Name: Boston, Silencers, Alligators | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-29-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-05-29T19:26:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Boston, Silencers, Alligators | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-29-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Boston, Silencers, Alligators | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-29-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-29. Transcript available.

Boston, Silencers, Alligators | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-29-25 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you
oh what's going on oh billy freckles has got to go to the big gay gym
back on it i went up to uh i went up to fucking boston for memorial day dude
um went up there visited some family and friends can't remember if i told you
this on monday or not
um and then did my usual you know food spots i got some chinese food i got some
pizza
i went to the north end i got myself a fucking cappuccino
um walked around tried to walk around a bunch of areas where i hadn't been
before
i usually go over that place pocari's for coffee the great tony v told me about
that place but it
just didn't work out it opened at 11 and i was down there too early um then i
found another place
a breakfast place that had the most ridiculous steak and eggs
i mean it's like they gave you two steaks they were fucking i didn't order them
somebody next
to me ordered them i was like fuck i should have got that should have got that
there should be a rule
that you know you go to a restaurant and if somebody next to you orders
something better than you ordered
you know if you think you can take them you guys should be able to fight for
the meal
you know and whoever wins
still at you got to pay for the meal you get the meal but you pay for for the
other guy has to eat what you ordered
that is perfect you kicked his ass and then you you paid for his meal like he
like you made him your girlfriend
this is totally emasculating i mean just imagine the excitement that that would
bring to the dining experience
um and if you you have the right to refuse the fight but if you turn down the
fight
you have to pick up your plate and everybody in the restaurant as you walk you
have to eat it outside
and as you walk out everybody just goes everybody chants shame shame shame
shame shame
and you go outside and you fucking eat it
and then you you have to serve a three-month suspension for being a pussy
and not accepting the fight you can't go back to the restaurant you know in a
three-month suspension
and then it'd be funny for women right if they you know if you get into a new
relationship
and oh i want to go you know a restaurant i want to try and then i feel like
yeah i can't go there i can't go what do you mean you can't go there i don't
want to talk about
did you turn down a fight i don't want any shameful cock in my fucking
in my life
then the person's like oh is that all it is to you
huh fighting over food what about what's inside
where are you going
that would be amazing
um i don't know if that's the stupidest thing i just said
or a hit reality tv show
it's like that ufc show uh the ultimate fighter
meets anthony bourdain
parts unknown is that what it's called or something like that
fights unknown
because you had no idea you were going to get into a fight
and you have no idea who you're fighting
um it's people it's just an idea but this this right here
this is this is how creativity works it starts with a ridiculously stupid idea
that you pursue and that eventually you fucking whittle it down to something
that the masses can accept
because even if we got that thing greenlit you know all of these fucking people
going like what are we what are we doing
like what are we saying what are we promoting what are we encouraging with this
tv show
it is amazing how like
not thinking is the way
people above you make money
like the more you don't think the more they make money it's really funny
and then simultaneously every dumbass
thinks they have the answers now
like supremely confident
like uh
like if you're sitting here right now
and you're standing
or walking on a treadmill
whatever the fuck it is you're doing
um
and you kind of feel good about your world view
like you know i think i got it figured out
that's because you're dumb
if you were smart you would be looking at it going like you know what there is
no fucking way
all the information
all the variables i would possibly need to be able to fix this fucking problem
i could get into my tiny fucking brain
that's that's you know
that's an intelligent thought
and then you you press forward anyway
because what the fuck else are you going to do
it's on your shoulders
right
because you actually have the job
you're being paid
to try and solve the fucking problem
because you passed a bunch of fucking tests
you got the degrees
and the fucking interviews
the job interviews
and they they will
we like what we see here
right
that's how it used to work
and you had to be white
let's be honest with you
that's how that's how it's
that's still kind of how it works
right
racism
oh what is this some fucking woke shit
how fucking dumb are those people
um
the mean girls
the mean girls of america
fucking angry white males
it's the funniest fucking shit ever
this whole thing that's set up for me
isn't working for me
well
why do you think
why is that
aside from the fact that you're a fucking dumbass
your own people are the ones fucking you
it's not mexicans jumping over a wall
you fucking moron
it's
I would guess
it's the person with the power and the money
that's fucking you
not somebody
without even two nickels in his fucking pockets
let me ask you a question
if you had no fucking money
as a white person
all right
and you ran through the woods
and made it up to canada
and then you got to canada
and everybody started saying how fucked up canada was
and they blamed you
and you say
I'm from minneapolis man
I don't know what you're talking about
I had to walk around lake superior
I had to swim
lake superior
I'm here
I'm ready to work man
you're the reason calgary
the fuck
it's all fucked up now
um
this place was fucked up
