking around in the
government
going, justify your fucking job.
Dude, justify your fucking wealth.
Justify what you pay other people.
Justify what you're doing to people.
Why don't you justify your fucking bullshit first?
Jesus Christ, turning the country into an episode of Shark Tank.
Um, I don't know what it is.
I'll be honest with you.
I have not seen a Republican or a Democrat in fucking over 10 years.
It's been a long fucking time.
Longer than that.
I think like the last, sort of like, you know, if you look at it like tennis,
the pre-open
era, and you went to the, the open era of championships, I would say George
Herbert Walker
was the last ones before, then the open era became, was the Clintons were
somehow Democrats.
Um, and then George W. was somehow a Republican, not a bunch of oil men.
They were Republican.
I don't, I don't know.
I don't fucking know.
I just wish there was more, you know, I don't know.
Jimmy Carter, man.
Jimmy, yeah, you can't get mad at that fucking guy.
You know what I mean?
You, I mean, maybe you can.
I have no idea.
Guy's president.
Keeps us out of wars.
Doesn't take the bait over in fucking Iran.
Leaves office.
Builds houses for the homeless until he's almost a hundred.
I mean, that's what the job's supposed to be, right?
A public servant?
Isn't that what it's supposed to be?
Not supposed to be lining you?
All right.
I, I gotta get off this shit.
Like, I don't even watch the fucking news.
I don't even watch the fucking news and I can't stop talking about this shit.
I can't imagine actually sitting there looking at that shit.
So let's get to something sillier.
I watched, I was watching TV because like most people, I don't read anymore.
Like TV is the new reading.
Just the fact that you're not scrolling on your phone like, wow, you're an
intellectual.
You can actually sit down and watch an entire episode without your brain flying
away, which
I can't necessarily do, especially because I always watch old movies and shit.
And I don't know why I am obsessed with finding out everybody in the movie to
see if they're
still alive and if they're not alive when they died and what they died of.
And then I have to pause and rewind and go back.
And I am just, I am watching some fucking crazy movies.
I just, let me make sure I got this, the name of this movie, right.
I watched Race with the Devil and there was this amazing era in cinema where
you could end
a movie on a freeze frame.
You know, I actually looked it up afterwards because this movie ends on a
freeze frame.
No Jake Isles.
I'm talking like cinema.
Ends on a freeze frame.
And I was trying to think, I remember Hooper ended on a freeze frame, actually
ended with
Burt Reynolds breaking the fourth wall, looking right into the camera after he
punches the
director, the fake director, not the real director of the film, punches him in
the face, turns
around and gives the okay sign.
The fucking Burt Reynolds laugh and it just freeze frame and they rolled the
credit.
And that was like, that was the thing.
I remember, I didn't remember, I looked up a list of movies that ended on a
freeze frame
and one of them, and I was so like pissed when it happened was Rocky 3 ends on
a freeze
frame of Rocky and Apollo are getting in the ring and they're just going to
fucking fight.
And right as they're about ready to hit each other, it freezes.
And they said it, you're going like, oh my God, this is the greatest epilogue
ever.
We just saw it.
He came back.
He beat Clubber Lang, right?
And now he's going to go at it.
With Apollo Creed, I want to see this and it didn't happen.
I think even Hollywood knew, you know, they're like, we can't have a white
fighter beat two
black guys in a row.
Like, I don't think, so let's just, after he beats up Clubber Lang, we're going
to freeze
frame on the Apollo Creed thing.
Anyway, that was actually the first Rocky movie that I saw.
And then I think I went back and I saw, I might've gone three, two, one, and
then saw
Rocky 4.
I think that's how I did.
I almost, I did Star Wars like that.
No, I saw Empire Strikes Back first, and then I saw Return of the Jedi.
No, I think I saw Star Wars before that, because I want to say they re, they
put it, they would
put it back out to get people caught up if you missed them.
And I got to admit, I always found the first Star Wars, when they were in the
desert, I found
it really boring and I sort of zoned out.
But I really liked the next one, Empire Strikes Back was cool, you know, the
frozen tundra
with the AT-ATs and all that shit.
And then a lot of people didn't like the Ewoks.
I liked the Ewoks with those fucking sleds flying through the trees.
I mean, that was amazing.
When they did the first person, when you were in the movie theater, that was
incredible.
I mean, I know now your seat vibrates, you know, and they have some immigrant
with a
hand fan in your face, or your hair moves, or whatever the fuck they do with
these things.
They're paying them $2 a month.
Sorry, I just had a fucking cup of coffee, so I'm a little wound up on this one.
Anyway, but yes, I've been watching these crazy movies.
I finished, I watched two movies this week.
They were both car movies.
What was the other one?
And then after I finished that race with the devil, I saw this movie I'd never
heard of called
The Outfit with Robert Duvall, pre-Godfather, and it's a mafia movie.
And I text a buddy of mine who I really respect his, you know, knowledge of
movies.
He goes, that's a great fucking movie.
You know, and it's also in my wheelhouse, like 1973, just these amazing fucking
cars.
I'm on the lookout for a daily driver.
I sold my Jaguar.
My mechanic told me, he goes, do me a favor, just do me a favor, because these
cars are
not made right, all right?
And it was funny, and that was after I spent all the money.
I didn't feel bad, you know, when I sold it, because I feel like I took the hit,
and the
car's going to be good for at least another 30,000 miles.
But, um, my mechanic's the shit, and he, like, you know, when he did the final
big repair
on it, he was just like, do me a favor, get rid of this car.
He goes, you see that over there?
That's a Range Rover.
That has, that's a 2019 Range Rover with 55,000 miles on it.
The owner loves the truck, so he's doing this.
It's $25,000 worth of repairs right now, because that engine sucks.
Your car basically has the same fucking engine in it.
I go, get the fuck out of here, the Jaguar, and he goes, just, just trust me.
He goes, you can change the fucking oil, I don't give