Name: The View, Time Square, Guitar | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-20-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-03-20T21:54:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The View, Time Square, Guitar | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-20-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The View, Time Square, Guitar | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-20-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-20. Transcript available.

The View, Time Square, Guitar | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-20-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in how are you checking in on you
what's going on
um i am uh i had an interesting morning i was on the view this morning the view
and uh you know what's hilarious is i told my lovely wife i put the fan on it's
hot as
in here um i told my wife that i was gonna be uh the lovely nia she goes what
are you doing tomorrow
and i was like i gotta do the view she goes what she goes who the book you on
that
i go what are you talking about she goes all the dumb you've said about women
what the
fuck are you going we both just started laughing i go i don't know i think it's
gonna be all right
or whatever and i went in and it was great i had a great time and um i gotta
tell you a funny joy
behar story uh that i never told uh it's uh i'm gonna make it vague because i
don't want to get you
know i don't want to say the whole thing but one time uh whatever our paths
crossed right
so i'm talking to her she's cool as shit right and there was some other
comedian there you know
and uh for whatever reason he started like trying to pick on her or whatever
and uh and the dude was a really funny dude and he started picking on her in
the effortless way
that she like trashed this dude it was what's that martial arts style like a
keto you know where
you use their energy they come flying at you like they're going to kick your
ass and all of a sudden
you send them flying across the room it was just me her and this other comedian
and she just mopped
the floor with him and like i don't think her heartbeat went up even like half
a beat per
minute like it was it was effortless and i was like holy and then i thought
about it i'm thinking
like well when she came up you know as much as females comics talk about now
how hard it is for
female when she came up like i mean it was like ridiculous so like the level of
tough that you had
to be i don't think that this comedian understood like what she had already
like that he was nothing
to her and uh anyway i brought it up to her during the uh the break today and i
got to give her a hug
and thank her for the free comedy show it's one of was one of my um just one of
those moments i won't
forget where it's where like like wow it's so cool to be in this business that
i was in this room
when that happened um oh my god she destroyed that guy
top to bottom destroyed the guy and then the dude left and then he came back in
and i remember
she just goes she just looks you know she was talking to me and he comes in and
then she just
barely glances at him she just goes where'd you go and he goes uh you know i
went outside to have a
cigarette she just looks at him she goes you smoke too after she had just eviscerated
everything that
he was doing and just uh it was it was a work of art um i've told so many comedians
the detailed
story of that so that's what you get on this podcast all right you ain't in the
locker room so i ain't
naming names but it was uh it was amazing so it was cool to go back on there
and uh
um i don't know there you go there you go i'm doing i'm i'm playing the game
man i'm promoting glengarry
glen ross which by the way this is um our first sort of full week here uh we
did two shows yesterday
uh we have matinees on wednesdays and we have matinees on saturdays and uh i
gotta tell you
man it's it's i was thinking oh two shows that's gonna be a lot of work it's
just sort of like
fun times too so then you do like the matinee and i get like i was like amped
up to do the matinee
you know because everybody oh it's a matinee crowd and you know there's gonna
be a lot of blue hairs out
there fuck that fuck that maybe they wanted to go at night and they couldn't
because of their flight
or maybe they fucking i don't know maybe they couldn't get tickets let's kick
this out of them
but two of the afternoon on a wednesday and um you know guys were going up
trying out like different
ways of doing lines which really keeps it exciting every night and uh last
night on the second show
kieran did this line to me and he legit made me laugh and i was trying so hard
to like
hold it together and i looked at bob and he had this smirk on his face and i
almost
i almost broke which would have been i don't know what i would have done
because
my character is supposed to be pretty heated there but like the that we're
saying to each other
is just so horribly disrespectful that it's like you know it's also like funny
it's what i've been
trying to explain to people it's like you know a lot of the that we say like if
somebody actually said it
to you you would be offended but to watch somebody say it to somebody else is
like really uh it's really
funny so um anyway uh we're cruising right along and the crowds have been uh
have been great i did want
to do stand up last night but i went to go jump on the subway kind of annoyed
me i went down the
stairs and these people were coming up and they don't say anything to me and i
go all the way down
the stairs and the fucking the turnstiles had like the police tape on it like
they weren't using it's
like you could have fucking said something you cunts and i go down there and
then it smelled horrifically
horrifically of fucking urine i gotta tell you that that fucking bloomberg man
he
fucked this city up so goddamn bad with this where like taking a cab now it's
it's slower than walking
he completely eviscerated broadway he stuck tables and chairs in the middle of
the street
and i was walking through times square and there was this guy sitting there
like drug addict homeless or whatever he was picking a scab to the left of his
navel
and whatever he was picking off his exposed belly he was wiping on the table