before I got here
I literally just got here
I just got here
I don't have any money
I got nothing
I got no money
I got no pussy
I lost my
one of my shoes
you're the reason
I can't buy a house
um
anyway
plowing ahead
plowing ahead
yeah there
there are
yeah
the mean girls
the mean girls
just
they get all fucking
you know
it's unreal
the fucking mean girls
the mean girls
have come into my business now
it's fucking unbelievable
the put upon white guys
it's just
it's so fucking hard man
it's just
you know
you guys don't understand
the struggle
all right
anyway
um
the New York Knicks
Indiana Pacers
game four
two games to one
the Knicks need to go in there
and tie it up
and drag them back
to New York
drag them into the deep water
of a seven game series
but the Indiana Pacers
showed up
they came to play
held basically a seven point lead
the entire game
I watched the second half
it's now
three games to one
fucking
Indiana Pacers
um
yeah
so now
like
the Knicks
now have
got themselves
in a situation
where they have to do
uh
I don't know
with basketball
why it's so difficult
three games to one
is not difficult
in hockey
it's happened
in baseball
three games to zero
has happened
in
baseball
but we're not
we're not gonna bring that up
um
or are we
um
but for some reason
three games to one
in basketball
it's really difficult
to come back
and I don't know
why
I don't know enough
about the game
to tell why
so they are in
a fucking hole
all right
but
this is what is amazing
about a seven game series
so they got
they're three games
down
three games to one
they're laying down
the bottom of the hole
fucking looking up
how the fuck
do we get out of here
how do you get out of here
you win game five
and then all of a sudden
it's three games to two
and instantly
they're one game away
from fucking tying it up
and holy fucking shit
we could blow this
it's unreal
the seven game series
the pressure
is on
whatever team
just lost
the last game
the whole fucking series
I don't care what it is
it could be
three games to none
if they win game four
you go into game five
you're like
dude we gotta close this out
three games to one
at that point
you're
you're still pretty comfortable
but I still think
you're thinking like
but we can't go 3-2
because if we go down
they come back 3-2
then
they're looking at
tying it up
all of a sudden
what the fuck happened
so
um
the only upside
of the Knicks
being down
three games to one
is the level
that their fan base
shuts the fuck up
after Glenn Gary
Glenn Ross
because they have been
coming after every victory
hey fuck Boston
fucking fuck
fuck Boston
I mean
I mean I'm not gonna lie to you
I've been destroying them
but they bring it on themselves
all they have is that first
hey fucking fuck Boston
bacon egg and cheese
on a roll please
that's all they got
and then you just go
uh you guys haven't won
since Richard Nixon
you won a second round
and then they just implode
I know man
you know I'm just fucking around
so it's like
no you're not
you're being a cunt
this is what they do
Bill can you sign my playbill
and then I sign their playbill
and I give it to them
fuck Boston
but I can't
I can't say
that all Knicks fans
are like that
because I don't think
most Knicks fans
go to a Broadway show
um
that has been
my favorite thing to say
when the Knicks
win a game
and then somebody
after the show
hey what do you think
about those fucking Knicks
tonight
I always just go
you're a Knicks fan
yeah yeah
my Knicks fans
like
no you're not
they had a playoff game
and now you went to
a fucking Broadway show
Oklahoma weather
something
something
to dream
the impossible dream
you went to go see cats
your boys were playing
down the fucking street
buddy
you went to the wrong venue
you didn't notice
everyone's a little bit racist
it's true
I forgot I saw that one
Avenue
was it Avenue Q
Avenue A
whatever
that was a fucking
it was a fucking
great musical
it had puppets
and everything
it was funny as hell
um
anyway
what am I doing here
how much time
have I
how much time
have I babbled
um
yeah
so
OKC
closed out
Minnesota
this is the most sports
I've been able to watch
now that um
I just sort of come home
after the play
I did do stand-up
last night
but I just sort of
come home after the play
and uh
I uh
I just put on
I catch like the second half
of the first game
and I watch the first half
of the late game
and then I fall asleep
but uh
yeah
OKC
made quick work
of the Minnesota
Timberwolves
uh
the Florida
Marchands
made it to the
Stanley Cup final
uh
very excited about that
um
I would love to see
Brad get another one
that would be
fucking great
and um
I'm alright
that he's doing it
with Florida
I
I get the whole
business of it
it's like
he wanted another
big contract
and we had to rebuild
and by the time
we rebuilt
he was going to be
like 39 years old
it just made sense
um
and I think
obviously we could have
got more for the guy
but I also think
the Bruins did him
a solid
and traded him to
a team like Florida
because I think
you know
any other team
or whatever
they could have
fucking
you know
that wasn't
going anywhere
we could have
got a lot
more for him
so
it kind of
sucks for us
but like
I think we
owed that to
Brad
um
personally
so I'm rooting
for him
this is a very
familiar situation
for me
this is like
you know
Florida
you know
I know you don't
like the liberal
east coast
but how about
giving us a
shout out
we gave you
Tom Brady
Boston gave you
Tom Brady
and now we
gave you
Brad Marchand
how about
a little
fucking
uh
why don't you
fucking tip
your
your
your
your
crocodile
fucking
your alligator
sandwich
you know
with barbecue
sauce
tastes like
chicken
no it
doesn't
it doesn't
it doesn't
none of those
meats taste
like chicken
they taste
like chicken
that like
is this going
bad
like when did
you buy
this chicken
that's the
closest it
tastes to
chicken
um
I had
alligator
when I was
in Jacksonville
Florida
because what
else are you
going to do
huh
hit on some
300 pound
waitress at an
Applebee's
it's either that
or an alligator
sandwich as far
as I could tell
I wasn't there
a long time
no disrespect
Jacksonville
I'm kidding
I had a great
time when I went
to Jacksonville
last time I went
down there
last two times
I had a great
time first time
I went down
with Verzi
I was st