Name: Commercials, Cops & Protesters | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-27-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-03-27T18:59:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Commercials, Cops & Protesters | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-27-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Commercials, Cops & Protesters | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-27-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-27. Transcript available.

Commercials, Cops & Protesters | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-27-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burn it's time for the thursday afternoon just
before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you um what's going on i'm
obviously a little
under the weather i finally caught a cold going down to dc to do that gig for
my buddy and then
coming back um my favorite expression in the world is no good deed goes unpunished
so that's what
happens you know when i go down there i'm gonna do this fucking thing because
it's the right thing
to do and i owe this guy for all the things that he's done for me i'm gonna go
down there god damn
it because that's the way i was raised and what happens right and you do the
good thing right and
what does mother nature say oh look at you fucking running around like a little
goody two shoes well
i got something for you here's a common cold give you the fucking right there fred
i will tell you
though ever since i've discovered raw ginger and honey it doesn't get down in
my throat too too much
i literally just woke up though that's why i sound like a fucking toad um anywho
i'm over hump day this
week you know this broadway schedule is fucking cool i actually like it a lot
come in monday you do one
tuesday you do another one and then wednesday you knock out two and it's like
holy shit we've already
done half the shows we need to do this week so wednesday's still hump day and
now today and tomorrow
i got one show look at me footloose and fancy free um and then saturday you
know you finish strong
fucking with two shows and then you got your day off then you start all over
again um it has been a
ridiculous ridiculous amount of fun um and i'm really enjoying watching all the
other actors they keep
adding stuff bringing stuff up bringing stuff down making different choices and
stuff and just getting
everything like super super tight so on monday is our our opening night the
official night there so
i think we're gonna be in good shape our directors patrick and rory been
killing it so i think uh i think
we're all right um oh man i haven't said that i've just been because i've been
sick i haven't
done any stand up and i've just been like laying around my corporate apartment
and then going
over to the theater doing the show and then coming right back and i got a
little boogie fever
i got cabin fever and um yeah i told you a buddy of mine got me this car model
so i've just been
sitting here by myself with a head cold staring at the blank walls with no
photos on them painting this model
i feel like a widower you know like i'm fucking like 90 years old you know
nobody tells you if
you live this long you don't have any more friends that's what they don't tell
you you know they don't
you don't think about i saw this thing the other day uh mike yastrzemski was
talking to a 102 year old
world war ii veteran and um
he uh i was just thinking 102 years old you have to be the only guy left in
your high school graduating
class you know i had a relative that lived to be almost 105 my grandmother and
um she was
on her third set of friends like every time i would i used to do the um
the funny bone in indiana and i used to stay at her house
and um it was really cool i would just stay at her house instead of the comedy
condo and i would drive
like whatever into the city to go do the shows and um she used to play cards
like three four times a week
would play bridge like some serious shit that really kept your mind sharp and
stuff like i don't know what
i don't know what it was um that and she drank black coffee you know when
somebody lives that long
people always try to figure out like what is it that they're fucking doing
i nobody knows so whatever so she lived and you know i did that for years and
like
would visit her and there would be you know she would play with three other
women
and every once in a while one of the women wouldn't be there and there'd be
somebody new
and she's just oh yeah she passed away the daughter
fucking i'm not like making light of it but it was just like
yeah i don't know i don't know jesus bill you got a little head cold now you're
going to talk about
the loneliness of living to be a uh what do they call that a century on what do
they call it on the news
you know when the when the weather guy gets out there and just goes uh
so-and-so turned 103 today and you just see it like um i think it all depends
on like how active you are
or not you know what i mean i like that guy that who lived forever that was in
san francisco and he would jog like three miles a day you know still out there
god look how the
fuck did his knees and hips handle that uh what's the deal with people over a
hundred
so i made this stupid little fucking concoction off the internet lemon ginger
honey
uh usually has cayenne pepper but my buddy goes no use the cinnamon one i don't
know if you're
supposed to put cinnamon in it i don't think you're supposed to but there was a
recipe for it i think
he misspoke because he was saying his girlfriend always makes that for him so
whatever i've been
drinking this fucking witch's brew and uh
i'm going out today though it's fucking nice out
i'm on the other side of it here uh anyway i have no idea what's going on in
the fucking world
my fucking the cables out on this fucking place or whatever the whatever you
call it now the satellite
the feed the fucking streaming the streaming's not streaming and like there's
like a phone number
here with my little packet on how to use everything in this corporate apartment
and i just i just like i'm not fucking doing that so
so that's it i started to watch panic and needle park which is a fucking al pacino
movie from the
early 70s but it was a really bad copy on youtube so and then i went over to go
