Name: Submarine Guy, Middle East, Nerd Cities | Monday Morning Podcast 6-23-25 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-06-23T20:23:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Submarine Guy, Middle East, Nerd Cities | Monday Morning Podcast 6-23-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Submarine Guy, Middle East, Nerd Cities | Monday Morning Podcast 6-23-25 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-23. Transcript available.

Submarine Guy, Middle East,  Nerd Cities | Monday Morning Podcast 6-23-25 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, June 23rd, 2025.
What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? How is it going for you?
Oh, I'm very excited. Very excited. It is the final, the 16th and final week of
Glengarry Glen Ross on Broadway at the Palace Theater, 47th and 7th. Been over
there for a good four or five months at this point. Could not have had a better
time. Could not have been working with better people. It was awesome.
I'm going to enjoy this week and enjoy the people that I'm working with. It's
been great. I cannot believe it's going to be over this week. It's going to be
weird. I'm not going to lie to you.
As excited as I am to be back with my wife and kids, you know, this was
obviously a milestone gig, so thank you to everybody involved, and especially
thanks to Nathan Lane, who got the whole thing going, suggesting me to the
director, Patrick Marber, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Speaking of history, the Florida Panthers, congratulations with Brad Marchand,
back-to-back Stanley Cups, and their third Stanley Cup final in a row, I
believe.
They lost to Vegas, then last year they beat Edmonton, this year they beat Edmonton.
My condolences to Edmonton and all of Canada, except for Calgary, because even
they secretly probably were happy,
despite the fact that the Cup hasn't been there since 1993, the fucking Panthers
are just relentless, fucking relentless, and
I don't know, when they went up to Edmonton and won that game five up there,
after the series was tied,
I was just, these fucking guys, they just, they just don't, they don't, they
don't rattle, and, um, I don't know, Marshawn had, like, nine zillion goals.
It sucks, watching him win that with Florida, but I'm happy for him.
And then the Red Sox trade Devers to San Francisco, which made no sense to me.
He's a Hall of Famer, he's not even 30 years old yet, and we get a bunch of
pitchers I haven't heard of.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know what's going on in Boston sports.
I think the Red Sox plan, for whatever reason, is they're trying to strengthen
the National League West.
I think that's what they're going to do.
I think they're, you know, Xander Bogarts goes to fucking the Padres, Mookie
Betts goes to the Dodgers, and now Devers goes to San Francisco.
I mean, I don't know what it is about that division, but, uh, you're welcome.
I don't know what you guys gave for any of those players.
Xander was free agency.
I don't know.
I don't want to go through it.
Um, it is what it is, as the kids say.
Um, I don't know.
I was hoping we would go.
Oh, and then fucking Chris sails down in Atlanta, and all of a sudden he can
fucking pitch.
What did he do for the Red Sox?
Oh, he would get hurt and then break a TV.
Um, who knows?
But, you know, I'm happy he's healthy again.
I don't know.
You know, it's a game of runs.
It's a game of streaks, as they talk about in the NBA.
Speaking of the NBA, oh, Billy watched some sports this week.
I watched Game 7, OKC and the Pacers.
Um, I mean, Halliburton comes out, hits three three-pointers, and I'm like, oh,
my God.
This kid is establishing himself as a superstar of the future, and I felt that,
um,
I was like, this game is going to come down to the wire, and if the ball gets
in this kid's
hands, they might actually do this.
And then right as I was thinking that, um, they said it was a calf injury.
I hope it wasn't Achilles, although that's what people are saying.
Um, he goes down, like, in the first quarter.
Just fucking took the wind out of the whole fucking Game 7, I felt.
But then all of a sudden, the Pacers stayed with them, and they stayed with
them, and they
hung around.
Then in the fucking third quarter or something, I don't know, Pacers were down
by four.
OKC goes on a 19-2 run, and they just never recovered.
I think they got it as close as 11 or 9.
They knocked it down to that, but that was about it.
Sort of anticlimactic after that.
Congratulations to the Oklahoma City Thunder winning their first championship,
and the franchise's
first championship, I want to say, since 1979, when they were the Seattle Supersonics
with
downtown Freddie Brown way back in the day.
Dennis Johnson, rest his soul.
Um, I know people in Seattle, at least I saw, they were kind of rooting against
OKC.
Which I get.
Oh, by the way, shout out to Miami.
Shout out to Florida.
Um, knowing so little about hockey, that the last two years is the only time
Gary Bettman
has not gotten booed when he goes to hand out the Stanley Cup.
They're so new to hockey, they didn't even know they were supposed to boo the
guy.
They're like, yay!
The next time somebody asks me about getting booed at Philly, I'll be like,
that's fucking
nothing.
Gary Bettman gets booed every year when he goes to hand out the Stanley Cup,
and he knows
it's coming.
At least I didn't know it was coming.
Um, he actually got cheered.
I was sitting there watching, it took me a second.
I was like, wait a minute.
This guy's been getting booed for like 30 straight fucking years.
They used to boo Ziegler before him.
They've always booed the commissioner.
I, you know what's funny?
Is at this point, I don't even, I don't even think most fans even know why we're
booing
him.
It's just, it just became like a tradition.
You just, you had to do it.
That's the commissioner of the NHL, boo him.
And then you go to Florida, right?
Well, you know how Florida is.
It's like it's the South, but it ain't the South, but it's the South.
You know what I'm saying?
Like they just, they, they do shit a little different down there.
