Name: Men of Yesteryear, Pervs, and Elastic Waist Jeans | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-6-25
Uploaded: 2025-03-06T16:17:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Men of Yesteryear, Pervs, and Elastic Waist Jeans | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-6-25' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Men of Yesteryear, Pervs, and Elastic Waist Jeans | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-6-25' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-06. Transcript available.

Men of Yesteryear, Pervs, and Elastic Waist Jeans | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-6-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you.
I'm in New York City. It is raining cats and dogs, which is something I'm not
used to. I haven't been in a long time just to have a nice rain like this for
the hell of it.
You know, you forget after a while. You live out in Los Angeles. You live in a
desert. You know, it like rains. Hopefully it rains when you're out there. And
it rains for like a month. Rains like crazy. And then it never rains in
California. Remember that song? But boy, don't they warn you. It pours. Man, it
pours. I never understood like what it meant.
I didn't understand any of that. I remember asking my mother going, it never
rains in California. But it really is. It's in the desert. It doesn't rain. It
rains like once a month.
So if you were confused about that song for the last 50 fucking years, I hope I
undid it for you. Anyway, so I'm a raincoat guy. I'm not an umbrella guy.
You know, you walk down the street and then you got to lift it up, you know,
because you don't want to hit somebody in the fucking eye with it.
And then you just becomes this thing, you know, unless you get one of the
smaller ones.
And then the smaller one, all it does is keep from your eyebrows up dry and the
rest of you gets fucking drenched.
So I just go raincoat. And I'm an older man at this point.
So, you know, if they had raincoat pants, like readily available, I would buy
those too.
But only if they were like NBA tearaway style.
Which is what you want.
So when you show up to work, people go, you got on fucking rain, rain jacket
pants, man.
That's when you fucking rip them off right in front of them.
Like you're going in to drop 40 on the fucking Knicks.
You fucking rip them off.
And then all that fucking rainwater goes all over.
Huh? You want to talk about my pants?
What do you think about my pants now?
Look at you. You need a face towel.
But then what you have to have on underneath it.
You got to have some fucking sick ass, like, you know, badass clothes.
And everybody else has on their rain fucking outfit.
Because they bought a fucking umbrella.
And they were all making fun of you, you know.
Because you fucking showed up like you had upper deck tickets for the Cleveland
Browns or some shit.
Anyway.
The hell did I want to talk about?
I saw some fucking good movies this week.
I watched that Robert Duvall movie with Karen Black.
Amazing, amazing actor.
One of my favorites.
And it's called The Outfit.
And dude, it's one of the greatest 70s car movies ever.
As far as like, you're just watching it like, what the fuck kind of car is that?
There was a car in there.
I'm not good with the Chrysler, Dodge, Plymouth shit.
But it was called a Monaco.
A 1973.
And it was like this beige, but more on the white side beige.
And it looked like they were combining an LTD with an Eldorado and, I don't
know, some sort of Chrysler shit, you know.
Chryslers were always fucking weird to me.
I like their muscle cars.
But like their luxury cars had, they weren't cool.
They were like old man looking, I always felt, the Chrysler shit.
And the Chevys were the best, the best looking, the Cadillac.
You can't beat the fucking Cadillac.
And Buicks were a close second.
And then the Lincolns, you know, obviously the Lincoln Continental, the Suicide
Door one, that one is iconic.
But I don't like that one from the 50s, where they got the, you know, the
lights on top of the lights and it's at like a 45 degree angle.
It was the longest production car ever.
Like the back end on that car is just, I don't know, I don't like it at all.
But Chevy, man, I hate to say it, being a Ford guy, in the fucking 60s, the Impala,
the Malibu.
What else did, what was their fucking top of the, I guess it was a Cadillac.
But that's back when they used to have like, you know, I've talked about this a
million times.
But I really wish they would get back to this shit.
Because, you know, luxury cars, they didn't make an entry model or an
affordable fucking model.
You had to be successful.
Yeah, you had to be crushing it to drive a Cadillac.
If you were just crushing it, but not crushing it, crushing it, you got the Buick.
If you weren't quite crushing it, you got an Oldsmobile.
And if you were moving up, you got a Pontiac.
And if you just fucking got there, you drove a Chevy.
That's how it worked.
And it was like, I'll just throw numbers out.
Like, so you could get a Chevy for five to six grand.
Then Pontiacs were seven to nine grand.
It was just like that.
It moved up in like two, $3,000 increments.
But there was no like $5,000 Cadillac just so you could say you're driving a
Cadillac.
They, you know, you had to have your big boy pants on back then.
And you also had to be a man.
Right?
If you were a woman, you had to fucking stay home.
I told you a long time ago, I was on the road and I saw this, this sign in this
diner.
It said, get her a Ford.
It was like the 1940s.
And I was thinking like, wow, man, that's, it's pretty luxurious that you would
buy your wife a car.
I thought people were sort of one car families back in the day.
Who had the money to go buy their wife a new car?
And then I realized what they were saying.
It's like, you know, get her a Ford.
You drive the Lincoln.
You drive the Mercury.
Okay?
You just get her an entry.
You know, she, you know, she doesn't need to worry her little head with all
these buttons and electric windows and all of this shit.
You know, a V8 engine, she can't handle that.
Just get her a Ford, let her putz around town.
She'll feel fucking special.
I wish I could talk to a woman from back then.
Like, what the fuck was that?
They don't seem like they were upset though, but it was just like, it's kind of
funny now to listen to women, how openly they discuss how dumb they find men.
