Name: Easter, Fruit, the Book of Job | Monday Morning Podcast 4-21-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-04-21T18:33:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Easter, Fruit, the Book of Job | Monday Morning Podcast 4-21-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Easter, Fruit, the Book of Job | Monday Morning Podcast 4-21-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-21. Transcript available.

Easter, Fruit, the Book of Job | Monday Morning Podcast 4-21-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, April 21st, 2025.
What's going on? How are ya?
What's going on? Oh, my God, it's post-Easter.
Did you have a nice Easter?
Did you fucking see the Easter bunny?
Oh, man. My family's in town, so we went to this Easter party, and a friend of
mine, I'm not going to name names here, dressed up like the Easter bunny.
So my daughter knows there's no Easter bunny, so she's sitting there rolling
her eyes, not to mention it's a guy in a bunny suit.
You know, I really got to say something. You know, as far as, I don't have to,
but I'm going to.
I don't know why I just said I really have to say something.
I feel like when women do that on talk shows, they immediately get an applause
break before the other women even hear what they're going to say.
No, hang on a second. I need to say something. Go ahead, say that shit, right?
And what's amazing is they act like they're not talking most of the time, for
some reason.
That is what is funny about women. Like, they don't ever feel heard, but they
talk way more.
It's kind of a strange dynamic. Maybe if they made an attempt.
How about this, ladies? How about in the rest of 2025?
Rather than volume, why don't we focus more on being concise?
And then maybe it would be easier for the man in your life to hear what you're
saying.
All right, Jesus. Shots fired early on the podcast.
Parents don't make any remote fucking attempt to even remotely make these
fucking things seem real, right?
Like the Easter Bunny is just like...
All the CGI, all the fucking deepfake AI shit that we have.
We still just have...
You just have your fucking buddy dress up in a fucking bunny suit.
An expressionless bunny suit, by the way.
It's just sitting there smiling.
And my friend was speaking in falsetto.
Sounding like Mickey Mouse going,
Hello! Happy Easter!
And he was a big guy, so the costume didn't close in the back.
And someone said...
Said I felt like I was visiting the Easter Bunny at the hospital.
Like he had one of those gowns.
So my daughter, of course, walks up to him right in front of all the little
kids
and just goes, Hi, so-and-so, and says my buddy's name.
So, you know, I gave her that, you know, you know, that talk, that quick talk
where your teeth are clenched together.
You are not going to ruin this lie that the parents are talking to the little
children.
The innocent little children, right?
It's so stupid.
The whole thing is so fucking stupid.
Wait a minute, is like Disneyland a lie, too?
Like when you go there and you go, Ah, that's Mickey Mouse.
And they think it's, yeah, I guess the whole, the whole, what is that whole
fucking thing
about sticking on an adult in an outfit like that?
Anyway, but then I've heard of other people that like, they go all out to
defend the lie.
If like when their kids start figuring out and then they actually do use
technology,
not realizing that you're sort of doubling, tripling, and quadrupling down on
lying to your children
while you're chastising them, going, don't lie to me.
Don't ever lie to me.
You tell me the truth.
Having said that, that man over there is a bunny.
So anyway, we had this big, um, uh, we got together with some other people
and, uh, we rented this little boat and we just kind of went out in the harbor.
And it was a great time.
And, uh, it was funny.
Adults are funny when they get on a fucking boat because it was a little choppy.
And there's always like one or two people get that look on their face like,
dude,
I don't feel like puking in front of a bunch of other adults.
Um, but it was event free.
Nobody puked.
Everybody had a great time.
Great mix of people.
And, uh, and I lost my hat.
The wind started blowing ahead on my fucking Jack Nicholson.
And one flew over the cuckoo's nest black knitted hat and I had shaved my head.
So it was extra smooth and the hat was a little big.
And that was all she wrote.
If I had a couple of days of stubble on, who knows?
It might've hung on just long enough where I could have grabbed it as it was
flying off
my fucking head.
Um, but fortunately I had a backup hat.
When you're fucking bald, you always have to have a backup hat.
You know what I mean?
You know, women carry like extra, like tampons and shit in their purse just in
case.
Well, bald men always have a backup hat.
Bald gingers.
Um, anyway.
Um, so that, that all went well.
And, um, I was doing this thing, you know, cause I've been working on my temper.
You know what I mean?
Staying in the philosophia and, um, my family has been here for three days and
I have not
even raised my voice.
It's fucking amazing.
And, uh, I know it sounds fucking nuts to you guys cause you're probably normal,
but like,
and I don't mean like I walk around just like berating people, but I just like,
you know,
when the fuck is my goddamn phone?
Like I do that shit, which I don't think is a big deal, but evidently it brings
tension
to people around the fucking house.
So I've been really working on doing that.
So I'm into, this is day four, day four.
And I'm hoping this is going to be like cigars.
Cause once I go four days without a cigar, I'm like, what the fuck was I doing
that for?
Um, but I have to get through day four.
It'd be amazing if anger was the same thing.
Although I don't think the reason I smoke cigars and the reason I flip out are
the same
thing.
I don't think those are the same reasons.
It's deep seated shit from a long time ago, which is why those Dr. Phil shows
are so fucking
stupid.
You know, you need to blah, blah, blah.
And then they're like, Oh, I didn't know that.
22 minutes.
You just solve this fucking person's, why they're doing, you know, whatever
self-sabotage
thing that they continue doing.
