Name: Sugar, Playoffs, the Machine | Monday Morning Podcast 6-16-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-06-16T19:50:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sugar, Playoffs, the Machine | Monday Morning Podcast 6-16-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sugar, Playoffs, the Machine | Monday Morning Podcast 6-16-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-16. Transcript available.

Sugar, Playoffs, the Machine | Monday Morning Podcast 6-16-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast
for Monday, June 16th, 2025.
What's going on? How are ya? How's it going, man?
Ah, geez. Last two weeks of Glengarry Glen Ross coming up. Week 15 of 16.
Can't believe it. I can't believe it's coming down to the end here. We got 16
more shows.
Eight this week, eight next week, and that's going to be, and there you have it.
And there you have it. That's going to be it.
What the fuck did I do to my leg?
You know, being a fucking ginger, I swear to God, the bruises and stuff, I look
like I got clawed by a goddamn bear.
The amount of time there's bruises on me and I don't know what it is.
You know what I usually end up doing? I just push down on it and then I, the
pain of it reminds me of when it happened.
And I got nothing for this one.
Anyway, I got nothing.
Dude, how about the fucking Florida Panthers?
You know?
Game, what was it? Game four.
Edmonton goes up late.
They're up, what was it?
Four to three.
There's seconds left and the Panthers score to tie it up.
Four to four.
They go into overtime.
You know the Panthers are going to win.
They're fucking relentless.
But Edmonton somehow pulls it out.
Ties up the series two to two.
And then I'm just sitting there going like, oh my God, they're going back to Edmonton.
Holy shit.
Edmonton wins game one, loses game two, loses game three.
Florida's looking to go up three games to one.
They dig deep, win it in overtime, tie it two to two.
Now they're going back to Edmonton.
They have the momentum.
And what does Florida do?
Goes up there in their building and fucking beats them.
Jesus Christ.
I'm really happy for Brad Marchand.
He probably is going to get the MVP of this series if the Panthers win it.
But you got to give it up to them, man.
As much as I hate the fucking Panthers because they bounced my Bruins out of
the playoffs two years in a row.
They are a fucking championship squad.
So I'm assuming game six is tonight, going back to Florida.
And now Edmonton basically has to do what Florida did against Florida, which is
a tall, tall order.
What a fucking series.
Like I have no idea which way this is going to go.
Like if Edmonton wins tonight and they go back to Edmonton.
Oh my God, game seven in Edmonton, Edmonton's going to win.
Like you can't even say that.
Like it wouldn't surprise me at all if Edmonton went down, won in Florida, and
then they went back to Edmonton and then Florida won it and then won the cup.
It's been an incredible series.
I haven't been keeping up with the NBA.
I want to say the Pacers won game one and then lost the next two.
And I don't know where that is right now.
I have no idea.
My brain is all over the place.
And anyway, old Freckles got back in the big gay gym.
My lovely wife was out here.
And, you know, for my birthday weekend and all of that.
We had such a fucking great time and everything.
But, you know, in that great time, you know, I wasn't going to the gym.
I wanted to spend every second I could spend with her because I miss her so
much.
And, you know, kind of got back on the bread.
It was my birthday.
I had some desserts.
You know, I had a piece of cake.
I had a fucking cupcake.
You know, there was a bunch of little mini celebrations.
And old fatso fucking partook.
I didn't go crazy, though.
But what I was happy was I was able to get right back off of sugar.
I think I finally have it under control, unlike everything else in my life that
I have to just, like, quit cold turkey.
You know?
But I am psyched, though.
I am, like, completely off of sugar.
Like, now I look at candy bars.
All of that crap I used to eat late at night, like I was still, you know, in
junior high.
Which, if I really go back, that was my fucking sugar addiction.
It went way back to then.
Like, you know, like, whenever you hear, like, alcoholics going, like, I had my
first drink when I was 12.
You know?
Didn't seem like a big deal.
Within a week, I was down in a bottle and a half of vodka every day before
fucking recess.
You know?
That was like sugar.
It was like...
I think somewhere, once I went into junior high, and you started to buy your
own lunch, and you had all those different options.
Like, there was days I would go up, and for lunch, I would just get junk food.
I would get a three-pack of chocolate chip cookies, potato chips, and then a
couple other things.
And I would just fill my...
If I didn't like the hot lunch that day, and I would just fill myself up with
that shit.
And it didn't seem like a big deal, you know?
You were young, you're running around.
Your stomach was flat.
You didn't have a dad bod.
You were fucking junior high.
And I had no idea that all those years later, like, I would be struggling
because of the choices that I made.
In the early 80s, like, 40 fucking years later, more than 40 years later, I,
like...
Well, I've been off it for, like, a couple of years now.
And, you know, I, I don't know.
I have no fucking idea.
I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing or what my life is right now.
But I'm just trying to, I'm trying to get off of that shit.
I'm trying to get off of, you know, bread.
I don't fuck with bread anymore because that's, like, poison, and it makes you
fucking fat.
Like, it's so insane to me that the number one priority right now in this
country is to get illegals out.
But meanwhile, all the citizens can keep eating a food supply that has been
turned into poison.
Say what you want about these illegal immigrants.
They didn't poison the food supply.
You know, that was done by my people.
Yeah, and all of these politicians that look the other way and let them do that.
I would think that that was more of a priority than getting illegals out of
there in a way that is not even legal.
No due process, no anything.
