Name: Opening Night, Baseball, Val Kilmer | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-3-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-04-03T19:16:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Opening Night, Baseball, Val Kilmer | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-3-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Opening Night, Baseball, Val Kilmer | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-3-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-03. Transcript available.

Opening Night, Baseball, Val Kilmer | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-3-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in on you
seeing how your
week's going oh billy freckles oh billy freckles big news big news i put on a
pair of 34 inch jeans
legit ones old school cotton ones not these new ones with the elastic waistband
where you think
you're a fucking 34 and you're actually like a 40 you know because they don't
want you to know that
your food supply is poison because they can't give you the truth right they got
a dude they still we
talking about these are 34s they still fucking fit so put these things on i'm
not gonna lie to you i'm
not gonna act like these these jeans were a little tight i'm not gonna act like
these things if i wore
them for more than 20 minutes would not affect my mood for the day but i was
able to get them on so
um this is uh you know as much as i'm back here doing this play this is my fat
camp
so if i'm gonna be away from my family three out of four weeks out of the month
then i gotta get
something positive out of this so i've just been going to the fucking uh the
big gay gym
um every fucking day by the way that was been my my stupid dad joke
saying my gym is so gay it's spelled j-i-m
but anyway uh underrated going to a big gay gym because those fucking dudes are
in ridiculous
shape so you just like you know they make you feel even worse about your
goddamn dad bod so i've been
doing that and uh i've just been doing been doing the play and uh we got past
um opening night so this
whole thing has been just such a crazy trip so you have your rehearsals however
long that is
you get to know the cast the director
everybody else on the show
and then you have your first show
you know eventually you move out of the rehearsal space and you go over to the
theater
and then that's when it starts getting
exciting and you start getting the butterflies going like oh my god i
we're actually gonna do this
i'm gonna be a part of this this is fucking scary
but it's exciting right
and then uh you have like
the first night is like this friends and family
you know it's like an adult recital you know when you go down to see your kid
do a little performance
nobody heckles everybody's going to applaud that's the first one
and then you do three weeks of previews
i never knew any of this shit three weeks of previews
and that's this weird thing where like they say critics can't come down and
review it but
everybody's paying full price for tickets so you still have to have a good show
and then
toward like the last three nights of the previews the critics come
you know and uh
whatever i mean we ended up getting really good reviews there was a few people
you know one person
wrote a whole article didn't like it because they thought it was in the wrong
venue
like they only do musicals on this theater i don't know why it had this
prediction
i mean i didn't read any of this shit
which if you're in this business that's what you have to be i just got feedback
from people
saying it was all good stuff except this one and this one but like um
this is another thing i didn't realize like how you get these theaters is like
when they said okay we're gonna it's official they're gonna do the play again
they just have to wait for a play to be available it's not like you can just be
like okay and we're doing it here
it seems like what you have to do is you have to wait for another play to close
either it ran its course
or
wasn't selling tickets
oh my god
fucking yawning today
um
or it's not selling tickets and then the thing becomes available
so this place became available so like all right we'll do it there
um
and this person did not like that
but other than that we got uh we got good stuff
so then you're working your whole way up to opening night
so i was like oh my god opening night this is gonna be fucking scary because i
thought that that's when the critics were there
critics already come
and then opening night is actually like
one of the best nights because
it's all uh
these fancy pants broadway people you know big
uh
famous actors come out
and um
and everybody's rooting for you they want it to be
a good place so it ended up being
it ended up being great
and uh
i deliberately made sure that
i didn't know who was in the crowd
um
which was cool
and uh
then the big then the toughest show is like the next day
one of the actors uh
on the show donald was telling saying the same thing
like the next day so that after you you know
you have opening night and all that
it's weird you feel like the play's over
like we did it
victorious they love the show
oh my god everybody's saying it's great right
and then you wake up the next day on tuesday
you're like oh shit i got a show tonight
i got to do it again
so in sports that's known as the letdown game
so we got all amped up
um
to do the next show
and we've been uh
we've been killing
we had oh man
like we had a fucking
killer uh matinee yesterday
i kind of get fucking amped up for those things
the matinee
because people oh it's gonna be you know
it's the blue haired show
like it's a bunch of old people
and you look out
it's not old people
so um
you know they paid a bunch of fucking money
for the tickets
you got to kick the shit out of them
and it's kind of fun to kick the shit out of people
in like the the afternoon
you know
because i think even they're thinking like
uh you know
i'll see the play
i'll be in bed by seven
get my eight hours or whatever
and then you come out
and you kill it
it's uh
it's like a really nice surprise
but um
those matinee shows
i can't remember if i talked about this
forgive me if i did
i've just been uh
running around crazy
getting ready for that
big uh
opening night thing
um
i got this
like attitude from uh
doing stand-up
the third show
on a saturday night
when you would be doing a comedy club
and like nobody would show up
you'd have like 10-20 people there
and i
would go out there
with 10-20 people energy
and um
and the show would suck
so finally
i can't remember who the hell it was
some road dog comic
told me
he goes
don't go up there like that
he goes
go up there
and
and
it's not those people's fault
that they're the only ones who showed up
you know
go up there
and make
you know
those 10-20 people
wish that they all brought 10-20 people
and uh
just put like a positive spin on it
and i ended up having like
some of my best fucking shows
were like the third show
in front of like
you know
25-30 people
they ended up being like
uh
oh
sorry
i know we're making you guys yawn
but i gotta knock this thing out
because i got a bunch of shit
i have to do today
um
i ended up having some of my best shows
doing that
so anyway
we're on the other side of it
so now
um
the big challenge is
because now
you know
it's out
it's a hit
it's you know
just about sold out
so everybody's very happy
so the big thing now
is
you know
to come in there
mentally every night
and just know
who's ever in that crowd
this is their night
to see it
you know
so you gotta make sure
you uh
you keep that level of excitement
and i'm figuring out
by watching all these other
amazing actors on the show
is they do it a little different
every night
they try something else
which sorta
makes it fresh for them
surprises their scene partner
and all that
and uh
yeah
i mean
who knew
who knew doing broadway
would be this fun
i mean
i knew it would be fun
i just didn't know
it would be this like
much of a learning experience
and everything
so
i'm very thankful for that
um
what the fuck
is my phone saying
something went wrong
with the upload
jesus christ
this is just some
fucking
person on the other side
of the world
trying to get me
into my phone
is that what it is
i wasn't uploading anything
like why would you do
you just send that out
to somebody
to randomly
try to get into
their goddamn phone
anyway
plowing ahead here
um
i haven't watched
the austin
uh
the coda race yet
and moto gp
i did see the sprint
and um
it's getting ridiculous
mark marquez won that
so he's won
all three sprints
he's won two
of the races
and i
you know
if he wins that third race
then like
what is this season
becoming
the only person
that can hang
with him
is his brother
alex
it's literally
the marquez story
and uh
and then it just
seems like
peko's gonna be
in third place
the whole fucking year
there's no way
everybody's gonna sit
back and just
tolerate this
right
i don't know
it feels like
when i first started
watching moto gp
pre-pandemic
that um
what i'm watching here
this level of dominance
it's fun to see him
come back
but there is gonna
be a point
of like
like dude
what the fuck
you know
like um
like those torpedo
bats that the yankees
are using
like let's just
take it away
from the yankees
um
i just feel like
that's dangerously
going into golf
territory
like you know
we're finding
everybody's
you know
too many
dentists are going
out there
and they're slicing
what can we do
to the ball
what can we do
to the club
to make this person
who sucks
you know
it's like
it's not up to the dentist
to go out
and fucking fix his swing
they're gonna fucking
fix the club
design the club
around
what you suck at
to straighten out
your fucking shot
it's stupid
so
i was listening
to will clark
talking about it
and it was like
the analytics people
saw that you know
too many of the yankee
players were getting
jammed
and hitting the ball
um
on the label
of the bat
which usually means
i guess
you get out
like i don't know
baseball to that level
i'm not gonna lie to you
so they just put
a bunch of
it just moved
a bunch of wood
down there
and made
getting jammed
like you were
hitting it on the
sweet spot of the bat
i mean that is
fucking insane
to have to do that
i get it with golf
so many non-athletes
play golf
but even then
it's fucking stupid
it's like
why did you take up
this game
you know what i mean
like
or this activity
whatever the fuck
you call golf
like you go out there
and
and part of the thrill
of trying something new
is the mechanics
learning what you're
doing wrong
the frustration
pushing through it
sticking with it
and all of that
but to go out there
and just put
fucking training wheels
on the goddamn
equipment
and then you're
hitting it straight
like a pro
is fucking ridiculous
that's ridiculous
to do
to just some
jerk off
who's all happy
because he sold out
the working man
and got a bonus
and can now join
a fucking country club
and play golf
it's bad enough
when they do it
at that level
to do that
at the baseball
the major league
fucking level
and give them
a goddamn bat
that corrects
go take some
fucking BP
like everybody
else had to
um
and
you mean
it'd be bad enough
if the
I would be saying
this at the
fucking Kansas City
Royals did it
and they
historically
since you know
free agency
got out of control
have been treated
like a minor league
team
um
but to have
like the
fucking
275 million
dollar New York
Yankees doing it
it's
it's
like
in watching
these fucking
Yankee fans
the same ones
who back
deflate gate
the football
the football's
a cunt
hair lighter
and the investigation
was conducted
by the owner
of the losing
team
the team
that lost
by 35
and led up
over 300 yards
rushing
and also
had the same
amount of
underinflated balls
the New York
fucking media
was just
all over
the Patriots
about that
never gave it up
to us
are all
looking the other
way
on these
fucking
bats
it's just
like
it's literally
what's wrong
with like
it's
it's how
super
the super
rich
get everyone
underneath
them fighting
because everybody
thinks that
they're
you know
okay if my
team wins
that means
it's good
it doesn't matter
how the fuck
they're doing it
rather than
having a
legit
you know
right and
wrong
oh my god
I wanted to
read this to
you because
I said
a long time
ago
when I was
listening to
people arguing
politics
I said
you know
I don't mean
everybody
I just mean
people that
are like
a staunch
Republican
or a
is it a
staunch
Democrat
I always
hear staunch
Republican
what's the
wor