Um, oh my God, do I hate that show?
And you know, we act like he doesn't take any shit.
It's like, would you just stop it with that?
You're exploiting people that have no options and, and an unbelievable amount
of problems.
Um, anyway, uh, so I barely watch TV now.
Like most people, all I do is just death scroll on Instagram.
And, uh, I also don't watch the fucking news.
I'm pretty walled off right now.
So evidently a bunch of women went into space and everybody had a problem with
it.
And then this other woman who came back, I don't know who she is.
She's, she's, uh, somebody, cause I guess they were all famous people.
And she was just like, have you ever been to space?
She like rubbed it in everybody's faces and then everybody go, Oh, how the fuck
could you
fucking lie?
Everybody got all fucking indignant about that.
That's, that's what everybody gets fucking upset about.
It's so, I, that's like one of those things where I'm like, did they just do
that on purpose?
They just like got like, you know, five, six celebrities.
We're going to stick you in space for no fucking reason.
And then just come back and say a bunch of arrogant shit and, you know, and try
to act
like you're a philosopher and all of this stuff.
Right.
And that'll be a great distraction from shit that people should really be upset
about.
Um, like the fact that there's plenty of money, there's plenty of food, there's
plenty of
water, there's plenty of books that there's enough for everybody, you know, and
this whole
fucking fear mongering and everything is just super rich people posturing so
they can hang
on to the fact that they take way more than they need, you know, like, I don't
have a problem
with somebody being a fucking billionaire or a trillionaire.
But if the people who work for you work 40 hours a week and they still can't
pay their
rent, you're not paying them enough money.
They don't need to go out and get a second job.
You need to take less money.
Okay.
And that's not Mexicans fault.
That's not China's fault.
That's not fucking whoever you're going to fucking blame it on.
And I don't know.
I just wish in a perfect world people would not be so easily fucking fooled by
these morons.
Anyway, so, whatever.
I try to stay apolitical because they're all fucking pieces of shit.
But I will, I do have to say, my problem with the current guy is he's not a
leader.
Okay?
And you know what, you know, I know, you know what a leader does?
A leader leads.
That's what he does.
He doesn't divide.
That motherfucker just, that's all he does is he just divides people and then
walks away
and lets them yell at each other because he has no fucking plan.
Okay?
If you don't agree with that, write in and you explain to me.
Fucking explain to me what exactly the plan is.
How the fuck is there a midair collision and you bring up DEI?
How the fuck do you manage to do that?
And then, like, use that tragedy and all of those fucking deaths to further
move the fact
that you're just a racist piece of shit.
Overtly racist.
Overtly racist.
And then who gravitates to that?
The dumbest of all white people because that's all they have because racism is
white DEI.
Racism makes an unqualified, stupid-ass white person qualified for an
opportunity
they wouldn't be qualified for if it was a level playing field.
That's what I love about people who don't like affirmative action.
They fucking go like, they should just pick the best guy.
No, that's not what you're saying.
That's not what you're saying.
What you're saying is they should pick all the white people first and then
whatever the fuck is left over.
Because if they pick the best fucking person, they wouldn't pick your fucking
dumb ass.
Oh, what is this?
Some woke shit?
Um, anyway.
Oh, yeah.
I feel like fucking...
I feel like speaking my truth today.
I don't know why.
So, um, I'm on Instagram, like I said, because I've just completely gone off
the rails.
And, uh, I don't know, evidently I would like to fucking look at old cars,
beautiful women,
and, like I said, like fucking, I don't know, on a lion, lion walking up to a,
uh, cobra
and seeing the cobra bite him and be like, he's the king of the beast.
Can he take that?
Is his skin too thick that, you know, like when a polar bear bites a walrus?
Um, anyway, um, I've gone on that.
Oh, I know what I was going to say.
So, um, I was checking my account.
So when I do these shows, they ask me to share clips.
So one of the people asked me to share a clip was The View, right?
So I go to share the clip and I go into the comment section, like I always do,
and I read
until the first negative comment.
And, uh, oh my God, the amount of fucking people like, oh my God, what are you
doing on
The View?
And so many people were saying that I sold out because I went on The View and
everything,
and I was laughing going, I kind of created that with all the misogynistic shit
I'd been
saying over the years that that was, you know, an element of my fucking fan
base.
And to the point, like, they can't even handle that I went on a show because it
was hosted
all by women.
I guess because they, they have, uh, they lean left, liberally, and then they
have like the
one conservative person, I guess.
I don't know.
I didn't see that the day I was on.
I don't watch The View, but I love that I did The View, and The View was my
idea because
I thought it would be funny if I went on there.
Um, and I thought something was going to happen, you know, like, someone there
wasn't going
to, I don't know, be into what I was saying.
And then everyone was just really nice, and I had a great time.
Which is, uh, you know, kind of what I'm finding in life.
All of this shit that, like, I had this big wall up against when I finally just
let the
wall come down.
It's like, oh, that was all in my head.
Um, I had a great time on The View, and I also got to thank Joy Behar because,
um, I don't
know how to talk around, I got to talk around this.
So, I saw her one time, somebody was coming at her, you know, trying to get her.
To get, you know, the better of her comedically, and was really being
disrespectful, and she
fucking barely flinched and absolutely mopped the floor with this dude.
And it was just me, her, and the other dude, and I was just sitting t