It is such an ugly, ugly time and the misdirection of all of this and this
whole idea that what they're selling,
which is really my people, white people, what they're selling us, you know,
that they're going to do this
and then somehow your life is going to improve.
I don't understand.
I don't understand it.
The math just doesn't work out.
Like, how is that going to help inflation?
How is it going to help the common man?
It isn't.
Like, it just isn't.
These billionaires have never wanted to pay you.
They don't want to fucking pay you and they're not going to start now with this
horrible stuff that they're doing.
Basically, the standing president has declared war on a city.
And a state trying to defund California.
It's like, buddy, this is your offensive line.
This is your buffer between here and China.
You want to fucking destroy it?
I don't know.
But I completely understand it because I grew up with narcissists and this is
what they do.
They have to destroy things.
And there's also that thing of, like, you are who you hang out with.
And this guy who's claiming to be a great American likes to hang out with
ruthless dictators.
North Korea and Russia.
So, I mean, it really is fucking amazing to me that he can be doing all of
these things while simultaneously having a large group of my own people
believing that he has a good heart.
All I can say is I hope that they're right.
I hope that they're right because this looks like pure evil to me.
So, anywho, and with that fucking happy shit, I did the Beacon Theater last
night.
I did stand-up, did an hour and 15 minutes, man.
And I didn't have any, like, you know, I was definitely looking at the paper
because I had it, like, sort of, I didn't have it assembled in my head.
Hour and 15, I had other jokes that I forgot to do or whatever.
And I want to thank everybody that came out.
I had a number of people from Glengarry came out, cast and crew, which was
great.
And Michael Che opened up and, oh, my God, he fucking murdered.
He's been doing a bunch of stand-up, I'm assuming, because I think SNL's on
break right now.
And so, I guess he's been going around, he must be doing stand-up because his
act was super tight.
And, as always, that kid has always had just, like, top-shelf, A-level material.
So, it was fun.
I'd never done a gig with him, so that was a good time.
So, anyway, yeah, I had to do that because I've got to get ready for this
international run that I'm doing right after.
I don't know why the fuck I booked this right after this play.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
I just, I have to learn how to take a goddamn break.
I literally, I don't know how to do it.
Well, I do know how to do it, but then I sit there alone with my own fucking
thoughts, and they drive me insane.
So, just keep working.
Just keep working.
That's our therapy.
That's what we do, Bill.
Did I just say our therapy?
Yeah, me and the voices in my head.
There you go.
But, anyway, I got, I tried a bunch of new shit last night.
And it was, um, it all went over really, really well.
And a few things that I did was just shit that I never got to work.
And, uh, last night it finally killed.
But, of course, I didn't tape it.
I never tape myself because I'm not going to listen to it.
So, it just becomes wasted space on me phone.
Oh, I know what I wanted to talk about.
Uh, shout out to Japan.
I somehow came across, uh, you know, death scrolling.
I came across this band, uh, the Fishmans, from, like, the 1990s.
And they sort of combined all of these different, uh, genres of music.
I mean, I don't know what any of them are.
You know what I mean?
Like, house, dub, you know, acid jazz.
I remember they were calling it that.
Like, once, whenever acid jazz came out, like, I stopped knowing what music is.
And then I, the genres of them, or even being able to understand them.
And, um, like I was saying, like, a couple months ago, you know, that there's,
there's, like, genres of music I'd never even heard of.
Shoegaze.
I've never even heard of that.
And, um, so I'm, like, woefully behind.
But I downloaded this album, Long Season, um, because they said it had one song
on it, 35 minutes long.
And that it was a masterpiece of whatever brand of music that they were doing.
And, um, I put that song on, and I was stretching in my apartment.
You know, put on my workout clothes.
I stretched in my apartment.
Song is still going.
I walked to the gym.
It was still going.
And I got, like, you know, 20, I don't know, 30% into my workout.
And I listened to the whole thing.
It was, like, I was, like, determined.
I'm, like, I gotta listen, I'm gonna listen to a 35-minute song.
And, um, it was a, it was a hell of a ride.
Um, there's so many damn, there's so many goddamn talented people out there.
But, like, they have a, you know, they have a bunch of other songs that aren't
as long.
Um, you know, um, I don't know.
I'm gonna start listening to them.
I think they're a really, I don't know, what, your group, whatever the,
whatever the kids call them now.
Um, but also, I gotta tell you, like, because nobody seems to want to pay for
music anymore,
I miss downloading an album that is, like, 39, 40 minutes long.
You know, they always have to add all these bonus tracks.
And then all of a sudden, you go to download it, and it's, like, an hour and 20
minutes.
It's, like, I don't want to listen to a fucking hour and 20 minutes to anybody.
An hour and 20 fucking minutes.
I swear to God, they, I think they're doing it so maybe you're more apt to buy
it because you feel like you're getting more.
But I also feel it's like Apple filling up their own phones so you have to go
buy a new one.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't need an hour and 20 minutes of Adam Ant.
You know, I just need goody two-shoes and a couple of fucking deep cuts, and I'm
good.
You know what I mean?
I don't need, you know, you know, two hours and 40 minutes of Taylor Dane,
the extended greatest hits fucking version.
I mean, I love ACDC, but I don't want an hour and 20 minute version of outtakes
of Back in Black.
It's, like, why do I need the, you mean the shit that they thought wasn't good
enough for the album?
Why would I do that?
Like, I never understood that.
Like, like when an ar