i think bloomberg's heart was in the right place but it's like dude you can't
completely abandon
the public educational system let our food supply be turned into poison
and give us these stupid iphones and and think that you just and then
simultaneously you're just
going to throw tables and chairs in the street and it's going to become paris
it's it's not how it works
all right we're fucking animals you got to bring us inside first and get us
house trained
before you try to you know recreate as they do on instagram you ever see that
when americans try to
recreate the cafe experience in america you ever see those things it's fucking
hilarious because
you know even like a lot a lot of big cities like there's not a lot of good
like sitting out on
the sidewalk and watching people go by it's why i kind of like you know the
parks and stuff you know um
you get like a nice park bench there's people going by either cutting through
the park working out
fucking weirdos musicians um sociopath fucking you know wall street tech guys
you know
you just look at them going like i wonder if they have like a solid platinum
axe in their house
and they listen to huey lewis
i know that scene is nuts but how sick is that axe
um anyway plowing ahead here uh i'm totally into moto gp um i've had the time
being out here uh
to get into this stuff um
uh what is it code code is next right circuit of the americas down there in
austin unfortunately i won't
be able to make the race this year um because i'm working here in new york
obviously but
very excited about that and uh you know i want to see it's like this
you know mark marquez thing is just crazy he's literally won everything he's
gotten both sprints
won both races was pole position on both it's just been the mark markets parade
but i'm kind of
excited that his brother has been able to he's the only guy that's been able to
keep up with them so
i gotta think on one of these you know because the same thing happened on both
races the first race
he let alex pass him so he wouldn't chew up his tires and he just sort of rode
behind him
um until he just makes his decision i'm gonna pass you and he just does i was
watching this whole cool
video on like his ability how late he breaks and how it puts all of this weight
on the front of the bike
and then how he transfers it at the last second to the back break i don't know
what he's doing which
helps him dive into the turn and then roll on the throttle when he comes out
but um
it's uh it's like an art it's like an artist it's it's unbelievable so um i don't
know we'll see uh
we'll see where that goes so anyway oh billy in shape i'm still going to the
big gay gym man
underrated joining a big gay gym the level of shape that gay guys are in it's
like motivational
like you come in there and you're like i am a i like no matter what shape you're
in you feel like
you got a dad bod you know but then after standing next to the gay guys you
feel horrible but then
when you hang out with with dad you're like oh dude i look great
i think all of those gay dudes in there because men are visual creatures like
they literally have
to go in there and be like in the calvin klein underwear shape like that's what
the they're going
for where like if you just go to a like a gym in like the suburbs you know
every guy in there is just
trying to get rid of his man tits if he doesn't have man tits you know if his
chest is sticking
out a little further than his stomach he's like i fucking look all right i like
those guys with the
belly and they go but look it's solid it's fucking solid it's like that's the
fat it's calcified
those aren't abs
i remember i remember a long time ago a guy used to say that he used to talk
about how
fucking hard his stomach was and we used to believe it and then years later
they did a study
going like well you know when the fat's in there long enough it starts to like
starts to get like petrified and i don't mean scared i'm talking more like uh
some dinosaur
shit um so anyway only got one show tonight which is cool and uh been playing a
little bit of drums
and some guitar all right so here is here i am with my guitar um i'm trying to
learn one angus young
guitar solo so i'm trying to learn the solo from you shook me all night long
and i'm hoping in learning that and trying to figure out what notes i'm
actually playing rather than just
doing like the tab thing or have some youtube guy i mean i am watching a
youtube guy who's showing me
how to do it but like i'm hoping that that's going to uh i don't know open up
something else but uh
it's a fucking that's a hard instrument for me drums just to like i don't know
i just always related to
them i think because i came from playing sports it just felt more like a
physical thing where guitar
is just like the intricacies of it and the dell and vibrato and bending strings
and um
i don't know and then just that confusing like the guitar to me in my brain
what is that that old
accounting tool where they would have like those beans you know they call them
bean counters right
they would have like the beans on on like almost like uh like a clothing line
where you would like
dry clothes i know you guys know what the i'm talking about i don't know what
the hell it is and
they would just sit there moving the beans around and you're looking at it
going like how the
fuck does that make any sense i always looked at the fretboard like that you
know like even when
you go to tune the guitar you know as you're going down it's that fucking you
get to the g string which
always goes out of tune and then all of a sudden you're pressing down on the
fourth fret to get a b
everything else is the fifth fret the whole way down except for that
and then when like i don't know when you're kind of moving up the neck of the
guitar like it's all
the same all the same all the same then you get to like the b string or the g
string
and then it's not your first finger it's the middle finger i don't know it's it's
i don't know it's confusing as i just explained that is how confused i am
when um when i play the guitar but i'm trying to push myself outside of it when
i get fucking time
when i have when i stop being media boy here um i got to uh i 