Um, anyway, uh, so congratulations to them and, uh, I don't know.
I got, I got some shit to talk about this week.
I started to watch, um, this documentary on that submersible that went down to
the Titanic
and imploded and all of those poor people died.
Right.
And, uh, my lovely wife's going, you want to watch this?
You know, you know, women, you know, first 48 murder, she wrote, any, any sort
of murder
or death for some reason, it's soothing for them, you know, to watch it right
before they
go to bed.
Like that great SNL sketch that they did on it.
It's so fucking true.
It was like, you know, I don't think I want to watch people get crushed to
death from the
pressure of the water.
I'm a terrified of the ocean.
Like, I don't know if I want to go, come on, let's just watch it.
And I go, then she goes, all right, well, you want to watch this one on the
crackhead
mayor of Toronto?
And I'm looking at his face and what he was accused of and how he was lying and
all of
that.
And I'm like, nah, I can watch the real time version of that.
Anytime I want at this point, I don't want to watch that.
So we ended up sitting down watching that, um, the Titanic one.
And I have to tell you, like, this should be required viewing by anybody who is
not a narcissist.
So, um, it's, I don't even know where to begin with this guy.
Full on narcissist, psychopath.
This is, this is psychological makeup.
It's called the dark triad and any person who's not a fucking narcissist should
know about
it and should be looking for these traits in people.
So you don't date it, you don't work for it.
It's not in your life or anything.
It's, it's basically three sides of the triangle.
It's, it's narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopath.
And just know that all of those are like, they don't have to be 10 out of 10.
You can just be on the spectrum and that fucking personality.
You combine that with the greed of corporations.
That personality is what ascends to the CEO level.
Um, and it rewards them because every quarter, no matter how much a corporation
makes money,
it's not enough and they need to make more.
So at some point, what they have to do has to start becoming underhanded.
And that's what weeds out decent people.
Same thing in politics.
Why can't we get somebody decent who's not an absolute psycho to run for
fucking president?
Because they get weeded out.
Okay.
Like you look at war.
Okay.
You're looking at these fucking missiles just flying into these cities.
Where now because of cell phones, you can see it.
Just regular people walking around on both sides.
Okay.
Here's the deal.
All normal people who don't have that psychological makeup, they couldn't take
a fucking crossbow
and just ran in a field and randomly just point it and shoot it without fucking
looking to make
sure they wouldn't hit anybody.
There's no fucking way.
Like if I was in a position of power, okay, there's no fucking way I would say,
you know,
shoot these missiles into a fucking city.
I couldn't live with myself.
And the people on the other side with the same fucking regular person
I actually care about not killing somebody.
They couldn't do it.
But you get these fucking dark triad psychos in there and they can fucking do
it.
And you watch this, this, I'm bringing it back to this submarine thing.
The guy was a full on fucking psycho.
Total fucking narcissist right there, right there.
Right there.
You cannot get into a submarine, an airplane, anything where your life is at
risk and have
a narcissist at the fucking controls.
He said, God, nothing's going to happen to him.
And he's not even thinking about you or the risk, your life or who loves you or
whatever.
Right.
Machiavellian shit.
Anybody who blew the whistle on this guy, on his carbon fiber, stupid fucking
submarine,
he would ruin their lives.
And yeah, he's a fucking psychopath in that, uh,
psychopath is anything from, you don't have to be an ax murderer.
It can be literally like petty theft or whatever.
And what this guy was doing was, you know, and lying for no fucking reason.
I guess he had reasons to lie.
But they were showing this guy, you know, testing this sub out.
And he had this one guy who actually knew what the fuck he was doing going like,
first of all, you should not be testing this out with any people in it.
And he was just like, he would get like mad.
He would get fucking mad.
So this fucking lunatic got in the goddamn sub himself.
They showed him.
And you heard, as he's going deeper and deeper, you heard the carbon fire
snapping.
And he's going, oh, that's not a good sound.
No, you don't like to hear that.
You'd see him every once in a while, get a little bit nervous.
He started calling it seasoning the hull.
Like, you know, you gotta, you know, you gotta break some eggs.
You gotta break some carbon fiber to make a fucking sub, right?
With every one of those things that was snapping, obviously the whole structure
was becoming weaker.
He also like had some sort of degree in like physics, but, and the guy was
saying,
but he didn't fucking understand it.
He didn't understand what the fuck he was doing.
I don't think that he didn't understand.
I don't, he understood it enough to pass the test.
But when you walk around and you think you're a god, you don't understand
mortality.
So I had to shut it off.
It's like all of these people were telling this guy not to do it.
And all it did was get him mad.
And he would, and he would stop talking to them.
And then he would like fire them.
And then literally tell them that if they blew the whistle on him,
he was going to ruin their lives.
So then they had to like try and carefully get the word out that you should not
get into this guy's fucking submarine.
Um, I don't know.
It's, I highly recommend, especially if you came from a nice family,
that you read up on these fucking people.
So you realize, you know, what you're working with,
what you're getting in bed with and all of this shit.
And these fucking people, they, they lie.
They don't give a fuck.
I mean, all the stuff that's going on right now.
Doesn't all of this stuff sound familiar?
This all sounds familiar to me.
And, um,
these, oh, they got, you know, they got this, they got that.
We got a blah, blah, blah.
We're making, we're, we're, uh, stabilizing this.
We're fucking going to do that.
And it's just like, what are you guys really doing?
Because it's never what t