to amazon and uh they
fucking uh they were playing commercials it's like do you want to go ad free it's
like yeah i paid for that
then we sneak the fucking thing in like i pay for no commercials on youtube so
now what they do
is if you click on a video really quickly because it's not on youtube it used
to just take you to
fucking youtube now what happens is you click on it and it goes like domino's
pizza has a new
fucking stef krespi and then you click on it and the people that write that
copy like have the the
actor say the name of the product you know immediately viagra is your dick
staring at the
floor click and then you fucking go right onto the thing it's so fucking
annoying it's so fucking annoying
it's so annoying the way this whole fucking thing has been set up
this whole fucking thing that you just got to try to get every
fucking nickel and fucking dime you can out of somebody god forbid there's a
split
fucking second that they click on something there's a chance to advertise and
make some fucking money
and then these fucking people that are allegedly human beings that just sit in
fucking rooms and figure out how to annoy the shit out of people doing stuff
like that
and they don't even give a fuck so many fucking people are built that way now
like they get off on just going around annoying people
i should talk with my fucking stand up back right um anyway uh
so yeah i've been i've been just like not watching the news i saw this new
shit like you know if you're fucking coming in back into this country they can
confiscate your
phone and go through it i have to tell you something the way that they have us
fucking
divided and the shit that people on one side or the other are signing off on
and having no
fucking problem with they're turning this fucking thing into a goddamn
dictatorship slowly but surely
ever since fucking 9 11. they can read you emails they can listen to your phone
number phone calls they
can go through your fucking phone it's all well hey man if you're not doing
anything wrong like that
shit like i saw this thing right this clip i think it was on on youtube right
and it was these
environmental protesters and they want to bring awareness to that we're
destroying the planet
which is true which is a valid thing to do so what do these fucking idiots do
they block the road and just make everybody mad
like i don't understand it's like don't you want people to be in a good mood so
they can hear
whatever your message is instead you make them late what if somebody's going to
dialysis so god
forbid some woman's in labor what the are you doing idiots right so they
fucking
there's like five of them all these women right little skinny vegan looking
women right
they block the road so the cop shows up with like this fucking dodge ram
and he drives in and he just plows into like this thing that's like some sort
of like
trailer or something they put across the road like something you would uh carry
a car on or something
he just plows into a dukes of hazards style and they're like what the and then
he whips around and starts driving right at him and he's on the thing going you
better
get out of the way or something like that then he gets out of the truck and he
pulls
out either a taser or a gun he's going get on the ground get on the ground
right
fucking idiot total overreaction he could have like like they're morons they're
absolute morons
what they're doing is annoying but his reaction to it is just as stupid like
what are you doing
you're damaging the fucking truck for no goddamn reason you're plowing into the
fucking thing you're
acting like you're in some fucking action movie and then you pull out your
weapon and you're pointing
it at these fucking five vegans that collectively maybe weigh 200 pounds they're
not fucking armed
they weren't being violent they didn't hurt anybody it was a total overstep of
his fucking authority but
people that don't like fucking liberals and everything look that's good police
work that's good it
isn't good police work there's nothing about it was good fucking police work
and it's like wait till
that fucking gets turned around on you when it's a fucking issue that you give
a shit about and you're
exercising your right to fucking protest here's the thing i thought the fucking
idiots who blocked the
road were idiots and i thought the cops reaction to it was a bunch of fucking
idiots that's i i don't know
i'm self-centered i feel like that's the point that should have been made
i'm taking a sip of my broth
fucking like the level of like anger that this cop had because these idiots
blocked this
fucking road
he could have just came up be like what are you ladies what are we doing here
i understand i want to clean up the environment too but there's people here
somebody could be on
dialysis we can't do this this is dangerous there could be a fire
an ambulance is trying to get through this is not the way to get your point
across okay
i don't want to have to arrest you can we just clear this out of the way here
you could do that calm voice not escalating the situation and this guy comes in
like
boy luke duke it ain't fucking where the peter that boo he fucking comes in
having his fucking cop fantasy acting like a fucking jerk off complete fucking
jerk off but
they have us so fucking divided that that behavior is all right because it
aligns with your products
products your politics i'll tell you one of my favorite things is how each side
thinks the other
side is dumb and then each side thinks the other side's a bunch of babies
specifically the right
thinks the liberals are a bunch of fucking uh snowflakes whiny entitled assholes
which
i mean come on that's pretty fucking true right but like for conservative
people to act like they're
not the biggest fucking babies also is fucking hilarious have you seen this
fucking my people whitey
we're all fucking upset there's enough of us to get it going trending anyway we're
upset about the new
cinderella movie
the actress playing cinderella isn't white there's no prince they changed the
story
when am i gonna tell my kids
the shit that my people get upset about what am i gonna tell my kids well talk
around it the way you
do the we talk around the real history of this country i think you can do t