Name: Glengarry Previews, NBA Horror Show, Neighbor Issues | Monday Morning Podcast 3-10-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-03-10T17:28:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Glengarry Previews, NBA Horror Show, Neighbor Issues | Monday Morning Podcast 3-10-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Glengarry Previews, NBA Horror Show, Neighbor Issues | Monday Morning Podcast 3-10-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-10. Transcript available.

Glengarry Previews, NBA Horror Show, Neighbor Issues | Monday Morning Podcast 3-10-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
march 10th 2025 what's going on how are ya how's it going march 10th holy shit
holy shit previews start tonight for glenn gary glenn ross saturday night we
did our first show
in front of like about 900 people and uh it i don't know could not have gone
better i was so
amazed watching all all my castmates like thinking about where they're where
they were you know six
weeks ago versus this amazing stuff um that it became um not saying it wasn't
good from the
beginning but you know you know what i'm saying um and just hearing where all
the laughs were and
everything and everybody was very happy crowd was very happy cast was happy
people producing it were
very happy directors and everything so um we're off we're off so next week we
just have rehearsals
and then we have premieres at night and then i think next week we just get into
the regular schedule where
i just have premieres at night so um i don't know what the hell i'm gonna do
with myself um all that free
time back i'll just sit around here being lonely
i am facetiming the hell out of my family but jesus christ um
i uh the other night i was just sitting here i we rehearsed all day and then we
ran the thing
and i came back to my little corporate apartment here and i was
fucking just like what am i what am i gonna do
fucking lonely here so um just ended up like
i i it's funny i don't want to get involved in the politics of the new york
comedy scene but like
i was trying to find a comedy show to go do where there was a comedian that i
knew you know because i
haven't lived here in almost 20 years right so i start checking out all of
these different
comedy clubs around town and i'm looking them up and i'm trying to go to their
website and i keep
ending up on the website of uh the new york comedy club and they're doing that
douchey thing where like
you know i was looking for gotham comedy club and then like they have in new york
comedy club has in their search
you know gotham's number one comedy club so you end up on their on their uh on
their website
it's a dirty pool man so i ended up going down to uh it was weird i felt like
remember in the blair
witch where they just kept coming back to the same part in the woods that's
what it's like searching a
comedy show in new york city no matter what comedy club you look up you end up
at the new
york comedy club's website um anyway um so i ended up going down to the uh gotham
comedy club
and they had their main room upstairs and they have the one downstairs so i
ended up doing uh
ended up doing a spot there and uh hanging out with uh chris mazzilli who i've
known jesus christ
i've known him since i came to new york so we had a great time catching up
and uh so i figured that that's what i'm going to end up doing you know what's
funny is the chelsea
hotel is right next to the gotham comedy club and i was actually thinking about
spending a weekend
there just to fucking do it because it's such an iconic hotel and it's one of
those ones like back in
the day you know before all these never ending wars before banks took over like
our money supply and took us off the gold standard so you could actually people
could actually like
live you know what i mean and you you could like live at the chelsea hotel
which now to live at a
fucking hotel in manhattan i mean you'd have to be one of these fucking billionaires
right um
but back in the day i mean they have like like mailboxes there and all these
amazing actors and
artists and everybody had lived there some dark there i believe that's where
sid vicious
and uh sid and nancy met their end i think i don't know i don't remember
um but anyway i wanted to go down and and stay there or whatever but um
i don't know that's that's the weird thing about like i hope we can get back to
that like when i was
a kid like if you like how it worked if you were like working class the rule
was
um your rent or your mortgage was one week's pay that's what it was and and but
if you move to like
new york it was it was okay for it to be two weeks pay because new york was
always expensive right
um and now i don't know what now now i i'm meeting all these people on the road
they're
working 40 hours a week for a month and they can't make it which is really bad
for this country because
then people have to get a second job and that's less time you can spend with
your kids and they need you
so hopefully they will fix that um not holding my breath anyway plowing ahead
so last night we did the
first um the first uh run through in front of the crowd and went great i had
some friends come out
and stuff and um be dropping names all over the place my first acting teacher peter
kelly from the
harrison project way back in the day way back 30 fucking years 1994 i started
taking classes with him he
surprisingly showed up and we had a great time getting caught up and laughing
about the old days it was
like a perfect night and then um you know i went out some friends got a burger
and then just walked
into this sports bar and the fucking celtics lakers is on right so it's the
second half
go in there the celtics are up by like 17 18 19 points and it's like the third
quarter
and i say to both my friends i go this is going to be a two-point game in five
minutes
all right and of course you know that i i don't understand the psychological
makeup you have to
watch a nba game i just don't get like all of these games now like i swear to
god
nfl football no game is over it's never over none of them are ever over it's
weird if that's not the
way the games used i know they've made all these rule changes and stuff but i
don't know i don't know