And I just can't imagine during that fucking time, the confusion of that, that
you would be sitting there.
Listening to these fucking morons talking about all this shit.
I can't imagine what they used to talk about when the guys went to work.
They must have been laughing their asses off him.
But just be like, you know, be like smarter in a lot of ways.
And this guy, this meathead guy's coming home, talking to you like you don't
know your fucking ass from a hole in the ground.
I always feel like that's got to be like what it's like for people that come to
this country and they're like bilingual and they got to listen to Americans and
only speak one language.
Give them shit because they speak English with like an accent.
It's like, yeah, it's a second language and I can actually communicate with you.
I know I have an accent, but I can speak more than one language.
It's like, what the fuck?
It is kind of funny how like English is like the language of the world and
everybody thinks like, oh, the reason why that is, is because it's the best
language of the fucking white people, best fucking that dumb shit.
It's like, no, it's because the English went around the world and fucking had
an empire.
That's what happened.
And they made people speak it.
Speak the king's English.
I don't want to listen to you speaking your fucking mumbo.
Hey, I don't got time for your culture in your own country.
But thanks to the tyranny and the impression, the oppression of the English
empire, Americans, we can travel around a lot of places and we don't have to
learn to speak a fucking language.
It's kind of amazing.
I don't think it's good for us.
I wonder if we have more dementia in this country because we only speak one,
because they say that, you know, I get afraid of that.
I get scared of that shit.
So like they say like, you know, taking naps is good for your brain, playing an
instrument, learning another language or whatever.
Which I've been getting my ass kicked on fucking Duolingo because, you know,
you got that stupid shit where they get you to compete with other people.
And it's been very liberating because I only have time to do one lesson a day.
So I'm keeping my streak going.
I've done French almost 160 days in a row.
But like since I've been I've been rehearsing in the play, I've only done like
one or two lessons a day.
And then the app goes like, you're going to you're going to get demoted unless
you're above the line.
And it's just like, you know, you just go fuck yourself with that.
OK.
It's I'm just so sick of how everything turns into, you know, get them to run,
get them to chase the fucking carrot so they interact with it.
Anyway, so.
Oh, Christ, what the fuck did I just do to my heart?
Did I just hit stop?
I did.
Right.
Is it still going?
It's still going.
It's still going.
All right.
Let me let me do something right here.
Very important announcement.
Here we go.
The 12th annual Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit is going to be Sunday, May 18th
at the New York City Center.
131 West 55th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue.
New York City doors open at 7 p.m.
Show starts at 730 p.m.
The lineup is as follows.
Rosebud Baker, Greer Barnes, D.C.
Benny, Tim Dillon.
I'm going to mess this name up.
Nemesh Patel, Sean Patton, and me, Bill Burr.
And as always, the great Rich Voss, who's done it 11 times, will be coming back
to MC.
And we might have a special guest drop in.
I'm working on that right now.
You never know who's going to show up.
Tickets are on sale now.
They are $75 and tickets can be purchased online at www.NYCityCenter.org.
Patrice, Patrice is P-A-T-R-I-C-E, Pat Rice, or by calling the box office at 212-581-1212.
All of this info will be posted on my socials, handles, and on my website.
And as always, shout out and thank you to our amazing producer, Maureen Tarrant.
She is the captain of the ship, she is the captain of the ship, and she's the
reason why it, you know, it goes every year.
So, anyway.
Look at that.
I think the rain stopped.
Would you look at that?
I also have, you know, I might be adding another, I know I am, I just can't
announce it yet.
For whatever fucking dumb reason, I have a benefit that I'm doing overseas that
I'll be talking about more whenever I'm allowed to.
I don't know how the fuck that works.
Anyway, we're getting close, we're getting close to doing, starting on Monday.
Monday night, we go on in front of our first packed house previews.
This is like previews, it's the pre-season.
And then the season starts March 31st, so I can't fucking wait.
I can't wait.
I can't wait to see how this plays.
I can't wait to see where the laughs are, where the moments are, and all that
shit.
I've been having so much goddamn fun.
And we rehearsed this morning, and then I had a little break, and I actually
ran off and went to the fucking gym.
I've been killing it.
Oh, Billy, no tits.
Look at that, man.
It's fucking coming down.
But I will tell you what, oh my God, I did some fucking damage.
Jesus Christ.
If you put my torso on the Mecham auction, you know, it wouldn't have met the
reserve.
I'd have to take the reserve off, and I would be like, ah, yeah, I'm not
selling it.
Forget it.
I got to, I got to, it's too much Bondo.
Oh my God.
You have no idea how fat you are until you do yoga without a shirt on, and
there's like a fucking mirror to the side, and you're doing a forward bend.
You're like, what the, what, do I sell shoes for a living?
Who the fuck is that?
Is that me?
Jesus fucking Christ.
There's no excuse for it.
There's really no excuse for how out of shape I got, you know?
If you, you guys work for a fucking living, you have to be somewhere, you know
what I mean?
I, I, you know, I got all goddamn day to not be a fat fuck, you know?
And I, and I still failed at it.
Fucking ridiculous.
Um, yeah, so I went, I went over to my big gay gym that, uh, that I joined, gay
as it wants to be, and, uh, you know, I got in there, and I got on the
treadmill.
I put it at the fucking angle I needed to.
I worked at, I, I, I was walking briskly, so I would burn fat, because that's
the new way they say that you're burning fat.
Y