Name: Victoria's Secret, Rainforest Runways, PreQualification | Monday Morning Podcast 3-24-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-03-25T13:43:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Victoria's Secret, Rainforest Runways, PreQualification | Monday Morning Podcast 3-24-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Victoria's Secret, Rainforest Runways, PreQualification | Monday Morning Podcast 3-24-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-25. Transcript available.

Victoria's Secret, Rainforest Runways, PreQualification | Monday Morning Podcast 3-24-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
march 24th 2025 what's going on oh yeah oh geez how's it going there um
i uh this is really late today i apologize this is not monday morning this is
fucking monday afternoon um i had a gig last night i had to go down to washington
dc
um a friend of mine was accepting an award and i was asked to go up and say
some nice things
about him and uh i'm gonna tell you old billy getting out of his comfort zone
first i do broadway like the half of so-and-so i am right got past that and now
i had to go i i
i i am afraid of those gigs or i was anyway because my thing is when i'm the
way i'm talking right now
that's where i live i lived in this nice walled off emotional place and the way
i tell people that i
love them is that i fucking tease them that's how i do it so with the award
show what you actually have
to do is say that you love somebody without all of that stuff and then what
happens because i i i
hold back that all the time i turn into like dick for meal you know i'm going
to turn into like a
puddle of emotion you know you're always nice to me and not everybody was like
that until i really
and no one wants to see that no one wants to see a man breaking down
emotionally saying how much he loves
his other male friend they just you know women think they want to see that they
say no no you should let
that out that's why would you hold it would be beautiful to show that side of
yourself and then
you do it and what do they do they're fucking they're fucking they you know
what dries up immediately
and they just go this is the guy that's going to protect me when somebody comes
through the front door
fuck this guy and then what do they do they go down to roadhouse and they start
blowing patrick
swayze and that's what happens that's what happens but you know and then you
know what's funny you
know what's funny this is the best part then they blame you when they do it
all because you listened to their bad advice so i i learned something last
night where first of all
what i did was i i did this speech a bunch of times so i got comfortable with
it and um and then i i uh
i threw in some some jokes along the way to kind of keep me a little bit in you
know my safe space
of oh i'm i'm a tough ginger who doesn't feel things you know nothing bothers
me nothing bothers me
no nothing so i kind of had to like i was able to do it and i got through it i
held my composure
and it went all right but i gotta tell you man like i don't want to ruin all of
this stuff i don't know
how much of it it's out there but it was just like one heavy hitter after
another and i was psyched that
i was on in the middle because i didn't want to have to go on after all the
heat they had on that show
and uh and you know i don't know whatever i do shit like that i always like
whoever just finished
um i think two things one i can't follow that and two i think i'm so jealous of
them that they're done
and they can now sit down and enjoy the show but i kind of talked to a couple
of the other presenters
on it and they were all like dude i feel the exact same way i'm so glad you
said that i'm like all
right so everybody's a little bit nervous um about it but it was um it was an
incredible night and i
gotta tell you um i hadn't realized i've been in new york city i have not left
since i got here february
1st and this reminds me of when i used to live here and i would stay in the
city and i didn't have road
dates and every once in a while you'd get out of the city and you'd realize
like it's just like you just
kind of exhale like oh god like i don't feel the crush of the buildings in the
concrete or whatever
um i used to always see these people just sitting in the parks in new york
feeding pigeons and
shit and i never understood what they were doing but i get it now you kind of
need to like get out of
the grind any way you can but you know i don't know when i moved here in the
mid 90s you know
being stationary for too long a period of time in the city past a certain hour
was uh
you kind of put no you felt like you had a little bit of a bullseye on your bed
like all of a sudden
like you know the zombies all they could like see you like they could see you
through the matrix where
if you just walk by i always kind of had like that rule that if somebody crazy
came on the train
you just they can't see you until you see them so they're talking and they're
doing their crazy
that they're doing so all you got to do is just stare at like you know the
advertising look down
at somebody's shoes sitting across from you you do not look at them you do not
acknowledge them but if
you make eye contact with them while they're talking okay they're like holy
shit i've been seen like i if you put yourself in in the in the world of a
crazy person they're
walking down the street talking out loud to like nobody like nobody looks at
them nobody acknowledges
them everybody ignores them so there has to be this lonely feeling for them and
this bizarre feeling that
they feel like you know everything around them maybe isn't even real so when
they're talking
and you actually look at them acknowledging that i i'm hearing the sound coming
out of your mouth
like oh my god like what was that movie oh ghost when the one ghost was was
teaching patrick
swayzee again let's see if i go three times with that reference um like how to
like you know
get out of the ghost world and actually move something in the real world like
they exist
on that level and that was the new york city subway won't you look at that
and it all comes full circle so anyway
i got out of the city drove down there with club soda kenny and um had a great