what the i'm watching anymore so we're up by 17 18 points it gets down to 16 it
gets down to 15 gets
down to 13 and we're like all of a sudden we've gone cold it's a game of runs
dude right all of a
sudden we go cold it but we're still launching up threes it's like you've gone
cold i watched this guy
on the celtics it's like there's nobody in front of him nobody in front of him
he could just walk to
the elbow and take like a foot whatever that is a 12 footer or something right
what the does he do
launches a three clank
you know and then all of a sudden you know the announcers oh my goodness
gracious roger clemens is
coming back this doing that and and then like this whole idea that the entire nba
the way that they've built their brand like charles barkley was talking about
how it's like why are
the lakers getting all this attention he said cleveland and oklahoma have been
balling the whole year
lakers have been good for two weeks and now nobody's talking about cleveland or
oklahoma right
so somebody wrote in the comments who gives a about cleveland and oak and oklahoma
right and uh
i wanted to be like what do you just proved his point that's what's wrong with
the nba product
is fans are like conditioned that only like a few teams compete you know like
that's that's what it is
like cleveland doesn't matter oklahoma doesn't matter all of these fucking
teams like it's miami matters
lakers matter golden state matters you know just like that whole stupid trade
that the dallas mavericks get rid of their star player because
he doesn't make he i don't know i feel like he doesn't make the nba any money
in dallas and it's way better for the owners with revenue sharing if he pairs
up with lebron
um but it's kind of funny like the lakers like for successful as they are they
just do not have an
ability to manufacture their own stars the last person that they had was magic
johnson 1980
was the last time they fucking drafted the right guy everybody else has been a
fucking
uh you know some sort of move
i know a lot of you youngsters are going what about kobe bryant kobe bryant got
drafted by the
charlotte hornets and then straight up said i'm not playing there and the nba
said okay like what
does that tell charlotte's fan base oh we're never going to be good
we're not allowed to be good it's really strange so
anyway and then just listening to these fucking announcers selling me this game
and just going luke is definitely hurt he's he is not anytime he missed a shot
he is not
moving he is in pain it's like it's march everybody's hurt how many times you're
gonna
make excuses for this guy so i'm sitting there like if i could have literally
just if i wasn't
with other people i would have got up and walked out of the bar just watching
that it's like i don't
need this fucking anxiety and then the officiating the fucking officiating is
like
this fucking guy on the lakers right he's got the ball he's down low dribbles
out to the three-point
line i think it was luca stops dribbling looks around and then starts dribbling
again
and i'm like he fucking he picked up his dribble right nothing and i'm not
saying this is like
preferential treatment to the lakers this is like league wide
like when i was a kid if when you first started playing organized
basketball like in my school was like fourth or fifth grade like
the dad officiating the game would have called that like you wouldn't miss that
how do you miss the guy with the ball picked up his dribble and started dribbling
again
it was so obvious but they didn't blow the whistle even the announcers are
going like
i uh i think i think he picked up his dribble
it's fucking bizarre they don't call traveling the whole thing is just it's
weird it's like a uh
it's like a shoot around i don't know the whole game is just it's i don't know
it's it's kind of like
pass me by but the thing about an nba game that i've never been able to handle
is just how i am this this here is not shitting on professional basketball this
is just me i can't
fucking handle being up by 20 points and five minutes later it's a nail biter i
i just don't
need that i don't need that in my life i am wound up enough as it is i've had
enough disappointments
in life i don't need to fucking every i mean the an nba game moves the same way
as like a horror script
like a movie horror movie you know where it starts off oh boy we got a new
house isn't this great
oh look at this swing out back gee honey we really did it right then you meet
your first weirdo neighbor
all of us you know leads down to fucking 16 and all of a sudden the swing in
the backyard starts
swinging nobody's on it leads down to 12. right and then the fucking guys
coming up the goddamn
stairs with the axe and you're only up by two every fucking game i can't i don't
do horror movies and
i don't watch nba games i just the way i am i had like tourettes when i was in
that bar
i was just sitting here yeah launch another three there you go nobody
underneath
well the analytics say the analytics say that uh that uh you just you know you
just live and die
by the three uh that that's what you do you just you just keep shooting the
analytics well physics says
if you're i don't know if it's physics logic says if you're not shooting well
stop shooting
threes i wonder if that would work if this is just overly simple in my overly
simple brain
if i was an nba coach be like all right listen we're going to do what the
everybody does we're
gonna go out there we're gonna launch 48 threes and take one layup if it's
there in the first quarter
all right here's the thing if we're not hitting our threes get inside the arc
get inside the arc i got
this concept if you're cold why don't you try to take shots closer to the
basket all right you start
feeling it again go out to fucking uh go out to the boonies and get back out to
the three-point land
you start hitting your threes early you're hitting your threes early we bury
them we're up by 12 after
first quarter they start coming back we get cold get inside get inside of it
a three-pointer is only one more point than a two-pointer do i have to tell you
that
feed somebody down low take a eight footer you dumb cunts nope just keep
shooting the threes
just drink you know cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger