Name: Barry Manilow, The Masters, Titty Bar Food | Monday Morning Podcast 4-14-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-04-14T19:11:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Barry Manilow, The Masters, Titty Bar Food | Monday Morning Podcast 4-14-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Barry Manilow, The Masters, Titty Bar Food | Monday Morning Podcast 4-14-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-14. Transcript available.

Barry Manilow, The Masters, Titty Bar Food | Monday Morning Podcast 4-14-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, April 14th, 2025.
What's going on? How are ya? How's it going?
You know what? My phone, my smartphone. Oh, it's so fucking smart.
By the way, if I hear one more of these fucking idiot nerds that are building
these fucking robots for these fucking sociopaths that's going to basically
wipe all human beings out so they can have their ultimate slave labor, tell me
that these robots feel all emotions.
They don't feel emotions. They're a fucking robot. It's an algorithm.
There's probably trigger words, so then the thing can be like, no, or ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha.
They don't feel fucking emotions. They want them to. They want them. They want
them to feel emotions.
You know why? Because when we're gone and it's just the robots, what's the fun
of ruling something if it's not sad about it?
Anyway, there's my first fucking dark thought of the day.
Oh, my God. What to talk about? What to talk about?
I went out last night, not naming any names.
I went out with two friends of mine.
I went to Radio City Music Hall and saw Barry Manilow and, you know, took the
perfect amount of mushrooms.
I was fucking tripping balls.
And it was amazing.
I just remember just being in there and he's like the nicest guy.
Such a great entertainer, puts on a ridiculous show, and he's just this kind,
good-hearted person.
I just remember thinking, like, how amazing the world is that, like, while
these sociopaths are working towards robots and wiping all of us out,
simultaneously, Barry Manilow is out there doing what he does.
It was like this fucking oasis of just nice people.
Anyway, and all the visuals.
Well, I mean, I highly recommend a nice, you know, I think it wasn't crazy.
I wasn't, like, tripping, tripping, but I was fucking vibing.
And it was the last night of his run.
The guy did five shows at Radio City Music Hall.
He's, like, 50 years into his career.
Can still sell that place five times.
It's cavernous.
It's huge.
And you could tell he was, like, taking it in because the guy did, I swear to
God, it felt like he did, like, six encores.
And he literally sat down going, I don't want to leave.
You know, I grew up in Brooklyn and all of this type of stuff.
And I was seeing, like, you know, looking around, looking at all the different
ages of his fans and all of that.
It was really fucking cool.
And also, I love, like, I'd never been in Radio City until a couple months ago
I went there and saw something.
And they haven't, like, changed anything in there in a good way.
It's literally, like, Superman era.
You know, Art Deco.
Like, everything.
It's, uh, it was gorgeous.
I had a great time.
And then afterward, um, we went downstairs and, uh, you know, there was a
little meet and greet thing.
Got to meet him real quick.
Super nice guy.
A lot taller than I thought.
He was, like, six feet tall.
And, um, I don't know.
Gave me a little gift bag.
And I left.
And I was walking down the street.
And it was, like, the perfect night.
Me and both my buddies laughing our asses off.
And just high, having a great time.
And just saying what a, it was, like, the perfect fucking feel-good night.
And then I'm walking down the street.
And there was this, I can't remember if it was a mother or a father.
Had, like, a one-and-a-half-year-old baby girl.
The cutest little girl, right?
And she had her head on his shoulder and one arm, like, hanging over the
shoulder.
And I just waved to her.
And her face lit up.
And she waved back at me.
I was, like, all right, that's it.
This is, like, the perfect, the perfect night.
So, anyway, I got to meet some of his crew, Barry's crew.
And they said that he plays the Westgate out in Vegas.
And it's the same room that Elvis played when he used to be out there.
When it was called, like, the Intercontinental or something like that.
So, like, oh, you got to come out.
I'm, like, I'm definitely going out there for that.
I would see karaoke in that room just to be in that same showroom.
Forget about that show.
But he put on an amazing show.
And, like, most of those guys, when you go to see, you know, those entertainers
that have been around that long,
you forget how many hits they have until you start, oh, my God, he wrote this
one, too.
Or he wrote this one for this person.
Just a great time.
Just a fantastic, perfect.
One night off a week, you know, with this Broadway run to go over and go see
that, man.
It was definitely, definitely, definitely a special night.
Not going to lie to you, there was a moment where I was tripping a little too
hard.
And he had this song, and there was, like, clouds behind him and shit.
Like, heaven and stuff.
And it got a little intense.
But, you know, I've done it enough times that I'm just like, all right, bro.
It's not Barry.
It's you.
So, anyway, thanks to him and everybody connected with him.
Me and my friends had the fucking, we had the best time.
We just had the best, best, best time.
And they hooked me up with a Barry Manilow hoodie.
You think I'm not fucking wearing that?
Anyway, let's go on to something else.
Let's talk, let's talk the Masters, the one golf tournament I watch every year.
I watch, I keep track of the score, and then I sit down and I watch it on
Sunday.
And I have to tell you, you know, if you do that, you know that you are signing
up.
You have a 70% chance of watching a fucking tragedy.
Sunday at the Masters is one of the saddest days ever created in sports
activity.
Because, you know, I still don't think golf is a sport.
I think those guys are athletes that excel at it.
But just the fact that you played for three hours, you don't have to run.
You don't have to run once.
You know?
Like, most people, they drive in a car.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's not like, imagine if you played basketball and the other team scored
a basket and then you picked up the ball and you drove in a cart down to the
other side and then got out and then shot the fucking ball.
But athletes played.
I'm not saying that they're not all athletes or whatever, but it's just
whatever.
So, Rory's up by two strokes.
I'm rooting for Rory.
He's won every major except the Masters.
So, you know what that means.
You know what that means.
That gives every unathletic sports writer douche the excuse to say, yeah, but
you know what?
He can't do this.
That's what they love to say.
And he came real close, I think, in 2014.
I can't remember.
It was another tragedy.
Kenny Perry.
All of these fucking poor bastards on Sunday, right?
The shark.
I remember when I was a kid.
It just was fucking brutal.
So, he comes out and he fucking has a two-shot lead.
And then, like, after, like, one hole or two holes, he was, like, even with the
guy.
He fucking bogeyed a couple times or something like that.
And I'm like, yeah, Jesus Christ, right?
So, by the time they get to the turn, he's up by a stroke or two.
And now he's going on the back nine.
And this is where he fell apart in 2014.
So, just, you know, golf takes a long time.
So, I watched the 10th hole.
He fucking birdies it.
And I'm like, this kid is dialed in.
He's going to fucking do it, you know?
Rooting for him.
Needs this one more.
Went through a brutal divorce.
Man to man.
You got to fucking root for this guy, right?
So, I go out to get a fucking sandwich.
And, you know, I'm texting with Verzi.
And he's like, Rory's dialed in.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I fucking come back.
And all of a sudden, he had, like, a four-stroke lead.
All of a sudden, he was, like, tied.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
And I look at Verzi's text thread and all of that.
He's dialed in.
He's going to win it.
Da-da-da.
And he just writes, oh, no.
So, I'm watching this thing.
And it's getting closer and closer.
Where I got to go to Barry Manilow, right?
And I write to Verzi.
I go, this has tragic playoff written all over it.
That's what I thought was going to happen.
I was like, Rory's going to dip.
And then he's going to come back and save it.
And then he's going to go into a playoff.
And he's going to lose.
And thank God he didn't.
And watching him sink that putt and the emotion that he had and all of that,
like, that is just, like, I mean, that he just has, now he has a complete
career.
I mean, he already had a complete career.
But he has such a complete career that even the sports writers got to give it
up to him.
You know?
And he can just now, like, I bet he's going to play even better because now he's
going to just be able to enjoy, he's going to be able to enjoy it.
He's got the monkey off his back and all of that shit because, I don't know, I
think that shit in sports with those, I feel like it haunts those people.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know, I get heckled or whatever, and I can just tell somebody to go
fuck themselves.
For whatever reason, these people in these leagues can't.
And, like, I can't imagine, like, the level of unathletic person that sits
across from them and questions their ability and their mental strength.
You know, some fat guy with man tits who can't even push himself away from a
Burger King is going to talk about you, how you can't sink a fucking seven-foot
putt with the whole world watching.
Question whether you have the right stuff as they're eating their way to their
second fucking heart attack.
Anyway, this is my weird way of saying congratulations, Rory McIlroy.
Could not be happier for you.
Oh, my God.
And then I just also love the whole creepy vibe of the Masters.
I read the whole thing.
And, like, can you imagine what Jim Nance goes through before he does the
Masters?
Like, the level of meditation he has to go through to make sure that he doesn't
raise his voice or use the wrong word.
You know?
Like, I saw this whole thing.
There's, like, certain words that you use at all the other tournaments, you can't
use it at the Masters.
Like, I don't know, like, just weird.
Instead of calling it the crowd, you have to call it the gallery.
And the gallery goes wild.
And, like, that's, like, how, like, you just got to control.
Yeah, ex machina.
You got to have, like, this controlled fucking tone in your voice.
Oh, my God.
Can you imagine Jim Nance when he raps on that?
When he gets in his car and he drives, you know, down those trees and shit.
And he makes that right.
It's so funny.
If you've ever been to the Masters, it's, like, it's this oasis of pristine,
like, ideal whiteness, racism, and all of that shit.
And then the second you get out of there, like, within two seconds, you're
driving by a Best Buy, a Waffle House, an Applebee's.
I bet the second he makes that right or left to get out of there, he just has
the window down.
And he just goes, fuck!
Jesus Christ!
Oh, my God.
Like, like, you just got interrogated by the cops for something you did, and
you somehow fucking tricked them into, like, they didn't have enough.
Oh, my God.
I just can't imagine the pressure.
How about a shout-out for Jim Nance, holding his tongue, using the right words.
Never cursing.
Three fucking hours.
And he just has to sit there.
And everybody.
Like, I think out of all the sports, I don't think there's anybody who has to
be more gracious and more polite than professional golfers being interviewed at
the Masters, whatever they call that place.
It's kind of a funny name, huh?
Considering the background and the history of this country, the Masters.
Yeah, there's definitely a, yeah, there's a creepy.
Dude, I would not want to do mushrooms and go to the fucking Masters.
I would be getting, I would, you know, because then there's all those rules.
I remember when you went, you know, there's, like, no tickets.
There's these passes.
And the members are not supposed to sell them, but they fucking do.
And the deal is, is if you do inappropriate, if you have some sort of
inappropriate behavior,
somebody steps out from behind a tree and takes your fucking, your pass from
around your neck,
and the member doesn't get it back, and they get in trouble and all of this