day i was in georgetown
um which is like it's just the weirdest place ever it's like ben franklin's
gonna come walking down the
street um i don't know what sort of like zoning laws they have but that that
place it's like i remember
stirbridge village when i was a kid you'd go out to this thing and they and
everyone would be dressed
like the pilgrims and would be reenacting um everything but slaughtering indians
they'd show making fucking butter and chewing horses and shit um but anyway you
would go out
there and it was like walking into like you know this country hundreds of years
ago and i felt like
that when i was there so anyway i've been to georgetown a number of times and
uh you know it's always
made me uncomfortable because it's it's a a kind of like uh martha stewart vibe
that i just remember
growing up sort of being pushed in that direction of like you know khakis with
neon colored sweaters
and uh horn-rimmed glasses this is the 80s like that that whole like preppy
look and i just always
was like i i don't i don't like this i don't want to do this i want to work in
a warehouse i want to
drive a truck i want to hang out with those guys those guys are funny and they
watch sports and
they're funny and they drink and they're funny and they're hanging out having a
good time and they're
they just you know what the do i want to go into that world of like um have you
seen the new beamers
which is funny i actually love bmws now um and in the 80s i wanted the six
series i thought that
that was the coolest fucking car ever and uh anyway um plowing ahead here uh
what the
was my point oh so i went there and i was thinking like you know what georgetown
university is in
georgetown i remember biggie biggie's basketball and uh with like patrick ewing
and oh what was that
kid's name oh i just had it michael graham this amazing amazing uh biggies
player and uh
they won the uh the title i want to say in 84 or something like that and uh or
83 or 84
wait 83 was the tar heels like 81 or 82 was nc state i don't know i used to
watch that
shit i fucking loved it that's i'm kind of getting back into march madness and
college hoop and
shit so anyway i was like i gotta go down there and just you know you know john
thompson alan iverson
played there this great basketball program i'm gonna walk down and check out
the campus so i'm walking
down there and i'm thinking like ah fuck is this gonna be like when i tried to
go up to columbia and
it's like a police state you can't go on the campus unless you have some sort
of visitor id and they take
all your fucking information and your cell phone number and all of this shit
and i showed up it was
the exact opposite you could actually just walk onto the campus which was great
and the campus was
fucking gorgeous and i actually learned something as a parent i wanted to be
like i don't know i'm
thinking of like with my kids at some point you know when they're getting close
to high school age is
take them to a really cool school like that with a beautiful campus and just be
like listen
if you study you make the sacrifices you don't hang out with knuckleheads
you know life rewards you and if you work hard the next four years you could go
to a school like this
and and follow like the basketball program like for the rest of your life you
could go here for four
years go to all the hoop games with your friends and then this becomes like the
nucleus of your bond and
you could hang out you know once a year you guys could still stay in touch
going to games like i'm
always envious of people that went to really like you know division one
everything with me comes back to
sports division one colleges and they get to follow the football teams and they
got to sit in the student
section and all of that like you know if you work hard this is where you can go
right and then
if you screw around you know you're driving to like a subway sandwich place or
you're
one of those uh i remember like the junior colleges um when i was growing up
they look like small high
schools they'd be like one building with like this parking lot and everybody
just drove there like a job
and everybody went home there wasn't like the social life of like i missed out
on all of that
shit um so i don't know anyway so i ended up checking out the campus it was
great and then
that night i went out and uh they had the event and um somehow pulled it off
got through it
and uh today i woke up and actually had a feeling like i'm proud of myself that
was
something i was not comfortable doing and i somehow figured out a way to get
through it i didn't
up um it was pretty cool um and one of the one of the bits they had uh
involved this uh cattle rancher guy and i was talking to him at the after party
he was like an auctioneer
and um i was just talking to him about like you know how'd you learn how to do
that and he just
started talking about that he basically raised cattle and all that i had this
amazing like 10 minute
conversation about buying cattle and like how to tell if it's healthy or not
because like i always know
you go buy fish if like the fish eyes cloudy it means it's not like you know it's
not fresh fish or
whatever so he just broke down all of this stuff that you look for with cattle
and it was like i was
like dude you should be like a they should do like a documentary on this stuff
um i don't know i found it
fascinating anyway so we drove up today and stopped off at a rest area and i
ate the most unhealthy worst
food i think i've ever had first of all i went into nathan's and i was trying
to get like a hot dog
or something and the poor woman working there was doing the register and making
the steak and cheeses
and everything and it's just like these corporate cunts this poor woman is just
running ragged and
everybody's getting annoyed in the line and she has literally no help she's
doing the whole thing
herself and you know some fucking asshole who fired all of her co-workers is
now writing himself
a nine-figure fucking bonus for air quote saving the company money so you didn't
save them money
you just stole their salaries and you're making one person doing the job of
fucking three people
um anyway uh plowing ahead here so i ended up having to go to another like pretzel
place
i was just go